I

"Take care of this one, his prayers must be heard."

"What is so special about him? What does he do?"

Excitement.

Is this a special human? Will I listen to the prayers of someone incredible?

"He is important, that is all you need to know."

Like this dad?

A child; he is only young.

Ok, dear god. My name is Samuel Winchester.

I am not god.

I'm five years old and this is the first time I've prayed.

The first of many Samuel Winchester.

I wanna ask for a couple things, ok?

Of course.

Please let dad get home ok from this hunt. Thankyou.

Hunt.
The son of a hunter.
This is indeed a special human.

Dear god,

I am not god Samuel Winchester.

Just wanna say thank you for bringing dad home ok.

I played no part. Your father is strong.

Tonight I just wanted to say thank you for that.

I did nothing.

So thank you, goodnight.

Goodnight Samuel Winchester.

Dear god,

I'm not him Samuel Winchester.

I just wanna know if mom's ok,

Your mother is at peace.

Up there with you?

She is happy in her eternal dream.

I, I never knew her, really, that well,

She thinks of you often.

And I just wanted to ask you to look out for her,

…I will.

And tell her I love her, ok?

She already knows.

Thank you.

Dear god,

It is still only me Samuel Winchester.

Please make sure dad gets home ok.

He is already on his way.

He's two days late and I'm really worried about him.

He worries about you too.

He said he'd be fine, but I just don't want anything to happen to him, I need him, Dean needs him,

He is a strong man, he will keep you safe.

So please, make sure he gets home safe.

I will.

Thank you.

God,

That is still not my name Sam.

Can we please stay in this town?

It is not the town for you.

There's a library, lots of parks,

I know Sam, I know how you love them.

And the school is, well it's just great.

I know Sam. I have seen.

My teacher says I'm really smart for a kid my age,

He is not incorrect.

And no-one's ever said that before except Dean,

No-one sees how exceptional you are.

So please, can you make dad think this town is good?

His mind is made up already, I'm sorry Sam, there is nothing I can do.

Thank you.

Hi god,

Hello Sam.

It's me, Sam,

I know.

I know it's been a while,

I have missed your prayers.

It's just been tough round here lately.

I have seen. I am sorry Sam.

…I just want out, I hate this.

I know Sam.

I want to go to college, get a degree,

You deserve everything and more.

I just want to be normal.

You are so far from normal Sam.

…Dean's taking dad's side.

Your brother loves you, but is loyal.

Why can't I just do this? Just leave.

You love them.

It's what I want, but they can't see that.

They see it; they need you more than you know.

…Just please make them see things from my side.

If I could I would Sam.

Thank you.

Goodnight Sam.

Hey god,

Hello Sam.

It's Christmas, so I guess, Merry Christmas.

The first Christmas you have been happy Sam.

I guess I should say thank you, because I got away, from dad,

It is so good for you to be happy Sam.

But I, I just want to pray that Dean's safe, I just wanna know that he's ok.

Your brother misses you, but is alive and strong.

I don't know what he's doing, what he's hunting,

He hunts a demon and is sleeping now.

So please,

Yes Sam?

Just take care of him?

Anything for you.

Thank you.

Goodnight Sam.

Take care of Jess.

I'm sorry Sam.

Please.

I feel your pain, and I wish I could take it away.

Make sure she's happy.

I will take care of her.

Let her know I miss her so much.

She knows. She misses you more than words can express.

So much.

I wish I could hold you.

Let dad be alive.

I will find out for you.

Please; I need to talk to him.

He will not listen.

I need him to talk to me.

He will hurt you.

Let me and Dean find him.

If that is what you want.

Thank you.

You aren't in need of forgiveness. You have done nothing wrong?
Why do you blame yourself for things you do that make you happy?

God,

It's me Sam.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

You are a good man Sam Winchester. It is your nature to do the right thing.

I… There's something wrong with me.

There is nothing wrong with you.

I sometimes feel, wrong.

There is nothing further from the truth.

As though I'm ruined.

You are perfect.
Kind, good, whole.
You are not ruined Sam Winchester.

So, a sign, would be nice?

I will try.

Just let me know if I'm wrong.

You could never be wrong Sam.

Thank you.

Have faith.
In yourself.
You are better than you believe.
You just cannot see it.

Bring him back.

I'm sorry Sam.

Please god,

I don't understand why you must go through so much pain.

It's my fault.

You cannot blame yourself.

I did this.

No.

I should be suffering,

I will not allow that.

Not Dean.

Neither you nor your brother deserves pain.

He's the good one,

He is a good man.

I'm the evil one.

No.

I deserve it,

No.

Not him.

Sam Winchester I will not allow you to do this.
I will not allow you to blame yourself for something out of your control.
You do not deserve pain.
You do not deserve suffering.
You deserve love, happiness and peace.
And I will not allow you to think otherwise.
And I will not rest until I give you the love, happiness and peace you deserve.

…Save him.

I am trying Sam.

Please.

I will do anything for you.

Don't make him suffer for saving me.

They are sending someone.

Please.

Sam your brother will be returned to you.
He will be saved.
He is the righteous man.
You will have him again,
And then you will smile again.

Thank you.

I have done very little.

Thank you for Castiel,

He has brought your brother back to you.

Thank you for being,

I cannot help but be.
You refer to God, but I am grateful for you to know I am here too.

