Hey all! I'm back and this time with my first ever one-shot, featuring Blaine and Cooper Anderson. I hope you all enjoy it! My roommate/beta certainly did, if her threats were any clue (they usually are xP). For any of you who read my other stories, I promise you that I am working on them and I should hopefully post something this weekend, if not sooner!
Dear Cooper,
Today is the day after you left. It may be too soon to write to you but you told me that whenever things got to be too much, I should write you a letter. Even though you've only been gone a day, the house feels unbearably empty without you. The silence makes the house seem even larger. Your room is still the same, as messy as ever, but without you actually being there it seems like that it's a part of another world.
I hope you know this, but if you don't, everyone in the family is so proud of you. Even I am (and you know my feelings about the war right now). Dad can't stop telling everyone about what you have decided to do and Mom has thrown herself into all the local organizations that support the troops. Still, despite how proud they are, I couldn't help but see the fear in both their eyes as you left our sight in the airport. I suppose it was the fear that every parent has when their eldest leaves home for good but it made me wonder if it wasn't the fear of something more. The fear that it was going to be the last time they saw you. The fear I saw made me fearful as well. The only thing that reassured me at the time is that you promised to come back and you haven't broken a single promise yet. However, you won't be able to control this completely, however much you want to.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Summer break is over and I've returned to Dalton. In a way I'm glad that the summer is over. I can spend as much time as I want with the Warblers and everyone at Dalton. The Warblers will keep me occupied in my spare time, which I felt like I had too much of this summer. I never realized how much we did together until you were gone.
That's another reason why I'm glad I'm back at school. No matter how much time went by, the house still felt abnormally quiet and empty. At first I would go into your room and lay on the bed, remembering all the fun times we had but after a bit, it got to be too much. Now it's unbearable to enter your room. There's too much to remember.
Mom tried to clean your room a few weeks after you left, trying to get rid of some of the mess. I'm ashamed to admit that I threw a fit when I came across her doing so. That was the loudest argument I ever remember having with her. The same fight happened a couple more times over the summer before she just gave up. Now she no longer goes into your room, leaving it as it was. That was around the same time when your first letter came. We read your letter as a family, one of the first family things we've done together in a long time. You would have been happy, seeing us actually act like a family. It made me and Mom cry. I felt like Dad wanted to cry as well but since crying isn't considered to be very manly, he refused to do so. After we read the letter, Mom and Dad let me have it to keep it safe.
After getting that letter, I must have started a new letter every single day. None of them made the final cut. I always felt like they repeated the same thing, day after day. That's why I waited until today to write my final letter. After all, today is the start of a new school year, a change in the monotony that my daily life was during the summer.
People keep coming up to me, asking if I've heard from you since you left. You're a bit of a celebrity here still. The underclassmen when you went to school are now the upperclassmen and they request that I send you their well wishes. It was a bit disconcerting at first, having them come up to me and inquire after you, but after the first couple of times, it was actually rather nice. It's good to know that people care enough about you to ask.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Dad keeps talking about how proud he is of you. I used to be happy that he was so proud but after awhile, I got sick of it. He was always suggesting that I should follow your footsteps and enlist and every time he did so, I felt even guiltier. It's not that I'm not proud of you and what you're doing. It's more about my feelings on the war and the fact that I couldn't enlist, even if I wanted to.
Today I finally caved. I came out and told him to his face, just like I'm telling you in this letter, if you haven't already guessed. I'm gay.
I mean, he obviously should have known already after what happened at the Sadie Hawkins dance, considering that was why I was in the hospital, but that was the first time I directly told him. I guess he was hoping that it was just a mistake or a phase, but now there's no turning back. Now he knows for certain and I'm not sure what to think about that. His reaction was just like I expected it to be. First came the face of disgust, then one of fear, then disappointment, and finally sadness. I have a feeling that it's going to take a while for him to get used to the fact.
At least now I don't have to listen to his reasons about how I should enlist. Now I just need to listen to Mom going on about how I'll never experience the joy of fatherhood.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I haven't heard anything back from you in a while. Normally I would have heard back with in a month or two but now it's been three. Are you mad at me for being gay? Are you mad at me for coming out? I wish I would hear something from you, just so I know you're okay with me being gay. I can't really control it but it would hurt so much more if you weren't. It would hurt more than Mom and Dad's reactions probably. I couldn't stand it if you decided to ignore me as well.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
We finally received word about you. Not from one of your letters. That would have certainly been more welcome than the visit we received this week. Instead, we found out from someone else. When I heard the news, I nearly broke down. Same with Dad. Mom did break down. While this is better than not knowing, I can't help but feel that it's the same as not knowing. It's just official. After they left, I did some research. The statistics aren't that great.
I hope you aren't MIA for long. I hope they find you and I hope you come home soon.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I can't stand it when people come up to me and ask about you. It's so hard to tell them what has happened and to see the pity wash over their faces. What's even harder is when people come up to me, already knowing, and express how sorry they are. I know that they mean well but it just drives the knife in a little deeper each time I hear your name. I've broken down more times than I can count. I don't know how I can be strong when I don't know anything anymore. I want you to come back home.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I miss you.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Today I met someone. His name is Kurt. He originally came to spy on the Warblers as we are his glee club's competition for Sectionals. He was so obvious, though, that it was cute instead of threatening. I don't see anyone being intimidated by him. Maybe that's why he was sent? After all, if the competition's spy doesn't intimidate you, how can you be intimidated by the competition itself?
