Title: Love is stronger than hate
Author: xredSunburstx
Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/ Maura Isles
Rating: K+ (we'll see what we need in the later chapters)
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. No infringement intended. Also, I don't use a beta, so all mistakes are mine.
Summary:. The aftermath of the final episode in Season 2. Can't say much about it, because it is still progressing, it's just what came into my mind when I went and took a run after I saw the final. Let me know what you think and if I should continue.
Song featured is a powerful song by PJ Harvey – Silence.
All the best and take care
Sun
…
Chapter 1 – When it all started
„Don't you dare to touch him!"
Her voice was harsh and angry, even hateful and it was more than Jane could bear.
Never Maura has sounded so dreadful and filled with hate, not if it came to Jane and not if it came to anyone. It was the moment she realized what she has done and immediately she hated herself for it, too.
A part of her, the cop, knew she has just done her duty. But the bigger part, the part who loved Maura more than anything else in the world, the part who looked into the hating hazel eyes who turned dark within painful and horrible seconds…. This part knew she had betrayed her. She had done … it was even too hurtful to think about it.
When the shock finally sunk in she tried to save what she has done. She wanted to save Doyle, the man who she has called the sperm donor, but who has Maura's father after all.
"Please… let me help… what can I do?" She asked, her voice sounding raspier than usually and helpless. Helpless… she was helpless after all, bringing herself into a situation like this, because she could never muster to stop being a cop.
Maybe her being a cop would cost her friendship and she best thing she have had in her whole life.
"BACK OFF! Don't pretend you are sorry and don't think I believe it. Don't think I believe you want to help him! YOU shoot him! YOU shoot my father! BACK OFF and leave. I never want to see you again!"
That was when it all started… all the hurt, the grieving, the anger and the hate. And it was all Jane felt… felt about herself. She immediately left the crime scene, looking back, more than once. More than once she prayed that Maura would look up with forgiveness in her eyes and the same love and affection she always sees in them. She wished that she would look up and listen to her, trying to understand why she did it. But the problem was… Jane couldn't get it herself. She shouldn't have shoot him… she should have left him, because he already was hurt.
She should have done… anything else… but what happened was not something she could take it back, even she would do if she could… anytime. She would do anything to take it back.
But that was when it all started.
All those places
Where I recall the memories
That gripped me
And pinned me down
I go to these places
Intending to think
To think of nothing
No anticipate
This night she almost drunk herself to death, because she wanted and needed to feel something else than she pain she has felt after Maura's words. She wanted to feel something else than regret, grief and guilt and alcohol seemed the only thing to offer her those things. But not like she hoped. Nevertheless she stuck to that, stuck to the only remaining thing in her life, it seemed.
The next day and the day after that day she called in sick. And that was the truth. She was sick of herself and sick of everything else. Lying down in her bed, keeping the bottle near, seemed the only thing she could muster to do.
And somehow expect
You'll find me there
That by some miracle
You'd be aware
A small part of herself still hoped that Maura would see that Jane wasn't at work and an even smaller part wished, hoped and begged that she would come around and look after her like she has always done. She wished that Maura would come over and talk to her, talk like they always used to do when there was something between them, a wall that seemed like neither of them could took down alone… but together.
I'd risen this morning
Determined to break
The spell of my longing
And not to think
But she never showed up. Not after 2 days and not after a week. That was when Jane realized what really has happened. She has destroyed anything in her life.
Other people were calling her, people that still cared, but she never took a single call. She remained in her flat, wandering from her couch to her bed, if the guilt, that had captured her body, let her.
One day, Jane did not know when, because she did not count the days. Well, she counted the mornings to come and the nights to take her into an almost painful slumber, but she could not quiet remember how many days and nights have already passed.
So one day there was a loud knock on her door and all of her being, which was left by the guilt taking over, wished it was Maura. Finally, to save her from herself and this ugly rude monster, capturing her like never before.
Opening the door she realized it wasn't Maura, but her younger brother Frankie, who looked concerned as never before.
"Jane…" She looked him in the eyes, dark circles gracing hers, her once strong and powerful eyes looking numb and faint, she put herself together and said "Leave." As she tried to push the door shut behind her.
But before she knew he stood behind her, grabbing her arm, the door still open.
"What are you doing to yourself?"
"I'm doing what I deserve and what Maura thinks I'd deserve."
He frowned, shocked by what he saw in front of him. Bottles and used pizza paper backs filling the room and his sister, slender and terrible looking like never before.
"What are you talking about? Janie… please… We know what happened… it was awful for Maura… but she would never want you to do that to yourself."
"Really? She would not want me to do that?" she spitted out, feeling the alcohol in her body heating up her system. "If she would care she would have called or come over at least. But you know who truly cared? The Maura before would have cared… not the Maura now, after a stupid woman shot her father and her last remaining chance to find out who her mother is. So you know what… she does not care about me and I do not care about me wither. So fuck off, Frankie, would you?" She lied down on her couch, not facing him, but facing the half drunk bottle of beer in front of her.
"You know what, Janie. You are too stubborn and stupid doing what you do. I'll leave now, but I'll come back, because there are people who love you and who care about you. We won't let you do that to yourself." It was the last thing he said, before he turned around.
"But I don't want to have you or anyone else here. Ever again."
It was the pain, mixed with alcohol speaking there, but she couldn't contain herself from spitting it out, thinking she did not deserve to be cared about.
The only person who she wanted to care about her now never wanted to see her again, so why should she still care about herself?
I freed myself from my family Silence
I freed myself from work
I freed myself
I freed myself
And remained alone
Silence
Silence
Silence
And that was when it all started.