Kodomo no Kodekku

by teapup

just leaving this up for the sake of old memories. not my best writing, sure as hell not something i am proud of. feel free to just ignore this, please! take a look at my more recent writings, please!

Kodomo no Kodekku

Prologue

"Brazen, powerful, reliable, honest...controlled...That is what the M.O.T.H. Program is all about my fair doctors and officers. These highly developed humans are no longer just a simple living matter or 'word' to be taken so lightly. With a simple flick of a bodily processed finger these earthen, scientifically programmed, vastly-skilled machines could take out an entire continent! But...not without a proper thought process of course...These magnificent devices have the psychological features and cognition of a battle-experienced and genius human being! Not to mention the individual power-packed implication of each bot! All have their own ability that makes them unique! Incomparable! From illusion to ice, from fire to electricity, toxicity to wind! Japan will be invincible! America will be wiped off the list of 'Top Military Combatants'! It will be impossible to similitude to the creations of mine! And of course there will be not a soul that roams this entire earth daring enough to interfere with the almighty Japan! Oh no, not with the invincible robots we withhold! They would be blown to tiny bits, smithereens, nothing but a speck left upon their now-foreign cities! Nothing...but a well-thought out plan...by our dearest and most capable "Yoshida Suns Laboratories"..."

Swallowing once more before finally finishing his speech, he looked back up to his consultant.

"Claude, what do you think? I take that this address is going quite well...So far."

Before speaking he wiped a bead of perspiration from his forehead and tucked the ragged soap-cloth back into his rear pocket. "Well done Yoshida-sama, If I must say so myself...Though I do believe that you should add in a bit more of why the bots would be so valuable to Tokyo and the whole country of Japan. 'Just protection' is an appetizer for the government, they are looking for something that can contribute to everyday life other than just so easily a loaf of security." Taking a deep breath before hesitantly continuing, Claude said a small prayer and went on, "I would also recommend not calling our test subjects 'robots' or 'machines' so often or at all. It makes them sound quite frankly possible for a malfunction or if it rains they will glitch and instead of causing an explosion towards America they would blow up some important temple in the countryside."

The young man smirked at his servant's proposition. It was quite amusing for someone of such a low standard to be speaking so fully of such an expensive and subtle subject as if it were not what it truly was. And that was a billion dollar experiment that was currently paying all of his bills.

"Usually you do not have such a mouthful to speak of, Claude. Is something the matter?"

"Well, sir, you asked for the opinion of your worker...Though I could have made it a bit more supportive. I apologize."

"Ha, no thank you. Honesty is what I asked you for, I would expect nothing less from an honest man."

Picking up the empty shot glasses that lined his boss's desk, Claude began to try and muster up the confidence to speak of the subject a bit more intently.

"Sir?"

"Hm?"

"The M.O.T.H. Program...It is illegal, yes?"

"Quite."

"Then why do we do such things? If we were discovered or even a faithless employee ratted us out, we could all be sent to jail, even those who had no preposition in the activity?"

"My employees would simply never do that."

"And if they did?"

"They wouldn't."

"And what makes you so completely sure that they would not sir?"

"Because I pay them money. The M.O.T.H. Program will bring in lots of money. It will contribute to their paychecks. These people could care less about the law as long as their check is signed and sent out by the end of the month."

"And what about those who think differently sir?"

Setting down the empty glass of alcohol, Yoshida licked his lips thoughtfully before allowing a sly smile to spread across his face.

"That is actually a good thing to think about, Claude...Why don't we think of a list right now! Oh, or wait! Could you possibly be one of those unfaithful employees willing to lose their high-paying job just so they can do something right?"

"Sir, are you drunk?"

"Am I acting drunk, Claude?"

"I honestly cannot tell."

"For the sake of us both, let's say I am."

"And why is that?"

"Because then I would have just discussed confidential information with a mere intern. And trust me, that is not in my favor if I was sober. So why not just hit me up with another shot?"

Nodding obediently, Claude poured the bubbly alcohol into the next glass.

"Also, Claude, these scientists have devoted their very own offspring to this testing...If it were shut down because of their disloyalty it would be the equivalent to murder."

Claude stopped for a moment, shot glasses filling up his scrawny arms and cluttering his lanky chest.

What his boss was saying was completely obvious and true...Not to mention extravagantly important...

"Is there something the matter, Claude?"

Jumping slightly at his boss's sudden words, Claude quickly regained his balance and dignity- and also a steady heartbeat.

"No, sir, not at all. I was just a bit curious about the employees."

Yoshida raised a suspicious brow.

"And why would you be questioning my workers, Claude? Is there something you are not telling me?"

Claude felt his heartbeat beginning to pulse faster, causing his head to hurt and palms to sweat.

Reply, reply, reply.

Don't stall.

If you stall you are digging your own grave.

Think fast.

"Of course not, Yoshida-san. The M.O.T.H. Program is simply a beautiful experiment that any lucky human being would be delighted about having knowledge on it. I can see why you are acting so hostile on the situation, though. The M.O.T.H Program is illegal as you said earlier."

Yoshida merely raised his now-empty shot glass up, signaling for his next pour of alcohol.

Setting the dirty glasses into a basin by the door, Claude hastily scurried over to the desk with the bottle and poured it gingerly.

His stomach lurched every now and then when the black-haired businessman would let out an exceptionally loud exhale or cross and recross his legs. Even just a plain short second of eye contact made the hour all the longer.

He had to break this unbearable silence.

He just had to before he found himself breaking under the excruciating pressure.

"And sir..."

"What?"

"My name isn't Claude."

"Then why have I been calling you Claude for the past twenty minutes?"

"I don't know, I was hoping you would tell me why."

"Hey, I may be boss, but with all of these employees all over the world how the hell am I supposed to remember a little squintern's name?"

"If you have labs all over the world then why would you want to use the M.O.T.H.'s to destroy other countries? And my name is Yuichi Kagawa, sir."

"That is a good question honestly, Kagawa. But, it is not my decision with what the damned government does with those bots. Once they are sold and my profit comes in and those things work properly it will all be smooth sailing from here on out. It isn't like I really need those labs anyway. My headquarters in Tokyo has always proved itself the most useful and knowledgeable. The other foreign labs are for the most part just around for my amusement and reputation in all honesty. Favoritism is often frowned upon by the press, though."

"So really the other labs are useless, yes?"

Yoshida ran his hand through his hair and heaved a stressed sigh.

"For the most part, yes."

"How so?"

"Well, for example there is Russia. Those Soviet Federalist Socialists haven't even submitted their observation on how they can use snow to their advantage. I mean, you would think that a country full of tons of that white stuff would actually find a sustainable use for it other than having it as a trademark for tourists. Oh, and don't even get me started on Jamaica...Mango's this, bananas that. Do they not understand that fruit often time is not all that semiprecious? God...I am going to have such a hangover..."

"Should I go?"

"Nah, nah...I need someone to pour."

Nodding, 'Claude' poured another glass for his boss.

After swallowing hard he decided to keep pushing for details.

"So basically the M.O.T.H.'s are humans but they do not know how to be a human?"

Yoshida eyed him for a few seconds before snickering into his alcohol glass.

"No, no...They know how to be a human. They just need human qualities. Like compassion, depression and all of those words that end with -sion."

"Even the bad -sion's?"

"I guess so."

"But aren't they supposed to be perfect?"

"Why are you still in here?

"Because you told me to stay."

"Well get out now. I'm sick of you. And don't tell anyone about this. I'm drunk remember?"

Chapter#1

"What do you do all day?" They ask.

"I just stay in bed."

"That's awful." They would all say.

"No, it's nice. I like it."

"And what about school? Do you not attend?" Is what they always ask next.

"Of course I do. I don't like to, but I do."

"What don't you like about school?" They question.

"How lively it is. How everyone around me is breathing so easily. I'm jealous."

"Why is it so hard to breathe?" They push.

"Because I just don't want to anymore."

"But why would you not want to breathe?" They antagonize.

"Because I don't want to live."

"And why is that?" They pester.

"Life isn't healthy."

"Of course it is." They insist.

"You just die in the end, all the more reason to stop early."

"How so?" They are confused.

"Why should you have to contemplate the end? Why can't you just know?"

"Because no one wants to know when they are about to die." They are idiots.

"I do."

"Well, you shouldn't." They declare.

"Why is that?"

"It isn't normal." They know best.

"Normal was developed by cannibals and killers. Normal came from an insane mind."

"How do you know that?" They torment.

"Normal isn't normal."

"Contradictory my dear boy." They know right from wrong.

"Normal was matured from those who conducted theft and slavery."

"Everyone is a sinner?" They interrogate.

"Sinning is normal nowadays. People like me are normal nowadays."

"The norm nowadays is different from what was previously." They partially begin to understand.

"Normality differs in cultures, not always time."

"True, also by person." They speculate.

"The majority rule has always won, hasn't it?"

"Opinions are what haunt the thoughts, my boy, not the facts." They begin to falter in.

"Opinions are not normal. People are not normal. Society isn't normal."

"Society did kill the teenager, yes?" They go back to talking nonsense.

"The teenager has the choice whether to listen or not."

"The voices are not always so easy to block out." They drag me down.

"But somehow you manage."

"And if you don't?" They gnash.

"You do."

"Do you always?" They snare.

"Yes."

"How?" They dig too deep.

"Because they aren't the ones killing me, it is always my own thoughts which have proven themselves all the most toxic. It 's always when your mind is left alone, it is most lethal."

I sat in my last period class, eyes glazed and heart unsteady.

Sweaty palms, a pounding head all topped off with a half-filled and half-barren wasteland mindset.

Never thinking straight, always lost, maybe once in a while you are somewhat indulged in society but overall you know that you are squandering amongst an abandoned attitude.

When you no longer have your own personality.

When you no longer have control of your emotions and thoughts.

When you no longer feel or have that pulsating urge that keeps you moving through every single day.

Through every single conflict.

Every single sleepless night that you spent crying out in utter silence just hoping that someone- anyone- would come in and find you and somehow manage to put back together your shattered pieces, but no.

Nothing ever turns out so fairytale, so perfect, so complete.

Because while you are begging for them to come and find you they have already drifted off into their dreams, their sweet, sweet dreams, that not even the darkest and most vile demons could drag them out of. No, because they know how to control their fiends. They know how to fix themselves after a night of endless tears and cuts and self-pity.

Because they have never been so low as you.

They have never fallen so far that there really is no point of return, but only the sempiternal and savage illumination of your own mind is where you somehow truly feel safe.

So then you finally do manage to fall asleep once your drugs kick in.

And you drift so silently, oh so softly and sweetly, with such innocence it is toxic, into your deep world of unconscious nightmares that you wish that you could never wake up from.

But deplorably you always do.

Finally the gentle thumbing of my pollices created a relaxing rubbing sound that filled my ears with deliverance and a sudden cold chill.

The anamnesis of my terminating thoughts kept repeating themselves in my retention as my final class of the day drug on achingly, so excruciatingly it almost made me want to vomit.

The rain that pounded on the school's roof above me made a sudden vexation itch within me.

You would think a school in a more up-scale neighborhood could at least have a proper roof. Especially with how much some parents have to pay to get their children in here. Though, it always amazed me how everyday I would slink up there by myself or with Daisuke to eat lunch and it somehow held us up. It looked sturdy enough, but surely never sounded sturdy when it was one of these downy rain days.

It was once again another afternoon when the downfall outside my classroom window was distracting me from my concluding class on a Friday. This was the same period, same day, same time that I always lost focus on everything.

Thankfully, since I was normally such a high-graded student I was never called on or asked any questions. My attendance was neutral and I studied every night and finished all of my homework. I didn't get into this school because of a talent of sports or intellectuality- my parents paid for me to get into this drone-house. Not that it mattered much anyway. Their lab-rat jobs paid high enough and efficiently enough so that paying the high tuition didn't run us into debt. All they really do is sit inside of a lab every day and play around with computer data and animal DNA, only coming home every few days- if even that much.

When they do come home I don't speak much with them on behalf of all they talk about is their confidential experiments. Even when they can't tell us much about what is going on there, they love to speak about how amazing they think science is. Coincidentally I can never find myself to agree.

Out of my small family I am by far the most distant and uninterested. I don't participate in after school activities like my sibling's always did, I don't talk a lot, I don't have many friends or a never-ending schedule that is impossible to be cleared for even one day.

This school is full of those kind of people. Not like me, like everyone else I guess.

No- everyone is different. Not like each other, just more in the same species or same acts and interests. We are all the same species even if it doesn't seem like it.

"Tadashi?"

I turned to my right to see Daisuke standing beside my desk holding a dripping washcloth.

"Daydreaming again? Get any omens?" He questioned jokingly and sat in the seat one ahead of me.

"Hah..." I mumbled and began to pack my things into my bag as my best friend turned the chair to face me instead of the right direction.

"Seriously, what do you even think about the whole day? You are never paying attention, everyone notices, even the teacher. And yet you still get good grades! Oh man, you need to teach me how to do that." He sighed and let his head hang from the chair and his arms go limp. "Life."

"If you only knew." I replied, running a hand through my hair and observed the girls at the front of the classroom giggling and washing the blackboard.

Daisuke blinked at me once and then turned around to follow my gaze; a huge grin spreading across his face when he saw what I was looking at.

"Miketsukami!" He leaned forward so that his face was closer to mine. "Miketsukami, right?"

I stared back at him, puzzled.

"Miketsukami?"

"She's cute, but I think that Asakura takes the cake out of those two."

"Asakura?"

A frustrated look spread across Daisuke's normally-smiling face.

Instantly he lunged towards me, wrapping his left arm around my neck whilst hauling my body forward so that I was practically hung over my whole desk.

"Miketsukami." He said gingerly, as if the word were glass, and pointed to one of the two girls washing the blackboard with rags.

The one he pointed to had blonde hair that reached just a bit below her shoulders and adorned slight gentle waves rippling through it. Her eyes were an indigo-blue and were placed quite right on her face. Her facial features were light and soft, though the heavy lip gloss she had on her lips drew unnecessary attention away from her more delicate and noticeable features. Her build was slender, somewhat curved; a normal sixteen year old girl's body. Her uniform was dressed neatly apart from her rolled-up sweater sleeves as she washed the board and the knee socks she adorned had a barely noticeable lint bundle on the upper left hand side, right leg. A word that instantly popped into my mind when I finished analyzing every detail about her was garish, mainly due to the four colored rubber bands she wore around her left wrist, while on her right she only adorned two. Unappropriated. Her earrings were also yellow, clashing with her blonde hair and making her look bland, though the tucked-away pink chain necklace which hid beneath her buttoned blouse helped bring back the tacky look. Miketsukami, everyone.

"Lip gloss."

Was all I had to say about my final measurement of Miketsukami.

Daisuke's narrowed eyes slowly turned towards me.

"Lip gloss?"

I nodded and pulled myself out of his grip and sat back down and began to slide my pencils into my case once again before I had been disturbed by a certain nuisance.

"Miketsukami. You can't tell me you don't think she is at least decent! Her hips, figure, eyes! A package there! Come on!" Spoke the nuisance.

"You said yourself that you preferred Asakura."

His mouth opened and gaped for a moment, searching for the right words desperately, before he simply closed it once again and stared into my eyes with such intensity his face began to turn a slight pink.

I looked past him at the other girl, apparently Asakura, and threw my gaze into hers.

Large chestnut brown eyes, short brown hair coming to just about her chin, the edges of her light trim turning in towards her face, framing her also delicate features, though hers were a bit softer, more child-like. Her eyes were large, again chestnut-colored, welcoming and friendly. Her cheeks and face were also infantile, but at the same time quite cute. Her bangs were willowy and natural, likable and acceptable. Her build was almost like Miketsukami's, though a bit smaller, compared that the two were the exact same height: five feet, four inches and six centimeters. Though, Miketsukami could possibly be seven and a half centimeters. I began to observe her uniform; neat and clean, prepped nicely and pressed correctly. Her bow was tied aright, bouncing lightly but not too much- something of those sorts would be quite a bother. Her dress was also quite tipped to perfection, her earrings were small white pearls, much less gaudy than her friend's and many times unobjectionable. Her socks though were black, clashing far too much with her black uniform sweater. Black with black could almost only be pulled off by adorning black stockings, not black socks. Though I began to find that Asakura's biggest flaw had to be-

That is when suddenly found my surging observation thrown off track when Daisuke coughed unexpectedly loud.

Though, the cough was more of one of those "notice me" or "watch what you're saying" coughs, not an actual cough. I wrinkled my brow at him, furious that he interrupted my process.

"What is your issue you big oaf?" I growled, glaring threateningly at him.

He covered his mouth with his hand and pointed to the chalkboard where Miketsukami and Asakura were standing, both glaring over at me.

The two girl's looked baffled, equally blushing and huddled close to one another, whispering cautiously.

