It has been years since I have touched you last, your small weight against my chest nothing now but a fond memory. Those times when I had held you close are now a thing of the past; he is the one to hold you now. It hurts to remember the perfect way your body fit into mine, but it is worth the pain, I think, since it means I can have you once more, if only in my dreams.
I used to think of you often, every night nearly, but as the years passed and your scent slowly disappeared from the lands I couldn't help but tuck thoughts of you away. Whether it was for safe keeping or to hide away my heart's longing I cannot say. Perhaps it was a bit of both.
Sometimes I would remember you and the many ways I tried to win your desire. I can't help but wonder where I had gone wrong. Maybe if I had fought harder? Maybe I fought too hard? There are times when I sorely wish I could ask this of you, so that I can dwell on it no longer. I had grown so used to having my every want acquiesced, mine and my pack's rank being what it was (what it still could be, if things had been different). Sometimes I wonder what hurt me more: not having you or not having my way. It's not as easy to tell as I would like.
In those years that we had parted ways I have changed. I have found my limits, both physically - not having those shards has made keeping rank nearly impossible - and emotionally. I have built up a wall, now knowing what it feels like to have your heart break. Maybe I exaggerate, but when thoughts of you cause me such tangible pain I truly feel like I am breaking.
In recent days I have found your sweet scent once more. At first I thought it was just a happy memory, a conjuration of my mind's desire, but more and more I have tasted you in the very air I breathe. My body has reacted in surprising ways, which only makes real for me the idea that we were meant to be; how could it be otherwise, knowing what I know and living through what I have lived through? I lust for you with every breath. Your aura tantalizes me. I want, no, I need to be with you.
I smell him there with you, but his stench is easily dismissed. Perhaps that was my folly, ignoring him and the care you showed for him. Maybe there was never room for me in your heart at all, and now I start to wonder if you would ever want to be with me instead? I don't know that I could bear to hear that you wouldn't, so I will keep my distance and my sweet memories of you. In my dreams, at least, I don't ever have to let you go.