Author's Note: Hey guys! Ok, so this is my first fan fiction and since I have loved Britt and San since they first came on the show, I had to do one about them. I'm going to start this at the "hurt locker" scene, but there will be flashbacks and such. I really don't know how long it will be, but I will probably write up to the end of season 2, just because their relationship will most likely pan out over the last 6 episodes.

This story is going to be from mostly a narrative point of view. I will switch some from Santana, to Brittany, to Artie, etc, but I will make it clear when I do that!

Also, I wanted to explain my name of the story and the chapter names. My life is based around music, so I wanted to base this around music as well. The story will have many musical references; therefore will be named "Playlists".

AND, as for the chapter names, they will be based on names of songs. I will try to tell you each of the songs and where they came from so you can listen to them if you want! The first song is "Your Eyes" sang by Roger in the musical RENT. It's pretty darn appropriate.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am NOT as creative as those writers of Glee, so none of these characters are mine and most of the themes are theirs as well. Now, ON with the story!

Chapter 1
Your Eyes

She wasn't used to rejection. I mean, come on, she was Santana Bad-Ass-Mother-Fuckin Lopez. Who could resist her? She was hot, charming, and yes, a bit bitchy, but it was a part of who she was.

So when her best friend in the entire world, the only person she had ever opened up to, rejected her, she didn't take it very well.

"Get the FUCK out of my way!" the Latina screamed as she ran down the hall as fast as her feet would take her. Of course people moved out of her way, they were terrified of her.

Santana didn't see the faces of the people she passed, all she saw were blue eyes swimming in front of her. She couldn't get those eyes out of her mind. The eyes she searched for every time she got to school, the eyes that could read her like an open book, and the eyes that were now watching her run away. Beautiful blue eyes the color of summer sky.

Santana knew that people could see her crying. They wouldn't know why, but obviously people could see the mascara running down her face and the way she was biting on her bottom lip so hard it was almost bleeding. Santana knew, but she didn't care. The wall she had formed around herself since she was a little girl had been brought down completely and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She didn't know where she was going, but she was running now. Sprinting for the front doors of the school, toward the parking lot, and to her car before anyone could stop her. She didn't care if she missed class. She didn't care if she got in trouble for skipping. She didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that the blue eyes that used to make her swoon now made her want to crawl into a hole and die.

Brittany had no idea what had just happened. She was still standing at her locker, watching her best friend run away from her with tears streaming down her face. What in the hell did I just do? Brittany thought to herself. Am I stupid? Did I really just tell her I was picking Artie? Did that really just come out of my mouth?

"Santana! Wait!" Brittany yelled as loud as she could down the hall, but she realized it only came out a sob. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, her legs were shaking and threatening to give out on her. She slid down her locker, put her head in her hands, and started crying. She didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually Artie found her, and reluctantly, she got up and followed him out of the school. The school day was over, but for Brittany, it felt like the world was over too.

"Brit, are you ok?" Artie asked as she was dropping him off at his house. "You haven't said anything since school, and honestly, it's kind of freaking me out." Artie gave her a sideways glance and noticed how her eyes seemed to be glazed over, like she was thinking very hard about something. This actually freaked Artie out more because he'd never seen Brittany look so focused before. He had to give her a nudge to bring her back to the moment, and when she looked at him, she tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Oh those eyes. Artie felt like he could dive into them. So deep and clear, but for the first time, he noticed they seemed guarded, almost reluctant as he leaned in to kiss her. It was only a quick kiss, but he knew that if he could actually feel them, his knees would be weak. Brittany pulled away first and turned back to look out the windshield; a clear dismissal. He grabbed his chair from the back seat, climbed in, and rolled up to his house. He turned around to wave goodbye, but the blonde was already driving away.

Brittany hated herself as she drove. She didn't know where she was going, but she wasn't going home right now. She had too much running through her mind to deal with her parents and little sister. It was a gorgeous day in Lima, Ohio, the kind where you can roll down your windows, stick your hand out and act like you're flying down the road. She decided that a drive, possibly off a cliff, was the best thing to do at the moment.

