I thought about going to the Wall and taking the black. Father was leaving to become hand of the King. Sansa and Arya were going with him. There was no way I was staying at Winterfell, alone with Lady Stark, even if she would allow it. Uncle Benjen had thought the Wall was a bad idea. Father didn't seem too pleased with sending me there either. Lady Stark didn't want me to go South either. I never heard her say it but she I knew thought my presence there would be distasteful. She would have rather I went to the Wall. And I almost did, except that I didn't want to leave everyone behind.

It was warm in father's chambers that day when I went to speak with him and seal my fate. I knocked firmly on his chamber door.

"Come in." Father called. I entered the warm room to find him sitting at his desk, immersed in a stack of papers, quill in hand. He glanced up at me. "How soon are you leaving?" I asked.

"In three days time." He answered but he seemed distracted. "And Jon…" Father began, but he didn't seem to know what to say.

"I understand. I can't stay here and you can't bring me to court." I said it for him.

He sighed, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. "It isn't as simple as all that. If I weren't going so far away...Benjen tells me that you were interested in taking the black."

"I was. I am. But if I do that I will never see any of you for months at a time. I had a better idea. As hand of the king you could suggest he name me as kingsguard." I told him.

Father swallowed as if he had tasted something bitter. "The goldcloaks?" He clearly disliked the idea. "Is that what you want?"

I nodded. "It is."

"Then I will ask it of him on the morrow. If he consents then you will journey with us to Kingslanding."

In the end King Robert gave his consent. I was to travel with Father, Arya, and Sansa. I would swear my vows and be formally named to kingsguard when we reached Kingslanding.

Jaime Lannister seemed unimpressed that I was to become one of his sworn brothers. I did not take his irritation to heart. I was used to people being angry with me or thinking that I was in their way. It was nothing new. Perhaps given time the Kingslayer would change his mind about me. Or perhaps he never would. I couldn't take it to heart either way.

Though I was not sworn in as a goldcloak yet., I did still have duties. I was in a group riding alongside the king when Sansa came running from the woods in a flurry. Prince Joffrey was hurt and Arya had run away.

I searched for Arya in the woods along with everyone else. I did not find her. I was still searching when she was brought before the king along with Sansa. It was only afterwards, after the wolf Lady was killed that I was able to end my duties for the day and speak with my sisters.

I found Arya first in Father's tent. She was weeping tears of anger. "It isn't fair!" She said when she saw me. "Sansa is a liar but Lady didn't need to die. That fat old king ruins everything!"

"Hush Arya. You can't be saying such things about the king." I warned her.

"But it's true." She protested.

I nodded. "Some truths have to be kept quiet."

She seemed to understand as she didn't say anymore about it after that. Instead she turned and hugged me. Sansa was curled up on her cot not far away buried under the furs so that neither of us could see her but I knew she was there.

"Sansa?" I tried talking to her but I knew she might not speak to me at all. Sometimes she was like that. "Are you alright?"

"No." She sniffled from under the furs. "I'm not… but you needn't trouble yourself over me…" She said and I knew that was her polite way of saying, go away.

"I have to go back to my tent." I told Arya. "I'll have breakfast with you in the morning." I said, rumpling her hair. "Keep out of trouble until then."

She smiled at me through her teary eyes as I left.

I took my vows and donned my gold plated armor not long after we reached the capital. It was not what I had thought it would be. King Robert was a drunk and he had a different woman or three or four every night. I did my duty, standing outside his door as was expected but I found that I was more disgusted than anything else.

On rare occasions I stood outside the king's chambers with Ser Jaime Lannister alongside me.

"How are you finding the kingsguard?" He asked me as we stood on duty one afternoon.

"I like it well enough." I answered, it was the truth. I didn't like King Robert but my duties in and of themselves were not difficult.

"You like it?" He said it as if he didn't believe me. "I know you northerners are accustomed to boredom but I find it hard to believe that there's anything enjoyable about standing around watching our drunken king have his pick of women day after day."

"We're not exactly watching." I commented.

Jaime cringed at the thought. "Yes, it's a good thing too."