I looked from them to Daisuke twice before shaking my head, bemused.

Daisuke slammed his palm against his forehead and groaned, flopping uselessly in the chair.

"For someone so smart you really are stupid." He whined, blazing up at me.

"Contradictory." I stated simply and stood up, pushing my chair in and quickly slinging my bag over my shoulder. "I think we have spent enough time after school, Daisuke. Let's head to Amoya's, I'm craving udon."

My best friend glanced back at the two whispering girls before sighing and placing himself beside me.

"Amoya-san...The light of my life..." He said dreamily and began to swoon for a moment.

"Amoya-san's family restaurant...The light of my life..." I mocked him, though the truth was spoken clearly just then.

Daisuke and I's other close friend, Amoya Ito, and her father owned and ran a traditional Japanese restaurant from the bottom section of their home. Not to mention offering the most delicious dishes in all of Tokyo.

I began to find myself start to swoon before the obnoxious grumble of my stomach interrupted my pigheadedness.

"Daisuke!" I yelled abruptly, leaning close to his ear and causing him to startle and jump.

"Tadashi! You monster! You interrupted my gentle dreams of Ito-sama and I getting married with her feeding me our vanilla cream wedding cake!" He cried, grabbing me by the arm.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Amoya-san marrying you. Possible. Shall I get into observation with this subject?"

Daisuke's eyes widened to saucer's and his mouth turned to a deep frown.

"All of this is easy for you to say! Amoya-san actually has intimate feelings for you! She just sees me as your...annoying friend..." He whined, though mumbling the final words.

I shook my head, exhaling heavily, and took him by the shoulder as we began to walk out of the classroom and down the hallway towards the locker's on the bottom floor.

"Hideki Daisuke, I have told you this many, many times...I do not feel the same way for Amoya. The feelings she beholds for me are simply not mutual." I explained to him once again.

He gazed down at his feet as we both walked down the stairs.

"I don't see why you don't feel the same way...Amoya...She's...Well, let's just say I could do one of those whole observation things you do on just how perfect her hair is!"

"Her hair?" I snorted, opening my locker, taking out my outdoor shoes and slipping them on.

"Yes, her hair." He sighed dreamily, "The way her perfect chestnut-brown hair with a slight golden tint bounces just above her shoulders, the way it glistens in the right kind of light...oh, and of course the way it looks right after she gets out of the shower! Tadashi, it lays so evenly it's criminal!"

I gave my best friend a confused look and picked my bag up once again.

"More like a simple high school crush gone criminal." I mumbled, beginning to walk towards the front door

Daisuke let out a groan and quickly appeared by my side as I exited the building.

"This isn't a crush, Tadashi! It is love!"

I shook my head and kept silent as he kept rambling on about how and why he loved Ito-san.

Love.

An emotion so deplorable it could drive the most down-to-earth and wealthy to insanity.

A word so vicious it can completely tear down one's whole world.

Everyone says that love is more than a word, an emotion, but personally it really isn't more than that, logically.

Love, a noun or verb, not an adjective or pronoun.

Simply a word emotion, nothing more or less.

In my opinion love is not inconceivable.

It is possible; I always think logically.

However when someone says that anything is possible they are truly speaking one of the world's biggest lies.

Defying gravity without the proper technology and or scientific works is impossible.

Living without oxygen is impossible.

It is also impossible to lift more than 27 pounds with a normal human tongue, though that could possibly be contradictory if tried hard enough.

Like love, weight-lifting with a tongue more than 27 pounds is possible.

Maybe one day I will fall in love, possibly uncontrollably.

That is what I am going to try and control though; my emotions.

I can't end up like a love-sick dove and get heartbroken over a simple girl.

I cannot let one person control my whole life.

Though, living alone is possible for a human being, they will nine out of ten times end up partially berserk.

I do not want to fall in love, although the thought is tempting, I do not want a person to control my entire existence.

I want to make my own decisions and not have to worry about what they think or how they feel.

As barbarous as that sounds to most people, it is completely logical.

I do not want to ruin someone's life because I make a mistake, I do not want to hurt them.

I really do not want to see the person I love the most in pain and wreathing.

I truly do not. But who ever would?

Seeing someone you care about in displeasure is absolutely mind-shattering and grievously depressing.

I don't want to hurt people and I don't want them to hurt me.

Life is just so much more simple and elementary that way.

No heartbreak, no grief, no emotional scars or physical scars, no iniquity.

I want to have someone to love, but I do not want to hurt them and the same vice versa as I have explained moments ago.

Pain is something I simply cannot handle well.

"...but most of all Amoya-sama's devastatingly wicked voice that could shake any man to their bones is what often causes my insides to melt! The way she calls me an idiot, or a baka in her tsundere-mood days! Tadashi...I love Amoya! I do! I truly, madly, deeply love Ito-san..."

Daisuke stopped in place and stared at the ground, his eyes soft and his mouth creased,

"Truly, madly, deeply..." He whispered again.

I stopped a few paces ahead of him and turned my body slightly to face my love-stricken best friend.

Other students walked past us, paying little to no attention to the both of us standing towards the far left region of the sidewalk leading out into the busy streets.

Overcast taunted overhead, promising downpour for the third time this week, dawning more on the mood of both Daisuke and I.

He stood there for almost two whole minutes before finally looking back up to me, his emotion almost breathtakingly serious.

"I want Amoya-san to love me too."

I looked back at him, gaze neutral, and then nodded.

"Never give up on something that you feel so strongly about. Never give up on someone that you cannot go one day without thinking about." I assured him and gestured with my head for him to walk beside me.

As Daisuke once again took his place at my side he gave me a small grin.

"She's never going to love me the way I love her, Tadashi...but that doesn't mean I will ever leave her side..."

I looked at my best friend for a few heartbeats before nodding and gazing down at the ground as he did a few moments ago.

Persistence and dedication.

Hideki Daisuke, you son of a bitch, you are going to make a wonderful man.

We traveled down the busy Tokyo streets with casual speed.

Both hungry and determined to get to Ito-san's restaurant in record-breaking time for an after school snack, not breaking pace once.

Passing by other rushing citizens, street vendors and many skyscrapers at once is actually quite mind-boggling.

"Daisuke, wait up a moment." I called after my best friend who had taken the liberty of practically leaving me behind.

He stopped and looked back at me, the crowd shouldering him irritably.

I hurried and planted myself beside him.

"What are you waiting for man? Amoya-san is waiting for us; she knows we come everyday after school. We may even study together today. Can't waste time."

I snatched a quick glimpse at him before drawing in a long breath of car exhaust and oxygen.

Do you like yourself Daisuke?

If you do, what is it like?

What is it like to be excited to go somewhere?

What is it like to be excited to go and see the person you love?

What is like to be satisfied with what you are and what you do?

Why can't I ask you these things?

You are my best friend and know what I am going through.

Why can't I reach out to you or anyone for help?

I began to try and clear my mind as I fell back into place with him.

What is it like to like yourself?

What is it like to wake up every morning and look at someone in the mirror that you enjoy seeing?

Please tell me, Hideki.

Please tell me, someone.

"Ito-san!" Hideki called out with a swooning voice, sliding off his shoes at the front door of of our best friend's restaurant.

I breathed in the delicious scent of the restaurant.

The normal aroma of Ito's is a warm, salty, minty tang with a hint of fresh fish and noodles.

A bit hard to explain if you haven't smelled it, though if you have you understand completely.

The restaurant is run by Amoya's parents, Yoruko and Renshou Ito.

Their daughter Amoya, my best friend, often helps out around the restaurant, whether it is waiting on customers or helping cook she is often seen busy. Amoya's younger sister, Chinatsu, helps out also.

There is a small, close-knit group of employees.

With there being one hostess, Sunai, and only three cooks (one of which being Amoya's father) along with one waiter and three waitresses (one of the main Amoya) and the restaurant being quite popular, though normally attracting the same crowd of customers each business day, the family-operated enterprise is commonly quite at work.

Despite Ito's average flow of customers the restaurant is at most times quiet and peaceful with workers and customers mingling with one another in either whispered tones or low voices.

The atmosphere is relaxing and pacifying, provided with the traditional décor and meals, Ito's is the preferred hang-out place of Daisuke and I apart from our classmates who often hang out at garish fast food joints and modern stylish cafes during their after school commutes.

The brassy conjunctions often times give me headaches and the food the occasional stomach virus.

Ito's always provides the most delicious and freshest products for their meals known to my own mind.

The aliments they serve are also always cooked perfectly without fatty-ends or burnt crisps clinging to the bottom.

The food provided by Ito's is also very traditional and efficient for the soothing environment.

The front door is casual dark wood with a window, adorned with two large side windows at the front of the restaurant, showing off the magnificent service and seating. The traditional Japanese writing above the door spelled out 'Ito's'. It was carved into a piece of wood with small etches around the edges, obviously homemade. But that was what people liked about Ito's. It was traditional and homey, with low-rise tables and pillows to sit on and all conventional foods and drink. The walls are painted a light beige and the floor below are all tatami mats. The front door even had somewhere for you to place your shoes and change into a pair of freshly washed indoor slippers, often catching the attention of the germophobic elderly. One of my favorite parts are the handed-down wall scrolls that hung deftly all around the partitions and the gentle Japanese music that always hummed softly in the background. The noise coming from the rear kitchen was always blocked off by the swinging wooden door, thankfully. The traditional bonsai trees and bamboo trees spread out along with a few Japanese flower plants in homemade clay pots bring out a lot of the restaurant's culture and character. And of course to forget the waitresses and hostess's uniforms would be practically committing a crime. The uniform is a traditional yukata which is dark red on the bottom and white at the top; much like the ones old shrine owners used to wear out in the Japanese countryside. Their feet are also adorned with the homey shrine-owner sandals known so well along with a pair of white socks to hide their toes. Ito's is a traditional paradise. There is often no place I would rather be.

"You babbling imbecile!" I hissed through clenched teeth, grabbing his left arm, trying to keep my own voice low. "You know the rules. No yelling."

My white-haired best friend looked over to me and narrowed his eyes.

"Of course I know the rules you idiot! I come here everyday." He retorted, though his voice much quieter this time.

"Then act like you do before you piss off the other customers."

I released his arm and slid on my own pair of slippers at the front door, placing my shoes in a cubby.

I nodded a greeting to the hostess, Sunae.

Her eyes widened and she looked down while waving back to me.

Sunae, while being a very sweet girl and a great hostess, is quite shy and mainly took the job to get better at interacting with others.

Her looks though suited her personality quite accurately.

Adorning short boy-cut orange hair with a timid and sheepish smile that was heart-warming and kind,

light brown eyes (which resembled more of an orange than brown in my opinion) that had a soft touch that could justify the correct person's heart to melt.

Despite being seventeen years of age her body was still quite child-like and undeveloped- but she still stood quite tall, my calculations at about 166 centimeters. She couldn't have weighed more than 115 pounds, still no less either.

The peachy-white pigment of her skin showed a little bit of her acne which lay underneath her bangs. Though there was barely any- nor was it at all noticeable- she was a teenager and it was expected out of her at this age. Only the luckiest of humans make it through their adolescent years without even a slight hint of the unwanted blemishes.

"Tadashi? Come on man; our tables' awaiting us."

I once again snapped out of my observation trance and looked to Hideki.

He was motioning me towards our usual table by the back of the restaurant.

I felt my stomach growling in unison with my best friend and my feet quickly followed along.

I traveled calmly past other customers who were eating and chatting silently amongst one another, any of them barely acknowledging my presence and minding their own business.

When we reached our seats I sat across from Hideki and took hold of my laminated paper menu and let my gaze rake slowly over it.

Normally I would do a complete observation of every item on the menu though I had already memorized the deliciously simple choices and implanted my favorites into the back of my mind.

"Tsukimi udon." I mumbled, causing Hideki to look up at me with an amused expression.

He ran his hand through his hair and let out a soft exhale.

"I was thinking more of a nabeyaki udon today. Today is a nabeyaki kind of day."

He flipped the menu to the back and hummed softly, gazing over the assortment of printed beverages.

"Green tea...Nice, warm green tea..." He chirped and let his eyes flutter for a moment.

I shook my head at him and kept my gaze on the menu.

"May is a month far too warm for hot tea, especially green." I commented, flipping my menu over also.

He shrugged and gazed lovingly towards the kitchen.

"Amoya-san can make anything taste magnificent during any time of year..."

I glared up at him for a seconds before rolling my eyes.

"I wonder if Amoya would be willing to chill some green tea for me...I am in the mood for it- just not hot." I sighed and sat down my menu before letting my shoulders slump.

My best friend turned back towards me, no longer smiling.

His normally-cheerful face was creased downward and his eyes were almost to slits.

I gazed over at him, confused.

"Of course she wouldn't mind...She's in love with you..."

I felt my emotions begin to toss and turn within me, knotting my stomach into a jubilee of gnarled branches. My skin began to feel hot and itchy, causing my palms to sweat and feel like they were peeling. My heart also began to also pick up pace, thumping so unevenly I thought I would go into cardiac arrest within a few moments.

Why did Hideki always have to bring up Amoya's liking for me?

Is he intentionally trying to make me feel guilty or accidentally speaking of it because it's true?

I looked up at my best friend, my face giving away none of what I was feeling inside.

I'm sorry, Hideki.

I'm so sorry.

"Stop looking at me like that." He growled, turning his head away from me to gaze out the front window with constricted eyes.

"Like what?" I questioned, squeezing my pants leg beneath the table.

"Like you don't care or don't know what's going on." He once again whipped his head back around to face me, "You can't tell me that Amoya having feelings for you doesn't complicate your emotions or day-to-day life. You can't simply just ignore the fact that your best friend has intimate feelings for you."

I kept on my poker face, unwilling to let my best friend's words reveal my true bittersweet passion on the subject.

"She ignores your feelings."

The words came out bitter and sharp, like ice or a blade.

I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't mean mean it.

Hideki's face went from wounded to emotionless in less than two seconds and that is when before I even knew it I felt like I wanted to die.

I felt as if I truly was the worst human being on earth.

I always said mean things to those who care about me.

I always turned them away when they only wanted to help or cheer me up.

Hideki, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I stared in horror back at him, his gaze searing directly into mine.

It was agonizing to hold up this war-like staring contest.

I wanted to flinch away and beg for his forgiveness.

I wanted to assure him that I never meant what I said and that I felt nothing for the girl he loved.

I wanted him to know how sorry I was for saying that.

Why can't I tell you?
Why can't I speak my sorrow?

Why can't I tell you how I never meant this?

He swallowed, setting his hand onto the table and crumpling up his napkin.

Speak to me, Hideki.

Silence is the most excruciating.

Silence kills.

He seemed to be caught between two emotions.

Probably ire and ruefulness.

He simply couldn't decide which fit the situation all the more perfectly.

Life is like a puzzle, friend.

"I know."

His words came out like mine had: sharp and inhumane.

He spoke the words with repent and a frigid bite.

"It's true so...I can't be angry at you."

Even though his words made the atmosphere feel glacial, it was becoming all the more relieving.

I felt my stomach lurch upwards and fill with a cool sense of alleviation.

Thank you, Hideki.

"Of course you can't be. You can't live denying the truth."

I rued the words as soon as they spilled clumsily from my mouth.

Kill yourself.

A small grin inched it's way across Daisuke's face.

"You're so simple, Tadashi."

"Good afternoon! Welcome to Ito's!"

Hideki and I both looked up into the beaming face of Hanako, one of the waitresses.

My best friend smiled back at her and I simply nodded in her direction.

I couldn't find myself to conduct one of my observations on her right now.

My brain wasn't functioning quite so well presently; therefore it would be useless.

"Two of our favorite casuals! How are you two today?" Hanako asked cheerfully with an indestructible smile upon her face.

"No need to act so friendly, Hanako. We're casuals here." Daisuke laughed.

Hanako's shoulders slouched and she exhaled deeply.

"My cheeks hurt from smiling this long."

I smirked at her words and it wasn't long before it was noticed by both of them.

"So he does acquire emotions!" Hanako joked, pulling out her notepad and pen, "Wonder if he will order something...This is all too interesting."

Hideki snickered and gazed over at me too.

"Everyone smiles." I replied dryly, shrugging my shoulders.

"I for one have never even seen you crack a grimace. You're like another species Kimura." Hanako reached down and took our menus into her arms and used them for a clipboard to take our orders.

"One nabeyaki udon with a hot green tea, please. Oh! And a side of vanilla pudding...I love vanilla." Hideki grinned wide, seemingly swooning over just the thought of his meal.

Hanako turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

"And for the alien?"

Alien.

I swallowed to hold back the feeling of regret as it ushered me to let it escape in the form of exasperated tears.

Why can't you just smile at her?

Why can't you just be nice and polite?

