A/N: I don't own Evangelion and Ducktales... although Cyborg Bob Doyle may do.
I just watched Ducktales and read fanfic Raising Rei, and got amused at the thought of the pilots become Huey, Dewey, and Louie thanks to the line regarding the reason for why the guy got punished in the first place. And what a coincidence! The pilots and the duck triplets fit each others in both personality and colors! What? Well, EVA-01 had green strips for it's color scheme, so it's still count. Anyway, here's the similarity: Huey is the leader wannabe like Asuka, Dewey is the logical one like Rei, and Louie is the tagalong, laidback (when Shinji wasn't moping around or scared like a pussy, he actually acted like he was bored or a sarcastic lazy bastard. Just watch the episodes when NGE at it's wackiest.), sometimes unassuming like Shinji. Of course, the duckling's personalities differs very slightly at times, and can be swapped without making any real differences, but here, in this fanfic, they can't be missed.
Note: The Childrens were 10 years old here, and the others were different in their age, either the same, younger or older. Oh. Until some episodes or so, the EVA will be some kind of cyberkinetic suit instead of giant biomechanical robot, since the trio will be the volunteers in E-project instead of joined Junior Woodchuck. Of course, Rei will be the first one to test the prototype giant EVA. I'm an evil man, huehehehe-coughcoughcough...
Ehm. Anyway, here's the characters list and some of their descriptions:
Asuka as Huey: Adopted by Kaji after the death of her parents, Asuka was the loud, self-proclaimed leader of the trio and the most skilled one at playing marble and piloting the super cyberkinetic suit called Evangelion. Wear all-red dress like her iconic yellow one.
Rei as Dewey: Twin sister of Shinji, Rei was the quieter one and the smarter one in logical thinking, although nowhere as bad as even her manga counterpart in being anti-social, let alone the anime. Wear all-blue dress that looked like Rei I's pink dress.
Shinji as Louie: The nicest, unassuming of the trio, Shinji was also the most surprising one, often brought his creativity and luck whenever critical situation arose. Wear green shirt and purpleish short pants.
Gendo Sr. as Scrooge: The penny pincher, but deep down nice grandparents of the pilot trio, Gendo was quiet of an adventurer in his youth, and still was. Held Adam's embryo as his lucky charm for his business venture.
Ritsuko as Gyro: The absent-minded, wacky scientist who also made series of cyberkinetic suits called Evangelion to fight evil and as part of E-Project.
Kaji as Donald: The guardian of the trio, Kaji got called for his service in MI6 as a spy, disguised himself as a Navy in Over the Rainbow. So he left them to Gendo Sr. Held a more important role than Donald did.
Misato as Launchpad: The bumbling, cheerful personal pilot of Gendo and the driver as well as other guardian for the pilots. Guaranteed to drive recklessly before she crushed the plane or car.
Lilith as Magica De Spell: The Angel that used her schemes to steal Adam from Gendo so she could initiate Third Impact and become the strongest, richest Angel in the universe. Had Arael in place of Poe the crow.
The Angels as Angel Boys, made to fit Ducktales's Beagle boys, like Zeruel as Bankjob or Leliel as Burger Beagle.
Other characters:
Fuyutsuki as Duckworth
Keel as Flintheart
Kensuke as Doofus
Hikari as Beakley
Toji as Pete (Here, he's a good guy by default. But his ancestors were not.)
Kaworu as Gladstone (Due to his status as Angel of Free Will, Kaworu became lucky by default.)
Sakura/Mari as Webby (Which name's better? Your choice)
Naoko as Goldie
Maya as Little Bulb
Mari Makinami as Gizmo
Gendo Jr. as El Capitan
And many more.
Of course, since it's Japan and parody, things have to be slightly wackier than your usual Ducktales.
(Dancing pilot trio with old looking Gendo for the opening)
(EVA-00 went berserk and Gendo running frantically for his life)
Life is like second impact
(Misato driving in car, with Gendo and the trio pilot looked scared for life)
Here in Tokyo-3
(Sachiel's close up, Rei sniped an angel, Misato driving in plane)
Evas, angels, aeroplanes
(Gendo got electrocuted in Ritsuko's office)
It's a god treat!
