Thank you to Pudding333 for your character and question idea.

Dear SiriousB1,

For some reason, death is attracted to me. I'm like a magnet for accidents of all sorts! I suppose it all started when I was a child. You see, this evil dark wizard killed my parents and tried to kill me, but (somehow) I evaded his curse (it was the Killing Curse!) and was left with only a lightning bolt scar in the middle of my forehead. Well, some people say that it is over my right eye, but it's there all the same. Ever since then, I have lived with my Muggle relatives who have treated me badly. When I finally got to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, everything deadly started again! First, there was this giant mountain troll. He is kind of like the cave troll from my favorite novels The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, except taller, not as hunched and he wore a loincloth. Next, there was that nasty encounter with a three-headed dog named Fluffy. He was like the dog that guarded Hades in Greek Mythology. Then, I again had a close call with death when I met the dark wizard again. From then on, my life has been even worse. Everything has happened to me from fighting dragons, figuring out that an ex-convict is my godfather and a rouge bludger. As you can see, though some are less life threatening than others, these incidents are clearly dangerous, annoying and a great hazard to my physical (and mental) health. All in all, I am a death magnet! Why is it that the whole idea of mortality is attracted to me and what can I do about it?

See ya',
Quidditch Player Who Is Stalked By Death

Dear Quidditch Player,

Perhaps this mysterious scar of yours has something to do with your misfortune. Maybe you didn't evade this wizard's spell as much as you'd like to think. Perhaps some of his curse stuck with you. Since it was the Killing Curse, some of it's power has come back to haunt you when you started performing magic yourself, causing near-death-occurrences to follow you wherever you go. Have you tried burning it off? I suppose the pain would be a bit of a problem. Hmm...surgery might work. God knows, if they can make intentional scarring (I saw that on the Discovery Channel; this girl got a horseshoe cut into her chest and it left an intentional scar...it was so cool!), they should be able to reverse it. I would have recommended using some Neosporin, but you really need to apply that when the cut is first made, don't you? (I guess I'll have to read the label next time.) If you do not wish to accept this idea of why death is attracted to you, then I can offer you one other: you are related to the Baudelire (did I spell that right?) orphans from the book series A Series of Unfortunate Events by the brilliant Lemony Snicket. Yes, they are always magnets for unhappy and unlucky incidents and they never seem to be able to get out of it. Maybe the next book will be about them going to live with you and your Muggle relatives? That would be interesting, now wouldn't it?

Sincerely,
SiriousB1

A/N: Okay, well, since FF.net has "cleaned up its act", so to speak, I decided I'd try re-posting my advice columns. For those of you who have magically read them before, you might remember them all suddenly disappearing from existance. Well, some readers who were deeply offended by my use of language and sardonic tones (not in this column, but others to come) reported me and my stories were removed. Sadly, many of them were lost forever because I neglected to buy Norton and I got a virus on my computer, deleting all of my Word documents. However, I have Norton now and I am searching my room for random scraps of paper that might possibly be saved notes from the columns. Feel free to send advice questions (in a specific character or not) via FF.net's review system or my e-mail (siriousb1yahoo.com); I am always looking for things to do other than pay attention during Health class, so this is a critical step! Thank you for listening to this retarded rambling; hope you enjoyed it.