Author's Note: The following is an erotic comedy. Chapters 1 & 2 build up the story. The actual "risqué" scenes with all the sexy debauchery don't begin until chapter 3, so head on over there if you're some crazy pervert.. or just the impatient type. Enjoy!

Cat's Kinky Birthday

Chapter 1

Cat Valentine wakes up excitedly, with a big, bright smile on her face. As she sits up in her bed, she wonders what sort of birthday present she will get from Sam today. Now she can't wait to find out.

Cat looks across the bedroom, and notices Sam is not in her bed. Sam's bed is just an empty mess of wrinkled sheets and mismatched pillows.

Cat, with her finger pressed to her lips, starts thinking, and instinctively jumps up and starts snooping around in Sam's messy bed, looking for any sign of a present. She throws around Sam's bedsheets and comforter in a manic panic, and checks under Sam's pillow. Nothing. She pulls the pillow out of its case and shoves her hand inside. Still nothing. She then checks under the bed, and with a confused, horrible look on her face, pulls out a badly broken hockey stick. No present here either.

Cat heads to the living room. She's expecting the house to be at least decorated for her birthday. But it's not. Getting a little worried, Cat begins to snoop in the kitchen cupboards, looking for a gift, a card, a clue, ANYTHING. She doesn't see anything.

But she does see the front door suddenly open across the living room, and sees Sam walk in carrying a big white paper tub of fried chicken.

"Oh hey Cat!" calls Sam from the living room.

"Oh...Hi Sam. I didn't realize you were out." replies Cat, awkwardly pretending like she wasn't snooping for a present.

Sam sits on the living room couch, holding the big white paper tub of chicken in her bosom tenderly like a baby. Sam reaches one hand into the tub, and pulls out a crispy deep fried chicken puck. Sam munches on it, savoring the warm chicken pucky juices, staring happily at the TV with a smile, thinking about absolutely nothing at all.

Sam swallows the delicuous mouthful of salty, oily chicken, and presses another chicken puck to her teeth. Until, from the corner of her eye, she notices Cat just standing there, sternly, with her arms crossed, staring a hole right through her. Holding a chicken puck to her teeth, Sam awkwardly turns her head slowly to face her stern looking pink haired roommate.

"Did you FORGET something?" asks Cat, half sarcastically and half angrily.

"Uhh..." Sam fishes through the bucket in her arms, and pulls out a little plastic packet... "Nope. I GOT the dipping sauce."

"I suppose there's nothing in that bucket for ME?" presses Cat.

"Hmm..." Sam reaches into her bosom bucket. "Uhh... let's see. There's..." Cat's face lights up with excitement, until Sam slowly, and flatly, reveals "...this puck. ... Of chicken."

Cat puts her hands on her hips with a frustrated grunt. Cat can feel her blood begin to boil.

"Hey, remember what we did on your ... BIRTH day?" Cat asks ruefully, emphasizing 'BIRTH' with that raspy exacerbated tone of voice she uses when she gets mad.

"Uhh... no. What did we do on my... BIRTH day?" Sam mocks.

"Oh... I dunno... Oh YEAH! I REMEMBER! I made you breakfast, then I got you nunchucks, and then, and then..."

Sam looks at Cat, expectantly.

Cat gulps, uncomfortably, speaking softly with a tone of regret, "I let you do... horrible.. things to my body."

"HAH! Oh yeah!" Interjects an amused Sam, slapping her thigh. "Woooo... that night was currrraaayyyzzzee..."

"Yeah. A real barn burner." replies Cat, sarcastically and angrily. "A real hootenany."

Sam suddenly clues in "...Wait... it's your birthday TODAY"?!

Cat gasps, looking mad that her best friend even had to ask.

"Uhh.." fumbles Sam. "I mean... It's your BIRTH day today! HAPPY-"

"YOU DIDN'T GET ME A PRESENT! ... DID you!" Cat explodes

"What? Sure I did!" Sam tries to think and talk at the same time. "It's uh.. just uh... a SURPRISE!"

"A surprise?"

"Oh, YEAH. A real hooter nanny." Sam says, while awkwardly nodding her head.

Sam drops a half-eaten chicken puck back into the bucket.

"In fact," continues Sam, "you just reminded me. Now's a good time to check up on that... surprise. You know? Just to make sure it's good and ready for... uh... TONIGHT!"

"Tonight?"

"...Yes...! Tonight. I'll be right back."

Sam hands the Tubba chicken to Cat, pats her on the shoulder and quickly heads to the door.

"You better not be just picking up something at the last minute!" calls Cat from across the room.

"Me? Why, I'd NEVER do that!" Sam goes out the door, mumbling furiously under her breath out of earshot.

Cat picks up a half eaten chicken puck, with a gross look on her face.

"Dumb puck."