"Tsukimi udon...chilled green tea." I mumbled softly, hiding my face in my hand.

Look her in the eyes.

Look her in the damn eyes you idiot.

"Please?" She prompted.

Please.

Please.

Please.

But my mouth spoke no words, for it was only my mind that could beg for forgiveness.

It was only my mind which could speak freely.

I kept my face hidden, clenching my perspiring palm tightly over my features.

"Alright then."

The knots in my stomach fastened together even more fiercely as I heard her walk away and push the door open to the kitchen.

I could feel my best friend's gaze searing into me by now, curiosity and confusion shadowing his gaze.

I slowly lifted my head up from my hand and ran my hand through my bangs, pushing them away from my eyes.

I looked over at Hideki who honestly looked baffled, though his expression immediately changed when I made eye contact with him.

"I wonder why Amoya-san didn't wait on us today?" He whimpered abruptly, fumbling with the crumpled napkin from a few minutes ago, "I haven't even seen her walking around with a tray..."

Swallowing back any form of emotion, I cleared my throat to speak.

"Maybe she's doing her homework early." I mumbled, looking out the front window.

Daisuke looked a bit hurt.

"But Amoya-san always waits on us...No matter what!"

I gave him an annoyed look.

"I am sure Amoya has better things to do than to sit here and wait on her two best friends."

"She wouldn't be sitting you idiot! Ito-san always stands while taking our orders!"

You've got to be kidding me.

"Why do I still hang out with you?" I groaned, practically slamming my head into the low-rise table.

I heard him laugh from deep in his diaphram; his hearty happiness over-flowing and dripping eerily into the minute-ago arctic atmosphere.

His optimism was sickening.

"Because I am practically your only friend and you love me! I'm your best friend, Tadashi!"

My stomach began to fasten once again into those never-ending gnarls of intestine and emotion.

Why is he still so nice to me even when I am the world's biggest douche bag to him?

Why are Hideki and Amoya even acquainted with someone as lousy as me?

They are both such lovable and generous people with hearts of gold...

While I can't even tell someone thank you for a meal...

How are people so openly warm towards others?

I want to be kind and tender...I want people to enjoy my presence.

But all I do is self-loathe and complain or provide the occasional snide comeback.

What am I so afraid of that it causes me to not even let someone know how much I appreciate them?

"I am also quite the chick magnet you know. Asakura practically fainted today while asking me to use my eraser! She totally has the hots for me."

I rolled my eyes.

"Asakura is androphobic."

A bewildered expression spread across Daisuke's previously-smug face.

"Huh?"

"The fear of men." I stated simply.

"Hah, maybe that's why she looked so horrified when Miketsukami and her caught you staring."

"I wasn't staring, I was observing." I retorted.

Hideki snorted,

"Considering you have to stare to observe, yes, it counts just as creepily."

"They simply misconceived my actions. If they knew what I was actually doing they would not have been frightened."

"If they knew that you were observing them? Sure...Not alarming at all..."

"It isn't! I was merely constructing a strictly educational mensuration on them. Girl's always get the wrong idea. They are far too focused on maniacal things such as boyfriends or fashion or the others love interest."

"Or the next popular boy band." Hideki added with a smirk.

"Exactly! Females simply yearn for the same few simple things...Everything is either far too complex or far too unsophisticated within their minds..."

"Are you a leaning bisexual Tadashi? Or a full homosexual?" My best friend suddenly blurted out, though it was obviously serious and intentional.

"W-What?"

"Are you attracted to men Tadashi? It's a simple question."

"No! Why would you think that?"

He tapped his chin and hummed softly.

"Well, you are sitting here practically shunning women by saying they are either far too simple or far too convoluted and are obsessed with nonsense. You also never seem interested in girls whether it be Miketsukami, Asakura, Ito-san or any other female who makes advances towards you. And not even just advances but any sort of contact! It all points to homosexuality."

I felt dumbfounded.

No. Not even dumbfounded. I felt vexed.

How could Hideki ever think I had male-to-male feelings?

That is just completely...psychotic.

I began to grit my teeth.

"I act that way towards everyone."

"Do you have something against homosexuals?" Hideki questioned, flicking a stray hair from his face.

"Of course not!

"Then why do you act so touchy when I talk about them?"

"I'm not being touchy I'm simply defending myself against you're accusations."

"I wasn't accusing you of being a homosexual, I was asking you if you were."

I clenched my fists even tighter, causing my knuckles to grow white.

"Your tone was accusing enough..."

"Well...then pardon my tone. I was only asking."

I didn't reply this time, simply keeping my mouth shut.

Hideki Daisuke you really are an idiot.

"Two green tea's, one hot and one chilled!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Hanako's effulgent voice abruptly entered the scenery again.

I watched as she sat Hideki's steaming teacup in front of him, causing him to lick his lips deliciously.

"And the cold green tea for the alien with a chilled heart!" She laughed as she sat the tea in front of me.

It was in a cylinder-shaped glass and adorned two ice cubes to keep it cool although it was already low temperature.

I purposefully ignored her joke and took the container in my right hand, letting the chilly drink wash down my throat.

The drink was refreshing and sweet with the glow of fresh herbs.

It was a wave of relief compared to the radiant heat which burned ferociously outside.

This May was particularly scolding for some strange reason.

Public swimming pools would be opening much earlier than last year and ice cream carts and shops would also be here quite early.

I tugged at the tie around my neck and groaned sensually as it loosened.

Hideki smirked at the noise I made and sat down his teacup.

"Yeah, these uniforms sure do accumulate enough sweat from me throughout the summer days."

I looked across the table at him and frowned.

"Pft. When do we change into summer uniforms this year?"

My best friend tapped his chin thoughtfully before letting his eyes widen and mouth narrow into a grin.

"June first."

I groaned again, pulling off my uniform blazer and folding it neatly before setting on the pillow beside me.

"It's only two more weeks, Tadashi." Hideki said, taking another sip of his steaming tea.

How in the world is he drinking that?

"More like two more weeks of intense sweating and smoldering heat all topped off with a black uniform blazer."

Hideki laughed and began to also pull off his blazer in the same style as I.

"This uniform is quite heat-consuming...Not to mention uncomfortably restricting..."

Our school's uniform was quite similar to any school's.

It had a summer and winter change throughout the year.

I can't say I favor either one but I might as well just wear it and not put up a fight.

The female uniforms are far more complex than the male's, however.

The female winter uniform is a black sweater over a dark navy blue sailor dress with a slim red ribbon to tie around the neck. The bottom of the dress has a thin white stripe and the flap on the back of the neck hangs over the sweater., while the neck of the sailor jumper is also visible where the sweater dips. In addition to the dress a white blouse is worn underneath of it so that the sweater can be removed if needed. Girls are also required to wear black or white thigh-high socks or stockings during the winter. Though each student has two alternatives each change. Females can either wear that or just their jumper with a white long sleeved blouse and their red tie. The sweater also has the school's emblem on the right of the chest.

The male's winter uniform is a simple dressing of a black blazer including the school emblem on the right of the chest, a red neck tie and dark navy blue slacks. They can also dress in their regular slacks and tie but have a white long-sleeved shirt.

The female summer inform is a white short sleeved blouse with a black button-up vest also with the school emblem on the right of the chest. The bottom is a dark navy blue skirt with a white stripe along the bottom and they are required to wear black or white knee-high socks or regular socks, though no ankle socks. Their summer alternative is their plain school jumper with a short sleeved blouse and their neck tie.

The male's summer uniform is also quite simple as the winter one.

A white polo shirt it worn with the school emblem of course on the right of the chest, a red necktie and dark navy blue slacks. Their mutually exclusive is their shirt with a black vest over it with all of the other same pants and tie.

Our uniforms range from quite simple to quite complicated.

"Nabeyaki and tsukimi udon along with one order of pudding!"

I jumped slightly at the change of voice and lifted my head to see the gleaming smile of Amoya.

"A-Amoya-san!" Hideki swooned, his eyes lighting up like lanterns.

I gazed at our best friend and began my strict observation.

Hers

Ito-san stood at approximately five feet and four inches and weighed no more than 110 pounds. Her hair is a wavy golden-brown and reached just above her shoulders. Amoya's eyes are also light brown and her face has womanly features adorned with high cheekbones, full cheeks and she even had on a bit of lip gloss which gave her lips a shiny, kissable look. Her hair today, though, looked unnaturally tousled and that was when I noticed she was still inside of her school uniform holding her waitress tray.

"You look so beauteous today, my love." Hideki purred, gazing lovingly at the waitress holding his meal.

Her face twisted into an unamused glare, her cheerful smile instantly fading away.

"Ito-san why are you still adorning your school uniform? Not that it is a bad thing considering the way your black stockings define your slim thighs or especially the way you have your sweater tied around your waist is simply unique and recherche! Amoya-sama you make my heart pulse a few paces faster..."

Amoya sighed, shaking her head as she sat our bowls of udon in front of us.

"Hideki you have the mind of a hentai manufacturer."

She sat down beside him, shaking her head.

Hideki blushed and shifted closer to her, breathing in the scent.

"Aye-mo-ch-a-ah-n-n." He purred softly and she shifted her narrowed gaze from him and back to me.

Before she could meet my gaze I quickly reached for my chopsticks and clasped them between my hands, dipping my head now.

"Thank you." I said softly and then dipped the dragon-print sticks into the matching bowl.

"Ita-daki-mah-su!" Hideki swooned, practically yelling out the words before he began to shovel the udon into his mouth. "Delicious!"

I sighed and pulled one of the thick noodles up to my mouth before softly chewing it between my teeth.

The instant familiar taste of my favorite Ito's dish filled my mouth.

Between the salty chicken flavor, perfection of the garlic and vegetables or the perfect poached egg I could not decide if this dish was simply intimate or the taste of true love.

The flavor washed from the chewed up udon noodle all the way to the back of my throat, where I tasted it foremost.

I almost wanted to utter aloud and express my intense feelings for the meal but I knew that it would simply be unnecessary.

I swallowed one poached egg whole whilst lifting it to my mouth with the chopsticks before looking up at Hideki, who was being watched by Amoya as he vacuumed his meal with his mouth.

Her face was being held up by her fist, her facial expression partially amused and partially disgusted.

"I still question why Mommy-chan let's that mongrel into our restaurant."

I sat down my chopsticks and looked up Amoya's younger sister, Chinatsu, who was also still dressed in her school uniform.

She also looked quite bedraggled; her hair, which looked identical to Amoya's either way, was a golden-brown wavy tidal wave of frizz and tangles, along with dirt smudges that marked her face and sailor uniform. Her blue eyes looked tired and her arms were crossed over her chest, showing off her middle school body. The two sisters often were mistaken to be twins until told that Chinatsu was actually 13 years old, 4'10 and eighty five pounds- far different from her older sister who was already at fifteen years of age.

Hideki frowned, his mouthful of broth, fat noodles and possibly three poached eggs.

"He supports this restaurant quite well actually, Chinatsu. He is the one who practically pays for our groceries because of his constant visits." Amoya spoke up defensively

Chinatsu snorted and took the pillow beside me, causing me to shift myself further away from the people at my table.

"Oh come on, Tadashi-kun. Do I seriously smell that bad?" Chinatsu laughed and took a soft swing at my shoulder.

I jumped and looked up from my bowl as I heard Hideki swallow obnoxiously loud, watching as he sucked in a deep gulp of air.

"Yes Amoya-sama, I was about to ask why you looked so rough- but yet so dashing- this afternoon."

Hideki sat down one chopstick before swirling the other one between his fingers like a windmill.

Amoya sighed and ran a hand through her messy mane of hair and used the other to wipe a smudge of dirt from her cheek.

"We had to help a woman in the Kitashirakawa Shopping District carry in a new shipment of flowers right after school." She explained, looking at me instead of Hideki.

"She's a close friend of Mommy-chan and daddy." Chinatsu added.

Amoya rolled her eyes at her younger sister before glaring at her deviously.

"If you want to be treated as mature as you say you should probably stop calling mom and dad Mommy-chan and daddy." The older Ito sister retorted, causing a disheveled look to spread across her sibling's face.

Hideki snickered softly beside his crush, picking up his other chopstick and began to squeeze an egg between them before slurping it disruptively into his mouth.

"I'm still more mature than that heathen." Chinatsu scoffed, rolling her eyes just as passively as her older sister had.

"Heathen?" Hideki cried, causing himself to practically choke on his mouthful of udon.

Chinatsu sighed inwardly and smoothed out her uniform before sucking in her cheeks.

"Does he not understand such developed vocabulary?"

Amoya narrowed her brown eyes at her sister before lifting her head from her hand.

"Just because you want to be more mature doesn't give you the right to be ill-mannered to your elders." She hissed and Hideki's eyes glimmered with love.

"A-Amoya-sama is standing up for me..." He swooned, though she completely ignored him.

"Elders?" Chinatsu chuckled before moving a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "You are all merely two years older than I am."

"Still elders." I stated and lifted another thick noodle into my mouth.

"We are still two years older." Hideki expressed, his mouth in a content smirk.

Chinatsu although still did not seem convinced.

"I base elderism off of mature actions, not mature age." She said simply and grinned.

"Someone who is mature does not use the word 'elderism'." Amoya countered.

"Elderism isn't even a word." I said, pinching a small chopped up bit of onion between my mouth.

Chinatsu shrugged and exhaled deeply.

"I used it for lack of a better word."

"But elderism isn't a word." Hideki put in, beginning to dig into his pudding.

"You cannot lack a better word for something that isn't a word." I said simply.

That is when I noticed the younger Ito sister begin to look befuddled.

Not only was her face beginning to grow a light shade of pink but her body was tensing up.

"I was improvising." She spat back after a few moments of silence.

Amoya shrugged and smiled devilishly.

"Someone who is so mature should not have to improvise, proving that you are not as mature as you think."

Chinatsu fought back her emotions, obviously refusing to allow defeat.

I felt a large knot beginning to grow in my lower abdomen.

"Why does everyone want to grow up so quickly anyway?" I mumbled, poking at my last egg with one of my chopsticks, "I would do anything to be younger again."

Hideki began to nod furiously.

"Same here...I miss being able to watch anime without my dad mocking me and calling them cartoons"

"I also miss not having so much homework and after school activities..." Amoya put in, thumbing the sleeve of her sweater which was still tied around her waist, "And when you had no responsibilities and were able to just go outside during the summer in bare feet and chase fireflies on the pavement."

Hideki laughed.

"And then your our mom's would get so angry because our feet would be so raw that we couldn't get off of the couch for three days and had to soak our feet in salt water."

I smiled at the memory and lifted the final egg to my mouth, letting the remembrance of happier days flood over me.

The days when my parents had normal office jobs at Yoshida Suns and were home everyday.

The days where they had the option to work from home and were still able to cook my siblings and I dinner.

Or the really great days where I was still young and wasn't depressed.

The amazing days where I could sleep easily at night and listen to music without a lump of sadness forming in my throat. The days where I was able to fall asleep without wishing that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Those days where I would wake up to Alice and Souchiro jumping on my bed and yelling that mom and dad were taking us out for breakfast and then to the zoo.

And even the days that weren't so great where I wasn't able to go outside and play because it was raining too hard and mom hated mud. Even those days cleared up eventually because then after hours of begging dad would break down and take us all outside bundled in rain boots and rain coats with shovels and buckets. That was when he would take us to the park and let us shovel through the puddled-sand and tackle one another into pools of muddy rainwater. Even the worst part was good when we would have to head home and mom would make us strip down in the foyer to our underpants whilst dumping our dripping muddy clothes into a laundry basket and then forcing us all into the tub at once.

Not that the tub part was all that bad because our tub is quite big.

But the memory of my parents being in our lives is paining.

Nowadays we are lucky if they come home once every two weeks.

And even when they visit they barely touch their homemade meal prepared by my sister and can barely hold a conversation without trailing off into their work business.

They aren't interested in family life anymore.
The only life they are interested in anymore is the life they have at their lab.

There is no more waking up as a family and eating miso soup for breakfast and steaming omelets on our balcony together during summer months. There is no more watching cheesy anime together or Japanese game shows together before bed and after dinner. There is no more grocery shopping with one another and fighting with my mother that traditional mochi is always better and tastes far more fresh than modern mochi.

And there is of course no happiness or life or bonding moments within our platform apartment any longer.

There hasn't been any love flowing through that home since I was twelve.

For three long, painful years I have developed this never-ending sorrow that racks my body invisibly every single second of the entire day.

I take medicine.

It doesn't help.

I go to therapy.

It does not help.

I listen to advice from professionals.

It never helps.

Depression is caused from loss; meaning the only way to cure this camouflaged disease is to either bring back what has been lost or to somehow replace it.

Not just anything can replace what has been mislaid though.

It has to be something that feels just like what the happiness has been before.