(Pilot trio and Gendo in dungeon)
Might solve a mystery
(Knight Ritsuko rode a ponytail)
Or unite Lilin!
(Gendo swimming in the money bin)
NervTales! Woo-oo!
(Mari kissed Gaghiel)
Every day they're out there fighting
Angels! Woo-oo!
(Rei in matador outfit running away from dragon Shamshael)
Tales of derring-do
(Giant Zeruel face to face with Gendo in his hand before the scene changed to Lilith laughing with Arael)
Bad and good luck tales!
(The pilot trio had food fight with Gendo and the Angel Boys)
(Asuka and Shinji running away from Israfael duo)
D-d-d-danger! Watch behind you!
(The trio were in Egypt, running from Bardiel-infected mummy)
There's an angel out to find you
(Gendo and...Gendo? running from getting tanged)
What to do, just grab on to some...
(Three Jet Alones high fived)
NervTales! Woo-oo!
(Gendo was in Antartica, swam to snatch a 100 dollar bill, only to got his money stolen by Pen-Pen)
Every day they're out there fighting
Angels! Woo-oo!
(Gendo in mine track)
Tales of derring-do
(The pilot trio got cornered by Sahaquiel before it hugged them out of their cuteness, Mari hide in her picnic box)
Bad and good luck tales!
(Gendo and Keel Lorenz were in race for genie lamp)
Not ponytails or sorrowtails, no,
(Gendo and Pilot trio popped out of his money stash)
NervTales! Woo-oo!
It was a beautiful day in the Tokyo-3. Gendo Ikari Sr. enjoyed his money bath in his massive underground office called Geofront. The money was lubricated by his special fluid called LCL, which made swimming in the money possible without damaging the money at all. And it's already with disinfectant!
"I love to dive around in it like a porpoise and burrow through it like a gopher and toss it up and let it hit me on the head."
Unfortunately, his time for fun was over, as his alarm clock rang.
"Curse it. I'm late!"
With that, Gendo Sr., 73 years old man with still enough strength to travel around the world, getting out of his money vault. With the last coin popped out of his nostrils, Gendo was ready for his next apointment.
The journey was an ordinary one for him. Well, for someone named Gendo Sr., anyway. The miserable bast- ate all the samples product, refused to donate to orphan, and lost his valuable time out of his cheapness to pay for taxi. It seems that investment was somehow a lost term for him in his own daily life. How could this bast- managed his fortune if he was unable to figure out that searching for used today's newspaper took alot of his time when he could do more useful things like making business call?
Meanwhile, in the bay, a thirty years old man in sailor suit was talking to three young kids, no more than 10 years old. All of them looked sad and nearly cried.
"Now listen, you three. When i'm out, all of you will live with grandpa Gendo."
"Are you sure, Uncle Kaji?" The only boy named Shinji said.
"Yeah. Come on, Kaji! He's a tightwad!" Asuka, the red haired one added.
"I know, Asuka."Kaji sighed. "But he's still a family. Got it, Asuka?"
Asuka only sniffed and wiped her teary eyes as a respond.
"Warm up to him quickly, Rei."
"Hai, Uncle." Said the blue haired girl quietly. A tear fell into her cheek, contrasted her stoic frown.
"And Shinji, don't try to run away."
"Aw, yes and no, Uncle Kaji."
"Oh. One more thing...GIVE ME A HUG!"
The trio launched themselves at Kaji, except Rei, who decided to look more subtle by walked to him instead.
"Oh, we are really gonna miss you, Uncle Kaji!" Said the three in unison.
"Oh, i'm gonna miss you, too. Oh, there he is!" Said Kaji as he saw Gendo sprinted to the bay.
"There's the old spendthrift!" Asuka exclaimed in disgust.
The childrens's look at their face showed their dissaproval at Grandpa Gendo's appearance. However, while Asuka's face was merely annoyed by his presence at best, Shinji looked at him with rage in his eyes, and Rei looked traumatized. It's clear that something happened to these two that made them remember the old memories when they saw his face. Both adults, however, ignored the two's unusual behavior. And soon, their expression returned back to normal as if nothing happened, like they realized that it was not the same.
"You know, Uncle Gendo...you can just call one of your taxi company."
"Kaji! You can't be serious about this crazy idea!" Said Gendo while puffed, ignored what Kaji said.
