Decay Chapter 1, a hunger games fanfic

Decay

This is my first attempt at a Hunger Games story. I'd read the books ages ago and saw the movies, which I enjoyed. But after I saw this last movie, I was totally moved by the scene in which Peeta was having a meltdown and Katniss kissed him, making him focus on her. I don't know why I never really paid much attention to the love triangle in the books, but now I'm hooked on it. I re-read the books, watched the movies again and I realized that I'm not happy with how the story just ended in Mockingjay.

I feel like more happened between pages 382-388. So this is my story about what happened with Katniss and Peeta.

The title of the story is the last stage of a fire. Characterized as the longest stage, but this is when the fire can die. However, there are 2 common dangers that happen in this stage: a new fire can start or a backdraft which is the re-lighting of an old fire. Both are equally dangerous. Each chapter is a fire stage.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1: Incipient (Ignite)

I see him with those scraggly plants, kneeling in the dirt. Evening Primrose, he had said. Prim. Gone. Never to come back. I had stepped up to volunteer to save her from the Games and she's gone anyway. The joke's on me. My mother, lost to us for all those years after my father died. And now, I'm just as lost. Now I understand. I understand wanting to just disappear inside your own head, your own body and never come out. To never come back. Part of me wants to apologize to her. Tell her that I understand now.

Peeta is standing up, brushing the dirt from his pants. He seems calm, peaceful even, despite everything that's happened. He looks at me, his blue eyes no longer clouded or confused.

"Katniss. When was the last time you ate?" He's looking at me closely, frown lines beginning to appear on his thin face.

I don't want him to look at me that way.

"I don't…yesterday," I correct, knowing that's probably not true, but at least it's an answer.

It doesn't fool him at all.

"You should eat something. Do you have anything in your house?"

I'm angry. He's only been back two seconds and I'm already being treated like a child.

"I've been here for months, Peeta! Of course I have food in my house." I cross my arms in front of me, and I wince when I can feel my ribs through my blouse. The blouse that I've had on for probably two weeks at this point.

Come to think of it, I probably look a horrid sight. When was the last time I took a shower, brushed my teeth or even touched my hair? I feel my hand creeping upward to feel it. It's clumped together, knotted, dirty. A mess, just like me. I'm now uncomfortably aware that I've been wearing the same underwear for going on two weeks as well. I'm mortified at the thought.

"Well that's great that you have food, but you're supposed to eat it," Peeta says with a smile.

I open my mouth to comment on his own thin body frame, but then I decide I don't want to pick a fight. I haven't seen Peeta in months and it hits me how much I've missed him. So I simply say, "Greasy Sae will be by soon. She'll cook something." I hesitate and then add, "You should eat too."

Peeta nods. "Okay."

I turn and run inside the house. Upstairs in my bathroom, I stare at the girl in the mirror. That girl that was on fire, literally. Blown up in the Capitol by the same bomb that killed Prim. I don't even recognize myself. And even though Greasy Sae and Haymitch have been the only ones who've seen me these last months, I'm embarrassed. Haymitch has seen me looking worse than this, but those were war wounds, not these which have been brought on by my own hand. This? This is me. I did this to me. I can't look anymore.

The shower feels like salvation. Washing away my crimes. The clothes I'd taken off reek of the unwashed. Not even when we were starving back in The Seam, was I ever this dirty. My mother would be so ashamed. Prim would…no. Prim doesn't have the ability to be embarrassed. I can't sink back into those thoughts. Peeta's back.

Once I'm finally clean and my hair has been washed and detangled, I find some clean clothes. The closet and drawers are full of them. Funny. It seems like I hadn't noticed them at all. I decide to trash the old clothes. Burn them to cinders.

By the time I get downstairs I hear Greasy Sae in the kitchen, banging around. She turns when she sees me and then lets out a snort.

"He must be back." She turns back to the skillet she's already placed on the stove. There's a pile of meat next to her and some eggs.

I flush at her words. "He's coming for breakfast."

She looks at me and nods.

"Good."