Brittany wanted to tune out everything and just drive, which was her favorite thing to do, next to dancing and kissing Sant.. STOP. Stop right there Britt. She told herself as she cranked up the car stereo. She couldn't think of the Latina right now. She couldn't think of locking pinkies, and cuddling, and holding hands while driving around town on days like this. She couldn't think about how she probably just lost her best friend and it was all because Brittany's thoughts got to jumbled up to say what she really wanted to say to the brunette as she confessed her love to her.

Everyone thought Brittany was dumb. Granted, she wasn't the smartest person to grace the halls of McKinley High School, but she wasn't stupid. Brittany was actually a pretty smart girl. She sucked at Spanish and Math because it required her to think very quickly. If Mr. Schue asked her a question in Spanish, she never could answer right away and everyone thought it was because she didn't know, when really, she was just trying to work out what he was saying in her head.

Britt knew Spanish, thanks to her best friend, but trying to respond in front of a class of watching peers made her nervous, and the words would get jumbled in her head and she couldn't spit them out before Mr. Schue would ask someone else. That's why she was so good in her English class. She would have time to write out whatever and then re-read it to make sure it was right. She wasn't rushed or forced for an answer, and for that, she always did very well in English.

She was also a very good dancer because it didn't require her to think at all. She could move her body to the music and that was it. No thinking. No questions. Just moving. Heart, soul, and limbs; no mind games were involved.

This was why Brittany was so upset with herself as she drove around town. Santana had asked her if she loved her, practically begging Britt to be hers, and she couldn't think of a way to tell her, 'Of course! Why wouldn't I be with you! I only love you!' but those words didn't come out like she wanted. She needed to end it with Artie; that was first. But it came out like she wanted to stay with him. So smooth. Couldn't even think of the words to say you would leave him in a heartbeat. Idiot Brittany. Idiot.

Brittany continued thinking about the conversation, the way Santana's eyes darkened at the mention of Artie, the way the Latina's eyes started to burn when Britt stumbled over her words and realized everything she was saying was coming out wrong. She wanted to grab Santana, make her listen, but Santana had brushed her off. That thought actually brought Brittany up short; San had never done that before. Not once has she pushed me away, unless she was going to grab me and bring me right back.

Brittany began to cry as she heard the song playing on the radio. She didn't realize it had been playing, but if she had, she would have changed it, but now, she couldn't even lift her hand to turn the channel.

.. If you climb the mountain and you turn around…

..And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe…

..Well maybe, the landslide will bring you, down…

The next thing she knew, she was plunging into her memories…

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Santana, are we really going to sing with Ms. Holiday? I mean, you never want to sing with me." Britt pouted on her bed while Santana sat at her desk, staring into the mirror, keeping her eyes trained on her own reflection.

"Yea Britt, we're gonna sing in front of the Glee club." Santana's voice was subdued, almost sad.

The next thing she knew, Britt was squealing with delight and rushing over to sit on her lap, peppering her face and neck with kisses.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Brittany cooed as she continued to kiss the Latina's neck.

Santana didn't realize how much something like that would mean to Brittany, but obviously it was more important than she knew.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Is that really how you feel?" Brittany asked in a small voice, almost looking worried that she would ruin the moment if she spoke to loud.

A simple yes escaped Santana's lips as she looked at the blonde, and she got up and gave her best friend and soul mate a much needed hug and 'thank you'.

Brittany didn't need to understand the words that came from Rachel's mouth. "Sapphic Charm". She could tell it was something bad because she felt Santana tense up in her arms, shoot Rachel a hard sneer, and say something about labeling her.

It was then that Britt knew Santana was scared. Scared to be labeled gay, a lesbian, a dyke, or anything else the kids in this school could come up with. Brittany saw the fear and realized then that Santana could never fully be with her until she could be comfortable in her own skin first…

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Brittany hadn't realized she was holding her breath until little white spots popped in front of her eyes. She gulped in the clean spring air and began analyzing the memory.

I'm a dumbass. Why didn't I tell Santana right then how I felt about her; right there in front of the whole Glee club. None of them would have been judgmental. None of them would have cared. They would want us to be happy, why oh why didn't I say something then! I could have taken that look from her eyes, the one that breaks my heart when I see it. Damn it!

