Disclaimer: Don't own the stuff
This story is for the not too serious light hearted people.
All you *cough* obsessed *cough* people, you might not want to read if
you'll be offended. I have to make fun of something right?
Chapter 1: The Boy who ... had an eating disorder!
Once upon a day, there was a family who lived on McDonalds Ave. and would like to be considered quite normal thank you very much. Mr. Dursley, the father of the household was quite well mannered and often loved to spoil his only child Dudley. Dudley was unlike all the rest of the kids around the block, I mean sure a little plump here and there (Fat in Laban's terms) but he was pretty well mannered, especially compared to their newest addition to the family, Harry Potter. They say that they found him on their doorstep one day, and out of the kindness in their hearts they decided to keep him. What a trouble maker he turned out to be. Always pointing at your shirt and then when you look down to see what's there he flicks you in the nose! He always seems to get me too... ooh, urgh! Nevermind, enough about the Author, hehe. Anyways, back to this devil child Harry Potter, in brief you could say he was one too many apples short of the eggnog. He was quite odd though telling the Dursleys that he preferred to camp out side because the grass smelled good under a full moon. I think it was Dudley's BO that scared him. Life had been just like this for as long as I can remember, or maybe just until Dudley was turning 12 or something, whatever age first years are (can't remember). It was the day of his birthday and Dudley could never have been more excited.
"Chocolate frosting again!?!?! Mom, are you trying to slip a quick one on me again? You have to get the real stuff, not the cheap 'I can't believe it's not butter' brand. I don't wanna be a lurp." Dudley finished his sentence nearly out of breath due to his severe extra package of lard. Thinking about it a while after he started to wonder what a 'lurp' was.
"Don't worry my lad!" yelled Mrs. Dursley as she took an unwrapped stick of margarine placing it right in the center of the cake. The sight could make you puke as she shoved it right in the center. What happened then is just too graphic for such stories, but I'll tell you Anyways. Everything had just suddenly gone slow-motion as Dudley started to stuff his face with this butter filled chocolate cake, the drama was horrific. Dudleys face started to look like an eclipse in the pale tunnels of Alaska, trust me, you don't wanna know. Still in slow-mo Harry was caught behind Dudley and you couldn't hear him, but you could see him yelling "NO!" with such a distressed look on his face. Still Slow-mo he ran towards the cake *Big cool Music* shaking his fist saying, "How do you like them apples!!!" The moment was broken as everyone including Harry started to look at him with this extreme puzzled look on their faces.
"I'm sorry, I forgot my line." Harry backed up and went back into the backyard as Dudley resumed snarfing the giant butter cake.
"Dudley, this year, we decided to only get you one birthday present." Mrs. Dursley was grinning excitedly.
"What is it! What is it! What is it!" screamed Dudley like no other. Mrs. Dursley handed him the gift. He shook it vehemently before opening and when he did he found a very small item. He looked really close and when he finally realized what it was he leaped up into the air.
"TISSUE PAPER! HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!!!!!!
"No you twit, look under the paper. Dimwit, reminds me of Sean, sigh." Harry spoke.
"Aha!" Dudley looked farther only to find a feather duster. "Mom, Dad, I like the paper better, can I keep it?" Slightly hesitating his father said.
"Uhh, I guess so. I mean, it is your birthday and all." Dudleys face boiled up again showing his glee. Meanwhile Harry was running around him in circles poking him in the forehead only for the excitement of seeing Dudley go cross eyed for a couple of seconds.
"MOM! Harry's poking me again!" complained Dudley.
"You should have seen it Aunt Petunia! I got him to go cross eyed for three seconds this time!"
"Awesome, I wanna see, do it again Harry." Dudley was getting sick of the repeated poking in the forehead so he decided to let the Author know that this is the end of Chapter 1.
"Hey! You can't tell me when to end my chapters!!!! I won't have any mo...
*Dudley turns off the computer*
Chapter 1: The Boy who ... had an eating disorder!
Once upon a day, there was a family who lived on McDonalds Ave. and would like to be considered quite normal thank you very much. Mr. Dursley, the father of the household was quite well mannered and often loved to spoil his only child Dudley. Dudley was unlike all the rest of the kids around the block, I mean sure a little plump here and there (Fat in Laban's terms) but he was pretty well mannered, especially compared to their newest addition to the family, Harry Potter. They say that they found him on their doorstep one day, and out of the kindness in their hearts they decided to keep him. What a trouble maker he turned out to be. Always pointing at your shirt and then when you look down to see what's there he flicks you in the nose! He always seems to get me too... ooh, urgh! Nevermind, enough about the Author, hehe. Anyways, back to this devil child Harry Potter, in brief you could say he was one too many apples short of the eggnog. He was quite odd though telling the Dursleys that he preferred to camp out side because the grass smelled good under a full moon. I think it was Dudley's BO that scared him. Life had been just like this for as long as I can remember, or maybe just until Dudley was turning 12 or something, whatever age first years are (can't remember). It was the day of his birthday and Dudley could never have been more excited.
"Chocolate frosting again!?!?! Mom, are you trying to slip a quick one on me again? You have to get the real stuff, not the cheap 'I can't believe it's not butter' brand. I don't wanna be a lurp." Dudley finished his sentence nearly out of breath due to his severe extra package of lard. Thinking about it a while after he started to wonder what a 'lurp' was.
"Don't worry my lad!" yelled Mrs. Dursley as she took an unwrapped stick of margarine placing it right in the center of the cake. The sight could make you puke as she shoved it right in the center. What happened then is just too graphic for such stories, but I'll tell you Anyways. Everything had just suddenly gone slow-motion as Dudley started to stuff his face with this butter filled chocolate cake, the drama was horrific. Dudleys face started to look like an eclipse in the pale tunnels of Alaska, trust me, you don't wanna know. Still in slow-mo Harry was caught behind Dudley and you couldn't hear him, but you could see him yelling "NO!" with such a distressed look on his face. Still Slow-mo he ran towards the cake *Big cool Music* shaking his fist saying, "How do you like them apples!!!" The moment was broken as everyone including Harry started to look at him with this extreme puzzled look on their faces.
"I'm sorry, I forgot my line." Harry backed up and went back into the backyard as Dudley resumed snarfing the giant butter cake.
"Dudley, this year, we decided to only get you one birthday present." Mrs. Dursley was grinning excitedly.
"What is it! What is it! What is it!" screamed Dudley like no other. Mrs. Dursley handed him the gift. He shook it vehemently before opening and when he did he found a very small item. He looked really close and when he finally realized what it was he leaped up into the air.
"TISSUE PAPER! HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!!!!!!
"No you twit, look under the paper. Dimwit, reminds me of Sean, sigh." Harry spoke.
"Aha!" Dudley looked farther only to find a feather duster. "Mom, Dad, I like the paper better, can I keep it?" Slightly hesitating his father said.
"Uhh, I guess so. I mean, it is your birthday and all." Dudleys face boiled up again showing his glee. Meanwhile Harry was running around him in circles poking him in the forehead only for the excitement of seeing Dudley go cross eyed for a couple of seconds.
"MOM! Harry's poking me again!" complained Dudley.
"You should have seen it Aunt Petunia! I got him to go cross eyed for three seconds this time!"
"Awesome, I wanna see, do it again Harry." Dudley was getting sick of the repeated poking in the forehead so he decided to let the Author know that this is the end of Chapter 1.
"Hey! You can't tell me when to end my chapters!!!! I won't have any mo...
*Dudley turns off the computer*