Sae didn't stay for breakfast. As soon as she finished her preparation, she wiped her hands on her apron, nodded at me and walked out. I was going to be alone with Peeta. For the first time in months…well really the last time we were alone was in Thirteen, when he was still full on hijacked. How long ago was that?

I didn't have time to really think about before there was a knock at the door and Peeta was entering.

"Katniss?" He was carrying something in his hands. It smelled delicious. Cheese buns?

"Yeah, come in." I went about getting plates out of the cabinets to set the table.

It was cheese buns. I couldn't help smiling as he set them in the middle of the table. My appetite returned with a vengeance, and before I knew it, I was gobbling the food down. Peeta watched me with a smirk, but then he too starting eating with gusto. We didn't talk, just ate the good food in a companionable silence. It felt almost normal. But what was normal anymore? Surely nothing would ever be normal again for a former Mockingjay and her tortured fake fiancée.

Peeta sat back and groaned while rubbing his stomach. "That was pretty good. Even though I've been eating Capitol food, this still makes me feel at home."

"So…how are you? I mean, you must be better if they let you leave." I really didn't want to bring up his torture or the hijackings. That would definitely kill the mood.

Peeta gave me a look I couldn't quite read. "I'm better. But, I still have to talk with Dr. Aurelius on a regular basis. Go back to the Capitol for follow-ups, that kind of thing."

"Oh," was all I managed to say. God, even after all this time I still can't get words out like I want.

Peeta fiddled with his fork and then asked, "How about you? What have you been doing?"

"I think you saw me earlier. That's what I've been doing." I get up to begin to clear the table, but Peeta reaches out to touch my hand. I stare down at his fingers, those beautiful hands that can create such beautiful art and cakes.

"Are you going to do that again?" He asked quietly.

I hesitate for just a second. "No."

The light that shines from Peeta's eyes makes me bite my lip and hastily pick up a plate.

I decide I want to go hunting. I hadn't thought about it in so long. Peeta wants to walk with me into town. He hasn't been here, hasn't really seen what happened to Twelve. The memories are still hazy and distorted, but he at least believes the true version about the fire bombs that destroyed our home.

We head into town. There's rubble and burnt out buildings everywhere. The square is full of people on body retrieval. All of those people who were killed in the bombings are still here. Under the snow. I watch as Peeta stops dead in the middle of the street and stares around. Then he moves quickly towards one of the burnt buildings and stands there staring. His hands clench into fists.

I look at the building he's fixated on and I realize what this is. The Mellark Bakery. His family's business. Only it's gone. Nothing left but a shell of a building, with burnt walls and shattered glass. Peeta walks slowly up to the husk of his legacy and tentatively moves through the non-existent door. I follow behind him and stand in the open archway. The place is littered with twisted and melted metal, smears of pastries and cakes along the walls and floors, blackened loaves of bread and destroyed shelves and cabinets.

"You know there was a time that I didn't want to do this. This family business thing. I mean, I had two older brothers. They could handle it. I just wanted out from under my mother's thumb." The bitterness in Peeta's voice surprises me. I'd never known he hadn't wanted to be a baker. Peeta reached down and picked up a charred piece of bread, burnt to rock hardness. He stared at it.

"I burned that bread on purpose. The bread for you. I would've burned down this whole bakery for you, Katniss." He looks at me and laughs, which sounds weird and I frown. He shakes the bread at me. "Guess I got my wish. It all burned down. It all burned for you. Like you said, if you burn, we all burn with you."

I'm growing alarmed. Peeta is still shaking the bread. No, his hands are shaking.

"Peeta? Are you okay?"

Peeta laughs again, high and shrill and I back up a step. "Am I okay? I'm standing in the middle of my dead family's dead bakery and I don't know what to do! What do I do, Katniss? What should I do? You did this! You ended the war, but you started it too! It's on you! This is your fault! My family is dead, Katniss! They're dead and you killed them!"

I'm frozen.

Peeta is still hijacked. I didn't see this coming. But I guess I should have. I've had months to deal with the death of Prim, which I still haven't recovered from. I haven't even recovered from my father's death and that's been more than ten years now. Peeta's whole family was killed in one fell swoop and this is the first time he's seeing the remains of his former life. Has he even had a moment to process their deaths?