"Well, i already enlisted."
"You don't make profit in it."
"This is my dream, Uncle Gendo. I wanna see the world!" Said Kaji, somehow slightly in innocent-like tone that put off Asuka that had child crush with him slightly.
"So? I'll just buy you a globe like this."
Rolled his eyes slightly, Kaji could do nothing but waited for the horn to call him out of this situation. A globe vs the real thing? Sorry, Gendo. Luckily, it's not long for him to endure more of this asinine arguments.
"Well, that's the call, everyone. Gotta go. I'm trusting you with these kids, Uncle Gendo."
"What have i done to deserves being saddled by this juveniles..."
"You're the only one i can trust for this matter, Uncle Gendo."
With that, Kaji smoothly entered the ship as any secret agent can.
"Lucky me..."
"Lucky us." Snarked Asuka.
"I'm going to call the taxi..." Shinji said, only to get stopped by Gendo's walking cane.
"No, Shinji! It's only a brisk good three-mile of walk."
Asuka gulped at this, since she brought the most stuffs out of the three.
"I believe Uncle Kaji said you own a Taxi company." His blue haired twin halted this early attempt at child abuse.
"...So?"
"It would be logical that they would not charge you for their service."
"Hmm...okay, then." Gendo said, relented to Rei's superior logic.
Everybody sighed, especially Asuka. And then, she had an idea. A bad idea...
"Well...here we are! Home sweet home!"
"Home? This is a mansion, Grandpa Gendo! This is...extravagant! Mein Gott!" Asuka exclaimed in surprise. She thought that the old fart would be living in his own office or something, but this proved that even the greatest cheapskate in the world still had taste after all.
"Don't call me Grandpa, you three. Call me Uncle Gendo."
"Yes, Uncle Gendo!" The three said in unison. But Rei did it with hesistation, which prompted her to call Shinji who was puffing heavily for his rather heavy luggage due to a certain red head.
"I don't understand, Shinji. Why he insists us to call him Uncle? Technically, he's our Grandfather." Rei asked Shinji, while tilted her head to the left to see Shinji's face.
"Well, i'm sure he just don't like to get old. Our Grandpa is surely...energetic." He said, smiled for her rather cute way in tilting her head.
"I see." She smiled in return. Only Shinji and few others that have seen her smile, and Shinji was the first. Rei showed her warm smile was a sign that she trusted you.
"Well, what are you two waiting for? Come on, get in!" Gendo shouted at them. While they were talking, Asuka was already inside the mansion, running inside while extender her arms like an airplane before the elder butler catched her from the balcony.
"I just wish i have half of his energy to carry all this stuffs from Asuka's...I'm bad at janken...Uh. O, ow..."
Rei wasn't fast enough to help Shinji fell from the wrath of Asuka's luggage, and as a result, she had to dig her way to grab Shinji at the bottom of the luggages. Smiled, she and Shinji then share a good laugh at his misfortune. After a while, she began to help Shinji get back at his feet, and their walk to the inside of the mansion was clear without any accident.
"Woah..." Shinji was speechless.
"It is beautiful." Added Rei.
"I still can't believe it. Gendo must be the greatest grandfather ever to let us live in this mansion."
"Asuka, don't say anything like that yet..."
"Why, baka? Don't you glad that i'm being grateful immediately for once? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"
"Worst. Grandfather .Ever." Said the three youngling in unison. Not long before someone spoke again. Surprisingly, it was Rei.
"This is a pits."
"Pits? Correction, Wondergirl. It's a mega pits!" Said Asuka, used Rei's pet name that was given from her birthday party with theme as DC character.
"Three boring days while not allowed to do anything...i wish i could run away..."
"I wish i could too, baka. 75 rooms in the whole place, and he stuck us in this stink attic."
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman." An old butler entered their attic, ended their rants for a while.
"Hi, Fuyutsuki! Where's Uncle Gendo?"
"We haven't seen him for days."
"Oh, he's a very busy man, Madam Asuka and Rei."
"Oh." Said Shinji.
"And as you all know, he put me in charge of you three."
"Well, whoop-dee-doo." Said Asuka sarcastically.
"Exactly." Fuyutsuki retorted. "I have something for you three."