Brittany pulled herself from her moping, only to wish she hadn't. Another song was now on the radio…

.. I would dial the numbers, just to listen to your breath…

..I would stand inside my hell, and hold the hand of death…

..You don't know how far I'd go, to ease this precious ache…

..You don't know how much I'd give, or how much I can take…

..Just to reach you, Just to reach you…

..Come to my window…

..Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon…

The blonde almost didn't have time to catch her breath before the memory pulled her back under and assaulted her already confused mind.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I love your sweet lady kisses." Brittany said as Santana continued down her neck with her lips. The Latina made a comment about scissoring that made Brittany's nose scrunch up. Santana knew that Brittany hated scissoring and couldn't help making the comment. She looked cute when she pouted. Besides, they had much more creative ways of keeping each other satisfied.

"We should sing a duet together. We should sing, Melissa Etheridge's "Come To My Window". Did I really just say that? Brittany thought as Santana pulled back. She could see that flicker of fear in Santana's eyes that she got when the talks got a little too pointed when it came to their "Relationship".

"First of all, there's a lot of talking going on, and I wan'st to get my mack on." Santana went back to kissing the blondes neck, and was ready to end the talk before it got too deep.

"Well, I don't know, I just.." Brittany was going to explain herself, but the Latina hopped up and had a look in her eye that stopped the blonde short.

"Second of all," Santana said, the sound of annoyance very clear in her voice, "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies…" Santana sat up and was putting her hair up in her signature Cheerios pony tail and missed the sad look that passed on Brittany's face.

Brittany didn't hear anything else that the brunette was saying. She could only glance up at Santana as she prepared to leave. This was not how she wanted her night to go and as the Latina finished pulling her hair up, she knew she had lost all chances of talking her into staying…

0o0o0o0o0o0o

When Brittany came up for air again, she wasn't sure which was worse. The fact that it had been several months since that talk and it just now dawned on her that Santana has felt this way for awhile, or the fact that she couldn't see through Santana's mask to know that the fiery Latina has loved her for a long time.

If being a best friend meant that you knew that person in and out, then Brittany was the ultimate bff. She could give Santana's life story probably just as good as Santana could. She could read the brunette's face and know what she was thinking or how she was feeling. Her eyes, though most would say differently, were her biggest gateway. Most people think that people with brown eyes can't express a lot of emotion because they're so dark and mysterious, but if you knew Santana the way Britt did, you'd know that wasn't true at all.

Those brown eyes were the best thing in Brittany's world. When Santana would climb through her window at night and crawl into bed beside her, all Brittany had to do was look into those eyes and know if something was wrong. Santana didn't come over late at night just to 'get her mack on'. She'd come over for comfort and Brittany's arms were always there for her. She'd watch as those eyes went from a cold darkness to melting chocolate when Britt would pull her close and breathe in her scent. She could feel how Santana would relax into her body and could almost feel the loneliness leaving the brunette as they laid there together. Brittany wouldn't have to ask if something was wrong, because she knew she could chase the bad away just by holding onto Santana and locking pinkies before drifting to sleep.

A tiny smile spread over Brittany's lips when she realized that all the times they kissed, cuddled, had sex, or linked pinkies, it meant as much to Santana as it did to her. After she realized this, a sadder thought entered her mind. Santana was scared, terrified to love Brittany, but she had loved her with her body for so long, Britt should have known. Brittany should have told Santana that it was ok because she loved her to, and that it didn't matter what people said. They both loved each other and nothing would change that. But Brittany hadn't thought of it then. Hadn't thought of it when their hands were tangled in each other's hair and bodies were so close together it felt like they were one person.

Brittany cursed at herself under her breath as she continued to drive. She couldn't believe she had missed that. She should have noticed sooner with the way Santana had been acting. The Latina wasn't sleeping with Puck anymore. She wasn't making out with random guys or anything. She went for Sam, and it wasn't for love, it was for revenge. She wanted to get back at Quinn, but it wasn't like Santana wanted him. She would come to Brittany's house almost every night, staying there till morning, only to get up before Brittany could wake up, and would head home to get ready for school.

One again the thought 'stupid Brittany!' entered the blondes mind and she couldn't shake the fact that if she had acted sooner, none of this would have ever happened. She knew she couldn't change the past, but she was going to change her future. As she made her second pass by the high school, she knew where she was going. She hit the gas hard and headed toward Lima Heights, ready to win back her best friend any way that she could.