Peeta is coming towards me and I need to pay attention to the real danger before me. I have my bow, but I don't want to have to shoot him.

"Peeta! It's me! I'm not a Mutt! I didn't do this!" I raise my hands to show I have nothing in them to hurt him. I haven't drawn my bow. "Stay with me, Peeta!"

Peeta falters a bit, frowning. "Katniss?"

"Yes, Peeta. It's me." I step towards him slowly, not wanting to make sudden moves. "We're in Twelve. The Capitol bombed our home. Snow did this, remember?" I've reached him now and his blue eyes are almost swallowed up by black. I touch him carefully. "Stay with me, Peeta."

Peeta grabs my hand and holds it tight. He slams his eyes shut and takes deep breaths. "Always. Always for Katniss. My name is Peeta Mellark. I'm from District Twelve…"

"That's good, Peeta. Everything's okay."

Peeta takes one more long breath and opens his eyes. I'm relieved to see that the blackness has receded and they look normal again. He blinks a few times and then immediately lets go of my hand. He looks down at the burned bread and he quickly chucks it away. It hits the last hanging piece of jagged glass and shatters it, littering the floor with its shards. Peeta bites his lip.

"Katniss, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?" He goes to grab my hand again.

"I'm fine, Peeta. Nothing happened, okay. You were able to control it. You did good." I try to give him a reassuring smile. I don't know if I succeeded or not. Peeta looks miserable.

"I've been back a day and I've already lost it!" He kicks at the broken counter angrily. "Can we kill Snow again?"

For a moment I just stare at him. And then I burst out laughing. I don't know why. It shouldn't be funny but it is. Peeta cracks a grin and then he starts laughing too. By the time we're done, several people have come to stare at us, wondering what's so funny. We're standing in the ruins of our district, with the corpses of most of its citizens still laying around town, like some sort of bizarre human blanket made of charred bones, covering everything. Standing in Peeta's dead family's bakery and we're laughing like two loons.

I can't remember the last time I laughed like that. God, we're both crazy.

We see Thom, an old crewmate of Gale's, standing in front of Mayor Undersee's house. None of them made it out. I didn't see them in Thirteen at all, but for some reason I had simply assumed that someone had made it. Poor Madge. She's really the mastermind behind the Mockingjay; her and her pin. No, Maysilee Donner was the real Mockingjay. Now they're no more. All gone.

I leave Peeta with Thom and head out towards the woods.

I just want to feel the air on my face. After all of these weeks locked inside my house, locked inside my mind, it feels good to be outside. I head to the lake and sit on my rock, just watching the sun rise in the sky. That is the only constant. That no matter how much has been lost, the sun will always come back. So much loss. Prim, Cinna, Finnick, Rue, Boggs, Castor, Jackson. I hurriedly push those thoughts away. I've been dwelling on that for months…years if you count Rue. I can't anymore. It's time to start living.

By the time I return to the Victor's Village, it's close to dinnertime. I have five squirrels, two turkeys and a fat rabbit in my bag. The lights are on in my house and I find Greasy Sae and Peeta in the kitchen talking. Sae's eye light up when she sees the full bag and Peeta smiles.

"Good haul, eh?" Peeta asks, peeking into the bag, but Sae grabs it up and hauls it onto the counter. "Leave that to someone who knows what they're doing," she says gruffly, but there's a hint of amusement in her voice. "You stick to those ovens."

Peeta laughs good naturedly, then says to me. "Thom says that after they finish…cleaning…they're planning on rebuilding the square and eventually everything else. The Capitol is going to send in builders and everything. President Paylor is making sure the Capitol foots the bill for everything." Peeta looks excited at the prospect. I'm excited too. Hope creeps back into my spirit.

"Rebuild Twelve. Maybe people will want to come here now. But then again, who wants to work in the mines? Will they pay more for workers now?" I ask.

Peeta shrugs at that. "I don't know. But the mines are still closed for now. Maybe we can do something else." He gives me a sweet smile. "This is the home of the Girl on Fire."

"The Boy on Fire lives here too. We've done some impossible things. Maybe we can do the impossible for home too. Make this the most popular district in Panem."