After the Warblers impromptu performance (remember those?), David, Wes, and I called him out on it. That was when I could tell that something else was bugging him. I have a feeling he's going through something similar to what I went through at Westerville. I won't determine if it's worse or not, though. That's something that is better left undetermined. It does make me realize how much Dalton is sheltering me, however.
When talking to him, I got the feeling that he was on the edge of doing something drastic. After our conversation, the words you said so many times kept repeating themselves in my head. I found myself composing a text that summed them up—COURAGE. I hope that it helped. If they did, then I think that you would be proud to know that you've saved at least two lives back home, even though you're halfway around the world.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Kurt transferred to Dalton today. This whole situation has left me with mixed feelings. I'm ecstatic for the chance to get to know him better but my track record with crushes hasn't exactly been the greatest. I'm also horrified that things got so bad at his previous school that he felt the need to transfer. Someone actually threatened to kill him! I fully believe they would have done so, too. I didn't realize how much Dalton has sheltered me over the past few years until I met Kurt. He definitely has a way of making me re-evaluate my life, just like you do.
He's joining the Warblers. I wonder how that's going to go. Kurt has a tendency to stand out and everything about Dalton and the Warblers is about fitting in, as you well know. You were the only one that could make standing out while still fitting in an art form. I imagine it was much the same when you enlisted.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Last night I kissed a girl. I've never been more confused. I've always been so sure that I was gay but now I don't know whether I am or not. I've never questioned my identity this much before. I'm not just questioning my sexual orientation but also everything that is Blaine Anderson. I wish you were here. You would know.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Kurt and I are officially boyfriends. You're the first one I've told, even though it's through this letter. In the past, I've always run to you with bad news so I thought you deserved some good news.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Kurt transferred back to McKinley this week. It's only been a few days and already I feel the pain of not having him by my side every day. The day he decided to transfer back was like the day you left all over again. I thought that I was getting better and moving on but his leaving brought everything back full strength. I miss you so much. Come back home soon. You can't break this promise.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I went to prom with Kurt. It was the first dance I've gone to since Westerville. Kurt was voted prom queen. It was a cruel joke by his classmates but I also see it as a monumental step for teenagers in Ohio. Even though it was a joke, if they weren't ready to be more accepting of gay people, then they would have never voted for a guy to become prom queen. Now I just need to convince others of this. I think you would be proud of what Ohio is slowly becoming.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Your letters keep getting returned but it hasn't stopped me from sending them. Writing these letters has become a good outlet for me and I keep hoping that one day soon, one of them will make it to you. Reading over my past couple of letters, I've noticed how they're becoming shorter and shorter. I don't know if it's because I'm writing to you on a more frequent basis, if it's because life here is really that boring, or if I'm slowly accepting the fact that you might never be coming home. I sincerely hope it's anything but the last one.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I transferred back to public school. However, it isn't in Westerville. My new school is now McKinley High in Lima. Hopefully things will be better here than they ever were at Westerville. I was reluctant to leave Dalton but I can't continue being sheltered like I am there and it hurt to be away from Kurt. He makes everything so much brighter. With him, I feel like I'm returning to the way I was before you left. Even Mom and Dad have been commenting on the change.
I hope you aren't too disappointed with my choice to leave. Dad was furious when I told him. I've also decided that I'm not going to write to you as much, no matter how good of an outlet it has become. I know Kurt loves me and I love him so I'm going to hopefully open up more to him now. I also know that I need to start moving on, since it's been over two years. Mom and Dad have started moving on and I feel like I'm getting left behind. I won't ever forget you but I'm sure you would want me to look forward instead of looking back.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
I had another surgery this week. It wasn't life threatening this time, thankfully. It was just the result of a slushie to the face and accidently getting into my eyes. It also wasn't like last time because you weren't there. I still remember how you refused to leave and were there when I woke up. I wanted to cry when I realized that you wouldn't be there like last time.
Kurt was there when I woke up, though. He was there leading up to my surgery and was there when it was finished. I'm glad to know that there's someone that cares as much as you did. Like you, Kurt has been there for me more than Mom and Dad and for that, I can't thank you both enough. I hope one day you will get these letters. I keep sending them with the hopes that for once, they won't be returned.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
Karofsky tried to commit suicide last night. After he was forced out of the closet by his teammate, I guess the bullying got to be too much, even though it's only been a week. Even now, the bullying still continues with comments posted to his Facebook wall saying, "Better luck next time" and "Try, try, again". You would think that someone trying to attempt something as drastic as suicide would make people reflect upon their words and actions but apparently the world is much more heartless than I imagined. Is this why we keep fighting wars? Are human beings just not meant to get along in the long run?
Even though I've never particularly liked Karofsky, especially after all the torment he put Kurt through, no one should ever have to go through that. No one should ever have to wonder if they would be better off dead. Even at the lowest points in my life (most of which have taken place after you left, not surprisingly), I never felt the need to take my own life.
I don't know what to do. Kurt blames himself for part of Karofsky's attempt (he was avoiding phone calls from the boy, apparently) and I don't know how to make him see that this wasn't his fault.
Many good things have come from this, thankfully. The teachers have certainly opened their eyes and everyone has been coming up with things that they are looking forward to in the future, but the best thing that came from this is that David Karofsky is still alive.
Your brother,
Blaine
Dear Cooper,
You're home.
Love,
Your brother, Blaine
Read and review please! *holds out a puppy Blaine plushy* Reviews are ice cream to me and that makes them especially important, seeing as I can't actually eat ice cream.