"If this is another cheese sample, we're going to riot." Asuka strike once again, with the other two looked disgusted, especially Shinji. Of course, Rei was only had her eyebrow twitched as a sign for her revolt.
"Do not get your knickers in a proverbial twist, the fiery one. It's simply a letter from your Uncle Kaji."
"KAJIIII!"
"Oh, no you don't! I got it first, Asuka!" Shinji said, snatched the letter away from the girl. While he rarely acts courageous, playful or wild, the frustation from living isolated in the attic gave him the motivation to do so.
"Argh! Give it back, you baka!"
With that, the two vitrolic best buds fought for the destiny of the chosen one that deserves the inside of the letter from the man, Ryoji Kaji. The winner was...
Rei Ayanami-Ikari, who snatched it when no one was looking. The girl was considered a creep in her school for a reason.
"Aw, shoot."
"Just open it, Rei."
"I'm surprised you urchins can read at all."
Ignored the nasty sarcasm from Fuyutsuki, the three childrens began to read the letter. There, they learnt that their uncle was doing good in the Navi, and the commander began to look up for him and gave him some dangerous jobs.
Of course, Kaji didn't told them that he was actually a spy, his job in Navi was actually janitorial in nature, the most dangerous job that the commander gave to him was cleaning a jet that somehow exploded on him, and all he did in his free time was flirting with the hot female sailors he could met.
"I hope you are all well. I will write again soon. Love, Uncle Kaji." The letter ended.
"An aircraft carrier. And fighter jets. Woah..."
"That sounds...interesting, Shinji."
"Definitely, Rei. Have some ideas?"
There were the three childrens, fooling around after they tied Fuyutsuki. Rei in the top of a movable table with Shinji 'drove' the table and making jet sound, while Asuka was at the top of dining table, acted like the Landing signal officer with a pair of fans in place of flags.
"Wonderjet, you're clear to land!" Said Asuka. Rei gave her a thumb up in return.
Of course, Shinji Ikari had to screw something up.
"Veer off, baka! You're coming in too fast!"
Too late! Shinji struck the long dining table with such verocity that Rei got launched into it with a frightening speed, broke some tea glasses, plates, pots and somehow, a globe that Gendo carried to make his point with Kaji. Luckily, Asuka already hit the deck when Rei about to strike her.
Unluckily, Gendo heard them.
"Those nephews...i don't want to get involved in their antics for now. I need to get to the Geofront so i can work in peace."
Luckily for them, Asuka saw him went to work while Shinji shaken up Rei who now had spiral eyes. The sight of the stoic girl stuck in this dazed state was quiet amusing.
"Hey! There goes Uncle Gendo!"
"Now is our chance to talk with him."
Unluckily for them, Fuyutsuki managed to get out of his predicament.
"I'm sorry, you three. But Mr. Ikari left a strict order."
The three evil glares from the trio gave away that they had something else in mind. And with Rei also had it in her eyes, you know that they planned something really, really terrible. Rei with evil smile meant that you're in trouble...
Fuyutsuki was a very unlucky man.
Gendo Ikari Sr. was not having a good time in his life.
As if taking care the trouble maker trio was not good enough, this day he found that his favorite globe was broken. The culprits were pretty obvious. Meddling kids...Now, in his office, his employees gave him strange glares, and this bespetacled four eyed man was found out reading comic book in office while whistled happily.
"Hey you! No whistling while working!"
"But, but i'm not working, Mr. Ikari! I was reading comic book, and...shoot."
"Exactly." Gendo's trademarked smirk appeared on his face. This young Aoba was in a deep trouble.
"M...maybe you can cut him some slack, Uncle Gendo."
The voice of the young Ikari made Gendo nearly jumped off his feet.
"AH! What are you three doing here?"
"We miss ya, Uncle Gendo!"
"Miss me? What did ya shoot me with?"
"I believe that was an unecessary misunderstanding, Uncle Scrooge."
"Yeah, you old geezer with rotten memory system! By miss you, we meant miss seeing you!" Asuka added her own retort to Rei's.
Unable to react, not knowing to give them a hug or a slap to each own's butt for disturbed his psyche in every way possible, Gendo asked another thing that appeared in his mind instead.
"What happened to Fuyutsuki?"
"This, is definitely going to delay the scenario..."
