Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to master Inoue Takehito. We can't do crap about that.
Oneshot: Fragile Shell
The school's rooftop was warm and cosy, conceding its dweller a nice comfortable breeze. The blue sky was considerably clear, with only a few spacious white clouds floating along once in a while. The weather was perfect for a soon to be troubled mind. At present it was commonly at peace, detached from all sorts of human dilemmas, and though he was usually the human dilemma itself, today such presumption was going to be outstandingly reversed.
Kaede Rukawa's eyelids flickered to consciousness and he woke up just in time for class. He stretched his arms lazily, taking into view his surroundings, and then he descended the stairs to one of the busy school corridors. As he strolled along, the usual rumouring and gossiping started, bringing with it muffled whispers and pointing gestures which invited Rukawa's patience to strain severely. Although, he brushed them aside as always, abiding to his cool collected temper instead. When he reached the first years' corridor said chatter increased tenfold. It was not the least bit surprising until Rukawa felt compelled to listen.
"You know Sakuragi-san? I heard he is quitting the basketball club"
"Eeh? That delinquent with the red hair?"
"Yeah that one"
"I always said Hanamichi didn't have what it takes"
"That punk only had pure luck"
"But I thought he was a good rebounder"
"Naaah…"
As Rukawa processed this conversation he could only pale at the stupid conclusions his brain attained. As if Sakuragi would quit basketball. The thought almost made him laugh. That moron was a whole new level of freakish resilience. Not even by threatening would he withdraw from the team. Nevertheless, those nonsensical rumours pierced Rukawa with an unwilling indignation that bore a streak of fear in its wake. He even failed to fall asleep during class at the expense of the subtle distress in his mind. He knew deep down that it was all rubbish; that as soon as he stepped on the field there would be Sakuragi Hanamichi, bragging about how talented he was and how people could not live without him.
"That idiot" the curse could not but slip from Rukawa's mouth. Sakuragi had that bad habit of getting underneath his skin, physically present or not.
"Oi Ryota! Where's Sakuragi?" Akagi inquired the small point guard. The latter looked around him calmly as if certain to find the absent airhead. However, he was blatantly surprised in his reply.
"He's not here?"
"It's been a while since he skipped practice" Kogure said sadly. Ayako, who had just entered the gym bringing new towels joined in on the conversation.
"Why all this gloom? Something happened?"
"Sakuragi's not here" Kogure told her with an apologetic look on his face.
"Eeh? He missed practice? How dare him!"
"I thought he was with you" Akagi said.
"No, I didn't see him today, I hope he did not get into any fight" Ayako added.
"Let's see him try that" Akagi immediately snapped menacingly. Kogure and Ryota backed away a few feet from the Captain.
"Well, it could be that he is just late" the manager said more softly lighting up the mood.
"Yeah, it's probably that" Kogure reassured the group. After a mild pause the four went to their respective positions and shouldered the problem individually. Rukawa, who had been apart from all the chit-chat, did not let any word escape his ears. He didn't care much about Sakuragi's presence. Such matter was indifferent to him in a most candid way. However, the sting of annoyance the hollow absence evoked inside him frustrated him more than sparsely. Ergo, Rukawa shoved his irrational anger aside and swallowed his anxiety. What could that bastard be thinking?
The evening fell above Kanagawa peacefully, painting the horizon with pink purplish colours. The sun set down accordingly, illuminating delicately the roofs and buildings throughout the city. Rukawa left the gym with a grim feeling attached to his back, something that he couldn't quite understand. At the nape of his neck was also a prickling weight reminding him of his tension and he hated it. He hated feeling like that, especially since he had not been able to play decently at all during today's practice. It seemed like there was an extra-gravitational force absorbing his endeavour from his body.
Cruising around in his bicycle, Rukawa soon reached the local park. He absent-mindedly glanced at the place, hoping some distraction would rid him of his ill-temper, and to his conscience's solace he found Sakuragi's friends lumping around in their usual idle demeanour. They were chatting loudly, talking about the very thing that was haunting Rukawa's naïve mind.
"Hanamichi is a real idiot"
"Can't believe he finally submitted to his worthlessness"
"Shut up! He was becoming really good!"
"Ah! Dream on"
"You can't blame him for messing it up in front of the girl he likes countless times"
They all laughed at the statement.
"He should know that playing basketball for Haruko-san's sake was not going to be enough"
"He is an idiot, i-di-ot"
"Well, he wanted to surpass that Rukawa guy too"
"Eh! He never had a chance"
"He can kiss that damned dream goodbye if he goes on like this"
"Come on! He was pretty depressed today, give him a break" Yohei said earnestly.
