Delicate
Tigergoranrocks
A/N Every time I watch Amends I'm struck by the scene (it begins the story, below, in italics, dialogue directly from the show) where Alex walks in on Bobby examining Joe's case file. Bobby hardly reacts to Alex's clear distress, and he calmly states the logic – and that's good. But even the maniac Goran fan that I am wants an explanation, and believes there is one – a very good one, too. Because in the rest of the episode there is NO sign of tension or hurt between them. And in the end Eames is calm when arresting Dr. Manny Beltran, and she and Goran are tight. She gets strength from him. So that's what this story is about - what happens with Bobby and Alex between the scenes in Amends, and what happens after the episode ends.
A/N2 I just want to make it perfectly clear that *all* of the large sections of text in italics, are quoted directly from the show. I believe that most of you all recognize that, but just in case. I'm pretty sure there will only be one more instance of that, if any. Then the rest of the story takes place after Amends.
Thank you for reading!
"You're going through Joe's case file?"
"Eames..."
"What do you think you'll find there, Bobby?"
"Well there was a lit cigarette at your husband's crime scene. A menthol."
"I know that. Minaya testified that it belonged to Delgado," insisted Alex.
"Well, Delgado said that he didn't smoke," Bobby offered.
"Well, CSU just couldn't get enough DNA off of it to prove that Delgado was lying," Alex replied.
"Yes that was nine years ago. You know that today, they only need a trace of DNA."
"Kevin Quinn I.D.'d him running from the scene...gun in hand."
"Witnesses make mistakes and if it's Delgado's DNA it will confirm his guilt," persisted Bobby.
"But you don't think it will. Is that it?" asked Alex. "This isn't another one of your puzzles." She took a deep sigh.
"You know that we have to do this," Bobby pressed, "we've got to do it. If it's not Delgado's DNA it means he wasn't there, and someone else killed Joe, and got away with it!"
Alex storms out of the room without a word, so fast that Bobby has no time to think, let alone react. Let her go, I can't deal with her anger, and she'll get over it—
No. She's in pain and she's suffering. He won't let her face it alone. He trots down hall, reaches her and grasps her arm.
"Let me go." She tries to pull away from him but he holds on.
"C'mon." He points up ahead. "Let's go into that empty interrogation room. Mirror side."
"Something new turn up?"
Bobby says nothing. Cupping her elbow he leads her in to the room, then shuts and locks the door.
Facing her, he begins, "Eames, about the case file—"
"Bobby…" Alex turns to the side. Lips compressed, hand on her hip, she holds out her free hand, palm up, shakes her head and mouths one word, no.
Facing her again, he squeezes his fingers around both her shoulders and leans down to look straight into her eyes. "I knew how hard this would be for you and – and I didn't know how to prepare you. I just couldn't – couldn't make myself—"
"You couldn't make yourself? What does that mean? Am I that hard to talk to? Do I scare you?"
"No. Yes -- No!" He briefly shuts his eyes and then bites his lip. "Eames, that's not what I mean."
"I gotta get out of here." Alex's voice shakes and she blinks back tears. She pulls free from his grasp. "Meet me downstairs in the property room in 10 minutes."
"No." Goren blocks the door.
"What?" Her voice is dangerously shrill.
"We're going to talk about this, now."
"Get out of my way." She gives him a shove, but it's like pushing on a monolith. "Don't be an ass. Move, Goren."
"Alex, please—"
Dammit, Bobby!" Her eyes narrow and her face turns crimson, and he knows she's reached her limit. She balls her hands and pounds him on the chest; he takes it and doesn't flinch because every instinct in him screams he has to make this right. He blocks her jabs with his palms, cupping her fists.
Walking backwards, he slowly pulls her to a table where he sits, and she stands between his legs. "The pain," he says, softly, "that you feel," his voice is rough with emotion, "I know. I do, I know."
He starts massaging her clenched fists and her fingers begin to unfurl. "This is so fucked up," she sighs, her voice weak, her body defeated.
"I know. I'm so sorry."
"Bobby?"
He stares into her eyes, and they're vulnerable, so much that her pain assaults him like a hot poker. He can't stop his hand from stroking her face, and he whispers, "Alex." That's all it takes. She collapses against him.
"It's okay," he soothes, sliding his fingers through her hair and encouraging her to nestle against his broad chest. He loops his arm around her narrow waist, holding her warm body tightly his own. She wraps her arms around him and he feels wetness soak through his shirt and hears the sobs that make her tremble. He calms her with soft words and rubs her back. He wishes they weren't at work so that he could do more for her, and truly comfort her.
Her fingers dig into his sides and he tightens his arm around her. She needs me right now, to be strong, to take care of her. Even after her kidnapping she was so tough. His Eames, a fighter. But this is not just about her, it's about Joe.
He lets his lips brush lightly against her hair. Was there a time he didn't love her? He can't imagine it now. The year his mom began to die and he learned of Mark Ford Brady, his life became unendurable and he lost himself. One night during the thick of it, he and Alex got a little drunk, and she confessed to him how hurt she was when he pushed her away. He had no response, because he didn't know how to tell her how close he'd been to giving up. Not suicide, but leaving – deserting his mother and his partner, and abandoning New York City forever. The shame of those thoughts still haunts him.
He notices that her breathing is even, so he assures her, "We'll do right by Joe, I promise. And when we're all done, you and I, we're going to—well…" he stops himself.