By scenario, he meant dinner. By this, he meant the fact that he was tied up again...with cloths fabric, a curtain, and a whip from Dolan's farm.
"He...got tangled up."
Decided to just gave in, Gendo said something that no one expected him to do.
"Fine. You three can go in."
"Oh, boy!"
"But don't touch anything!"
It took less than three minutes for the younglings to disobey the tightwad's order. The three were now on money bin, fishing for some ancient coins on some kind of competition.
"Well, looks like i got this one, baka-shinji and wondergirl!"
Unfortunately for the red devil, as she called by the one who could not tolerated her tough demeanor, the blue haired girl stolen her precious one.
"Hey!"
"Be more receptive, Soryu."
The quarter-german girl could not even managed an attempt to get her coin back, as Langrey OS had to be rebooted from system error. It has been analyzed that human beings had high probability of experiencing screen of death from the unexpected sight of Ayanami's mouth smiled at them. An evil one in that. With her crimson orbs staring at your soul.
Unfortunately, this advantage also put her into disadvantage, for another soldier called Shinji Ikari had immunity toward this smile from Rei Ayanami, for both the warm and wicked one.
With a very simple move, before Rei's small hands picked up the coin she stole, a piece of magnet took it away from her.
"I win."
An Ikari's trademarked grin appeared on his face.
An angry Ikari took it away from him.
"What are you doing with my money and magnet?"
"We are not going to keep them, Uncle Gendo."
"We're just playing!"
"Money is not to be taken as lightly as this! Didn't Kaji teach you anything?"
"Sure. How to cross the street-"
"Play marbles-"
"And not to talk to stranger. Come on, Rei. We're surely not needed here."
The two then walked away from the money bin, not even cared to face their 'beloved' uncle for a second.
"Ah...i'd rather face the Angel Boys than those three. Even Zeruel."
Three? Wait a sec...
He realized something.
The half-no, quarter german one was still there, frozen with shock.
"Um...what am i supposed to do with her?"
"As far as i figure, we've hit the Geofront 299 times!" The short one with tentacle-like body explained.
"Well, maybe three hundred will hit the charm." Said the big one with long-beaked mask and abnormally long limbs.
"But we had to get outta here first!" The round one with zebra stripes added his own cents.
And so, the guard came into their cells. The Angel Boys cell. Despite their reputation for being near invincible thanks to their legendary bionic shield that was called A.T. Field, which only certain people could make from their own body, the police had a big grin toward the half-human, dangerous criminals. Either he was stupid, or the boys had been weakened enough to not become a hindrance.
Then again, two hundreds and ninety nine failures was not something to be proud at, to say the least.
"Here you go, boys! Someone want to sweeten up your disposition! Enjoy."
"Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Boon-boon!"
The round one immediately swallowed one of those cake into it's shadow, which immediately exploded inside.
"Gesundheit..."
Somewhere, a certain red haired girl sneezed.
"Ah! Finally, a reaction!"
"It's not boon boon, Leliel! It's boom-boom! The one from Sahaquiel!" The one with tentacle explained. It's body, at this time, turned into a helix-like ring.
"Hmm?"
"Eh, thanks, guard."
With that, the suspicion inside the guard dissapeared. And so did him.
"Eh, look, Armisael, a note!"
The
"Use these to escape tonight.
Then meet me at the L'Orange Theater.
Signed, Rokubungi."
"I don't know who this Rokubungi is, but I sure like his style."
"If only boarding school are not so expensive..."
Gendo had given up regarding Asuka. Luckily, this gave him more time to retreat from the pranks of Shinji and Rei, as both twins were busy trying to 'reboot' Asuka. Or, something like that. Either way, it was their fault in the first place, and he had no business in that.
"Bah! All i need is to cheer up! Send in the solicitors!"
The first guy was a very feminine man with long ponytail at his twenties.
"Mr. Ikari, would you like to-"
"Bah! You reminded me of Kaji by your ponytail! Go away!"
"But Gundam Wing boys need some money to-gaah!"
A boot to the butt and a hidden hole did the job of getting rid the pesky hedge-um, bishonen to Gendo Ikari.
"Bwahahah! Next!"
A fat, rotound man with golden hair and his lanky friend were seen, holding petition with their hand petition.
