Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
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ATTENTION EVERYONE! I'll be briefly breaking my Hiatus and having a Halloween contest. I'll be posting Halloween themed stories, horror themed, or one's that end with a cliff-hanger! The story that gets the most reviews, will be the one I update on Halloween!(and maybe a few other surprises. heh. heh.)
And don't forget to check out my new "Shake Up the Falls" Challenge!
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Dipper screamed as Bill burnt him and the journals to a crisp...he couldn't believe it...Mable was lost...Ford was a backscratcher...the journals were destroyed...Bill had won...
The last thing he heard was Bill and his Hench-maniacs mocking laughter...
…...
GAME OVER
What? Asked a confused Dipper at the words playing in front of him.
FINAL SCORE:
Enemies defeated: 439/10000
GRADE: dismal
Secrets discovered: 46/1000000
GRADE: YOU SUCK
Relationship attempts: 5/9
GRADE: LOSER!
Relationship successes: 0/9
GRADE: DWEEB!
win Fords apprenticeship: Fail(due to mentor death)
GRADE: YOU BLEW IT MAN!
Stop Mabel from making deal with Bill: Fail
GRADE: EPIC FAIL!
Future after this Summer: Bleak
GRADE: WERE YOU EVEN TRYING TO WIN!?
Kill Bill: Fail
GRADE: Your dead to me
Lose Virginity before death: Fail
GRADE: HOW DID YOU FAIL THIS!? LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY RIGHT BEFORE AN APOCALYPSE IS LITERALLY THE EASIEST THING POSSIBLE!
FINAL TALLY: F*** YOU
"What!?" Exclaimed Dipper in disbelief again.
Want to play again? Y/N
"WHAT!?" Exclaimed a horrified Dipper as the full implications of the situations sunk in...
…...
An invisible Slenderman groaned from nearby. "Great, 'existential angst'...thank Paul Bunyan for FF." He said simply as he speed up time to skip all the(shudder) 'Emo stuff'. He then turned to the reader. "Now I know what your thinking: Why did you assign as many points to Dipper that you did? What was the reasoning behind it?" He promptly flips them the bird. "Frak you, that's why." He then gives his best 'Troll face'. "HATERS GONNA HATE!"
….9 speedy hours and one mental breakdown/recovery later...
Dipper finally stopped hyperventilating and tried to take charge of the situation. He selected 'game guide'...and what he found actually gave him relief.
Turns out his life was only 'just now' turned into a game...before it was real life...after Dipper 'won' things would(more or less) revert back to normal.
Dippers mood went dark again when selecting 'info' on the 'future after this Summer' tally board revealed the following:
….Future-vision...
A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck.
A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up.
"Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"
"Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck.
"Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left.
Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking...
"I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"
CRASH!
The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!
The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so.
Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them.
Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty...
"Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel.
Dipper just hangs his head...and cries...
…...
Dipper was not happy. He was also not happy with the discovery of Mabel starting the apocalypse! True...she thought she was dealing with Blendin(according to the info on the guide)...but even so...trapping all her loved ones in a never ending time-loop without their permission!? Just because he wanted to live his own life!? That was messed up!
Dipper never realized how much of an emotional crutch he'd become for Mable...what they had...it was like Co-dependent and Enabler...it just wasn't healthy...
Dipper brushed these thoughts aside. He'd deal with that later; right now it was time to strategize:
HELLO STUPID! TIME TO ALLOCATE YOUR PRIMARY STATISTICS! WON'T THAT BE FUN? NOT!
SKILL POINTS: these point will help you increase your primary statistics; you gain them by getting enough experience points by successfully doing numerous actions, quests, missions, etc. Warning: the amount of Experience points needed to gain a Skill point will go up with each skill point earned.
YOU HAVE 60 skill points to allocate amongst the following S.P.E.C.I.A.L. traits(these points must be spent before the game starts):
DISCLAIMER: despite the name; you are in no way 'special' your just a carbon blob that makes people vomit
STRENGTH:(modifies melee damage, Carry Weight, magic melee damage) Tired of being a wuss? Tired of getting beat up by old ladies? THEN GET YOUR FAT BUTT OFF THE COUCH AND EXERCISE ALREADY! YOU LAZY BUM!...or conversely you can just give skill points to here.
PERCEPTION: (modifies Sequence, ranged combat distance modifiers, dialogue options, distance from enemies in random encounters, First Aid, Doctor, Lockpick, Traps, magics) Taste, touch, smell, see, and hear things more so than usual...unless your just lazy...then just eat cow s*** and die...
