Feel free to criticize and review (:D)! BTW, I only changed the name of the Spanish tutor; everything else about him is (unfortunately) true. Nonetheless, this is also the only part that is true. I still love the language and the people. So, no offence and thanks for reading my story! ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own the show, its characters or the lyrics. All OCs and the plot are mine.

"True perfection has to be imperfect, I know that that sounds foolish, but it's true." (Oasis/Noel Gallagher: Little by Little)

This is a story about hope, hopelessness, incredible anticipation and unbearable fear for the future, a story about the will to achieve everything with a lack of perseverance.

"I am going to be a teacher of Spanish...even though I don't like neither the language nor Mexico and Spain (too hot) and the people living there (too undisciplined) and most of all I hate the fact the this subject makes me a prejudiced person, even though I should be in the position to overcome cultural bias and make young people believe that Spain, Mexico and all the other Spanish speaking countries all over the world are full of interesting cultures and people and interesting offers for the global commerce. Well, I'm pretty sure they are. I mean, I trust my friends, when they tell these stories about their incredible adventures in Guadalajara, the bars of Mexico City or the beaches of Malaga and Barcelona. Nevertheless, I also have to think about my first Spanish tutor at the University of Richmond...Manuel...a Spanish guy that came to the States some years ago and made a living with teaching Spanish to his future colleagues. Unfortunately, he didn't like me and I didn't like him, which developed into a hate of the Spanish language in general. I still can remember one of my first experiences with him. We had to talk about our perfect boyfriend. Great, ME talking about my perfect boyfriend at the age of 19 without having really been kissed at all. :/ Back then, I knew what to say as it was the same I would say now (dark brown hair, blue eyes, pale skin, piercing (lip!) and tattoos would be fine, but not necessary). BUT, come on, why should Manuel know what my future boyfriend would look like? So, I told him – using my basic knowledge of Spanish – that the outer appearance wasn't important for me (liar!), but rather the character. Instead of congratulating me to my mature answer he assumed in front of the whole class that I was so desperate that I would take ANYONE. Just great! Our relationship got worse, my grades, too and on the day of the exam it became clear that we would meet each again other after the holidays because he had to be the only tutor for exactly this course. At least, I imagined myself to be prepared for his most important task: ¡Describe a tu novio ideal! (Describe your perfect boyfriend). Still not wanting to tell him everything about my darkest wishes I created a nice medley of the previous answers of my fellow students. My perfect boyfriend was supposed have brown hair and green eyes, he should love sports and shouldn't be too old. I was pretty proud of my answer...Manuel wasn't. "Oh, do you want a boyfriend or a new sports car?"...

I really didn't want to write sooo much about this one guy, but apparently he is of some importance for the explanation of why I am about to do what I am about to do. :) ...which is... I don't know it yet. What I know is:

I can't continue living my life like this!

I don't want to work as a teacher!

I love learning German and British Culture!

I need a boyfriend, a kiss and sex...at the age of 22 (I'm so glad that no one is able to read this, especially not Hannah because I told her about my brilliant first kiss three years ago...:/)!

I start studying English history and literature tomorrow! :D

The best thing is that there is the chance to combine No. 1, 2, 3 and 4. Unfortunately, the boys are two or three years younger than I am, but...I'm pretty sure that they have more experience than I have.

The psychologist I had to visit after the death of Mum and Dad told Jenna that I could have problems with intimacy and relationships as a result of the loss of my parents and – hey – here I am, a 22-year-old virgin that never had a boyfriend before. I always was the shy one and never talked with Lisa or Jess or Vickie about my crushes or problems because even though they were my friends I was afraid that they would make fun of me because they didn't like Matt, who was the cutest boy a knew back then, when I was 15 or 16 (Note to myself: look for your old diaries. There must be hundreds of pages about this guy, who is a father of a little girl right now.). I can't imagine having kids now. I feel still like a little child sometimes myself, when I can't sleep and cuddle with a TEDDY BEAR...I reeeaaally need a boyfriend! I feel bad, when writing this, but I'm so jealous of Jeremy, who also misses Mum and Dad, but dealt with their deaths differently. He loves to be surrounded by people and especially his girlfriend of three years, Anna. This is incredible, I mean, he's only 20. I still can't understand why we're so different. At least, I'm not the one who's still living at home with my aunt and her fiancé. ;) I really love my younger brother, but there are things older sibling should experience before the younger ones. Independence is one of the great advantages if you're not committed to someone else. I had the chance to leave Mystic Falls behind. Jeremy could have done the same, but decided to stay because Anna didn't want to leave her dad, who's living on his own.

...

I can't believe that this is the first time I'm writing down my thoughts again after moving here. This means, that I not only "have" to describe our apartment near the campus, but also introduce the other part of "us", Caroline, my flatmate and best friend since the first day at university...the first day of the Spanish course of Manuel. Her Spanish was much worse than mine back then, now she speaks the language as if she had been born south of the border...thanks to her Mexican ex-boyfriend, who was, or better is, a complete jerk. No offence, but we never got along. Well, I have to admit, that he was only one of several boyfriends of Caroline – yeah, we're kinda opposites in this department – I used to hate. Now, she's with a guy called Klaus, who has a thick British accent and is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Fortunately, absolutely not my type, otherwise we would have a problem, which wouldn't be a problem at all if one takes a look on my successful-experiences-with-men-list...

...I am ABSOLUTELY not used to write a diary anymore. Otherwise, everything would have been way more structured and easier to read. I'm pretty sure, I won't understand a word in 20 years, when I'm sitting on my veranda after feeding my 15 cats and dream about my first "real" kiss I want to have with the neighbour across the street, who's close to getting 50...