Rukawa's grip on his bike's handle was tight. Very tight. He was unconsciously trying to crush it to smithereens mainly because of his displeasure towards the reason behind Sakuragi's withdrawal. The girl? The thought clubbed his heart involuntarily. How stupid was that? Rukawa wanted to kick something, trashing his bicycle was not near enough to satisfy his needs right now. He needed to punch something, something 188 centimetres tall, with red hair and a ridiculous empty brain.
"By the way, where's that idiot?"
"I invited him to come with us but he said he had to pick up the stuff he left on the club's room first"
"Baah… stupid Hanamichi. Ruins all the fun!"
"Let's go"
As the four stooges walked away, Rukawa turned his bike the opposite direction. The humorous gang had saved him the vexation of waiting another day to punch Sakuragi. He rapidly jumped on his bike and rushed away. His mind was racing, putting together all the crap he had assimilated on its core for the past few hours.
"That moron"
How could he give up basketball just because of that annoying girl!? Always gibbering Haruko-san, Haruko-san, Haruko-san, it pissed the hell off Rukawa. Couldn't he at least shut up ninety percent of the time? Not that Rukawa enjoyed all the rambling (he certainly dismissed it regardless of the topic) though going on a whole day without hearing Sakuragi's voice was unbearable as well. He could not withstand it. It had become an irreplaceable part of his life, irritating as it was or not.
The moron just had to once more shock everyone and threaten to crumble Rukawa's own little world didn't he? What was this about quitting? Who was he kidding? Rukawa had lost count to the times Sakuragi had had one of these stubborn changes of heart. Who cared if he was ashamed or embarrassed? Nobody. Everyone knew he would eventually go back to being an idiot and brag about being a genius again and again, putting an end to the subject quickly. So how come he meant it seriously this time? What about his precious Haruko-san? What would she have to say about it?
"Tsk" Rukawa's own irony robbed him of any nonchalance he might have built concerning the topic. Damn it all to hell.
As soon as he approached the school gates he threw his bike aside and sprinted to the basketball's club room. If he was lucky, the idiot would still be there moping adrift in his dumbness. Rukawa grabbed the doorknob viciously and slammed the club's door open, just for the sake of venting out some frustration. When he glanced ahead he instantly found who he was looking for.
Bingo.
"Ru-Rukawa?"
Sakuragi Hanamichi stood there puzzled. The peculiar red hair burned Rukawa's vision like his own immature rationality and the piercing eyes stabbed his heart in a way he did not consent. Hanamichi turned his face to survey Rukawa.
"What do you want?"
The latter clicked his tongue in annoyance and stepped forwards. He was not in the mood for talking or explaining himself, and thus, not even one meter away from Sakuragi, Rukawa punched the red-haired boy in the face.
"You bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Hanamichi yelled enraged. He punched Rukawa back and after throwing a couple of curses at each other, both players got themselves into a brief brawl. There was no need for Rukawa to open his mouth. His gaze talked for himself: he wanted to tear Sakuragi's stupidity apart.
"You bastard!" A trail of blood ran down Hanamichi's cheek to meet with the maroon drips of blood coming out of his bruised lips. He glared scornfully at Rukawa with nothing to say. He could not begin to understand what was wrong with the dark haired snob
"What's with you stupid Rukawa!?"
Rukawa scowled at his own fluttering heart. His sensitivity was driving him nuts. That idiot just had to keep saying his name over and over again, spelling it out in that stupid voice of his.
"…"
"…"
They fell silent. Their breaths echoed loudly throughout the club room numbing the atmosphere. There was a mild trail of panic portending on Rukawa while he tried to cling to his composure. The intermittent feelings of alienation mixed with his anxious beating heart were blurring away any train of thought possible. He felt his urges at his fingertips, his sanity flowing out through each and every pour, and Sakuragi's eyes deliberately fitting his were not helping at all. What was the idiot seeing? What could he manage to understand? Rukawa hoped that amidst all that dullness of his, Sakuragi would catch something relevant because there was no way in hell he was going to open his mouth other than to swear. Unfortunately, it was absurd to expect such an achievement from the red haired boy. He unclenched his fists and loosened his grip on Rukawa's shirt.
"Eat this!" he shouted.
Hanamichi's head collided with Rukawa's strongly. There was a brief moment of blankness preceding the pain and then Rukawa, in his weak state of mind, felt compelled to lean against the nearest locker. At this sight Sakuragi laughed victoriously.
"Bwahahaha! That's what you get for messing around with a genius like me! Bwahahahahaha"
Such words jolted Rukawa's rage anew and though he could not quite stand up securely yet, he managed to reply coldly in anger.
"What genius? One who gives up whenever he feels like it? You disgust me"
That malicious comment earned him another fierce headbutt, which he successfully returned before falling to his knees. Sakuragi stumbled one foot backwards and growled.
"Damn you Rukawa! What do you want?! I can keep this up all day!" he threatened. Rukawa merely answered with an icy glare.
"Idiot…"
"Whaat?!"