A replacement, a substitution, a permutation.

Something to help cure that pain.

It just has to be identical to what it was that hurt you so much before to lose.

You just better hope that you don't lose it again.

Chapter# 2

"Tadashi, you're doing it again."

I flinched, snapping out of my thoughts as I looked around the table where I was sitting with my friends.

Chinatsu had left and Hideki was helping Amoya gather our empty dishes into a pile.

"You always do that."

I reached over and grabbed my blazer, swallowing hard.

"Do what?"

"Doze off during conversations. You turn into a drone." Amoya replied.

"A drone that has been shut off." Hideki added, snatching my empty glass from beside my arm.

"Sorry." I sighed and reached into my bag for some money.

I stopped short when I heard the clattering of dishes and sensed my friends sitting back down, Amoya beside me and Hideki in front of her.

"Tadashi, there is no need to apologize...we...we understand." Amoya said, her voice a whisper as she rubbed my back reassuringly.

No, friend, no you don't.

"Yeah, man, we are your best friends. No matter how sad you are we will always try and make you feel your best." Hideki put in, a huge smile on his face.

I'm so sorry...but your best has little to no effect on me...

"Yeah...We care about you too much to give up on you."

"You will always be our favorite little moody Tadashi."

I don't want to be moody, I want to be like you.

"You are such an amazing person, Tadashi. You really deserve to be happy."

"Yeah, Amoya's right."

We only accept what we think we deserve.

"We will always stand beside you and hold your hand through this mess."

"We are like the Three Musketeers."

"That American folktale?"

"It's French and is classified as a historical novel."

"Same thing."

"I beg to differ!"

Mom, dad...

"The Three Musketeers isn't Japanese so what does it matter?"

"You can't base your entire academic career only off of Japanese literature!"

What happened to our family?

"You can't tell me what to base my academic career on you imbecile!"

"Amoya-sama I hate it when you fight with me like this."

I'm breaking mom, dad...

"You little..."

"Yes dear, speak up."

I'm so close to ending it all.

"Get out of here you idiot."

"B-But Amoya-san..."

"You too, Tadashi. Your guys' parents are probably wondering where you are."

"My dad has to work late tonight so..."

"And we all know where my parents are."

Amoya's mouth tightened into a straight line.

"Well, you each have siblings. I am sure they are wondering where each of you are."

Hideki shrugged and laid his head on the table, rubbing his cheek along the smooth wood.

"Mio-chan can wait...She knows where I am."

"Sou is probably out with friends and Alice is probably writing in her room and wouldn't want to be disturbed anyway..."

Amoya's eyebrows raised high up on her head and a smile spread across her face.

"Well, if you insist on staying then you guys can help wash the dishes and get supper ready."

"You guys haven't eaten yet?" Hideki asked, lifting his head.

"Of course not. My parents never even have time for a lunch break. They balance their meals off of breakfast and dinner so Chinatsu and I have to be sure to prepare them perfectly. They have to be filling and tasty and satisfying. Every Sunday Chinatsu and I sit down and make a list of breakfasts and dinners for us to prepare for them. As soon as they finish closing up shop they immediately take showers and by that time dinner is finished and we all eat together and head to bed. We all wake up early the next morning and after Chinatsu and I quickly get ready for school. Afterwards we make our parents breakfast. Once we all finish Chinatsu and I often help with some small chores around the restaurant before heading out to school. We are so lucky that our parents even let us join after school clubs because there is still so much work to be done around this place even with the staff, but we manage."

By the time she had finished Hideki's eyes had widened to the size of moons and his mouth was gaping.

"A-Amoya-s-an...you are so responsible and obligated...I had no idea!"

She snorted and stood up with and armful of plates.

"What did you expect we did? If we made our parents do all of the work our business would have failed long ago. It's a total team effort."

Amoya motioned for us to follow her into the busy restaurant kitchen with a motion of her head and she pushed open the wooden swinging door with her back, plunging into the room of salty steam and bustling workers.

"O-Oh! C-Coming dear!" Hideki cried out, scrambling to grab his schoolbag and blazer.

I quickly gathered my things and hurried after him as he blundered ungracefully into the kitchen.

It was huge, steamy and busy.

Metal cabinets along with large stoves, pots were spread across the room.

The floors were smooth, gray stone- nothing fancy.

The kitchen had metal racks hanging along the walls holding pots, bowls, plates and many other cooking utencils.

The large ovens and flat-fryers lined the metal-based room.

As I felt workers press and smother against me that is when I realized that a proper observation would be impossible in all of this madness.

Shaking off the tension I hurried after Hideki, who had stopped beside Amoya as she gently sat our dishes in the large, soapy sink.

"You two go upstairs and let Chinatsu fill you in on dinner. Then, send her back down here to help me finish up these dishes." Amoya ordered us, practically yelling.

"Are you sure you trust us with your family's dinner?" Hideki yelled back.

She grinned, flashing a devilish smile.

"Can't live without taking chances."

"Hiyashi Chuka!"

"Ch-Chuka?"

"Isn't that a bit advanced for us?"

Chinatsu's eyes narrowed and she thumped Hideki on the head once again.

"I was making homemade noodles by the age of five! You can make a simple summer dish!"

Hideki cowered away from her threatening hand and nodded.

"Here!" She growled, shoving a paper into my hands, "I have to head downstairs to help Amoya-san now. Just follow these directions."

I looked down at the paper, which was a sloppily scribbled down recipe and instructions to prepare Hiyashi Chuka.

"She already set out all of the ingredients." Hideki observed, making his way into the small kitchen.

It was a rectangle, a perfect rectangle.

Each side was lined with a row of counters, though the right side adorned a white fridge with drawings, schedules and other papers magnetized to it, along with a sink, a drying rack and a stove.

The opposite side had clear counters with overhanging cabinets which supplied canned goods, dishes and any packaged foods. Over the oven hung a small rack with large cooking spoons, spatulas and ladles hanging from it.

I followed after him and stood beside his figure in the tight kitchen and glanced down at the paper.

"It says to first soak dried mushrooms in water for 20 minutes. Then, slice the mushrooms and to hold on to the juice–you'll need it in the next step."

"Easy." Hideki laughed and looked over to the sink, "Oh, look! She already soaked them for us."

He hurried over to the clean mushrooms and pulled out the bowl, splashing a bit of water onto the floor.

"Start slicing them, I'll start on the next one. Oh and take out the mushrooms and give me the water." I told him and placed myself on a clear spot on the counter and read the next instruction.

"Mix spices for shitake, sugar, mirin, sake, soy sauce, and 1/3 cup of the shitake juice in a sauce pan, add shitake, then boil for 5 minutes on low heat and let cool."

"Sounds easy enough." Hideki said, placing the bowl of shitake juice next to me.

I nodded and took a clean sauce pan from the drying rack and began to add the spices.

First sugar, second mirin, third sake, fourth soy sauce and finally 1/3 cup of the shitake juice and lastly I added the shitake mushrooms that Hideki had finished slicing.

I nodded after checking each thing off of the list and then placing the pot on stove and turning it to low, allowing it to boil.

"Next one?" Hideki questioned me.

I nodded.

"Mix spices for sauce: sugar, soy sauce, sesame oil and 1/4 cup water in a bowl and chill in the fridge."

"I can do that too and keep an eye on the boiling sauce already. You keep going."

And so I did as he said and as the recipe called.

I beat the eggs in a small bowl, added salt, heated some oil and poured it into the eggs and cooked them on the stove like an omelet. By the time I had needed the stove Hideki had already taken off the boiling sauce.

I began to slice the eggs into thin strips and Hideki boiled the bean sprouts and strained them.

As he did that I removed the tendon from the chicken, combined it with the sake and microwaved it for three minutes as the paper recalled, all while Hideki finally boiled noodles and finished straining them.

"Almost done." I said happily and glanced at the clock, "Only took us about thirty minutes or so."

Hideki smiled wide and nodded, "We make a good team."

I shrugged and read the next direction.

"Place noodles in a serving dish, add shitake, bean sprouts, chicken, cucumber, tomato, egg and top with red ginger. Serve with the sauce from the fridge on the side, or pour over meal."

"Home stretch!" Hideki called out and hurried to the fridge for his earlier-prepared sauce.

"Mm! Smells great in here!"

I jumped at the sudden change in voice and turned to see Amoya's parents walking from up the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Y-Yoruko-san!" Hideki called, coming up from the fridge with the bowl of sauce. "Renshou-senpai!"

Yoruko smiled and walked back out of the kitchen and into the small living area, which the kitchen over-looked openly.

"How come he is senpai?" Joked the beautiful woman.

Much like her daughters' she has golden-brown hair, though hers is long and straight, pulled back into a traditional low ponytail. She had a perfect womanly face, adorning matching brown eyes to her daughter's and stood at 5'7 and weighed about 140 pounds, toned and slim. Her bangs were pulled to the side, helping her look even more mature and mellow. She was wearing a traditional white and red shrine yukata and shrine-owner sandals with white socks, her normal uniform while she worked.

While she still looked fresh and dapper, her husband Renshou looked even more bedraggled than his daughter's had earlier.

His youthful manly face was covered with smudges of food, most of the sauces and spices and the tips of his fingers looked singed along with the dark bags under eyes that easily gave away his exhaustion. His casual short brown hair was messy, missing his chef's hat and his brown eyes were groggy and dazed. He stood tall, almost six feet and muscular with 160 pounds of what looked like contractor.

Amoya really did come from a good-looking family.

"I-I'm sorry, Yoruko-s-senpai!" Hideki quickly corrected himself and sat the sauce down on the counter gently.

Yoruko snickered and wiped a stray bead of sweat from her forehead.

"Calm down, kid. I was only kidding. But dinner looks great. The girls should be up soon to help set the table."

"Meanwhile we'll be relaxing in the bath." Renshou said exhaustively, shuffling his way down the hallway towards the family's washroom.

"Well, I am entrusting you with my meal...Better not mess up." She said jokingly and followed after him.

I turned back to Hideki who seemed frozen with shock.

His eyes were wide and even looked red around the rims while his hair stood on edge, his hands trembling as he reached for the sauce.

"You alright?" I asked him and began to lay the noodles into the traditional sakura-print bowls.

He swallowed hard and nodded uncertainly.

"I have to impress them...Tadashi...This dinner has to be perfect!"

I blinked at him and smiled.

"It's only Hiyashi Chuka, there isn't much more we can do."

"Then we have to make something amazing for desert! Something mind-blowing and astounding!"

"W-What? We could barely make this! How are we supposed to make something astonishing when it is almost time to eat?"

"Well...Maybe we could buy something."

"You know how her parents are about homemade and traditional things." I said and finished organizing the final touches on the bowls and drizzled the sauce Hideki had gotten from the fridge over the four bowls.

"Yeah...What about fresh tea? That's quick and tasty...But let's add something special."

"Special?"

"Jasmine!"

"Jasmine?"

"Jasmine!" Hideki laughed and ran out of the kitchen.

I followed him, confused, stopping halfway through the living room and watched as he ran out onto the small patio, plucked two stalks of jasmine from Yoruko-san's planter and hurried back inside, practically slamming the sliding door behind him.

"Boil the water, Tadashi! We have work to do!"

By the time Hideki had finished his special tea I had set the whole table just as Amoya and Chinatsu made their way upstairs.

"It smells so delicious!" Amoya cheered as she made her way to the small dining area.

Hideki was making his way slowly in with four cups and a teapot on a platter, steam puffing from the spout.

"That looks amazing!" Chinatsu chimed in, her eyes bright and she followed after Hideki as he gently set down the tray in the middle of the table.

"Jasmine tea with a green tea base." He said cautiously, steadying the tray with trembling hands before slowly standing up and exhaling deeply.

"Ah! That's Mommy-chan's favorite!" Chinatsu exclaimed, clapping her hands.

The elated look that spread across Hideki's face looked as if he had won the lottery.

"R-Really?" He chirped like like a child.

"No. Mommy hates jasmine."

I watched as Hideki sorrwofully collapsed onto the floor, wailing in agony.

"Yoruko-san! How can you not like jasmine?" He cried out, flinging his head back and reaching at the air as if there was something he wanted to grab.

"Jasmine has an irritating taste that lingers in my mouth for too long, Hideki-kun."

I watched as my best friend whipped around and stared horrifyingly at Yoruko who was standing in the hallway next to Renshou.

The two were dressed in white bath robes and slippers.

"Y-Yoru-ko-s-sen..." Hideki whimpered as he fell on the floor onto his side, traumatized.

"Pai." She corrected him and simply walked by his trembling body and sat down at one end of the table.

"This looks stunning, Tadashi. Just let my family enjoy the tea, I normally prefer to drink only after my meal." She said and folded her hands before looking up to her family, "Are Tadashi and Bird-Boy going to be joining us for supper?"

I quickly spoke up, as Hideki was obviously unable to.

"S-Sorry...But no ma'am. We only made enough for you four and it is getting late and-"

I stopped abruptly to haul my dazed best friend off of his side and to his feet.

Renshou nodded as he and the rest of his family took their seats.

"Well, then we must thank you for the meal." Renshou said and clasped his hands together also as his daughter followed along obediently.

"Itadakimasu!"

"Wahnnn..." Hideki whined as I helped he down the busy city streets while the lights began to flicker on.

"Come on, Daisuke, get over it...It was just some tea..." I reassured my best friend and let him slide his arm out from around my shoulder.

"Yoruko-senpai completely despises jasmine tea...I should have known this..." He whimpered and let his own shoulders sag.

"That was the first time we had ever made dinner for them, you could have never even had an idea."

He clutched his schoolbag and folded blazer a bit tighter.

"I have to be better to win Ito-san's heart...I have to be perfect." He said stubbornly as we crossed the street towards Hideki's neighborhood.

But I'm not perfect and she still has intimate feelings...I am nowhere near perfect.

"Beauty is in the eye of beholder..." I told him and slung my schoolbag lazily over my shoulder.

Hideki stopped in place, people shouldering him irritably, "Huh?"

"It's some poetic verse my sister told me. It means that the beholder is the individual holding the beauty in question. Some people find one piece of artwork beautiful, some may not, it's in the 'eye of the beholder'."

"So it's all about opinion?" He questioned and began to walk by my side once again.

"Somewhat. I see it more as seeing things differently from other people."

"But what does that have to do with me wanting to be perfect and loving Amoya?"

I sighed inwardly and shook my head.

"Have you been listening to a single thing I've been saying? Love and beauty is all about opinion. All beauty is judged by an opinion. That is why this stupid world is full politically incorrect stereotypes. We love what we find beautiful, stunning, abundant. We want that beauty because it suits our yearning. Not only is the outside beautiful to us but also is the inside, though most don't see it that way. We want what we find suitable...everyone finds different things suitable."

Hideki looked at his feet as we walked, his face grim.

"Just like Amoya-san finds you suitable and not me..."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that you are any more imperfect than me or the next guy. If you find yourself beautiful than you have the confidence that others will also feel the same. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you."

Hideki looked over at me, his eyes solemn.

"What about you Tadashi? How do you see yourself?"

That is when I suddenly felt my heart thrashing about in my chest, pumping my blood in a far faster stream than a moment before.

How do I feel about myself?

That is when I began to try and recite things in my mind that I enjoyed about myself.

My personality? No.

My smile? What smile?

My hair? No.

My face? No.

You? No, not at all.

"Ah, we're here! Thanks for walking me home, Tadashi. I'll talk to you online when you get home."

I quickly jumped out of my thoughts and watched as my best friend opened the door to his cozy little home and shut it behind him.

"Ah...yeah..." I whispered as I saw the light inside flicker on through the window.

I could already imagine my best friend being greeted by his shouting younger sister, scolding him for being late without checking and that dinner was far beyond cold by now.

I wonder if Alice and Sou are doing anything tonight...

By the time I had begun to head home it had started raining, not too hard but a drizzle heavy enough to irritate me.

Of course I didn't bring an umbrella along today like Alice had told me.

I groaned and quickly pulled my blazer over my head, scanning the busy streets and watching as the people who also lived city life contributed to their parts. That is when my mind began to question what I would be when I grew up. Maybe a police officer like Hideki's dad or a businessman who traveled the world. A CEO of a mega-corporation seemed like it would be an awesome job also, but all of these careers involved very worn people skills. Not that I am awkward to talk to, I am more of a dull person to interact with. I don't talk about things other people are interested in and normally don't say what they want to hear. That is what often causes me to just not even try anymore or to even attempt to speak with others. I guess currently wasn't a good time to really be caring much about my future job. I sighed inwardly and watched the many people as they flurried among each other and held up their own umbrellas to shield themselves from the rain. I saw a girl from my own school walking with two of her friends as they each tried to hide from the rain with only one canopy. A couple was huddled under one together as they skittered across the street while an old woman hobbled past a small market with a rain poncho on. A patrolling officer was also instructing a young woman to where the nearest bus stop was.

