BITE SIZED EDITION: CHARLIES ANGELS
EXT A PLANE
Some PERSON that looks like a FLOOD VICTIM: I have a bomb that will blow up me and the plane even if I get the money. Wow I really thought this out.
BLACK GUY: I'm really Drew Barrymore.
HE.oops, I mean SHE then PROCEEDS to THROW them both out of the PLANE. Miraculously THEY AREN'T CAUGHT in the ENGINE
LUCY LIU, CAMERON DIAZ, and the BLACK GUY detonate THE BOMB, save the PERSON THAT LOOKS LIKE A FLOOD VICTIM, and flip their hair in SEVERAL DIRECTIONS AT ONCE
EXT FLASHBACKS
CHARLIE: I own a company that employs sluts that know karate. Why? I'm rich. I don't need a reason why.
THEY ARE ALL ESTABLISHED TO BE TOUGH, INDEPENDENT, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT PEOPLE WHO ALL THE WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE INSTANTLY WANT TO RUN OVER WITH THEIR VOLVOS AND MINIVANS.
CAMERON DIAZ: You know we all have vintage convertibles too.
WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE: GRRRRRRRRR.
CAMERON IS ESTABLISHED AS THE GEEK, LUCY AS THE RICH KID, AND DREW AS THE TOUGH GIRL WHO SECRETLY HAS EMOTIONS
LUCY: Okay, now all we need is the Comic relief.
BILL MURRAY: Here.
CAMERON: Okay, and this movie is supposed to try having a plot.so we will need some obviously evil people, people that turn out to really be innocent after all and vice versa.
SAM ROCKWELL, KELLY LYNCH, CRISPIN GLOVER, AND TIM CURRY: Here.
CHARLIE: I'm the Narrator/ Comforting Speakerbox.
DREW: Okay so do you have a case for us that lets us wear slutty outfits, flip our hair, and avoids Lucy's cooking?
BILL MURRAY: Actually I do and It lets the audience see someone in a towel.
GUYS IN THE AUDIENCE: Please let it be Cameron!
LUCY: Sorry.It's really.
TIM CURRY!
THE ANGELS WEAR KIMONOS AND DOWNLOAD INFORMATION SO THEY CAN GO TO A PARTY
EXT FUNKY JAPANESE PARTY
AUDIENCE: Is everything Japanese themed in California?
BILL MURRAY STARS AS JELLY DOUGHNU.Oh wait I mean J.D., and Cameron finds a love interest.
CAMERON: I'm so confused.
DREW: Go for it.
LUCY: Stop before you embarrass yourself.
DREW: She can't embarrass herself anymore though.
LUCY: Well okay. You better just flip your hair then.
HER HAIR FLIPS AND INSTANTLY SETS OFF A GONG SOMEWHERE NEARBY
PETE: I instantly love Cameron.
CAMERON: Konichikawaihaokiaosksikimi!
AUDIENCE: WOW! She speaks JAPANESE!
EXT DARK ALLEY
DREW: Why are we here?
LUCY: We need to add some action so were beating up Crispin Glover.
CRISPIN DISAGREES AND PULLS OFF THE WORLDS COOLEST CARTWHEEL
CRISPIN GLOVER: I'm probably the funniest person in the whole movie.
THEY SCREAM, RUN INTO THINGS, AND DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY IN AN ATTEMPT TO BRING BACK AN ENRAGED ISSAC NEWTON FROM THE GRAVE.
CRISPIN RUNS AWAY
ANGELS: There's no way this could be a trap.
TURNS OUT, NOT A TRAP. INSTEAD.
SAM ROCKWELL: Help! I'm being eaten by rodents!
AUDIENCE: For an evil mastermind you sure didn't plan this part out too well Sam.
EXT OFFICE
SAM: I'm actually evil but I'll act like a geek since we all know geeks are never evil.
EXT RACETRACK
CAMERON: Cool car. Lets race Crispy.
CRISPIN: Sure.
CAMERON OBVIOUSLY KILLS CRISPIN GLOVER
CAMERON: Oh no! Let me act concerned!
KELLY LYNCH: Hola guys. Can you break into that fancy room?
LUCY: Sure. As long as I get to wear leather and abuse people with a whip.
They WEAR fancy yet SLUTTY outfits so to get RETINA SCANS and FINGERPRINTS
AUDIENCE: Yeah. Because that DEFINITELY isn't suspicious AT ALL.