Peeta blinks at me and the love in his eyes is drowning and all encompassing. I feel heat glow deep inside me and I can actually feel myself start to blush.

"I'd like that," Peeta says quietly. "I like that there's a we." He starts to move towards me, but Greasy Sae coughs loudly.

"Don't do nothing on that table!" She says fiercely, "I know how you young people are. Just like rabbits. Not here in this kitchen!" She waves her knife at us and we both have to hold back our laughs. I reach for Peeta's hand and he takes it. We stand quietly for a moment, letting Sae work the game I brought back. We both end up helping make dinner; Peeta making a delicious pastry and me cutting up some vegetables. It'll never match the Capitol's meals, but it's still good.

After dinner, Sae leaves and Peeta and I sit down in the living room. I haven't turned on the television since I've been back, but maybe now it's time. After fiddling with the channels, a Capitol program comes on and I see President Paylor had given a news conference. In it, she highlights the rebuilding of the districts, particularly Twelve and Eight and a restructuring of what the districts will be responsible for. It is of interest that Twelve will no longer be doing coal, but will be in charge of making medicine and research. I think of my mother, wondering if this will be enough to bring her back here.

Peeta is making a comment about the new factory that will be coming, when he says, "Oh…it's Gale." I immediately look back to the television. Gale is standing near President Paylor and I can see Beetee with them. Gale looks taller and even more confident than the last time I saw him. In President Snow's house. When he couldn't look me in the face and tell me that he didn't kill my sister.

Gale is moving forward to the microphone and I am tempted to turn off the television. But Peeta is leaning forward, intent on hearing whatever it is that Gale is going to say. I really don't want to hear it. But then he's talking and it's about rebuilding the districts, and about making sure this doesn't happen again and that the districts need to have training in how to defend themselves. He'll be leading in that effort and that District 2 needs support and will eventually it will spread to the others.

After the interviews, Peeta sits back and looks thoughtful. I'm trying not to grind my teeth. Gale looked and sounded great up there, a real leader in this new era in Panem. But would he be that confident if he faced me again? Would he admit that he had a hand in Prim's death? Or would he go away again because he doesn't want to face it either.

I yawn then and Peeta suppresses one.

"It's late," Peeta says as he stands up and stretches. I can't help but notice the smooth skin that is revealed by the action. More heat blooms. I bite my lip and I stand up also. He turns to me, ready to tell me good night. But my look stops whatever he was going to say.

"Stay with me."

Upstairs, Peeta strips down to his boxers and I'm trying to remain calm and collected. I see his prosthetic leg, something that I'd never really looked closely at. He sees me staring at it.

"Do you think I should get a new one?"

I jerk my eyes away and turn red. "I'm sorry, Peeta…I…didn't mean to stare." Way to go, Katniss.

He smiles. "It's fine, Katniss. You can stare all you want. I love for you to look at me."

Now I'm turning red for other reasons.

He lies down on the bed and I lean over to inspect his leg. Other than a few metal and plastic pieces and joints, it's not hideous. I'd seen people with missing limbs because of the mine accidents and what those stumps can look like. Peeta was very lucky.

I lie down next to him and curl up on his chest, the way we used to. It's been so long since I've touched another person like this. It feels like a lifetime ago, but it's so comfortable and needed. I give a sigh and scoot even closer to him, like I'm trying to burrow my way into his chest. He holds me closer in his arms and my eyes droop.

We don't have any nightmares that night.

Life slowly returns to our district. Life slowly returns to me. I start hunting again on a regular basis. Not every day, but a few times a week I go out to keep myself sharp and to bring something back for Greasy Sae to use. We still get our money and food from the Capitol accounts. Even more now, as "restitution" for the Capitol's crimes against us for making us participate in the Games. The type of money I'm getting means I'd never have to work, but then neither would my children's children, nor theirs. Not that I'd ever have to worry about that. I'm never having children.

Work in the square is coming along. All bodies have been removed from the district and the remains and ashes have been buried in the meadow. My beautiful meadow now is home for the dead of Twelve. It's beautiful for them now. The Justice Building is almost finished and The Hob will be replaced as a new open air market. Nothing is illegal anymore.