I crossed the street at my own stride and observed the tall city skyscrapers that surrounded me. From cosmetology to huge billion dollar food corporations, many headquarters lined the streets that I strolled. Blinking lights of buses and cars were always visible out of the corner of your eye and the impudent stench of gasoline and corner wastebaskets always lingered. The uncountable voices of strangers all eventually fazed together and were only understandable when you were an inch from the speaker. The only easily identifiable sound was the obnoxious honk of an oncoming bus and the cars that protested with indigenous beeps for a response. The sounds of Tokyo in my opinion seemed like their own language and I found myself listening to the city speak until I began to find myself falling into the outlying neighborhoods.

Where I lived was an upper class vicinity of Tokyo.

The streets were all perfectly paved with wide, smooth sidewalks that had trees lining them evenly and flowerbeds at the bottom. The streetlights are tall black iron posts with black iron-framed lanterns at the top.

All of the houses on this block are western-styled brick-built flats, or what some people call low-rise apartments. What they really are are one story homes built on risen platforms.

Each home looks practically identical with large windows that are pretty much the walls of the house with black iron staircases that lead up to to a small iron patio with the front door.

The houses are relatively spacious and modern with large open kitchens that overlook the living room.

The kitchen consists of white granite counters and marble floors with a counter island and stainless steel appliances are often what make the home feel so contemporary. Most houses are also fenced in by black iron fences that aren't too short or too tall. They all have to be perfect height.

The living room of my home is also very open and the large plush couches are in the square dip of the floor with small staircases leading down to them. The large flat screen TV and modern day art also give the apartment a very tasteful look.

The floors in the living room, dining area and bedrooms are dark hardwood.

The paint colors differ from room to room.

Overall the houses that line my relatively queit and wealthy neighborhood are modern and expensive.

I have always wanted to move to more Japanese-styled home honestly, though I have never had much of the urge to talk to my parents about it.

By the time I reached my steps my blazer had become soaked, dripping with excess rainwater and my shoes were squeaking quite irritably.

I slowly walked up the slippery steps, refusing to exercise the railing as most would.

I sighed and gazed at the black wood threshold through the glass storm door and sighed.

Grabbing the icy-wet handle, I opened the outside door first before pushing open the inside one.

As I stepped into the genkan I was greeted by a sudden waft of warmth and a delicious scent.

It smelled fresh and tasty, causing my mouth to water.

But the sight was even more stunning than the smell.

In the kitchen was my mother and Alice, standing over the stove and laughing together as they fried dumplings in a pan.

My eyes widened and I looked over to the dining area where Souichiro was sitting with my father playing a game of Go on the table with cups of tea setting beside them.

They sat peacefully, watching me upon the tatami mat (it being the only piece of tatami in our whole home as requested by my mother so that we weren't too "western").

The flat screen TV was turned on with a game show premiering on it's screen, flashing gaudy florescent lights to reflect on the shiny floor.

My stomach began to twist with pain and my head started to throb. My hands and feet felt like block of ice. Heart throbbing irritably fast, my vision to began blur and the hairs on my arms and back of my neck rose uncomfortably.

What are they doing here?

This can't be real.

This isn't happening.

"Tadashi-kun! You're finally home!"

I shook my head, trying to clear my vision as I heard my younger sister's voice fill my ears.

I watched as she hurried from the kitchen and over to me, still wearing her school's sailor uniform.

My sister, Alice, has most of her short brown hair cut just below her ears with her bangs incised above her eyebrows, styled in a way that fans out near the bottom. Being about 5'2 and just under 105 pounds my sibling is called by most to be a petite girl. Her school uniform is a traditional sailor uniform that is white with the navy blue trim and white knee socks. Her eyes are a pinkish-brown and she also has a mature yet child-like face.

I swallowed hard as she took my wet blazer from me and slung it over her arm, whilst in the mid-reach of my schoolbag.

I felt my body tensing up as my entire family turned to look at me.

"You should go get changed, Tadashi-kun. You are as wet as a dog!" My mother remarked, a wide smile across her face.

"Yeah! Mama and I are making pan-fried dumplings!" Alice giggled and hurried away to hang up my soggy blazer.

"They're called gyoza!" My mother called after her before turning her gaze back to me, "She is right though, Tadashi. You are soaking wet!"

Sou snorted from the dining area, glaring at me with narrowed eyes.

"Alice warned that rain was coming later on and to take an umbrella to school. He just refused to listen." He said matter-of-factly, moving one of his Go stones.

My father kept quiet, seemingly uninterested in my rain predicament and kept his focus on his game with Sou.

"Well, now he knows to listen to your sister more often. Go get changed dinner will be ready soon."

I nodded numbly, sliding off my wet shoes before walking almost drone-like to my bedroom.

I hurriedly shut the door behind myself and locked it, letting out countless breathless gasps once I was alone.

"What are they doing here? Why didn't they call?" I whispered apprehensively, "I would have gotten here earlier. I would have been prepared."

I ran my hand frustratedly through my hair, sucking in quick breaths of air.

"Why are they here? Did I do something wrong?"

I quickly peeled off my soaked polo shirt and tossed it into my laundry basket before rummaging through my closet and pulling out a gray sweatshirt and a pair of khaki cargo shorts that reached past my knees.

I rapidly pulled on the dry outfit and then hurried to my mirror.

I observed myself, sighing at my grotesque appearance.

My wild brown hair was growing dry once again and fluffing up in a natural manner, though it didn't look so natural. My the whites of my eyes were a bit red and the green coloring around the pupil looked rather dull. There were also disturbingly dark bags underneath of my lower eyelids, revealing my sleepless nights. I groaned and tried to put on a smile, though my feelings were so tossed right now I couldn't even crack a simple grin. I shook my head, making my hair even more unruly, and then headed out of my room after putting on a pair of white ankle socks.

I unsteadily made my way down the wide hallway, trying to steady my breathing so that none of my family would be able to tell how much I was struggling to grasp the concept of my parents' surprise visit.

What was their purpose for coming?

They stopped by last week...They never come two weeks in a row.

They rarely ever come one week and when they do they only stay for a single day or two.

"Tadashi-kun! Hurry up and help me set the table!"

My heart lurched and I practically threw myself into a decorative table with a vase upon it as Alice called out to me.

I slipped slightly on the polished floor, though caught myself by tumbling into a nearby wall.

I groaned inwardly and hauled my body up to see my brother staring at me sickeningly harsh towards end of the hallway, grasping a tray of piping teacups.

He simply shook his head whilst rolling his eyes before walking back to the sitting area to finish his game with my father.

I bit back contemptuous retorts and steadied myself upright once again.

What's his problem?

My brother is most often times unrefined and hateful don't get me wrong, but today he seemed even more petulant.

I watched him set down the tray just as my father had removed their Go board, setting it on one of large dark wood shelves that stood on either side the large television, avoiding the two small circular tables on either side of the two shelves that present Japanese lanterns.

Our dining room is converged with our living room, like most other Japanese homes and is designed like our genkan, though a bit deeper. Further meaning that it is dipped down into the floor and you can either jump down onto one of the couches or use one of the three small staircases on the left and right behind the side couches or the one in the front of the table that leads up to the television.

We have our low-rise table in the middle of the room with a tatami mat underneath only the table and where we sit amongst our pillows while we eat.

Around the table are plush white sectional sofas that create a three fourths of a square around the living area, encasing the table and leaving only the end of the room where TV and shelves are "couchless" and the only exit from the are forward unless you jump over the sofas.

I made my way to our large squared kitchen which overlooked the dining room and genkan.

Our whole front room is practically a square, minus the jutting out of our genkan for the front door.

The kitchen is in the back of the entire square while the dining-living area is closer to the part of the square that faces the front door and outside frontal street.

If you look behind the couches you will of course see the kitchen I had described.

The kitchen does not take up the whole back of the square, only the middle of it.

With two entrances to the kitchen, one space on each side of the front, because there is a half-wall in the front where a set of counters and the sink with the drying rack are.

In the middle of the kitchen is a matching granite island and on the left side there is also a small rectangle of counters with the refrigerator. While on the right there is just a line of counters the back of the kitchen contains the stove and two counter-spaces on either side of it.

On each side of the kitchen there is a hallway; equaling two hallways on either lateral.

The hallway on the left leads to the four bedrooms of our home: One being mine, another my sister's, my brother's, my parents' and a guest room. Alice's and Sou's bedrooms are on the right side and my parents and my own bedrooms are on the left. Finally, before this hallway is a glass door that leads out to our patio. While the other hallway leads to a few more multiple rooms: One being the washroom, the second a toilet with our stacked washer and dryer, and the third a linen closet bearing towels, washcloths and extra soaps for bathing. Each of these rooms are on the left of the hallway with the opposite of it taken up by a long table which beholds many photos in frames.

Not to mention that the walls are all practically huge windows that we have to drag pull-over curtains across for a little bit of privacy.

Overall the home is spacious and comfortable, though I some times wish that we had more of a backyard instead of the useless grass patches that laid on either side of the walkway out front that led to the staircase. But I sadly can't change that even though it is something I have wanted since I was seven.

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen where my mother and Alice were taking the dumplings from the pan and placing them into a larger one on another tray.

I stood in place next to my mother and watched as my sister carried the steamy dumplings to the table, humming lightly as she did so.

I the quickly averted my attention back to my mother who was loading another tray up with a larger bowl of rice, vegetable sushi and a small platter of thinly sliced grilled salmon.

"Doesn't it look delicious, Tadashi-kun?" My mother asked me as she handed the full receptacle to me.

I nodded in agreement and gingerly took the tray.

The wonderful scent of the meal wafted up into my nostrils and I started to regret eating having that bowl of udon at Ito's earlier.

I exhaled deeply and started for the dining area clutching the tray as my mother followed after clicking off the kitchen light.

What if I drop it?

What if I trip and fall and ruin dinner?

What if I ruin this whole night?

My hands began to tremble as my mind began to play scenarios of me either falling, tripping, tumbling, passing out and even dying with the dinner platter in my grasps.

I would never hear the end of it from Sou and Alice would surely be discouraged if I dropped all of the side dishes to her dumplings.

Not to mention the embarrassment and shame my parents would feel.

They would surely regret coming home if I destroyed our first home cooked in months.

They would probably never attempt such shenanigans ever again...

They probably wouldn't even come home again.

I swallowed hard and felt a bead of perspiration pop from my forehead and after a few seconds began to slither down my temple.

My palms became sweaty, my fingers began to itch and my head started to feel like there was a steam engine pumping within it.

Pressure kept building up as I neared closer to the table, causing me to lick my lips and bite at the sides of my mouth just trying to release some sort of stress.

As I reached the small stairs that led down to the table I held my breath, said a prayer and gently stepped onto the first one, flinching as I did so.

It's alright, keep going...You're doing well...

Just one more step.

I sighed lightly and reached solid ground once again.

I looked down at the tray and saw every dish still there.

The sushi next to the salmon and the salmon next to the rice all going from left to right.

You made it.

Now just one more little footstep to the table and-

Crash!

I felt myself slip on the polished floor, falling down, down, down and never to return.

The cotton of my socks allowed me to plummet downwards even more easily, letting me slip like wet soap in the bath.

My mind froze and the world around me slowed as I prepared for the thud of my own body against the floor.

What is wrong with you?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why are you even here still?

Weren't you supposed to kill yourself a few nights ago?

Weren't you going to rid your family of shame then and there?

Oh, wait that's right...

You are a coward.

You didn't have the guts to even take more than the acquired amount of pills.

You are a fool.

You aren't even the sheep in wolf's clothing, you are simply the failure in sheep's clothing.

You are useless, unwanted...

No one loves you.

You are worthless.

Why do you even keep waking up every morning?

Waste of space.

Waste of air.

Waste of a person.

Kill yourself.

You deserve it.

'Thud.'

So I lay there.

Emotionless, stunned and covered in my own dinner.

Fear pulsed within my stomach but the hatred and humiliation ran through my veins.

I lay there staring at the ceiling.

Depressed, melancholy and afraid to get back up.

Downcast and gloom loomed within my heart.

I lay there staring at the ceiling with my own family staring down at me with shame.

"T-Tadashi-kun! Alice cried and I felt her quickly kneel down beside me, grabbing at my arm and pulling me upwards.

I gave her no effort and forced her to lug all of my upper body weight into an upright position.

Once she had me sitting straight she began to vigorously brush the rice and vegetables and fish off of my back and out of my hair.

As my sister tended to me my cheeks did not burn with embarassment anymore and my stomach did not twist with humiliation...the only thing I managed to feel now was sorrow; but not for myself that is but for my family.

How must they feel to have the same blood running through their veins as I?

A miscreant, a lost boy...he is your son, he is your brother...

I turned slightly to my mother, her blue eyes wide with terror and worry.

Her dapper brown hair which was clipped into a bun was beginning to look messy as she scrambled to quickly brush up the spilled food.

I next looked to my father.

His eyes were low as he took the dust pan and rag from Sou, thus kneeling down the same as my mother.

Souichiro avoided my gaze.

For once in a very long time my brother had not made a shrewd comment towards one of my mess-ups.

I'm sorry.

Chapter# 3

"It's so nice when we all eat together, I miss this a lot." My mother said cheerfully, lifting one of her dumplings to her mouth from her plate.

Sou looked up irritably from his plate, clapping his chopsticks together.

"It would be even nicer if we had vegetable sushi too." He murmured, glaring at me from across the table.

My mother frowned and shot me a sympathetic look.

"Don't blame your brother, he was only being helpful."

"Would have been even more helpful if he just sat in his room like every other night." Sou retorted, stabbing his chopstick into a dumpling that was in the pan still.

He testily yanked it from the pan and plopped it onto his plate, his mouth a stern frown.

"Well, I am glad Tadashi-kun didn't stay in his room tonight...he wouldn't have been able to see mom and dad." Alice spoke up, reaching for the pan of dumplings like Sou had, though with much less attitude.

"And dinner is not completely ruined, Sou. It was luck that we happened to have these leftover shiozuke in the fridge and there was still plenty of extra rice in the cooker." My mother told him.

"I would have preferred sushi..." My brother muttered and flicked a piece of his rice on his plate.

My father, still quite youthful-looking for his age, shot him a steaming glare.

"Don't play with your food."

Sou glanced up at him and then drew his hand back from the table, letting settle in his lap.

My father set down his chopsticks and looked out one of the large windows, eyes narrowed.

"Spoiled rotten; that is what you children are." He declared before turning back to his meal.

My mother snickered, covering her mouth her hand.

"That wasn't meant to be funny." My father growled back, stuffing a dumpling into his mouth.

She shook her head, still laughing, and pushed a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

"I know, Kenshin, but the way you said it was as if it is the kid's fault that they are so spoiled." She explained, giggling on the last word.

My father's eyes widened and he looked lost for words, his cheeks stuffed with his meal.

"Not to mention the lack of parental supervision." I said abruptly, not looking up from my meal.

That was when everyone stopped and I felt the atmosphere tense up like worn muscles.

I kept my head down, though I could still tell that everyone was staring at me.

Glaring at me.

How else do you expect to ruin this night?

After about one more infinitesimal of aggravated silence I heard my mother set down her chopsticks.

"Why don't we talk about why your father and I are here tonight, hm?" She said cheerfully as if nothing had happened two minutes ago.

I stayed still and quiet as my sister Alice reached for the rice bowl.

"Hikari, not over dinner." My father warned, his voice stern.

Sou looked up from his plate, all thoughts from my previous comment dissolving.

"Why not?" He asked, setting down his own chopsticks.

Alice straightened up, her eyes wide.

"What is a better time than over dinner, Kenshin?" My mother asked whilst straightening her glasses.

My father glanced from my mother, to Sou, to me, to Alice and then back.

"We shouldn't bring it up here, I want to have a nice dinner." He murmured and ate a lump of rice.

"Too late for that." Sou muttered, his eyes fixed on me.

I swallowed a mouthful and then looked the other way, poking at my plate.

"Dinner isn't ruined and nothing will ruin it. If you think it is a good time to explain whatever this all is you should do it now to get it over with. By the time we all finish dinner and bathe it will be time for bed, dad. You two normally leave after we eat or the next day so wouldn't it be nice for you both to be here for a bit unless we have questions." Alice said.

"I understand that Alice but this is a very serious decision that has been made between your mother and I. It has to have all seriousness dealt with it and cannot be thrown aside as a joke whatsoever."

"Then we will all take it seriously. Right guys?" My sister asked and looked to my brother and I.

"Yeah." Sou said without enthusiasm and rested his head in his hand.

I simply nodded and pushed a piece of rice around on my plate with my chopstick.

My mother exhaled deeply and nodded.