ENT THE FANCY BUILDING
CAMERON: I'm sure they don't have cameras in this building
They SNEAK in and BREAK INTO THE COMPUTER THINGY
CAMERON: I don't even wanna know why they have a fog machine in here.
CAMERON AND PETE'S DATE:
PETE: Score! I get to dance with Cameron Diaz!
DREW AND SAM'S ERRRR..DATE THINGY
DREW: Scrabble and Shake'n'bake? Well.at least its original.
LUCY AND MATT'S "DATE"
MATT: I'm not in this movie nearly enough.
LUCY is.
SHOT!!!
INFANTS and HAMSTERS are not fooled
SAM: I'm Evil. Kelly is my REAL girlfriend. Crispin Lives.
AUDIENCE: Woohoo! Crispy!
DREW GETS SHOT
DREW: Don't worry. I have the almighty power of main characterism.
THEY ATTEMPT TO KILL LUCY AND CAMERON instead they murder a soufflé and drug BILL MURRAY
DREW: Hi. Don't ask why I'm wearing something without a designer label or how I survived a 50 foot fall.
THE BUILDING EXPLODES RANDOMLY
CAMERON: Dammit! I told Bosley to stop lighting his oven with gasoline!
DREW: He's Okay. Lets move on to my Husbands cameo.
They go to a giant CASTLE- err.I mean LIGHTHOUSE
SAM: Bla bla bla REVENGE Bla Bla Bla CHARLIE Bla Bla Bla DUCT TAPE
THE BUILDING GETS BLOWN UP ALONG WITH SAM'S LOYAL FOLLOWERS
SAM: Eh. Their extendable.
THE ANGELS BLOW UP A HELICOPTER
GUYS IN THE AUDIENCE: Woo hoo!
ENTTHE BEACH
AUDIENCE: I know where I'm retiring.
CHARLIE IS.
A speakerbox!
THEY GET PINA COLADAS AND LISTEN TO BLINK 182.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
So how was it? Please Review! If you read this far you get a GOLD STAR! Yippee! A/N: I LOVE CHARLIES ANGELS and I don't mean to offend anyone.
EXT A PLANE
Some PERSON that looks like a FLOOD VICTIM: I have a bomb that will blow up me and the plane even if I get the money. Wow I really thought this out.
BLACK GUY: I'm really Drew Barrymore.
HE.oops, I mean SHE then PROCEEDS to THROW them both out of the PLANE. Miraculously THEY AREN'T CAUGHT in the ENGINE
LUCY LIU, CAMERON DIAZ, and the BLACK GUY detonate THE BOMB, save the PERSON THAT LOOKS LIKE A FLOOD VICTIM, and flip their hair in SEVERAL DIRECTIONS AT ONCE
EXT FLASHBACKS
CHARLIE: I own a company that employs sluts that know karate. Why? I'm rich. I don't need a reason why.
THEY ARE ALL ESTABLISHED TO BE TOUGH, INDEPENDENT, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT PEOPLE WHO ALL THE WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE INSTANTLY WANT TO RUN OVER WITH THEIR VOLVOS AND MINIVANS.
CAMERON DIAZ: You know we all have vintage convertibles too.
WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE: GRRRRRRRRR.
CAMERON IS ESTABLISHED AS THE GEEK, LUCY AS THE RICH KID, AND DREW AS THE TOUGH GIRL WHO SECRETLY HAS EMOTIONS
LUCY: Okay, now all we need is the Comic relief.
BILL MURRAY: Here.
CAMERON: Okay, and this movie is supposed to try having a plot.so we will need some obviously evil people, people that turn out to really be innocent after all and vice versa.
SAM ROCKWELL, KELLY LYNCH, CRISPIN GLOVER, AND TIM CURRY: Here.
CHARLIE: I'm the Narrator/ Comforting Speakerbox.
DREW: Okay so do you have a case for us that lets us wear slutty outfits, flip our hair, and avoids Lucy's cooking?
BILL MURRAY: Actually I do and It lets the audience see someone in a towel.
GUYS IN THE AUDIENCE: Please let it be Cameron!
LUCY: Sorry.It's really.
TIM CURRY!