It seemed like he hated me a little less after that. At least until Lady Stark changed everything for everyone. Tyrion Lannister had gone north to see the wall with Uncle Benjen. On his way back to the capital Lady Stark took Tyrion captive. I heard the news from the guard who came to replace me for the morning shift. I had just been awake all night. I was walking back to my chambers when I saw Ser Jaime coming in the corridor.

He strode towards me in such a fury that my hand reached for the pommel of my sword. Jaime did not reach for his.

"Jon Snow, where is your father?" He demanded.

"I don't know, and I wouldn't tell you if I did." I said evenly. Jaime was a larger man and far better with a sword than I but if he thought he'd get me to betray my own father… well he'd have to kill me first.

"Never mind. I'll find him myself." He left me there.

I thought about going after him but I knew I didn't stand a chance. Father was a better swordsman than most people realized and he had the household guard with him. He would be okay. I hoped. I headed for the tower of the hand anyway, just to be sure.

I wasn't sorry when King Robert died. I had never liked the man. I didn't like Joffrey either and I wasn't sure I cared for the prospect of guarding him for the rest of my days. But it was what it was. I wasn't on duty when Joffrey was coronated, nor when Father was arrested. Someone had seen to it that I wasn't there for either moment. Someone had locked my chambers to keep me from being there. Perhaps that was for the best. I would have likely died fighting if I had been there. Eventually one of my sworn brothers let me out of my room. I heard of Father's arrest just hours after it happened and immediately sought out my sisters. The tower of the hand was empty, wrecked from all the fighting. and my sisters were no where to be found.

I was still looking for them when Ser Meryn found me. He told me that Queen Cersei had sent for me and I was to go to the throne room at once. I hesitated to go. Was she having me arrested too? But I couldn't run away. Father wouldn't have fled and neither would I.

I arrived in the throneroom to find Joffrey sitting on the iron throne, his mother in a regal chair next to it.

"Jon Snow." The Queen spoke first. "We have brought you here to swear fealty to my son, your new king. Will you agree to protect and serve him as you did King Robert or do we need to place you under arrest in a cell next to your father?"

"I will serve King Joffrey." I said. It was an easy answer. I believed in honor as much as my father did but growing up as a bastard I had learned that sometimes you just have to say whatever it is that people want to hear.

"And why would you do that? We've just arrested your father for treason, killed most of his men. Name one good reason why you would be loyal to your king rather than your family?"

"I am not a trueborn son, your grace. My father refuses to name me a true Stark. He wanted to have me sent to the Wall. He was going to leave Kingslanding without even telling me. There is no honor in serving Lord Stark, only for his true sons. Perhaps I can find honor in serving my king." I said, telling her the first convincing lie that I could think of.

"Well I am glad to hear that you are wiser than your father is." Cersei said. "However, you could very well pose a danger to the king. Ser Boros, remove his sword. Jon Snow shall remain unarmed until we are sure of his loyalty."

I took a step back as Ser Boros approached me but in the end I allowed him to take my sword. There was nothing else I could do.

"Your grace, may I ask where my sisters are? They are not in the tower of the hand." It was the first time I had dared to address any member of the royal family without being called upon to do so.

Cersei did not look pleased but she answered my question all the same. "I have had Sansa moved to a new room in the red keep and your younger sister is hiding somewhere. We'll find her soon enough."

After I was dismissed, I went to the new room where Sansa was being kept. There were two kingsguard outside her door. They let me pass unquestioned. I don't think Sansa had ever been so glad to see me before. I don't think she'd ever really hugged me before. That day, she threw herself into my arms and just cried uncontrollably. I let her. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault. That even if she had told Queen Cersei that Father was leaving, she couldn't have known he would be arrested. I don't think I convinced her of anything but she was calm and less fearful when I finally left her for the night.

They locked me in my room on one other occasion after that. It was the day that Father was killed. I knew that something terrible was happening as soon as the door was latched shut behind me. I tried everything I could to get out but it was all to no avail.

I was not allowed to see Sansa afterwards, and I was not allowed to guard the king. My duties were all shifted to the stables. The kingsguard have horses of course and someone has to care for them. Those duties were normally divided among members of the guard. After Father's death, I was given over to the watchful eye of the stable master and kept at work mucking out horse stalls, and the like. Everywhere I went I was escorted by Kingsguards. It was clear that they were no longer my sworn brothers but my jailers instead.