Ooookay, I got distracted by my thoughts again. The reason for this entry is my decision to start a new life, to start studying a new subject, which is English history and literature. Tomorrow, the first classes take place. I'm about to meet new people, get the chance to make new first impressions and get new friends...EVERYTHING'S ABOUT TO CHANGE!

Lena"

I took a look at the new diary I'd just bought at the small bookstore next to the Department of Archaeology. Absentmindedly, I used my fingertips to trace the outlines of the black birds that were depicted on the grey and blue jacket of my diary. I still missed my parents so badly and was sure that this pain would never cease. After their accident I had stopped writing down my thoughts because I hadn't been able to form my thoughts into words. The things I had been feeling had been indescribable. Words wouldn't have been enough to express my thoughts and I had been sure that there shouldn't be anything that reminded me of those times. Neither in my mind nor in one of my diaries. So, I stopped and never started again until now because I wanted to start my life again. This time for real because to be honest I had to admit that I failed two years ago, when I started studying at my university. I wanted to change my life, but failed after less than a month by falling back into old patterns.

Now, I used my new start as a student for a new start with my life. The beginning was some kind of early spring-cleaning. Last week, Caroline and I had cleaned the small kitchen unit and the light blue bathroom, which was too small to be called by this name. The living room and heart of the apartment had to be cleaned last Thursday, when Klaus had decided to arrange a little party with friends. Afterwards, it had to be cleaned again...but this time by the boys.

After the sun got the chance to shine through the clean window in our living room, the shelves, the three big picture frames with some of my masterpieces and the big cappuccino coloured couch had been freed from dust and bread crumbs, Caroline and I both had been too idle to continue the spring-cleaning in our own rooms. This, I had to do today. Right now, my bed – thanks to Mike, who was living in the apartment next door – was on the other side of the room, near the window and opposite to the white wooden door. My desk was directly in front of the window to have the chance to start my new beginning as a student successfully. Unfortunately, the view right now was quiet depressing as spring had yet to begin and the bald trees and the still greyish grass were yet to become alive and green.

My thoughts were interrupted by a thud of the front door and Caroline's chirpy voice that followed some seconds afterwards.

"Elena, you cannot believe who I met today in the city centre! Tyler Lockwood...that little bastard who cheated on me two years ago. I mean, seriously!? I thought I wouldn't have to see him ever again, but apparently he decided to continue his studies in Richmond because his 'sweetheart' is about to start her undergraduate studies in this lovely city and he wanted to live nearby. I can't believe he decided to do this. All I know about him is that he's glad, when his stupid blondes are studying as far away as possible cause then he's able to keep as many girlfriends as possible. Ugh, I hate this dick!" Caroline's tirade would have continued, but loud knocks beneath our feet reminded her of Howard, the strange guy living in the apartment downstairs. After developing feelings for Caroline that weren't reciprocated by her, he started to show a strange behaviour. One of his new developed reactions to our daily life was to knock with a broom whenever he thought we were too loud and he couldn't concentrate on his studies.

After stomping with her right foot twice Caroline continued talking with a quieter voice, but honestly my mind already started to wander to the question of whether my photographs should stay next to the shelves or if they had a better position on the wall next to my desk.

"Care", I tried to interrupt my best friend's flood of words. "What about tomorrow? Did you talk to Klaus about meeting us at Starbucks to discuss his paper?"

Confusion made its way onto Caroline's face, but was later replaced by realisation. "Sure, everything's ok. He's so glad that you're able to help him with this stupid paper for French."

"Great. Then I'll come right after my last course at four. Prepare yourself for a helper in a really bad mood. Last course is linguistics."

Caroline's lips twitched before she started to grin broadly. "Did you remember the Spanish course after our class with Manuel? You kept falling asleep without Prof. Walters registering it. We would have failed this one if Julian hadn't been sitting in front of us and allowed us to crib everything he wrote down. This was the day I realized that you really are as bad in linguistics as you were always saying." Laughing, she turned around and went to the door to let Klaus in, who was about to ring the doorbell for the fourth time.

"Elena, you're the best! You all know how much I suck at French." A smiling Klaus entered the living room.

"Oh, it's ok. No big deal. You helped us cleaning the living room and redecorating it. This lamp wouldn't be where it belongs without you...and the bookshelf and the TV", I replied and tried to forget the chaos that arose when Caroline and I tried to do it on our own.

"Yeah", the blonde added. "At least one of us has a strong boyfriend that is able to help us...well, a boyfriend at all, right, Lena?"

Grumbling words of protest I left the couple in the living room and went to take a shower and pick out my outfit for the next day, day 1 of my new life.

Due to problems with our washing machine (again!) I didn't have the chance to wear the outfit I knew would give me the much-needed self-confidence, but as I'd never really been a person with a huge interest in fashion I wasn't as desperate as Caroline would have been. For me, the most important information about my clothes right now was if they were warm and cosy, not sexy and fashionable. So, my dark blue jeans, my favourite black, slightly elegant sweater and black boots would be perfect. In addition, I put my new light yellow scarf with red and pink flowers on it next to my long golden earrings on my desk. If I absolutely hate one thing it's searching my clothes or accessories and packing my bag in the morning.

Trying not to listen to the TV and Caroline's and Klaus' giggling and their loud kisses from the couch I snuggled down into the bedding and fell asleep rather fast, dreaming of a disastrous day at the uni.