Disclaimer: I am not Rowling. If I had been Rowling, the last book would have ended something like this.
Warning: OC POV. Abrupt ending. Very little dialogue. Rated T because the rating system confunds me and I want to stay on the safe side.
Chimes Bell (known in a previous life by the unfortunate name Chance Belcher) liked his work. Sure it was a lot of papers and formalities, but he had a knack for it and the workplace couldn't get much more pleasant. It was, literally, Heaven.
Indeed, Chimes worked at what would have been a wonderful nine-to-five job, had there actually been any clocks around. He spent his time behind an immaculate desk, donned up in full angel suit – wings, halo and the rest of the heavenly counterpart for a suit and tie. His duties consisted of greeting newcomers with a positively angelic "My name is Chimes Bell and I'm here to help you, welcome to Heaven", before giving a brief speech on what a wonderful place heaven is. On occasion he'd also function as therapist (he knew more than well that life could be cruel) which was a lot easier than he'd imagined it'd be. In front of his desk a nice, padded chair had been placed. It was ambiguously cream-coloured and rather comfortable, if Chimes were to say so himself.
It was a very grateful job. Everyone was happy to reach heaven and it was, after all, sort of like a very exclusive club. Not everyone was let in, so Chimes was well aware that every and all of the people he met – broken old men, tragically murdered young couples, small children anxiously asking for their parents – were of good morals. Or at the very least they had meant well in their life, Chimes weren't completely sure where the line went.
Some of the people he met though… sometimes he really had to tell himself very sternly that they had to be good people. They wouldn't be here otherwise.
This was one of those times.
The man in front of him was thin and sallow, with shoulder-length greasy hair that thankfully covered most of the awful wound on his neck. The worst, however, was the crippling glare the man directed towards Chimes. It made him feel like he was once again targeted by a particularly vile teacher in sixth grade. But he wouldn't have been let in if he hadn't been good. It's probably post-mortal stress. Yes, anyone with that kind of wound would be unhappy.
"Ahem, yes, so – again, welcome to heaven. Your – ah – your ailments will be lifted once you've passed through the gates and – eh – someone-" he looked down in his papers, trying not to think of the piercing black eyes "Joanne will help you get settled in, Mr. Snape."
The man looked, if possible, even more displeased.
"My ailments?"
The tone made thousands of pinpricks go down Chimes' spine and he tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, gesturing vaguely towards his own neck. "Well, that is, um – your cause of death that is – of course we wouldn't have you walk around with that for the rest of your afterlife – eh."
Chimes Bell worked by a desk. It was a very nice and immaculate desk. If you looked at it from the right angle then you could see your face reflected in the surface. Most people he met would choose to sit down on the nice padded chair when he welcomed them. The man before him had not only refused, he had quite forcefully pushed the chair away – but certainly not so that it wouldn't be in the way when he tries to get around the desk to strangle me. Certainly not. People who go to heaven don't strangle other people. Right?
Chimes Bell wished dearly that the man had sat down on the chair like other people would. He also wished that the man wouldn't tower over him, glaring down at him over the large hooked nose and sneering. Like the teacher from He- NO! Certainly he must be good. Have a little faith Chimes, he wouldn't be here otherwise.
Chimes tried, for the third time, to smile at the newly deceased Severus Snape. If he wasn't already dead himself he would feel like he was digging his own grave. Instead, his wings made a twitching motion as if the man had verbally threatened to pluck them.
Mr Snape took a deep breath and Chimes tried not to look at the yellow, uneven teeth. Then the man spoke with a voice that was deceivingly soft, barely a tremble suggesting the rage that the black eyes so clearly spoke of.
"Do you have any idea what I-"
Chimes never found out the ending of the sentence. Severus Snape had, to his own surprise, suddenly faded out and disappeared. Chimes stared out in space, still lost in what might have been fear, until a small note fluttered down to land on his desk. He looked at it, read it more carefully and said "Oh". He tried not to feel relief at the man's unexpected vanishing. He was someone else's trouble now.
At least he wouldn't be the only one with a strange day.
Severus Snape felt motion sick as his consciousness was viciously flung from one dimension to another. It was like three different parts of him were separately and simultaneously Apparated to the same place and put back together backwards. He felt very violently ill and the voices that drifted over him didn't make him feel the least bit better.
"Oh Harry – you did it! I actually doubted that it really would work but you did it! Look – look!"
"For a moment I thought I was asking too much from the elder wand, but I guess it really does make a difference to have all three Hollows at hand. Good thing we managed to find the stone before they… well, I'm glad it worked."
"Bloody hell Harry – necromancy! I can't believe you actually - bloody hell."
Snape rolled over and promptly emptied his stomach over someone's shoes. He hoped it was Potter's but he faded out of consciousness before he could confirm it.
Closing notes
Technically I could continue this, but I decided to write this as a one-shot. Oh, and in case it doesn't come across well in the fic; Harry used the Hollows together to properly resurrect the recently deceased in the Battle of Hogwarts (sans Voldie and his followers).
Harry's broken sentence is in full "Good thing we managed to find the stone before they started to smell" - corpses don't stay fresh forever, especially not in May.
Sorry for blatant overuse of hastily made up OC. I assure you that Chimes Bell exists for the sole purpose of giving Snape someone to sneer at. There are three deliberate shout-outs in the text, can you find them all?