ENDURANCE: (modifies Hit Points, Poison & Radiation Resistance, and Healing Rate, magic points) Tired of sweating after a measly flight of stairs? WELL BOO WHO! IS BABY GONNA CRY ABOUT HOW COLD IT IS TO?!...you sicken me...
CHARISMA: (modifies prices, Speech, Barter, Relationship Limit)YOU? WITH CHARISMA!? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! H! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
An annoyed Dipper scrolls down 300 pages worth of laughter...
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!...Ha...Ha...oh, can't breathe...ha...oh mercy...Kid, don't waste your points. You can roll that dog turd in sugar till the cows come home...it ain't going to become a doughnut no matter how hard you try...
INTELIGENCE: (modifies Number of new skill points per level, Dialogue options Medicine, Repair, Science, magic) Boy, just keep walking. Even as the supposed 'smart guy'; you hurt the girls you love, Enabled your sister to go crazy clingy-vill, let your mentor down, and let your world go up in flames...might as well just sell your brain in the bargain bin while you can still get a good deal...
AGILITY: (modifies Drawing/Holstering speeds, Reload Speeds, Sneak) What's it mean to be agile? It's quite simple: IT'S EVERYTHING YOU AREN'T!
LUCK: (modifies all skills, Critical Chance, gambling, some random encounters, magic) It is said that the great Napoleon himself was known to promote his soldiers based on how lucky they were...'luckily' for you he's no longer alive...one look at you and he'd just put you out of your misery...
Warning: although there is no level cap to any of theses skills. For these skill points that you now have. You can only allocate twenty points to any one skill...when the game starts this limit will be lifted.
PERK POINTS: You gain 1 perk point for every time you gain 10 skill points in any one skill set; which you can use to buy perks. More perks will be added or unlocked as the game progresses.
You have 2 perk points, use them to buy any two of the following perks:
Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES!...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies
A crank a day: gain the knowledge and skills of an experienced drug peddler...Warning: 65%-95% chance you'll die in a meth lab explosion.
Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!...Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and 100% chance of people throwing rocks at you.
Nothing: It's perk that dose nothing!...how will we know if it works?
Their were a hundred different perks...most of them either created by a sadist that wanted him to die horribly...or were completely useless. And most of the ones that were decent; were the ones that let him use magic...and those were all locked until 'Season 2'...what did that even mean?
Finally he decided on two decent perks:
The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.
Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.
Dipper had two things going for him: he had prior knowledge to what was going to happen this Summer and two; years of being a social outcast nerd let him know how to grind!, 'fix' combat statistics, and exploit cheats and bugs!
Dipper didn't kid himself; he was a master planner...not a fighter. He'd grind the other skills later(and get Wendy in his party as soon as possible). For now, he was putting all he could into 'Intelligence'! 20 skill points!
And Gideon and Grunkle Stan had proven to him the value of tricking people to do what you want...and he was sick and tired of being ignored! This time he would be heard! 20 skill points to Charisma!
And finally...looking back on his adventures, Dipper realized that he'd survived more on dumb luck than anything else...so...20 skill points to luck!
They way he figured; combining his 'Vanna Shake my Pirate Booty' perk with his 'Luck' at the inevitable casino mini-games...and then combine that with his Charisma and Intelligence boosting his 'barter'...he'd be running this town soon enough!
And the 'Hungry Bookworm'...well, there was no such thing as being 'too smart' far as Dipper was concerned!
The book eating thing didn't bother him(Grunkle Stan made him eat FAR worse)...the pirate and parrot poop thing was disgusting...but after three months of cleaning Grunkle Stans bathroom...he was now desensitized to such things...the whole Ninja thing was a bit confusing...and worrying...but he was already in mortal danger in Gravity Falls(what's one enemy more to an already huge list?)..might as well get paid for it!
As a side bonus...by assigning Skill points in bulk...he immediately got 6 more perk points right off the bat! He'd have to wait for more useful perks to be found/added/or unlocked...but it was nice to be prepared regardless!
With everything complete...Dipper selected 'start'...and just like that...he was back at the Bus stop...on that fateful first day of Gravity Falls...where he'd set everything right!
THUMP!
Oh...right...zero strength and zero endurance... Thought a now very wimpy Dipper somberly as a leaf hit him in the face and knocked him over...and cost him 9 of his 10 hit points...
This...is not going well for me... Thought Dipper as he cradled his now bloody nose...
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TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Inspired by Michaelsuave and Majin Hentai X
AN: this will be an example of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge.
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me