"Alright then, I will start." She placed her chopsticks on her plate, smoothed out her shirt and nodded, "The decision we have made has to do with your father and I's work-"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Sou cried irritably, throwing his chopsticks down, "One time! Just one time could you guys come home without talking about that stupid lab! It's obvious you two care about your jobs more than your own children but you could at least withdraw from talking about it around us? It's sickening! Can't you see what your disappearance has done to the three of us?"

"Sou-" My mother started once again, though my brother cut her off.

"Because of you two missing out on a large part of your kids' lives none of us are nearly the same as we used to be! Tadashi is depressed, I'm the world's biggest douche and Alice...well...she's herself. But because of you your own son dreams of not waking up in the morning!"

My mother stared at Sou with large, horror-filled eyes as he kept yelling.

I quickly looked to my father.

He had his head down, though his eyes were calm and he was whispering something to himself.

"You know that Tadashi has hurt himself since you guys had found out last time?" Sou retorted.

I felt my stomach dropping and twisting and doing all kinds of gymnastics within me.

What the hell is trying to get at?

None of this is his own business!

"Tadashi!" My mother cried out, tears dwelling in her eyes, "You told us you wouldn't do that anymore!"

"Just like you told us that you guys would start coming home more! And look where that promise went! Promises aren't sacred in this house anymore if you haven't noticed." My brother hissed, glaring at my mother with narrow eyes even though she was looking at me.

I'm sorry, mom.

"Do you know what else is so disgraceful? That you both try to come home every two weeks and try to act like everything is alright! That nothing crazy and abnormal is going on! It's mortifying how little you put in for your family! Those stupid jobs of yours have consumed every ounce of your humanity and it is completely disgusting! You two should have stayed at work tonight, at least you enjoy being there!"

The deafening silence which rippled throughout our house now began to make me nauseous.

Sou sat at one end of the table, eyes wide and panting hard while Alice sat beside my mother with her mouth gaping.

My mother had tears running down from her eyes and her entire body was trembling, while my father still had his same demeanor as earlier written across his body.

No one said a word, no one moved, no one breathed.

The atmosphere was complete ice.

I felt like I couldn't respire.

Someone say something...Do something!

Don't just sit there do something!

I stared at my sister, but like everyone else she was agape amongst my older brother.

My mother had clasped her hands over her mouth with tears beginning to fog up her lenses.

Sou had stopped breathing heavily and was simply glaring across the table at my father now, his eyebrows wrinkled furiousl, obviously gritting his teeth.

"Don't just sit there! Say something! Stand up for yourselves! If you have the audacity to cry than you might as well have the audacity to excuse yourselves! What is your excuse? Huh? What is your excuse for abandoning your family?" Sou cried out this time, his voice growing higher pitched towards the end of his sentence, "Respond to me! Don't just sit there crying and ignoring me! Say something!"

Though, neither of my parents responded.

My mother sat there sobbing now with her entire face covered and my father's eyebrows also began to furrow as if he wanted to say something but couldn't exactly spit it out.

"Tadashi! Alice! You two haven't said anything even though I know you both feel the same way! We all talk about it everyday! This is your time to finally let them know how much they are hurting us! Tell them god dammit! Tell them!"

Alice stared at my brother in horror with tears in her eyes, bottom lip trembling, still saying nothing.

You've already said enough.

My brother now gstared around the table wildly as if begging my sister and I silently to back him up on his previous argument.

His mouth began to open as if he was about to go on another rant but he just closed it and shook his head disgustedly.

"A family of cowards. That's what I was born into." He snorted and got up from the table, "Good night. I'll take a bath after you both leave in the morning."

Alice and I watched as Sou walked sedately to his room with a chill stride.

I listened for his door to close before turning back to the table and looking at my sister.

For a moment a troubled look spread across her face until she jumped up, the tears she had been holding in for so long beginning to pour from her eyes.

"S-Sou!" She cried and ran up the mini staircase of the living area before darting down the hallway straight to Sou's room.

Her frantic knocking on his door and her pitiful begging were the only noise in the house then until he finally let her in.

I looked at my mother who was now wailing hysterically into her hands and then to my father who began to finally look up from his plate for once.

"Tadashi, go to bed." He said expressionlessly and began to stand up.

I swallowed hard before nodding and I stood up, feeling my heart flipping in every direction.

"I'll come and talk to you later about the news once your mother has settled down."

I stood still and blinked at him.

"What about Alice and Sou?"

He walked over to my mother, shaking his head whilst kneeling down beside her.

"We can inform them on it in the morning when things calm down. You are the one who really needs to know most of it anyway."

I hesitated and then glanced from him to my mother and back again.

"So I shouldn't fall asleep yet?"

"I would prefer you didn't."

"A-Alright."

Stunned, I turned and hopped up the staircase and began to practically run for my room.

What in the name of hell just happened?

I sat on the edge of my bed staring down at my feet with a heavy heart.

Ever since I had entered my room the only sound to devilishly fill my ears has been silence.

Dead silence.

Painful silence.

Cruel silence.

Silence has always found itself to be the loudest for me.

I always think more when things are silent.

The worst thoughts always haunt my mind when things are silent.

I swallowed hard and looked over my shoulder and out my window.

I saw houses which looked practically identical to mine.

The same modern look, iron fences, large windows and brick walls.

The seemingly never-ending light posts stood one after another next to tall trees outside on the edge of the wide sidewalks.

From my window I could see some of Tokyo's highest skyscrapers light up brightly like a nightclub.

The silhouettes created by them against the night sky were honestly quite stunning.

They looked like the light poles out front of my house had become giant or something and had the plain white bulbs replaced with fluorescent ones.

I swung my legs up onto my bed and crawled to the window and gazed out at my seemingly-deserted neighborhood.

Despite everything that has just occurred the atmosphere is so calm and quiet now...

Maybe it's because I'm alone in my room now without everyone else...

I sighed and shifted my body so that I could now sit up with my back against my bed's headboard.

I wonder what was going on with parents' work...

Maybe they quit or were able to take a leave for a month or two...

Maybe they could start working from home again...

I felt my heart begin to beat faster.

What if they were coming home?

What if they were about to apologize before Sou interrupted?

Damn Sou...

I shook my head and looked soullessly around my dim room; the only light coming from the large window by my bed.

My room is a perfect square, much like the rest of my home.

My bed is against the opposite wall from my door; that whole wall is also just one large window.

Next to my bed is a small table with a lamp and an alarm clock, nothing special.

On the left wall a few feet from nightstand is my closet.

The right wall is home to my desk, dresser and a bookshelf.

My bookshelf is closest to the wall-sized window and then there is my desk with my computer and lastly my dresser.

In the middle of my dark hardwood floor there is a similar table to the one in our dining area.

Other than that my room isn't much, especially compared to my sister's.

Hers is full of bookshelves tucked to the brim with notebooks, mangas, novels, pencils, paper, stuffed animals and much, much more.

My brothers room is also quite simple though he has more posters hanging on his walls and a bit more decorations put around.

I slid down my head board and lay still on my bed.

I wonder if Hideki's online...

With that thought I jumped up hurriedly and scrambled into my desk chair.

Clicking on my monitor, I grabbed the mouse and quickly logged onto my IM account.

I scrolled over to my friends list to see that my best friend was in fact online along with Amoya.

I quickly formed a group chat with the both of them and began to type.

Group Chat Created by user: Tadashi on May 13

[20:32] Tadashi: My parents were at my house when I got home. Things went bad.

[20:32] Am-ya: Oh no...What happened?

[20:33] Dai-kun: Sorry to hear that, man.

[20:35] Tadashi: We were making dinner and I dropped the tray of side dishes.

[20:36] Dai-kun: Is that it?

[20:36] Am-ya: Doesn't sound too bad. Are you hurt?

[20:38] Tadashi: I'm fine...After that Sou got into a huge fight with them though while we were eating.

[20:39] Dai-kun: Over what?

[20:39] Tadashi: Their work. Apparently they had big news and that is what it was about.

[20:40] Am-ya: Why was he so angry?

[20:41] Tadashi: I guess he expected something different. He hates when they talk about work at home.

[20:41] Dai-kun: What happened after that?

[20:43] Tadashi: He began to yell at them and confront them on all of the problems they caused. My mother broke down and my dad was pretty emotionless about the whole thing. After Sou was finished ranting he was so pissed he just left dinner and went to bed. Alice ran after him.

[20:44] Dai-kun: Damn...

[20:44] Am-ya: What did you do?

[20:45] Tadashi: I was just kind of shocked to be honest...Two minutes or so after those two left my dad told me to just go to bed and he would come in a little bit to talk to me about what they needed to tell us because it concerned me the most.

[20:46] Dai-kun: Sounds rough...What do you think it's about?

[20:46] Am-ya: I hope it's nothing bad...

[20:47] Tadashi: Who knows...Worse thing is that it's another therapy course or something.

[20:48] Dai-kun: I thought you said that those things don't even help?

[20:49] Am-ya: Yeah. Last time you went to that inpatient program for a week you just came back craving internet and real food. You practically ate my parents out of house and home.

[20:50] Tadashi: I never said it was. I was only guessing. It's about their work so I don't even know how I would have come up with that idea...

[20:50] Dai-kun: Maybe they're quitting.

[20:50] Tadashi: I doubt that.

[20:51] Am-ya: At least be optimistic about the possibility then.

[20:52] Tadashi: My parents would never quit their jobs.

[20:54] Dai-kun: You don't know that, Tadashi. You have to look on the bright side some times even when it doesn't seem like it's there. I know with depression you're often stuck on the darker side of life but you have to frequently fight to get the better side. Just keep your head and hopes up high. Amoya and I love you so much you could never understand. We will always be here for you, I promise.

[20:55] Am-ya: A promise is a promise.

"Tadashi?"

My stomach flipped and I instantly exited out of the chatbox, spinning around to see my father standing in my doorway.

He quietly closed the door and then calmly walked over to my low-rise table, sitting down at the end closest to my bed.

I turned around in my desk chair to face my father, trying not to clutch the arms too tightly.

"I had to help your mother bathe and get into bed before she could calm down." He said softly, looking down at his hands.

I looked down also and frowned.

"She was that upset?"

He nodded and gripped both of his hands together into a single fist.

"What Sou said really hurt your her..."

"Everything Sou said was true."

My father seemed to cringe at my words.

"I know."

The next five minutes of silence nearly seared through my stomach.

"The codex is a microchip that has been created by the laboratory your mother and I work for, Yoshida Suns. It is implanted in the lower neck or upper back region of the body on the chosen subject. Each codex has a special power programmed into it so that the receiver will obtain the power and is able to control and use it. The powers include water, fire, electricity, ice, toxicity, ground, illusion, darkness and wind. Nine test subjects were brought in. All siblings of three and each had a different chip implanted within them. The subjects are all entered into the program voluntarily and have been brought in for the good of the Japanese society. They have been designed to protect and serve all of Japan while living normal lives and still ready to jump into action whenever there is serious trouble such as a terrorist attack or even a major gas leak. Even though they may all seem infinite they still need help and are far from perfect."

I stared at my father with large, bewildered eyes.

What in the world is this idiot talking about?

Codex?

Terrorists?

Super powers?

"I already know what you are thinking, Tadashi. 'What does this have to do with me?'." He turned his head to me and glared directly into my own gaze, "It has everything to do with you."

"W-What?"

"These subjects have been kept in a lab for almost their whole lives. They need guidance, direction and consent of someone who knows how to live."

"And where do I come in with this?"

My father glanced at ceiling with chill eyes before looking back over to me.

"Each set of siblings is given to another scientists' offspring, which also consists of three children. Three children are given to three children. Easy as that. Those children are expectedto guide the test subjects through their everyday lives and show them how to live a normal life. The process will often start out slow and the subject will not attend school right away. Rushing things could easily lead to a catastrophe."

I just sat there and stared.

Just sat and stared.

I didn't even breathe.

Just sat there and stared at my father like a dumbfounded cat.

He's kidding.

"You're kidding me, right?"

He sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"Do your mother and I ever kid around about our work?"

"No."

"There is your answer."

Oh my god.

He isn't kidding.

"There is a lot your mother and I cannot tell you about the program because of the confidentiality of it. No one can know about this. Not your friends, not your teachers, not some crazy stranger on the street, not even a mere statue. This is a secret between your mother, myself, you and your brother and sister."

Okay, now he really has to be kidding.

"Your kidding?"

"Tadashi!"

"How do you expect me not to tell anyone about this? Do you have any idea how much stress this will put on me? How am I not supposed to tell my therapist this?" I cried, nearly jumping out of my chair.

"You don't tell your therapist. Your mother and I were thinking about canceling your therapy appointments anyway, they don't seem to be working."

I really could not believe what I was hearing now.

They were going to cancel my therapist?

Not that I talk to my therapist when I go anyway but it is nice to have the offer on the table.

And as they take away my therapist they are dumping three kids on me too?

What in the world is going on in my parents' heads?

"I know that this is all very sudden but we cannot turn back now. Ninety percent of the paperwork has been signed already and tomorrow we will be filling out the rest of it. This is all not as bad as it seems."

"And how is that?" I snapped at him.

"Well, for starter's you are not getting three siblings...Only one."

I narrowed my eyes.

"And what happened to the other two?"

"That's confidential information."

"Oh and all of this isn't?"

"Tadashi I am telling you all I can right now. A lot more will be explained much more thoroughly tomorrow when she arrives."

"She?"

"Yes, she. Her name is Tsuta Kobayashi. She is fourteen years old and is the beholder of the electricity codex. She will be your responsibility until she turns eighteen."

"Eighteen?" I cried, this time jumping out of my chair.

"I know it is a big and sudden responsibility Tadashi but we need this. We need you. We need all of you to participate in this program just as equally as your mother and I have planned."

"And if I don't want to participate?"

My father's eyes narrowed as if he suddenly found himself very deep in thought.

After a few seconds he spoke.

"There isn't a choice."

Now you really have to be kidding me.

"After revealing all of this confidential information to you you cannot just simply turn around and say that you do not want to participate. It isn't allowed. It is parallel to the rules, the law."

"The law of what? Your stupid lab?"

"No, Tadashi. This is the law of the government. They are the ones funding this operation. One cannot have any idea of this operation unless they are legally involved. If I ever came home and just told any one of you anything about this experiment your mother and I would both be terminated along with anyone else who has knowledge of this."

I glared at him and balled up my fists.

"Terminated? You mean like killed, right?'

"Precisely."

He really isn't kidding.

"Why in the name of god would you get us involved in something that could get us terminated?"

"Because I knew that I could trust you."

He isn't kidding, he really is not kidding.

Please be kidding.

Please.

Please.

"Despite your depression, Tadashi, you are very reliable. You do everything in your power to try and still prove yourself worthy even though your condition is further weaning. While Alice is simply a people pleaser. She would do anything to help your mother and I...And Sou..."

"That's where you're stuck."

"...Sou would do anything to get us home."

"And you are going to pin that on him as an excuse?"

My father seemed as if he almost flinched at my question.

His eyes softened and his mouth turned into a faint regretful smile.

"I didn't want to use excuses this time but yes, Tadashi, that is my leverage on Sou. He is the one who really wants us all to be a family again despite what everything looks like to you or your sister. Sou has the longest memory of our family being one and that is what he obviously yearns for more than anyone."

I took a few soft steps back and let myself fall lazily back into my desk chair, my mind whirling.

"Excuses are what got us into such a mess...Our jobs have destroyed this family."

"You're telling me this like I don't know it already."

My father drew in a long breath and then finally turned and looked me in the eyes.

"I know that you and your siblings hate your mother and I's job. You want us home like any other regular family and you want us to be together like a regular family. You want to eat together every night and you want to watch TV together. You want us all to be together. It is what all of us want. But right now we need this. We need you to take one for the team. Don't this for our work, do this your mother and I."

Now he really has to be kidding.

"Do something for the two of you? What have you both done to deserve Sou's, Alice's and I's help with your sick little experiment?" I exclaimed and leaned forward in my chair with blazing eyes, "You have done nothing for us! You have no idea how much the disappearance of our parents has affected all of us! You are just too blind to notice it all. Or maybe you simply don't want to admit to it. Either way it is nauseating. You want us to help you but in return for what? You aren't going to come home after all of this so don't even try and lie about that. Even Sou could see through that lie."

My father sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"The experience."

"Experience?"

"This is the experience of a lifetime and you have no idea how many scientists had sent in applications for this project. Not only did scientist from the Yoshida Suns lab in Tokyo but from other major cities like Beijing, Rome, New York. You have no idea how lucky you are to be in control and even have the oppurtunity to participate in something like this. You are seen as infinite from spectators, Tadashi. You will be seen as a hero who helped develop a superhuman. You always told your mother and I when you were younger that you didn't want to be a nobody, you wanted a title...This is your time to claim one."

Is he trying to guilt me into this now?