I did my work as faithfully and earnestly as I could. I hoped to impress the stablemaster or anyone really, so that I could be trusted enough to at least see Sansa again. Maybe I could even get close to King Joffrey…

Three weeks passed in this manner before Sansa came to me. It was the middle of the night and she knocked on my door. I was surprised to find her there alone and I quickly pulled her into my room and shut the door behind us,

There was enough moonlight from the window that I could see she was bruised, badly. "What happened to you?" I blurted out, worried.

"Joffrey has his guards strike me sometimes… but I'm alright… really...I was worried because I haven't seen you… I thought maybe you were dead too…" She burst into tears.

I found myself holding her close. It was hard to keep my anger in check, my sworn brothers had been beating my sister and there was nothing I could do to stop it. "How did you find me? Do they know you've left your room?"

"My guards were passed out drunk. I asked Sandor Clegane where to find you and he brought me here. Can I stay here for a little while?" She asked anxiously.

I couldn't say no. I knew it was dangerous for her to be out of her room and if we were caught together it would be doubly so. But I didn't have it in me to send her away. We sat on my bed and for a long while I just held here there. Neither of us had anything to say. There was nothing we could say. Our father was dead, Arya was missing, Robb was going to war, and both of us were prisoners of the enemy. All we had left was each other and we both knew that.

"Jon?" She whispered after an hour had passed. "I've never been a very good sister and you have always been a good brother. Will you forgive me?"

It was the first time Sansa had openly called me her brother. The suffering she had been put through in recent weeks had changed her. She had finally come to realize that being highborn did nothing to make her better and did nothing to protect her. Her station and mine no longer mattered to her. What was left of her family did matter.

"I forgive you." I told her. I couldn't hold against her that she had taken her mother's opinions for most of her life. She didn't know any better.

I walked with her back to her room that night. I hadn't even known where it was until then. Her guards were still passed out drunk and I was able to leave her without being seen and go back to my own room unscathed.

There were many times in the months that followed when I might have gotten a sword or even a knife. I would pass someone on the streets or in the corridor who carried a weapon and who wasn't really paying attention to their surroundings. So many times I thought of taking their weapon and leaving kingslanding to join Robb in battle. Or just killing Meryn Trant and Ser Boros for what they had done to Sansa. But even if I could get the weapon and escape all the goldcloaks and all of the city watch who would be looking for me, it would mean leaving Sansa all alone at the mercy of Joffrey and I wasn't sure I could do that to her.

Some nights she would sneak back to my room and sometimes I would go to hers. Her guards were fairly predictable in their drinking habits so it wasn't difficult to see one another at least once a week. I lived for those nights, I think she did too.

Then one night when she had planned to come see me, she didn't come at all. She never came alone. Sandor Clegane always brought her. I never worked with Clegane. I think we were kept apart on purpose for some reason. Sansa told me he was rude and brash to her but he never struck her and he seemed to be protective of her. I mistrusted that sort of protection but I said nothing about it. The fact that she did not come to me on this night could mean that something had happened to her or to Clegane. I paced my room for a short time before exiting my room to find out the truth for myself.

When I reached Sansa's room I found one of her guards was passed out drunk. Sandor Clegane was there too, drinking but at least awake still.

"Where is she? Why didn't you bring her?" I asked him, demanded really.

"You haven't heard?" He asked, taking another gulp of wine. I didn't reply so he went on. "Seems your brother won a battle and our king had her punished for it."

I pushed past him, I had to see her. He pushed me back but not too forcefully. "You shouldn't go in there. You won't like what you see."

I shoved him out of my way and he didn't try again to stop me. Sansa lay facedown on the bed. Her back was bare and covered with torn skin and blood, her lower half was covered in a blanket. Sansa's handmaiden Shae was at her side putting ointment on the mottled skin. I stopped short in the doorway. I had not expected this. Shae glanced up at me.

"You are Jon Snow?" She asked. We had met in passing before but never spoken.

I nodded, then approached the bed and sat on the edge of it. "Sansa?" She turned to look at me, she wasn't crying anymore but I could see that she had been.