Santana had missed the last half of the day but didn't care. She texted Sam to tell him she went home sick and to cover for her. Of course he would, he'd do anything for her, even though he loved her just about as much as she loved him, which was not at all. She knew that he still loved Quinn, and she actually felt a little twinge in her heart for the blonde with the hazel eyes, knowing what she did to her, but suddenly, she realized she didn't care. Quinn's perfect little life was working out like she wanted. Her and Finn were back together and they were a shoe in for Prom King and Queen. Quinn had her fairy tale.

The brunette was driving around Lima after driving half way to Columbus before realizing she didn't have any place to run to. She couldn't leave; she didn't have that luxury of an escape. All she had was her big empty house, and there was no way in hell she was going back there. Her phone went off a few times, text messages from people who saw her crying, but she didn't respond. She wouldn't know what to say even if she did.

Santana turned her Ipod on after realizing how quiet it was in her car, but immediately regretted it. Now, only one person in the world knew of her love of musical theatre and that was the person she was running away from. Santana loved musicals; loved the way they made her feel when she could just relax in a theatre and watch someone else's life end up perfect. It made her hopeful. And of course, Rachel 'Man-Hands' Berry could never know this, but she loved it when they did musical numbers. It made her feel good.

She heard the song's familiar guitar solo start, and knew that she couldn't change it even if she wanted to. She loved this song, almost as much as she loved the musical. Her father, in a very uncanny weekend away, took her to see RENT in Columbus and she immediately fell in love. The story was strong and weak, sad and happy, hopeful and pessimistic; pretty much how she felt all the time now. But she loved it, and when they played this song, she knew it was her favorite.

.. Your eyes
..As we said our goodbyes
..Can't get them out of my mind
..And I find I can't hide

..From your eyes
..The ones that took me by surprise
..The night you came into my life
..Where there's moonlight
..I see your eyes…

..How'd I let you slip away
..When I'm longing so to hold you
..Now I'd die for one more day
..'Cause there's something I should have told you
..Yes, there's something I should have told you…

..When I looked into your eyes
..Why does distance make us wise?
..You were the song all along
..And before the song dies…

..I should tell you, I should tell you
..I have always loved you
..You can see it in my eyes…

Santana was sobbing by the time the song was over and realized that her song was dying and she couldn't do anything about it. She told Brittany how she felt and she could do nothing but listen as the blonde rambled about Artie and how she couldn't do that to him.

Did she not understand? Did Santana not explain it well enough to the blonde haired blue eyed beauty? Wasn't her love enough to make Brittany break up with Artie? After she asked herself those questions, another question punched her in the stomach.

So why wasn't her love enough to make you break up with Sam or Puck? Huh? Why didn't you end it with all those guys when Britt told you she loved you? Stubborn ass… she told you and you rejected her first, you deserve the shit you're in now… Brittany had wanted to be with Santana, practically annoyed her with the questions about their relationship, and yet the Latina just pushed her away. Why did I do that? Oh right, because you were a chicken shit.

She kept driving, with no general idea of where she was heading. Just sticking to the side roads and trying not to run over people out enjoying the day. She saw a mother and daughter walking down the sidewalk, hands clasped tight around one another, laughing and whispering secrets. A twinge of jealously surged through the Latina as she witnessed this. She'd never had a close relationship with her mother or her father. They were around, of course, they had dinner at night sometimes, but mostly, she got herself up out of bed in the morning, made her own breakfast, got herself to school, got herself to practices, and made her own dinner when she got home.

She couldn't blame her parents, they were busy. A doctor and a real estate agent were good jobs in this town and they needed to be on top of their game at all times. Granted, this has caused them to miss every national championship Santana had ever competed in, every Glee club performance, and even birthdays, but Santana didn't care, she just ignored it and kept trying hard to impress them. Granted, it never really happened, but she still tried.

This was when she missed B the most. Times like this was when she would realize how alone she was in the world and how without the blonde, she probably wouldn't have made it this far. Normally, she would drive to Brittany's and cuddle on the couch and the blonde would whisper things to make Santana feel better. Brittany always knew how to make her feel better.