"Do what?"
He takes a deep breath. "For now, let's stay focused on the case. We need to get the evidence. When we…we make things right, I'll tell you what's on my mind, alright?" Bobby smiles, and uses a thumb to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. "Here," he produces a clean handkerchief and hands it to her, "keep it." He grins.
"Thanks."
He nods his head, relieved to see Alex composed, and nearly ready to go. "Why don't you, uh, go on first, and I'll follow after a few minutes. And then we'll head to the property room."
The evidence clerk tells them, "Case 287906, I got nuthin' back there.
"What do you mean? Asks Bobby.
"It's missing."
"How hard did you look?"
"Well, it's not where it's supposed to be. Whadda you want me to do check the whole warehouse?"
"We'll wait," Alex informs him.
"Lady you wanna spend all weekend in here by my guest."
"What do you mean Lady...you mean Detective Eames, doncha?" asks Bobby.
"Look the evidence that you can't find, it has to do with a cop killer," he continues, "you want me to come back there and find the box? I'll find it. I'll tear this place apart."
"Okay um...um..." the clerk gets nervous.
"...'cause I'm the WHACK JOB, you understand?"
"Lighten up, buddy. Okay, I'll check it again."
"Okay."
The evidence clerk leaves to go search again for the evidence box.
Bobby's phone rings.
"Yeah...hang on..."
"They found Quinn's murder weapon," he tells Alex.
Alex is frustrated. "Well, can you chase that, 'cause…"
"Yeah," Bobby agrees, without hesitation.
Bobby's gone now, and as Alex waits for the evidence clerk to return with the box, Alex feels the heaviness of her sadness surround her and crush her, pushing and pounding until she's pinned to ground. No no no this isn't happening, Joe is dead, nine years gone, DelGado DelGadoDelGado…Christ …
And she thinks back to Bobby's face, dispassionate, as he looked up at her, cool and detached, talking to her as he might a small, not especially bright child. Yes that was nine years ago...You know that today they only need a trace of DNA.
Wearily, she rests her head on her hand. In her heart, she doesn't blame Bobby for opening Joe's case file. The evidence led him there, he had no choice. True, he should have come to her first -- but then he wouldn't be Bobby. At least this time, he'd come to her afterward, chased her down the hall. That meant something to her, created a sweet moment between them, something rare and delicate. She holds on to it, as she stands waiting, her heart torn open, her soul bleeding out to join the anguish rattling in those boxes, clamoring for release.
It's hot in the old musty room where she's to examine the evidence and it smells of old cardboard, and it echoes with the hollow moans of shattered lives. She stares at the carton, poised to open her own box of stored sorrow. She sees her fingers curl around the lid, like they belong to someone else, knowing her life is about to change forever.
Victor Delgado confesses to the murders of Quinn and Minaya. Liz Rodgers won't be ready for Bobby until the morning, but there's still work to be done before they can leave. He slides a look at Alex, takes in red-rimmed eyes and slender shoulders bowed by exhaustion. She's near her breaking point, and he wants to take her pain away.
It's almost seven pm. When Alex turns and he sees his partner's flushed complexion and shaking hands, his patience snaps like an over-stretched rubberband.
So he bolts to his feet and kicks back his chair, hearing it tumble to the floor with a satisfying clatter. He's at Eames' desk within seconds and kneels down next to her. She's resting her head in one hand, tapping her pen on the desk with the other.
"Alex," he says, and when she looks up he takes her hand and pulls it down, so it's hidden from prying eyes. It's feels so small and so cold. He holds it between both his warm ones and he rubs gently, trying to warm her. "We're leaving."
"But we can't. We have to finish this paperwork. We have a lot to do in the morning."
"Well, fuck that," he snarls, and he's rewarded with a real laugh and a smile that nearly stops his heart. "I'll go talk to Ross. You get ready to go." Alex nods her head, and he goes to see their Captain.
As they near the SUV, Bobby holds out his hand. "Keys. I'm driving."
"There's no need for that."
"And there's no argument, either." He nearly bends in half, getting right in her face. "Do I have to resort to tickling?"
He's referring to one time, nearly five years ago, when a bunch of them had gone out drinking. Alex hadn't eaten first and had gotten pretty drunk – unusual for her. She refused to give anyone her keys, and no one could get them from her. But Bobby had teased her, making her laugh, and gently tickled her until she handed her keys to him, begging him to stop. He's never threatened her with it since – until today.
"Okay, Goren," she smiles, and hands him the keys, "you win! What did you tell Ross to get us out of there?"
He shrugs. "I told him he owed me time – he owed us both time."
"You're probably right," she concedes, once they're on their way, "I'm really beat."
"I know. In fact, you should come home with me tonight."
"Excuse me?"
"Cut that out. You know what I mean. You can relax. I'll make you dinner. You can watch anything you want – in fact, I'll give you the remote. You take the bed tonight, I'll take the sofa. And I'll drive you home in time to get ready for work. Good deal?"
"I don't know, Bobby. Today was a really shitty day. I need a long hot shower. I'm tired and cranky, not good company."
"It's settled then. Does pepper steak and rice sound good?"
"Oh, Bobby," she sighs, and smiles at him again, one that makes her mouth look full and soft, and her eyes shine. He realizes he's getting addicted to them.
End Chapter One - TBC