Is he trying to trigger a reminiscence in my mind so that I will find myself volunteering for this?

Is my father truly as insane as Sou makes him out to be?

"Every kid says things like that."

"But not all of them mean it." My father stood up and walked nonchalantly to my window and gazed out it, "My children are different than most others Tadashi. All of the children in this program are different. Not just the test subjects but also the caretakers. That is what we are trying to make: a difference. And what better way to do that other than to achieve that goal than to use different personnel?"

"You just simply used homophones to make yourself sound more influential."

My father looked at me from the corner of his eye and smiled.

"You have such a dry sense of humor, Tadashi-kun."

He turned back around to face me and he leaned against the window, tilting his head back.

The moonlight filtering in through the window really made him look even younger than usual.

My father is a middle-aged man, about 37 or so, with tousled- though neat – dark brown hair and a slight goatee. His eyes were identical to my older brothers: pale blue with a slightly darker edge.

His height looked just about 6'0 or so and his weight could not have been more than 160 pounds toned.

He often times wore high-class clothing.

From peacoats and slacks to loafers and ties he was always dressed to impress.

Though tonight he was dressed casual.

He adorned a relaxed demeanor to match his baggy green T-Shirt that read Brasilia across the chest in white letters along with a pair of gray sweatpants and indoor slippers.

His glasses were still pushed up to the perfect brim of his nose , though he somehow still made it looked relaxed.

"That's what makes me glad to be your father."

"My dry humor?"

He nodded and closed his eyes.

"All of my kids are so perfect."

"I have depression and Sou is the world's biggest douche."

He snickered and shook his head.

"But you both don't let either of those traits deceive you of living."

"Depression isn't a trait, it's a mental illness."

My father's eyes opened to look at me, surprised.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive."

My father stopped leaning on the window and blinked at me before nodding, silently acknowledging my proclamation.

"But you don't choose your traits, just like you don't choose depression. They are practically the same."

"You're kidding me...We don't choose a lot of things but that doesn't make those traits. You and mom really are not as smart as you put yourselves out to be."

He chuckled and nodded.

"We really aren't, Tadashi. But never have we claimed ourselves to be geniuses, you and your brother and sister just simply came up with that label on your own."

I stared at him and felt my palms beginning to itch.

"Just because we are scientists doesn't mean we are masterminds, people just brand us as one because of what we do. You see, Tadashi, it does not take an Einstein to be a scientist, it only takes someone with a bit of common sense and dedication. Also put into consideration that most of our work is done by computers. We really aren't all that amazing as people make us out to be."

My eyes widened as I listened to him speak.

My mother and father always had spoken of how high the human race is compared to any other and how nothing else could be nearly as advanced as we.

Nothing is nearly as dangerously tedious than a human being's mind.

That is what they would always tell me.

Human's are and always would be infinite to everything.

We have the technology, brains and means to defeat practically anything.

But could that really be true?

Could humans really be the only advanced life out there in the world?

It's impossible...

It is so seemingly impossible...

"You're doing it again."

I quickly drug myself from my thoughts and looked back up to my father, eyes wide.

"You are always thinking far too much about things, Tadashi. Some times we need to leave things a mystery."

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"But isn't that the point of a scientist? To solve the world's mysteries?"

He smiled warmly and walked around my table and towards my door.

"We should probably be getting to bed...Tomorrow is a big day for us. We will need all of the sleep we can get."

"W-What about Alice and Sou?"

"Your mother and I will get them up early tomorrow to explain the just of things, now get to bed." My father replied and turned back around but stopped in mid-step, "Have you taken your sleeping medicine tonight?"

"Oh...no. Alice normally gives it to me before bed."

"It's in her room then?"

I nodded and my father sucked in a deep breath.

"Oh, insomnia...I have a feeling she would much rather see you right now than me so go and get your pill. We can finish up things in the morning."

"A-Alright..."

I quickly intersected my room and headed crossways through hallway to Alice's room.

I felt air rush behind me as my father walked by me towards him and my mother's room.

I swallowed hard and knocked on the door.

"Alice?"

I waited a few moments and then I heard her footsteps beating against her own hardwood floor and then the door slowly cracked open.

She peered through the small opening, and though I could barely see her eyes I could tell she had been crying.

"Tadashi?" She whispered and then opened the door the whole way.

My sister was still in her school uniform, though her sailor's tie was messy and undone along with her bedraggled hair and swollen red eyes.

"Are you alright?" I asked, trying to sound sympathetic.

She nodded furiously, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand.

"Y-Yeah...Things just got a bit out of hand tonight...Sou is really upset..."

I looked down at my feet and shoved my hands into the pockets of my cargo shorts.

"Dad said mom was really upset too..."

Her head instantly shot up, her eyes like moons.

"Dad talked to you?"

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

I shook my head and used one of my hands to run through my hair.

"Nothing important...I...I just came for my medicine."

"Oh! Yes. I forgot...I'm sorry." She said and moved aside, allowing me to enter her room.

"It's alright, a lot happened tonight." I told her as I entered her room.

It was bright and colorful; a very heartwarming place to enter.

My sister's walls were painted pink, though her floors were the same as everyone's.

Her bed frame was powder-blue with drawers on the bottom and was pushed into the far left corner of her square room much like my own, though the headboard of hers was against the window unlike mine.

All around her room were brightly-colored posters and shelves stacked to the brim with notebooks and novels and magazines. Her flower-print bedspread was covered with many, many pillows and stuffed animals along with her pajamas which she had laid out nearly on end of her bed.

Her dresser was regular wood although she had arranged stickers and drawn all over practically every clean inch of it. Next to that was her computer desk where her own computer sat, also covered with stickers. Her closet door was covered in posters and drawings and endless pages of literary poems or inspirational messages. Her curtains were light yellow and drawn over her large window for privacy. Overall my sister's room was very busy, artistic and bright. No better way to describe it.

She closed her door behind me and hurried across her room before opening the top drawer to her desk.

She took out the orange prescription bottle with the white twist-off top.

She pushed down the lid and sat it on her desk before pouring a couple pills into her hand and then letting the extras spill back into the vessel.

She sat down the open container and grabbed the glass of water from her nightstand before handing both to me.

I have been taking these gross little things for two years now ever since my therapist had diagnosed me with major insomnia.

Before then I couldn't fall asleep unless I had been awake for almost four or five days.

"I'll give you your other medicine in the morning like always."

I nodded and popped the little pink ovular pill into my mouth before washing it down with a swig of water.

"Thank you." I handed her the glass of water and took one more glance around her room, "Were you planning on taking a bath tonight? It may help you to relax."

She held the cup against her chest and shrugged.

"I think sleep would be the best for now...Everyone is strained enough and would benefit from rest."

I nodded and looked at her.

"I think I'll take one then."

Her eyes widened and she quickly shook her head, her short brown hair bouncing in all directions.

"You can't, you just took your medicine. I wouldn't want you to fall asleep in the bathtub."

I sighed and then shrugged.

"I guess you're right...that stuff does kick in quickly...I'll just go and lay down then. Thanks again."

I turned on my heel and opened her door back up.

"Good night." She called softly.

I looked over my shoulder at her and nodded softly.

Good night.

I plopped myself lazily down onto my bed, beginning to feel drowsy.

My vision was becoming blurry and black around the edges, my eyes and the rest of my limbs felt heavy and my head was becoming bleary.

I knew that I still had to change into my pajamas but I suddenly felt very comfortable in my bed.

The air was cool and relaxing, reposeful for the muscles in my back and neck.

I began to feel light, lighter, lighter, lighter, lighter...

And gone.

Chapter#4

"Tadashi! Hurry! Get up! Men in black suits are here!"

Black suits?

I felt my eyes groggily open, sticky with sleep.

My room was filtered with sunlight, causing it to bounce off of the walls and blind me.

"Tadashi, get up! Tsuta will be here soon!"

Tsuta.

I rolled over onto my side and watched as my sister bounced excitedly around my room, already dressed in light blue overalls where the legs were shorts along with a light pink T-shirt and her pink indoor slippers.

They must have told them.

"And you didn't even bother getting into your pajamas last night, silly! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

I felt confusion waft over me and I glanced down at myself.

I was still wearing my khaki cargo shorts and black and gray sweatshirt with my ankle socks.

My body was splayed comfortably on my bed, not even covered with a sheet or blanket.

"I-I was too tired last night...I just kind of passed out when I got in here."

Alice laughed and hurried over to me and grabbed my arm, hauling me up and out of bed.

"Mom already made breakfast. Let's go!"

I groaned and let her drag me out of bed and down the hallway.

We both practically slid and fell by the time we reached the kitchen at fault of the quickening pace she was lugging us both at.

"Good morning sleepy-head!" My mother called cheerfully from the table as she sat down four small bowls of steamed rice , "I made miso soup, steamed rice, soft boiled eggs, toasted nori and baked fish."

Alice smiled dearly and drug me down the small stairs in the living room.

"This all looks delicious!" She cheered and took a seat on one of the pillows on the left.

I stood there and glanced around the house curiously.

"Where are the men in black suits?" I asked.

My mother looked up, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Your father and Sou are talking to them in private on the balcony. They will be in soon enough."

I stretched on my tiptoes and tried to see out of the french doors that led out onto the patio.

"What are they talking about?"

"Just paperwork for Tsuta." She replied and walked back up to the kitchen.

I narrowed my eyes and slowly took a seat beside Alice.

Why is Sou out there with them?

"This is so exciting, Tadashi-kun!" Alice said, scooting close to me, "You are so lucky to have Tsuta granted to you...Mom and dad said that Sou and I can help out too though."

I shrugged and picked up my chopsticks, prodding at the bowl of rice before me.

"Hey! Wait for your father and Sou." My mother scolded, carrying a tray of tea out onto the balcony.

I rolled my eyes and set the chopsticks back down next to my sister.

I looked over to her fidgeting and mumbling excitedly to herself.

I raised my eyebrows.

"How long have you guys been up?" I asked.

She quickly looked over to me, her eyes glistening.

"Since about seven...Tadashi this is so exciting!"

I nodded and looked over to the clock hanging up on the wall.

"It's only nine thirty?" I questioned and let myself fall backwards to lie on the floor.

Alice looked over her shoulder at me.

"The men from the lab want to have plenty of time to prepare things." She replied and flopped down beside me, "Mom and dad said Tsuta is going to sleep in the guest bedroom."

"Where else would she sleep?" I asked, scratching at the arm splayed above my head.

Alice looked at me and shrugged.

"He's right over here, sir."

Alice and I both immediately sat up at the sound of my mother's voice.

She was letting my father, Sou and two men in fancy suits in from the patio, still holding the tray.

My father led them over to the table and motioned for them to take a seat.

"I'll go get the extra pillows." My mother said quickly.

One of the men turned around and smiled at her, holding up his hand.

"That will not be necessary. We came here for business not breakfast, Hikari-san."

Here eyes widened and she bowed her head respectfully.

"Y-Yes Yoshida-senpai."

Senpai?

"Yoshida..." Alice whispered beside me, staring adoringly at the two men across the room.

That's when the name suddenly hit me also.

Yoshida Suns.

"Tadashi come and meet Yoshida-senpai. He is your mother and I's boss." My father said patiently.

I swallowed hard and got up, making my way over to where he stood.

When I stood in front of him I began my observation.

He stood at 6'1 and weighed approximately 160 pounds, possibly lighter, well-muscled. He had inky-black hair which looked practically purple along with matching inky-blue eyes.

His hair was neat and just below his shoulders, tied into a ponytail and was tossed over the front of his shoulder. He also looked to be about twenty four or twenty five years old.

How could someone so young still be so successful?

Or especially as successful as him?

Yoshida was also very good-looking.

No doubt about that.

He had a manly, calm face that would melt the heart of any swooning woman.

"Tadashi Kimura, my pleasure." He said respectfully and bowed right in front of me before holding out his hand for me toshake.

Did this guy just bow to me?

I held my hand back, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

I knew that I shouldn't keep my parents' boss waiting but this was all happening way too fast.

Just last night I found out that I would be harboring a science experiment and now I am meeting a billionaire and he is bowing to me?

What kind of world do we live in?

"Tadashi." My mother hissed, now standing beside me.

I felt her pat my back and nervously laugh.

"I-I'm sorry Yoshida-senpai...Tadashi is very shy...He-"

Yoshida chuckled softly and pulled his hand away from me.

"It is already Hikari-san your husband told me all about him already. I understand. When I was younger I was the same way."

Depressed?

Anxious?

Tired?

Suicidal?

"We just have some papers for you to sign and after that we will be answering any questions you may have."

I swallowed hard and nodded.

Alice hurried to my side, grabbing my hand.

"You can't forget about your morning medicine, Tadashi." She scolded me and practically drug me down the hallway and back into her room.

She slammed the door behind her and I paced uneasily, panting heavily and biting my nails.

"What do I do? What do I say? This man he's...he's..." I whined, feeling my stomach writhing.

Alice quickly took out my three morning prescription bottles and popped out the pills into her hand.

"You're only stressing this much because you haven't had your medicine yet." She informed me and gingerly dumped the pills into my palm.

Two of them were white, though one was a large oval and the other was a small circle.

The oval was for anxiety and the circle was for my ADD.

The final was a small blue oval for my depression.

"Here." My sister handed me a glass of water.

I took it and threw all three of the pills at once into my mouth, took a large swig of water and swallowed heartily.

"Ech...How do you swallow them all at once?" My sister shivered.

I shrugged and handed her the glass back.

"How come you drug me all the way in here to take them?" I asked her, glancing around the room nervously.

She wiped a stray piece of hair from my face and smiled warmly.

"I thought you wouldn't like having a bunch of strangers watch you take your medicine. You barely even like Sou or mom and dad seeing you swallow them."

That's my sister...

Always considerate and caring...

"Do you want to talk a little before heading back out?" She asked me and patted my shoulder.

I looked over my shoulder at the door.

"I don't think we have time for a talk..." I sighed.

"Your therapist said that no matter what if you need a little bit of time to calm down and talk you do that no matter what."

I lowered my gaze to the floor and shook my head.

"There isn't much to talk about."

"Yes there is! Tadashi there is so much going on right now and so much of it is stressful. You can always talk to me, you know I would never judge you."

I just sighed and dug my hands deep into the pockets of my shorts.

"I just want to get all of this over with...might as well not stall." I growled and whipped around, yanking open my sister's door and trudged down the hallway.

The therapist said that would work.

It never did.

Talking never helped.

Medicine never helped.

Breathing exercises never helped.

Nothing will ever help.

When I reached the end of the hall I saw that my mother had opened the patio's large french doors to let in a breeze, making the open house even brighter.

My mother, father, Sou and Yoshida were sitting around the table now softly talking and eating breakfast.

The other man who was with Yoshida earlier had now vanished.

I rolled my eyes, shoving my fists deep into my pockets as I felt my own angst beginning to overwhelm the steady thought process that once ran through my cognition.

I thought they weren't staying for breakfast.

I felt my sister step up beside me and pat my back.

"They're just people, Tadashi-kun. They will think the best of you."

I exhaled deeply and walked to the dining area, trying to keep myself from trembling.

Yoshida was sitting at one end of the table, my father on the other, and my mother was sitting beside Sou on the right side.

I took a seat across from my mother and felt warmth wash over me as Alice took the spot beside me.

"Well, it seems to me that you have a very culinary-granted mother. You're very lucky." Yoshida remarked joyously and took a bite of rice from his bowl.

My mother blushed a bit and covered her mouth as she chuckled softly.

"Would be nice if she was home more often to cook like this." Sou muttered, glaring down at his meal.

God dammit Sou.

I prepared for an outburst of embarrassment, rage and fury from my mother though it never came.

The smile on her face never even showed a slight foreshadow of vanishing.

They all just completely ignored him.

"Tadashi what do you think of your parents' work?" Yoshida asked, forcing his glare to meet mine.

I began to feel my face grow hot and head begin to pound.

Does he have to make such intense eye contact with me?

Or any eye contact at all?

I rubbed my sweaty palms together beneath the table and bit into my lip as my heart began to throb painfully fast.

I can't say I don't like it...

I...

"Please pass the nori, Sou-san." Alice abruptly asked and held her cupped hands out towards my brother.

His eyes widened before he caught onto her plan and picked up the plate of seaweed.

"Here." He muttered and picked his chopsticks back up.

"Thank you." She said, humming softly and placed two pieces onto her plate before setting it down beside her, "Would you like some Tadashi?"

I nodded and watched as she picked the platter back up and used her chopsticks to set them into my bowl of rice.

I shot her a glance of recognition and used my chopsticks to put some rice into the nori.

"Tadashi-kun, Yoshida-senpai asked you a question." My mother warned, her eyes cheerful though her mouth was obviously trying to fight off a snarl.