Thank you for Dean,

I would give you everything you need Sam, if I could.

Just; thank you.

Thank you Sam.
Thank you for smiling again.

I'm sorry,

No, don't apologise Sam.

This is my fault,

Never.

I'm a fool.

Impossible.

And you should have left me there for him.

I should die before I leave you.

I deserve whatever the devil would have done to me,

No-one deserves that.
You least of all.

Because it's my fault.

No.

No-one else's; Just me.

There are so many more to blame Sam.

Dean knew.

Your brother does not trust anyone but his family.

He knew not to trust Ruby.

He is wise, but too cautious.

But I didn't.

How could you know?

I let her use me.

No-one lets someone use them. They are used.

I should have known.

The demon deceived you, she was conniving and evil.

But I didn't.

You couldn't have known.

So it's all my fault.

No

I promise.

I'm not supposed to listen to you.

I won't let him.

They tell me I'm supposed to ignore you.

If I keep him out, then he'll wither,

…You are the devil's vessel.
I cannot listen to you.

And things will be better.

Why are you so good?
How can you be the vessel of Lucifer?
I do not believe it.
I will not believe it.
I believe in you, Sam Winchester.

Please give me strength.

This is a bad idea.

Let me be strong enough to contain him.

You are strong, but no-one is strong enough to contain Lucifer.

I can make things right.

You do not need to.

I can make up for everything I've done wrong.

You have nothing to repent for.

Just make me strong enough.

…I will be with you.
Every moment.

I can't take this.

Sam.

I can hear you.

I hear your screams, your cries.

In my head, all day I hear you crying out for help.

But they will not let me.

I beg, I cry, I plead with them "Let me save him, please, he is in pain and I cannot bear it, I cannot bear to hear him suffer. He is good, he is kind. He does not deserve this"

They will not listen.

They ignore me.

They tell me you are evil.

That you stopped their infallible plan and that makes you evil.

They are wrong.

I will not say it to them but they are wrong.

You saved the people of Earth.

You stopped needless suffering and pain.

And you do not deserve to go through this.

Sam,

What has happened?

You do not speak to me,

You do not acknowledge me,

I, I do not know what has happened.

I'm so confused.

Why are you like this?

Please talk to me.

I need to hear you.

Please Sam.

I,

Sam.

I,

Thank you Sam.
Your voice, I've missed it.

Oh god.

Sam I forgive you, please don't start blaming yourself, I cannot take the weight you put on your shoulders.

I, I don't know,

Please, just forgive yourself Sam.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say,

Say nothing.

A whole year.

Sam it was not you.

I, I spent a whole year,

It was not you.

Killing.

No.

No remorse.

No.

No mercy.

Not you.

No guilt.

Please Sam, understand that you were not here, not for a year.

I can't even feel it properly now,

Yes you can.

Because I don't remember it.

You still regret everything you cannot remember.

I should remember; I should remember every life I took,

Sam please, be kind to yourself.

I should be mourning every single one of them.

You do, you mourn but you do not forgive yourself.

Why?

I don't know.

Why would you let me?

I wish I could have saved you.

Let me be a monster for so long.

You could never be a monster Sam.
Not to me.

I'm scared.

I know.

Cas is gone.

I know.
He lost himself.
I wish I could have helped my brother.

There's gotta be some way to stop them.

I wish I could help you.

We've never seen anything like this, never anything we couldn't kill.

I am afraid, Sam.

Let them have a weakness.

I don't know.
I will look.

Just one.

Stay safe Sam.

Please.

Stay safe for me.
Please.

Two times.

Sam, I'm sorry.

Two times my brother's suffered for my mistakes.

He suffers for our mistakes, not yours.

Why do you do this to him?

I would keep you and him safe if it would make you smile.

Do it to me!

Never.

I deserve it!

No.

Not him!

Sam stop!

I deserve every torture!

No you don't!

Every punishment!

Stop!

I want you to pile on me everything I've ever done!

Sam I won't!

I want you to make me pay!

I will not let you!

Make me suffer for what I've done!

Sam!

…Please.

Sam.

Bring him home.

You know I would do anything you asked.

I don't know where he is.

I do not know either.

I don't know how to begin looking for him.

I want to help you Sam, so badly.

I don't know if I'm supposed to stay here, or go.

Just be happy Sam.

Please,

I know.

Just save him.

I will try.

Save Cas.

I will try.

Bring them both back

I will go to the ends of the Earth for you Sam Winchester.

Is this the right thing to do?

Yes. You could never do wrong.

It feels like that's all I ever ask; 'Am I doing the right thing?'

It makes you wise.

If you have to ask the question…

No, don't even imply that.

I'm just not sure I'm strong enough.

You are.

I need to be strong for this.

You are.

The first one's done,

It nearly killed you, and yet you live.

And it burned. It was so painful,

I know, I was there, trying to ease it.

And I don't know if I'll be strong enough to do two more.

I know you are strong enough Sam.

Dean's always asking if I'm ok.

He loves you.

I hate having to lie to him.

You do it to protect him.

So please,

Yes Sam?

Strength.

I will help you.

Give me the strength to get through this.

I will.

I just want everything to be right.

So do I, Sam.

I just want to be good.

You are.
You are so good.

I don't know if you can hear me, but I just need to know that I'm doing the right thing.

I can, and you are.
Always.

I just want to die.

Sam…