"You're an idiot"
"You bastard-"
"Oi, what are you two still doing here?" Ayako's figure stood by the doorframe firmly. Her hands were on her hips and her expression was incredulous. Her eyes ultimately fell on Sakuragi and she gasped surprised.
"Ah! Sakuragi Hanamichi! Where were you today? Captain Akagi is mad at you!" she scolded "You should stop skipping practise at will, you know?"
Sakuragi averted his eyes and pouted "I'm going home Ayako-san, goodbye"
He swiftly walked past her and vanished from sight. Ayako was left dumbfounded looking at Rukawa.
"What happened? Did you two fight again?" she asked.
Rukawa did not answer. He was too busy assembling his own thoughts.
A week flew by with no sightings of Sakuragi on the gym. Everyone was furiously disappointed, and Sakuragi's gang had been the first to try to do something about the situation. They attempted to convince Haruko to go encourage Hanamichi but said plan failed immensely since he could not be found anywhere. It was clear he was avoiding her at all costs.
"Hn"
Strangely enough, it was not only such evasion that had become evident. The layers of Rukawa's shell of indifference had started to peel away likewise. Sakuragi's lingering shadow had infested him with agonizing thoughts and dire truths. What if he never comes back? Sakuragi had flooded his entire being and if such deluge would now evaporate the remaining emptiness would ruin the rest of Rukawa.
Truthfully speaking, there really wasn't much left inside him that he could recognize as his own. Since he had met the idiotic red-haired every bit of his character had begun to change. Rukawa was able to bitterly acknowledge that much, yet, he had only learned how to cope with such fact by denying a couple of reasons behind it. It wasn't because he had a partiality for Sakuragi, much less any kind of fondness. If he could label his own feelings, Rukawa would surely comply with the sense of ownership. Sakuragi belonged to no one else but him and hence, the red-haired bastard might as well have ripped out Rukawa's heart instead of leaving the basketball team.
Obviously, Rukawa was not going to allow such violence against his own guarded hidden feelings anymore. It was all going to turn back to the exact same way it had always been, even if he had to break a couple of arms and legs in the process and accounting for Sakuragi, that would already be difficult on its own. There was absolutely nothing that needed to change. Rukawa's wishes were fulfilled simply by having Sakuragi Hanamichi around.
Moreover, Rukawa didn't need any kinds of feelings attached in return. He merely wanted Sakuragi by his side, being the same idiot as ever, competing against him, thinking of ways to overthrown him, thinking utterly and solely about him. If Rukawa had that, if he could monopolize Hanamichi in such way, he would not yearn for anything else. Sure, there were those cravings of the body, pure impulsive desires that eventually haunted him occasionally, but he dealt with them easily. Comparing those with his contradictory emotions made the former seem much more superficial. They could not even equate with the latter, however, the dismay of such predicaments would thankfully end up eroding away with time and Rukawa's unaware plainness of thought was therefore his best escort. Whatever went on between himself and Sakuragi was irrelevant. There was no need for explanations or descriptions. Intricate reasons were thrust aside and discarded as conveniently as possible. As long as the link existed, as long as Sakuragi played for Shohoku, Rukawa had nothing to worry himself about. Sakuragi was his.
Rukawa bit his lower lip. These honest thoughts pained him like swallowing a thousand needles, but letting go of Sakuragi hurt even more and that he could not tolerate any longer. Since when had the idiot become such an important asset in his life he didn't know. Sakuragi was just that great piece of annoying walking allure, with that stupid red hair, those stupid eyes, that stupid walk, that stupid laugh… Stupid everything.
A cold wind whispered by the gymnasium's high windows. It was a chilly night. Perhaps it was time for Rukawa to head home. His body was tired and sleep was starting to fidget in the corners of his eyes. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the big exit doors dully. He stepped outside and just when he was about to close the door behind him, his foot tripped on something. He lost his balance comically and fumbled for support. In the dark he could barely see his hand in front of him.
"Shit"
He groped around aimlessly and soon paled at the form beneath his fingers. It felt like a leg. A human leg. Rukawa tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness and approached the person more closely with the intent to figure out who it was. For some reason he recognised the smell, the poorly illuminated features and the outrageous hair. What Sakuragi Hanamichi was doing there he could only speculate. Nevertheless, Rukawa seized the moment to indulge in his longing or whatever was ingeniously masked as such. He held Sakuragi's face in his hands and pressed their lips together. The tender caress did not wake up the feisty red-haired boy but that was fair enough.
Rukawa had just found a new warm human futon to sleep in that night.
AN: Gaah! This is what a Slam Dunk marathon does to my brain... Still, I'm very sorry if the emotions were difficult to understand. It's just that Rukawa and Hanamichi's relationship is so complex that my need to explain what goes on on Rukawa's head fails tremendously at times lol. I hope readers enjoy the fic as it is though. Please read and review freely. Thanks in advance!