But now, Santana had no one. Not one person she could call, cuddle with, kiss, sleep with… no one. It was right then that Santana knew she had to make it right. She needed the blonde more than she could ever have admitted to her face, but now she didn't care. All she cared about was getting to Brittany's house and wrapping her arms around her and apologize for pushing her away and that it didn't matter if she was with Artie, as long as she could have her friend back. She needed her. And if Britt didn't want more than friendship right now, Santana could deal with that, and she could deal with the rest of it later.

Santana's heart was pounding as she hit the gas and sped up the street. All thoughts of sanity went out the open window as she wound through the streets toward her best friends house. She needed to see her and tell her everything would be ok.

Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed her car wasn't there. It then hit her like a ton of bricks. Brittany still had Artie. She was with Artie. She probably took him home from school and stayed there to hang out. Brittany meant what she said. She loved Artie. Santana felt her heart break and she suppressed the sob that was building in her chest.

She let her anger flash through her body as she hit the gas and headed to the nearest gas station. Fake I.D. in hand, she bought a bottle of vodka and went to the park, drowning herself in the bottle and passing out in the grass. She woke up a little while later and could see someone's outline in the grass next to her. It was getting dark, but she could see who it was by the Mohawk on his head; it was Puck. Only Puck would know where to find her; he was her best guy friend, regardless of the things that had happened in the past.

"How'd you know where to find me?" She hiccupped and then almost puked after realizing how drunk she still was.

"You texted me like two hours ago." He looked at her with a worried expression, but didn't ask any questions, "It's a big park you know."

She hadn't remembered texting him, but he was here, and she was forever grateful to him for that. He pulled her into a hug and before she knew it, she was sobbing into his shirt, not sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that she craved another set of arms wrapped around her that had sent her over the edge. He just rubbed her back and let her cry, knowing that if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

The Latina quieted down and finally pulled away, ready to leave and go to bed before she could think about anything else. Puck looked at her, and after seeing the flash in those deep brown eyes, decided against asking her what was wrong, and stood up to take her home.

As they pulled into the empty driveway, Santana couldn't help but wish someone would have been home. Even if it was just to yell at her for drinking, but no one was there. Puck broke into her train of thought and reminded her of the pact they all made to not drink until after Nationals. She wanted to tell him to fuck off, but couldn't muster the right amount of attitude to make it worth it. She just climbed out of the car and went up to her room and fell on top of her bed.

Play by play of her day came back to her and she tried to hold back the tremors that were racking through her body, but after realizing no one was there to even hear her, she let out a sob, pressed her face into her pillow, and cried herself to sleep.

Brittany had sat at Santana's house for a few hours, praying that the brunette would come home soon. She didn't have the nerve to text her and ask where she was; she was worried she had lost the right to know that kind of information. So she sat there. For three hours the blonde sat in the Latina's driveway, listening to random songs on the radio, hearing kids run around the neighborhood playing games of tag, and trying very hard to stay optimistic that Santana would pull in any minute.

It started to get dark and Brittany's mom finally called to see where she was. She said she was at Santana's and was going to head home soon, leaving out the part that Santana was nowhere to be seen. Brittany gave herself a deadline and promised to stick to it. If she wasn't home in 15 minutes, she would leave and make sure she talked to her tomorrow.

14 minutes later, Britt decided it was time to go. She didn't want her mom asking her unnecessary questions and her resolve was slowly faltering as she waited till the last minute was up. She put her car into drive and headed up the street. She looked in her rearview when she saw lights, and she slammed on the brakes. Someone just pulled into Santana's driveway. It was a black truck and immediately she had to swallow the bile that rose in her throat.

It was Puck's truck.

She saw the brunette climb out of the cab of the truck and stumble her way inside. Awesome. Brittany thought. She got wasted and hooked up with Puck.

She couldn't help the tears that started to fall from her eyes when she realized that maybe she had lost Santana forever. She knew she was overreacting but something in her broke, and when she started searching for the pieces, she knew it was her heart.

I know, kinda mean, but still!

Let me know what you think! I know this was long, but I wanted to get some of this out there right away! I won't write anything more until I know if anyone likes this, granted, it does make me feel better to have an outlet!

Let me know what you think!