"Jon!" She cried out. The next thing I knew Sansa was crawling out from her coverings and into my arms. She curled up in my lap completely unclothed, if Shae thought it inappropriate behavior for a brother and sister she said nothing about it. Shae closed up her jar of ointment and left us alone.

I tried to hold her gently and not touch her wounds but she didn't seem to care about the pain. Her blood was getting on my clothes and her tears all over my shirt, I didn't much care about that either. I held her so long that she fell asleep in my arms. Then I lifted her up and put her carefully back into her bed, covering her with the blanket. I kissed her on the forehead before leaving her room.

Clegane was drunker than he had been when I arrived. "Let me borrow your sword." I said. I meant it.

He sputtered his mouthful of wine all over the floor. "I'm no scholar, but I'm not a fucking fool either." Was his reply. He looked me over, seeing the blood on my clothes and something changed in his eyes. "I'll not lend you my sword, but I know where you can get one."

I followed him to the armory. The room was kept locked. I hadn't been inside since before my father died. Apparently the Hound had one of the keys.

It felt good to have a sword again. I wore the blade back to my room then stashed it underneath my mattress for safe keeping. The right time to use it would come. I just had to be patient.

After that I dreampt of Sansa many times. The feel of her smooth skin in my arms, the way her blue eyes looked up me pleadingly. The dreams I had of her at night were no longer brotherly and the way I thought of her by day was no longer brotherly either. I knew it was wrong to care for her in the manner that I did and yet I could not stop it no matter how I tried to.

I went to her when we heard of what Theon Greyjoy had done and we mourned our little brothers together.

As much as I wanted to I didn't try to kill King Joffrey and I didn't try to fight my way out of Kingslanding. I would need to wait for a moment of chaos to take Sansa and make our escape. I thought that the moment might have come when word came that Stannis was sailing for Blackwater Bay.

I had been thinking over plans of how to escape with Sansa when Lord Tyrion Lannister came to my chambers. I hadn't expected to see him. He had hardly spoken to me since his visit to Winterfell.

"Jon Snow, I came to ask something of you." Tyrion began.

"And what might that be?" I replied warily.

"I've heard that you have some skill with a blade. I'm sure King Robert would not have named you as one of his guards if you didn't. As you know, Lord Stannis is due to arrive here within hours. Your sister is no safer from his men than any of the other women in this city. I will give you a sword if you'll fight for us, for her sake. We need all the men we can get. And when it's over you'll have proven your loyalty and I'll see to it that you are rewarded. You'll be knighted and resume your post as an actual kingsguard." Tyrion said.

I took one step back and lifted the mattress on my bed. "I already have a sword. And care nothing for rewards and titles. But I will fight to protect my sister, you can be sure of that."

Tyrion nodded, leaving me alone after that.

I don't know how many of Stannis' men I killed that night. I had never killed anyone before then and I had never seen so much fire. Sandor Clegane ran away in the end. And Tyrion was struck down but I kept fighting.

It was several weeks before Lord Tyrion was recovered enough to keep his word to me but he did keep it. I was knighted and allowed to carry a sword again as well as resume my former duties guarding the king.

I wanted to kill Joffrey so many times. It would have been so easy. I kept remembering the way that Father spoke of Jaime Lannister, the kingslayer, and I knew that Father would not have wanted to me kill him. That knowledge was the only thing that stopped me.

If I thought I was shocked when they married Sansa to Tyrion, I was more shocked to receive word that my brother and Lady Stark were dead. At the end of my shift with the king, I went to Sansa and Tyrion's rooms. It was the first time I had visited her openly. I didn't know if Tyrion would even allow it.

I knocked on the door to the chambers and he opened the door. I think I had tears in my eyes. I had already beat the door to my own chambers with my fists. My knuckles were badly bruised. Tyrion took one look at me and said. "Sansa is in there. I'll leave you two alone."

I don't remember what I said or what she said, or if anything at all was said. Not at first anyway. "I'm going to get us both out of here." I finally spoke. "After the King's wedding, or during the wedding. We're leaving."

"Why then?" She asked worriedly.

"Everyone will be drunk before it's over. Maybe they won't even notice us."

Sansa agreed to the plan.