Peeta has been busy overseeing the rebuilding of the bakery. He's there every day, cleaning, painting, ordering new ovens and supplies. I go there to help too. I get to see Peeta is in element. Even though he said he hadn't wanted to stay in his family's business, I can see that's no longer true. Peeta's sleeves are rolled up and dust and paint are on his cheeks, but he's smiling and joking with some of the other workers. I can see that he's excited about getting this place up and running again. Peeta's alive.

And as much as I love helping him see his vision coming alive, I still don't know what this means for me. I've never had any skills other than hunting. Peeta can bake, can paint and can inspire others. He's good with people. Me? We all know how limited I am in any area that doesn't require a bow and arrow. I need to find out what I'm good at, if anything. I'm not excited about that prospect.

And then there's Haymitch. He's taken to raising geese. No one quite understands that, but who are we to argue? He still drinks heavily, which I'm still very concerned about. Haymitch has spent a lifetime in a bottle. And it became clear that my own nightmares about what I endured in the games and after have nothing on Haymitch's guilt. I finally see why Haymitch gave up. When Rue died in the arena, I was devastated. And I hardly knew her. I couldn't save her. And her death still bothers me.

But Haymitch? Not only did he have to fight in a Quarter Quell, but there were 48 of them, double our 24. 47 other Tributes died around him, including Maysilee, who was a friend and ally, until they weren't. Then his family and girlfriend were killed by Snow, for surviving the Games by using their own technology against them. Then for 23 additional years, Haymitch lost two kids annually; killed in every Games. He would come home and have to look at those families every year, and not bring their kids home. All of who died brutally and unnecessarily in those battles. He was a child himself when he became a lone Mentor. And he never grew up.

Haymitch had grown numb, his drinking killing any feeling about it. But when Peeta and I won, that's what broke him. He had to feel again. There was someone else now. Two someone else's. And I know it just about killed him when we had to go back in the Quarter Quell. Peeta and I represented all of the children he couldn't save. And to watch what war did to us, to me, Peeta…everyone. Haymitch is afraid. He drinks because he's afraid now. Afraid that if he tries to care for me, for us again, it'll all get taken away, just like with the Quarter Quell.

I want to help Haymitch, but I don't know how. Maybe I can enlist Peeta's help in getting him to stop drinking. I decide to ask him when he gets home today.

Home.

Peeta has been staying at my house. He goes to his own occasionally to get clothes and other things, but he usually eats with me and then spends the night. We've talked about things, watched television together. There's this horrible soap opera that airs from the Capitol, but we've become addicted to watching it. Only so we can make fun of the awful acting and ridiculous plot.

Tonight Peeta's grumpy. The final set of ovens was delayed because of a mistake in the order, so he's off schedule. He's picking at his food and I've nothing really to say to cheer him up. Asking him to help me with Haymitch seems a bit intense for someone who's had a bad day at work, so I leave it alone. Another night then.

When I get up to clear the table, I run my hand across his shoulders to give him some comfort. He shivers and grabs my hand, turning to look at me. Those eyes. So, so blue. Heat again. He kisses my hand, my fingers and the heat blossoms into a fire. He stands up and faces me. My heart is pounding and I lean in and kiss him. He responds in kind. But we don't stop. He pulls me closer and I feel it then. A hardness against me. I suck in a breath.

"Katniss," he whispers.

I know he wants something more from me. I want to give it to him. I grab his hand and we go upstairs. Once inside the room, he's kissing me again and I'm responding eagerly. We land on the bed and he's leaning over me. He takes off his shirt and I run my hands over his stomach, feeling his skin.

"Take off your shirt," he says to me. I'm nervous, but I do it. I feel shy and embarrassed, mostly because there's not much going on in my bra and by the scars that I have. I'm not beautiful.

"So beautiful," Peeta whispers, as if he's reading my thoughts. He kisses me again and his hands touch me tentatively. It feels good and I smile encouragement. He grows bolder, kissing down my neck and gently removing my bra. I lie down all the way on the bed and he kisses down my chest, stopping at my almost non-existent breasts. The thing he does with his tongue across my nipples makes me squeal, and I clap my hands over my mouth in horror.

