Disclaimer : I do not own Star Trek nor do i make any money from this.
Warnings : Implied slash, minor character death.
Notes : Done as part of a songfic challenge with DementedViper, this was for the song Gone by Daughtry. Was also used as my entry to the Trek_Exchange on Livejournal.
Notes2: Un beta'd, please forgive any mistakes until i get it done :)
feeling like this could only mean
I'm sinking.
Feeling like this could only mean
I'm sinking.
Well, I'm sinking.
Pull me up.
The day he gets the news he's pulling a late shift in the Sick Bay. It's pretty empty, except for a couple patients sleeping who suffered minor burns from an engineering accident. The lights are dimmed down to let them rest and Bones is tucked away in his office, filling out some paperwork that needed to be done. He barely hears as someone approaches his door, doesn't notice Jim standing there until he clears his throat. Bones is smiling as he looks up at his lover but the smile soon fades as he see's the look on Jim's face. It's a look he doesn't see on the man often but he only see's because of one thing.
His mind can't help but think god, who was it as he watches Jim walk into the office and sit in the chair next to him. Jims hands are shaking as they reach out and take his and Bones is getting more and more worried by the second.
"Jim-" He tries, nervous even though he doesn't know what has happened yet.
"Bones I'm sorry." Jim says quietly and Bones frowns.
"What is it?" He asks, not sure he wants to know when it is making Jim look as hurt as he does.
"I should of shown you before I opened it, I didn't think it was important, since it was mailed to both of us." Jim stuttered, looking at Bones like he was fearful.
"Jim." Bones says more sternly because now he is scared, he is terrified because not many people would mail something to them together, no one else but his daughter and god!
"The shuttle crashed, they don't know why, god Bones I'm sorry, she didn't-" Jim's voice broke before he could even the finish the sentence as Bones mind seemed to race and filter down to only one thought.
Joanna.
The shuttle, the shuttle that was meant to be carrying the visitors from across town to the space station they were to be docking the next day. The shuttle they had spent weeks getting Joanna permission to be on so he could finally see his little girl again, their little girl, he had named Jim as a guardian months ago.
"No." He choked, tears falling down his face before he even realised he was crying. "No, no, Jo."
Jims arms were around him and he was clinging to the man like he would somehow make everything go away, like he could bring his little girl back. His little girl, his precious Joanna with her bouncy hair and sweet smile.
"I'm sorry."
Every time I see your clothes scattered out on the floor,
I say I thought you would be home.
You said you never would be gone.
Every time I see the light not burning on the porch,
I say I thought you would be home.
His feet feel too heavy as he walked, his head felt too numb as he tried to think. How can he think though? When the only thought in his head is the little child he will never hold again, never tell her he loves her, hear her laughter.
The ship docked the previous day like planned and he had never been sadder to set foot on Earth. He would give anything to be able to just stay in space, fly until they were as far away as possible because he didn't know how to handle this.
"You okay?" Jim asks, even though he knows Bones is not. Bones nods anyway because what else can he do? Jim is the one who knocks the door for him, talks to his wife, tells her everything that he knows, holds her when she breaks down in tears. It should be his job he knows, but he can't. He barely notices as he rises from his seat and climbs the stairs. He hasn't been in his house in what seems forever, the house he brought and fixed up himself but he doesn't need to think where to go as his feet walk the path to her room.
Her room, covered in the pink wallpaper she had insisted in, the toys she was so fond of collecting and pictures of whatever boy band she listened to, used to listen to. He has to stop before he enters, his heart constricting painfully in his chest as his hand hovers over the handle. He knows that when he walks into that room it will be final, there will be no denying it, she will be gone.
He almost laughs when he walks in, see's the clothes lying on the floor, the books piled haphazardly in corners. His daughter never did have much hope at tidiness. He finds himself sitting on her bed, hands running lightly over the fabric. His fingers knock over a sweater and he feels the tears building again, because he remembers buying her this. A light lilac with buttons up the front, she used to wear it all the time. It still smells of her as he lays it against his cheek, feels the fibres against his skin and can imagine just for a moment that he is holding her.
You said you never would be gone,
But you are.
You are.
He can vaguely here the sounds of sobs and wonders when Jocelyn started crying that loud. He doesn't realised it is him until he feels arms around him and hands bringing his head against a chest. He feels a wetness on his head and knows Jim must be crying too. In some part of his mind he recognises that Jim is there, like always, is there for him, taking care of him when he feels like he can't do it himself. He knows he will be here the whole time, will do what Bones can't because he can't face the prospect of burying his daughter, he wishes he didn't have to put that burden on Jim.
"She's gone." He chokes, hands griping the jumper like he might disappear, taken away from his like his girl.
"I know." Jim soothes, because what else can he say? He can't make this right, can't bring her back. Nothing either of them do can make this go away. Bones body shakes as he can't help but let his eyes wander over the room from where he is cradled. Her paint set sits on her small working desk in the corner, Bones remembers all the drawings he has stored in a draw on the ship. He knows he will never get to see her smile over them again. He'll never see her hold onto her favourite bear, she named it Snuffty, and make him dance when she knew her dad needed cheering up.
"She's gone." He chants over and over, the tears blurring his vision till all he can see is the memory of his daughter, his beautiful Joanna.
"Here lies Joanna McCoy.
Beloved Daughter,
Cherished friend,
Beautiful Angel."
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