Lord Tyrion allowed me to visit Sansa freely. He asked that we be discreet as his sister would not like it but he thought Sansa should be allowed to see her family.

One evening as I was leaving Sansa and Tyrion's rooms, Jaime Lannister was entering them. He had just returned to Kingslanding with the Lady Brienne of Tarth and without his right hand. I knew by then that he was to be names Lord Commander of the Kingsguard but I had not actually seen him until now.

"Ser Jon." He said in greeting and I could not tell if he was being courteous or not.

"Ser Jaime." I said warily. If he hated me before, he was likely ready to murder me now.

"How is your sister, the Lady Sansa." He asked and his words almost seemed genuine.

"As well as she can be." I said evenly.

"Good." He said and then having nothing else to say, went past me.

It was easier to make our escape than I had anticipated. Neither of us expected Joffrey would die at his own wedding feast. The chaos was a perfect diversion. I had a horse ready for us, a large gray destrier big enough to carry two people without too much trouble. I could have gotten two horses but I knew how Sansa hated riding. This way was easier.

We made it out of the city gates and were a long distance away when we saw the gates close. Someone had ordered the city locked up and we had made it out just in time. Eventually they would realize we were gone and would send someone after us. All the more reason to hurry.

We didn't stop riding all night. We kept going all the next day as well though we had to slow our pace to keep from exhausting and killing our horse. As the sun set the next night I took our horse off the road and into the woods for a stretch before we stopped to make camp for the night.

We were both exhausted. We had a quick meal from the little food we had brought with us and were soon asleep on the ground without ever bothering to take out a blanket.

Three days passed before the King's men finally caught up to us. My only consolation was that I killed Ser Meryn in the skirmish that followed. After all he had done to Sansa he deserved what he got. I took a blade through my right shoulder before I went down. They tied us both up and brought us back to the capital to be thrown in the dungeon. We were put in separate cells. It was lonely and dark and sometimes I could hear Sansa weeping. I expected that we would be found guilty of killing king Joffrey and be executed. I wonder if this was how Father had felt, wounded and waiting for death in one of these same cells.

The trial was a farce. The witnesses were liars. Lord Tyrion stood accused as well and fared no better than we did. I was willing to call for a trial by battle. I wasn't sure that I could beat the Mountain but it would certainly be better to try than to accept sentencing. Sansa begged me not to. I was only able to speak to her in whispers when I sat next to her and Tyrion during some of the trial. Both of them urged me to wait and see the outcome before throwing away my life.

Shae was called as a witness and Tyrion called for a trial by battle himself. Court was dismissed and I began to mentally prepare myself to battle the Mountain. It wasn't until the next morning that I learned Oberyn Martell had named himself Tyrion's champion and mine and Sansa's as well by extension.

The manner of Oberyn's death was wholly unexpected. The sentence of execution was set for the following day.

I heard it when Jaime Lannister opened Tyrion's cell and let him escape through the tunnels under the city. I had no hope for any escape for Sansa or myself. When the door to my cell was opened, I was more than surprised.

"What are you doing?" I asked Jaime and watched as he crossed the corridor and opened Sansa's cell as well.

"I made a promise to Lady Stark to get her daughters home safely." Jaime told me. "I can't very well allow her to be executed and keep my promise. There is a ship bound for Dorne and then Bear Island. You two will sail on it tonight."

"You're not sending me with Tyrion?" Sansa asked. We had both heard him say that Tyrion would sail to Essos.

"No. Tyrion can not protect Sansa. It will be enough for him to take care of himself. Besides, Maege Mormont is a Stark bannerman. Bear Island is one of the safest places you could go." Jaime told us.

"I don't understand. Why would you help us at all?" I asked him.

"Because I know what it is to love a sister." He said. "Now go."

We followed his instructions and boarded the ship. It set sail at dawn and seemingly, no one was following us.

Sansa and I shared a cabin on the ship. She slept in my arms that first night. And when we woke in the morning she kissed me. I hadn't known until then that she felt anything but sisterly affection for me but the truth was clear enough now.

We had finally escaped the hell that had been our lives for the past three years and we were bound for the safety of the North. And even if the North was not safe, at least I would die having loved and been loved.