Peeta chuckles and continues what he's doing until I'm sighing softly. Heat is blooming everywhere now and I'm feeling antsy, like I want or need something more. I rub my hands over Peeta's shoulders and glance down. He's still wearing his pants, but I can clearly see his excitement. I'm excited too. I press my hands against him, putting an end to his nipple fascination. He gives me a questioning look.

I reach down to unbutton my pants. He immediately helps me slide them off, including my underwear. He takes his pants off too and gets back on the bed. He starts to touch me again and I discover I'm ticklish in places and I giggle like a school girl. But then his hand is in a place that no one has ever touched before and it feels like a bomb has just went off inside of me.

I'm embarrassed because I want more and the noise that I make sounds like a dying animal. My legs seem to have a mind of their own and they spread wider. Peeta certainly seems to know what he's doing, which makes me wonder how that is possible. But I don't have time to think too much about it because he has removed his hand and he's replaced it with something much bigger than a finger. Much bigger. I'm watching him and this thing that's supposed to go inside me and I'm like…that's never going to fit.

"Relax, Katniss," Peeta says and his voice is low and husky sounding and my stomach is doing all kinds of flip flops now. He's brushing himself between my legs and I start moving against him, creating more friction.

"Oh," I say and Peeta presses in and down…or is it up? It hurts, a lot. But it's not unbearable. Peeta is going so slow and his breathing sounds like he's in pain. But I know he's not. At least not like I am. And then he's all the way and he moves again, very slowly. It burns, but not so much anymore. He starts kissing me again and I concentrate on his lips, which is nice. But then things start to change a bit down below and it's not so bad anymore. In fact, it actually feels nice. I wrap my arms around Peeta as he continues to move and he's moaning softly.

"Oh Katniss," he groans and my heart pounds hearing that.

"Peeta," I say, but it's all breathy and I feel my head slowly start to spin. Everything is rocking and the feeling is building, something is happening. I don't know what, but I don't want it to stop. Peeta is panting above me, still doing this slow rocking movement. I start moving against him, speeding up my hips because it feels good and then it gets even better.

And then I squeeze myself down there, squeeze around him and it feels amazing and then a wave of something just hits me. I cry out, practically digging my fingers in his shoulders. I know it has to hurt, but I can't stop.

Peeta groans loudly and he speeds up, and then he gives a deep shudder. His groans mix with mine and I know we sound ridiculous, but I can't really care about that. And then it seems to end and Peeta collapses on top of me.

I can't catch my breath either. I've just had sex for the first time. And it feels like it for sure. I feel messy and sweaty. And there's definitely a dull ache and burn going on somewhere below my stomach. But I don't want to move. I just want to hold Peeta. So I do.

Sex changes everything. It definitely changed me. For starters, we start having it all the time. And we start doing different things. When I was in school, I'd hear the gossip about the fast girls who went to the slag heap and the things they would do and what the boys would do to them. Peeta did something with his mouth between my legs that made my eyes pop out of my head. I'm still seeing stars. I tried the same for him and even though I wasn't perfect, his reaction was well worth it. The taste wasn't great, but I'd do it again. I felt like I'd do anything for him.

I would watch him when he fell asleep, when he would eat his breakfast, when he left the house for the bakery. I couldn't stop staring at him. I couldn't look away. After my hunts, I would go by the bakery and just stare at him some more, under the guise of helping out. He would laugh and my heart would swell. He'd pull some delicious creation out of the oven, sneak a bit to me for a taste and it would be all I could do to keep from riding him there on the counter.

I was never a domestic. I was the hunter. But here I was making sure his dinner was ready when he got home. That he had clean clothes. I surprised him with some new paint and canvas for his art work. I touched him constantly and he always reciprocated just as eagerly, his eyes sparkling with delight. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I didn't fight it. It was better than sitting in my own filth and crying about Prim and everything that had gone wrong since my volunteer Reaping. I was happy, both Peeta and I were getting healthier by the day, the district was growing and rebuilding and the bakery was taking off again.

And then everything went to hell.