THE ANGELS WEAR KIMONOS AND DOWNLOAD INFORMATION SO THEY CAN GO TO A PARTY
EXT FUNKY JAPANESE PARTY
AUDIENCE: Is everything Japanese themed in California?
BILL MURRAY STARS AS JELLY DOUGHNU.Oh wait I mean J.D., and Cameron finds a love interest.
CAMERON: I'm so confused.
DREW: Go for it.
LUCY: Stop before you embarrass yourself.
DREW: She can't embarrass herself anymore though.
LUCY: Well okay. You better just flip your hair then.
HER HAIR FLIPS AND INSTANTLY SETS OFF A GONG SOMEWHERE NEARBY
PETE: I instantly love Cameron.
CAMERON: Konichikawaihaokiaosksikimi!
AUDIENCE: WOW! She speaks JAPANESE!
EXT DARK ALLEY
DREW: Why are we here?
LUCY: We need to add some action so were beating up Crispin Glover.
CRISPIN DISAGREES AND PULLS OFF THE WORLDS COOLEST CARTWHEEL
CRISPIN GLOVER: I'm probably the funniest person in the whole movie.
THEY SCREAM, RUN INTO THINGS, AND DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY IN AN ATTEMPT TO BRING BACK AN ENRAGED ISSAC NEWTON FROM THE GRAVE.
CRISPIN RUNS AWAY
ANGELS: There's no way this could be a trap.
TURNS OUT, NOT A TRAP. INSTEAD.
SAM ROCKWELL: Help! I'm being eaten by rodents!
AUDIENCE: For an evil mastermind you sure didn't plan this part out too well Sam.
EXT OFFICE
SAM: I'm actually evil but I'll act like a geek since we all know geeks are never evil.
EXT RACETRACK
CAMERON: Cool car. Lets race Crispy.
CRISPIN: Sure.
CAMERON OBVIOUSLY KILLS CRISPIN GLOVER
CAMERON: Oh no! Let me act concerned!
KELLY LYNCH: Hola guys. Can you break into that fancy room?
LUCY: Sure. As long as I get to wear leather and abuse people with a whip.
They WEAR fancy yet SLUTTY outfits so to get RETINA SCANS and FINGERPRINTS
AUDIENCE: Yeah. Because that DEFINITELY isn't suspicious AT ALL.
ENT THE FANCY BUILDING
CAMERON: I'm sure they don't have cameras in this building
They SNEAK in and BREAK INTO THE COMPUTER THINGY
CAMERON: I don't even wanna know why they have a fog machine in here.
CAMERON AND PETE'S DATE:
PETE: Score! I get to dance with Cameron Diaz!
DREW AND SAM'S ERRRR..DATE THINGY
DREW: Scrabble and Shake'n'bake? Well.at least its original.
LUCY AND MATT'S "DATE"
MATT: I'm not in this movie nearly enough.
LUCY is.
SHOT!!!
INFANTS and HAMSTERS are not fooled
SAM: I'm Evil. Kelly is my REAL girlfriend. Crispin Lives.
AUDIENCE: Woohoo! Crispy!
DREW GETS SHOT
DREW: Don't worry. I have the almighty power of main characterism.
THEY ATTEMPT TO KILL LUCY AND CAMERON instead they murder a soufflé and drug BILL MURRAY
DREW: Hi. Don't ask why I'm wearing something without a designer label or how I survived a 50 foot fall.
THE BUILDING EXPLODES RANDOMLY
CAMERON: Dammit! I told Bosley to stop lighting his oven with gasoline!
DREW: He's Okay. Lets move on to my Husbands cameo.
They go to a giant CASTLE- err.I mean LIGHTHOUSE
SAM: Bla bla bla REVENGE Bla Bla Bla CHARLIE Bla Bla Bla DUCT TAPE
THE BUILDING GETS BLOWN UP ALONG WITH SAM'S LOYAL FOLLOWERS
SAM: Eh. Their extendable.
THE ANGELS BLOW UP A HELICOPTER
GUYS IN THE AUDIENCE: Woo hoo!
ENTTHE BEACH
AUDIENCE: I know where I'm retiring.
CHARLIE IS.
A speakerbox!
THEY GET PINA COLADAS AND LISTEN TO BLINK 182.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
So how was it? Please Review! If you read this far you get a GOLD STAR! Yippee! A/N: I LOVE CHARLIES ANGELS and I don't mean to offend anyone.