"Um, can you sign our petition to-"
"NO!"
"But the fans want the show to-AAAAH!"
A hose and the water did the job for Mr. Ikari.
"AHAHAHAHA! I can do this all day!"
The next victim was a young woman in her 20s. His face showed that they already met before.
"Maya Ibuki! I suppose you're not here to get your job back, eh?"
"Indeed, Mr. Ikari. I'm here in place of Dr. Akagi to speak regarding our proposal for a joint project between NERV and GEHIRN."
"The E-Project?"
"Exactly."
It took several seconds before he shouted what he had in his mind for answer.
"I don't have faith in giant robots."
A pair of hands nearly grasped the lithe body of researcher Ibuki before she spoke again in panic.
"Ah, but it's not just giant robots, sir! We also have other things in mind! Exo-skeleton armor, Particle and Positron rifles, AT-Field manipulation-"
"Did you say AT-Field?"
"YES!" The woman screamed as she was dragged into the window by the hands. Sweats all over her body, while her skin paled with every seconds spent at her unsuccessful action to get off from the grasp.
"Hmm...still not interested." He continued the process of doom for the raven haired woman.
"WE NEED CHILDRENS TO FURTHER OUR PROGRESS!"
With this, the businessman stopped the process of dropping Maya Ibuki into a pool of shark inside Geofront.
"Tell me more" The elder said with smirk on his face.
"Are you sure this is going to wake Asuka up, Rei?"
"Of course. She would either got excited from one of these museum display, or fell asleep from the fact that brought her into museum was enough to bored her to death. Either way, in the end, we will be able to awaken her."
"This is Uncle Gendo's personal collections, not museum..."
"Same old antiques. What's the difference?"
Shinji only shrugged from this display of logic from Rei.
The room was filled with tons of old junks from Gendo's days as adventurer, before he took an arrow to the knee. Shinji cursed himself for anonymously spawned that terrible joke.
Just when they nearly made Asuka fall into sleep from the sheer boringness, Langrey OS finally finished it's memory dumping process and rebooted to show her eyes a scroll.
"Hey, look!" Said the redhead. Somehow, the twins were already anticipated her awakening.
"Neat." Shinji said in return.
"Kaji would love that! Let's take a look."
"And for their ultimate knowledge, we have the EVA pilot's guide book!"
Suddenly, the alarm rang.
"My museum!"
Gendo then ran for his collection. Luckily, Maya was only thrown outside instead of become another shark's feeder.
There, he saw the meddling kids tried to get the boat. As the universe's law said, Shinji Ikari need to screw something up, so the scroll slipped out of his hand, with Gendo's quick hand prevented any kind of harm that could have been done from the fall.
It was an unlucky day for Gendo Ikari.
"What are you doing here?"
"We just want to send the junky boat to Kaji!"
"Junk? The red scroll is a priceless artifact, Asuka!"
"But-"
"No but, Shinji! You three have disobeyed my command several times! Until further notice, you all are grounded!"
The trio could do nothing but showed their guilty look.
At the night, an explosion happened at Tokyo-3's prison.
A jailbreak's plan was executed.
"Um, Armisael, this place give me a creeps!" The big one with bones protounding on his chest said.
"So where is this Rokubungi?" The angel said, ignored the earlier remark.
"Right here, Angel boys!"
There he was, the Rokubungi that they were searching for. His coat's shadow covered his face. Only his beard that was visible.
"Nice to meet you!" The double-helix one said, changed it's form into tentacle-like for the subtitute of hand gesture.
The man did not accepted it. Then again, tentacle is a nasty thing.
"So why us?"
"You all have experience with Gendo Ikari's Geofront! And i need you to steal something from it for me."
"The Adam's embryo? Or his cash?" The three said in unison.
"No, my friends. Something much more valuable."
"What's more valuable than godlike power and three cubic acres of cash?" The zebra striped one said.
"A scroll."
TBC...
Anddddd...there you goes! The first part of NERVTales Episode 1- Don't give up the scroll. Any suggestion would be appreciated.
Also, should i make EVAPack, QuackPack parody? Where the pilots are 14 years old and only living together without any family relation outside of Kaji/Gendo being their guardian? So unlike Ducktales and Quack Pack, this one will have love triangle!