I swallowed hard and put on a careless face.

"It's alright, I guess." I said simply, shrugging and then took another bite of my nori and rice.

Yoshida-san smirked and took a bite of his breakfast also.

"Because they are away from home so much?"

"I guess so."

"Tadashi!" My mother hissed, now glaring at me with blazing eyes.

Yoshida waved at her as if fanning away smoke.

"Hikari-san there is no need for scolding, this is a simple chat." He smiled wide and pointed one of his chopsticks at me, "I see much of myself in you when I was younger, Tadashi-kun."

I nodded, rolling my eyes irritably and chewed my rice.

"So you've said." I replied sarcastically, my mouth still full.

Yoshida laughed and rubbed behind his head.

"I guess I do repeat myself some times, don't I?"

"Mhm." I hummed and nibbled on a piece of rice.

"Well, Tadashi-kun, why don't we all get down to business? We have very much to go over."

I looked over to my father, eyes narrowed.

"I thought we went over most of this last night?" I growled.

He shrugged, his eyes bright and careless.

"Most of it, yes, but we have a few more things to inform you of." He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, "Hn, it sure is getting warm quite early for May."

"Would you like me to get the fan, senpai?" Alice spoke up with bright eyes.

He shook his head and smiled wide and agleam.

"No thank you, Alice-chan. We only have a few things to discuss."

My sister nodded and looked back down at her meal, smiling softly.

"Well, there are a few things to inform you of Tadashi-kun. Very many things that may shock you or warm your heart you know?"

I shrugged and prodded my rice with a chopstick.

"I know that all of this seems quite boring to you but there is a lot that we must go over for the sake of Tsuta-san. She is a very important test subject, one of our youngest, and requires much assistance. Your parents have told me much about your responsible demeanor and seriousness towards the world. Put your depression aside and self-harm and you are quite on the road to success. Now, why don't we get down to business?"

Over the next two hours we all sat around the table even after we finished eating and listened to Yoshida ramble on and on about the so called 'M.O.T.H.' program.

"M.O.T.H stands for Microchip Observation Test Hypothesis." He informed us and babbled on.

"So Tsuta is human?"

"Very much. The only thing about her that is not is the codex inside of her. Other than that she is the exact same as each of us."

"What is on the codex?"

"Her data. Like we have told you, there are eight others like her, each with a codex and another family of a scientist. Our lab has created nine codex's with nonhuman superpowers you could say. Tsuta contains the electricity codex."

"What are the others?"

"Water, ground, toxicity, ice, illusion, wind, fire and darkness."

"Woah. You guys have your own little immortal army starting there don't you."

"Basically."

"So what can they all do with their powers? Are they saving the world and stuff?"

"Tsuta is able to control anything with an electric pulse or motion. She can hack into databases, computers, secret files, throw energy fields...all of that good stuff. Your job Tadashi is to make sure she controls it and learns the ways of a normal Japanese society."

"And how do I do that?"

My father pulled a small tablet out of his pocket that was no bigger than an ordinary touchscreen cellphone. It had black, shiny rimming with the 'Y Suns' engraved in silver at the top.

"This. Whenever she begins to glitch you will run the program 'Petra' and her codex will fall into a sleep, thus stopping any commotion she was causing."

He handed it to me and explained how to run programs on the device. It looked just like the desktop of a smart phone with a few apps at the bottom and a search bar that lined the top. Three buttons were lit up at the bottom: one which was a house and obviously signaled 'home', the second was a green power button and the third was a red. Both were pretty self-explanatory in my opinion. My father also explained that it never needs to be charged because it ran off of a connection from their lab and would only malfunction if a scientist ordered it to.

"Glitch?"

"Since there is a piece of technology within her there is always a chance of glitching. That is what is currently being worked on at the lab. We are all perfecting these impeccable creations."

"How do I tell if she's glitching?"

"She may fall down, stuttering or something of those sorts. Her powers will go haywire and you will need to shut her off for an hour or so. Soon she will regenerate and become normal once again. It is only to be used during extreme emergencies. If the situation is not too drastic try to show her the normal human's way of handling it."

"What sort of thing would cause her to glitch though?"

"Well, for Tsuta it may be a power outage throughout the city because of her electricity chip. Just like for the water codex it may be if Tokyo's water system was shut off. If the sun never went down and the buildings disappeared the darkness codex would malfunction. They each have their own enhancement and their own worst enemy. An uncomfortable or overwhelming situation might also cause it. That is where you come in and try to teach them what to do before they lose control. You must teach her how to handle things of these sorts and when."

"Why are we doing this?"

"Yoshida Laboratories is creating these bots to perfect Japan's safety. Including all of Tokyo. Each of their powers could save billions of lives and retrieve information that no one has ever been able to."

"Will Tadashi be doing this for the rest of his life?"

"No, no. Just until Tsuta turns eighteen."

"How old is she now?"

"Fourteen."

"That's it?"

"Yes, and she still has lots to learn. Tadashi must teach her all that is required and keep this secret."

"Secret?!"

"Well you didn't think you were going to be allowed to run and blab about this to all of your friends did you? It would ruin the whole operation!"

"Sweet mother of god why."

"And do not try to remove the codex. It will, let me emphasize this, kill her."

Well isn't that just dandy.

"Then why is that thing inside of her?"

"For science."

That's the best they could do? For science? Do they know how halfhearted they sound?

It was truly sickening now.

"So basically you send these people out into the real world to cure their trauma that you all caused?"

"Correct!"

"We are giving her to you to help perfect our future. By bringing Tsuta out into the real world we are curing her past hurt and flaws and replacing them with brand new human emotions! And at the same time we are helping her mold herself into a normal human of society! She will be learning two things at once, it is all so perfect that I sometimes cannot even breathe."

Perfect?

"I think that is all you both need to know to take care of her."

"Need to know?"

"Oh, wait. There is one more thing. We aren't going to send her to school right away. She will be staying at home for the first two weeks or so to adjust. I want you to get her out as much as possible, Tadashi. Alice can also spend some time with her along with Sou."

"She is a year younger than I am...How will I look after her in school?"

"We moved her up a grade and made sure that she is specifically in your class so that what she does attend you will be near her at all hours."

"Oh, I also want you to tell anyone who asks about her that she is one of Alice's friends who is staying with us."

"We may come home a bit more to check on Tsuta and every month she has an evaluation with all of the others at the lab to keep their powers in use and to check on their progress. You may be able to come, I am not positive yet on the subject honestly."

They sounded so calm about this whole thing. Didn't they understand how terrible this was at all? She could die because of them. For something as stupid as science.

"Did they all volunteer?"

"Yes."

I felt anger welling inside of me as they spoke on and on about this project. Nothing about this seemed humane. Not a thing. How could Hideki's dad, a man of the law, allow something like human subjectivity? It was sick, terrible and worthless.

Hideki would know what to do. He had to know a way to get it out.

"Hah, looks like mom and dad signed you up for a girlfriend, Tadashi."

"Tadashi, she is not your girlfriend. She cannot be. No matter what. I don't care what you feel. No matter what you cannot love her. You are her mentor, you show her human qualities, you do not love her. You are her teacher, you teach her. You teach her how to react correctly to certain situations. You keep her safe. You do not, you cannot...love her."

"And how come if Tadashi did love her, he isn't allowed?"

"It would just simply effect her work ethic. We are trying to create a perfect person here. She has a special ability, she's beautiful, smart and kind. She is practically there, she just needs to learn how to function within society. She has to be a perfect human."

"Who are the others then? Wouldn't it be good for her to interact with others like her?"

"That is classified information, Tadashi. If we gave away their identities to anyone our positions would be terminated and possibly ourselves and whoever we told. This project is a billion dollar operation and Japan is lucky to be the first to test it out. Tsuta could possibly save the whole entire population of the world one day and if anything could somehow interfere with it like a simple glitch, it could cost millions of lives."

"Well, then where are the others?"

"Each subject has a scientists' offspring watching over it or something of the sorts. And each is also released at a different time so that they have time to develop into the world safely without any interference. So we are entitling her to you Tadashi. If you two have any questions or something unusual has happened, call us and we will get back to you as soon as possible. I would thoroughly recommend calling at lunchtime since we will be on break- that is when we take it and pull away from our work."

Yoshida reached over to his side and pulled a few papers out of his briefcase and sat them on the table.

Throughout the conversation my mother had cleared away all of dishes, leaving only a steaming teapot with six teacups in the middle of the table.

Yoshida handed me a pen and pointed to many signature spots.

My mind was whirling, spinning at that.

Everything they had just told me was only beginning to actually make sense.

I just nodded drowsily and scribbled my name onto each line, rubbing my eyes furiously afterward.

I watched as my entire family signed the same spaces as I on a different packet.

When we had all finally finished signing I watched Yoshida dip his head respectfully and placed the signed pages securely back into his briefcase.

"Well, I believe that is all. It was very nice meeting you all." He said, smiling wide.

"You're leaving already, senpai?" My mother asked, standing up from her spot on the floor.

Yoshida nodded, pulling at his shirt collar.

"I still have very much work to do back at the lab. I also have a business dinner to attend and that will take much preparation before. My schedule is quite booked, you children should feel honored to have me force coming to your home into my day." He laughed and clutched his briefcase, starting for the door.

My mother and father paced after him beside one another, speaking in hushed tones.

Sou was beginning to get up from the table, his eyes narrowed and his mouth twisted into a frown and Alice was pouring herself a cup of tea from the piping pot.

I sat next to her, feeling the sweaty repeated pulse from my hands rolling downwards in beads of confusion and worry.

She's coming in a few hours.

I swallowed hard and looked up when I heard the front door close.

My parents were both still hanging around the genkan and whispering to each other.

What are they being so secretive about?

Alice stirred beside me, causing my body to jolt.

"You never did take a bath last night, did you?" She asked me, setting down her cup.

I shrugged and picked at my bitten-down fingernails.

She pulled my hands apart and intertwined her fingers with with mine.

"If you keep doing that you are only going to have nubs left for fingers."

My only response again was a shrug.

She sighed and lowered her voice this time when she spoke.

"You need to find other ways to calm yourself that dooesn't involve pain."

I felt my heart twist and eyes narrow.

Alice is always the one who is trying to help me improve...

I should treat her better.

"Would you like me to run a bath for you? You probably won't have time tonight with Tsuta arriving and all." She explained and gave me a genuine smile.

Once again I just shrugged.

"Well, you don't want to smell when you meet her, do you?"

Shrug.

"Your medicine hasn't been doing much lately..."

Shrug.

"Do you think we should ask mom and dad to talk to your psychiatrist about upping the dosage?"

Shrug.

I really, really hate having to take meds.

I'm beginning to feel like I have a personality made up of tests and pills.

"Well, we don't need to talk about that right now." She said softly and lugged my body upwards, "Let's go and run the bath for you."

Before I could object my sister hauled me back down the hallway with insane capability, almost causing me to slip.

She threw the door to the bathroom open, revealing the cool tiled walls and floor with the large bath and shower heads.

Our bathroom, like many of finer homes in Tokyo or Japan, is quite large.

Our bathroom is a bit smaller than my room in a general statement, I used to be able to fluently count the square footage but currently I was far too dazed.

The walls are tiled with a pale, sandy beige color with a stone-tiled floor with different shades of gray on each mix-matched slab. The entire room is lit up by multiple circular lights that are sunken into the ceiling. In the upper left side of the room there are two shower heads with small ledges at chest-level when you sit down on the small wooden benches each provide. The large tub is along the right side; a huge, grand, rectangular white tub that is quite deep, reaching up past my own shoulders when I sat down.

Next to the tub is a metal rack with towels, soaps, pastes and other bath necessities like brushes and rags. There is also a huge window on the side of the tub, like all of the other rooms in our house, though we often times kept the blinds pulled over for our bathing privacy.

She released my hand and hurried to the tub and ran the water.

"Aren't you excited, Tadashi?" She asked and turned back to me, "I know that this is all quite sudden but even you have to admit it's pretty cool. I would have never expected mom and dad to be involved in such a cool experiment."

Again I shrugged, though I did include a few words along with the gesture.

"It's kind of cruel though...Don't you think?"

Alice checked the iron rack to make sure there was a clean washcloth and towel while responding.

"How so?"

Is my sister, someone so deeply caring and selfless, really so blind to the abuse in this experiment?

"Well, for starter's these kids are kept inside of a lab for their entire lives." My sister looked over her shoulder at me, urging me on with her gaze, "They also have the high potential of dying because of that codex thing. What if it does glitch and they cause a catastrophe? Like, these kids could be the end of the world for all we know Alice and you're treating this like some innocent act of nonchalant charades."

My sister stood up and sighed, smoothing out her overalls.

"Tadashi, they are the ones who signed themselves up."

I narrowed my eyes, looking sideways.

The cleverness and speediness of my sister's reply began to make me jealous.

True...

"Well, the bath is running. I'll leave you alone so that you can wash off and then relax. I need to help mom with lunch and the laundry anyway." My sister opened the door before looking back at me, "I'll leave you a set of clothes outside of the door for when you're finished."

I nodded and began to mindlessly slip off my ankle socks as she closed the door behind her, leaving me all alone inside of the quiet bathroom.

I felt the coldness of the stone floor sting my now-bare feet as I crossed the washroom to lock the door.

Sighing intensely, I turned and let my back lean against the wooden door.

How can things change so quickly?

Yesterday I was eating udon in a depressed-state within my best friend's restaurant and today I am being entrusted with one of the world's most valuable science experiments.

How is a transition like that even possible?

Maybe it isn't...

I rolled up my sweatshirt sleeve and aggressively pinched my arm; tugging and twisting and squeezing hard until the spot where I was grabbing turned white and then dark red when I released.

So it is real?

Unless that stupid old trick doesn't actually work...

Since when has that trick ever worked?

How would a gesture in your dreams somehow arouse your sleeping body?

I shook my head at the thought and then peeled off my sweatshirt.

I let it fall to the floor before kicking off my shorts and then finally my boxers.

I relaxed against the cool door and listened to the running water of the bath.

Relaxation...

Salvation...

Redemption...

I kept repeating the three "tion's" my therapist told me to always strive for.

Relaxation...

Salvation...

Redemption...

I walked slowly over to the first shower head and sat on the small wood stool.

Relaxation.

The state of being free from tension and anxiety.

Also known as tranquility.

I switched on the water to the most maleficent temperature, letting the piping hot water bathe my body.

Salvation.

Deliverance from sin and its consequences.

Also known as saving.

I watched my skin turn dreadfully red underneath the spray before abruptly switching it to a chillingly frozen stream of water.

Redemption.

In comparison to salvation; the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.

Also known as recovery.

Why do I do this to my skin every single time I bathe?

Well, the sudden change in temperature from extreme hot to cold can have a serious effect on your body, though the lack of extreme temperatures doesn't cause too much trauma to my assemblage.

Extreme and sudden variance between outside and inside temperatures has adverse effect on body as it undergoes a certain amount of stress when it is forced to go from a boiling hot environment into an air-conditioned one.

Also meaning that it still can cause some trauma.

It dries off your skin, the mucus membrane and the eyes. Eye infections, respiratory infections and muscular spasms are also caused by this change in temperature.

The alteration in temperature can exacerbate coronary heart diseases, vascular cardiac, vascular brain diseases and peripheral vascular diseases.

All of these things can be resulted from a body's temperature changing too quickly.

It doesn't matter really.

Though, I don't know why I do it.

Studies have shown that rapid temperature change in the body can cause not only trauma but also utmost stress, which I already suffer from sufficiently.

Anxiety also causes a very staccato-like change in one's body temperature.

Anxiety is linked to body temperature changes in multiple ways, and in some cases it's possible for a natural body temperature change to create significant anxiety.

The most common reason that anxiety leads to body temperature changes occurs with your body's fight or flight response. Those with anxiety have a misfiring fight-flight response, and one of the consequences is vasoconstriction, where your blood vessels tense up. This causes the body to heat up very quickly.

Sweating is also very common in those with anxiety. Sweating is one of the main reasons that people have cold shivers after their hot flashes and may struggle to warm up again. It's the body's response to vasoconstriction – your body knows it's about to heat up, so it sweats to help you cool down.

Those that have anxiety may also be oversensitive to heat that is normally there. You may find that when you're already feeling uncomfortable and agitated, extra heat or cold in your home may contribute to further agitation, and make you more likely to notice any temperature changes.
Other issues can lead to changes in how anxiety affects your body temperature as well. Anxiety can create goosebumps, which may cool the body. Hyperventilation can also lead to body cooling. Anxiousness may also cause you to move too much, which may heat up your body. There are several issues that can lead to body temperature changes from anxiety.
There are only some aspects of body temperature you can control. Rapid cold chills, for example, are a specific part of your fight or flight response. They can't be directly controlled, but generally they don't need to be since they tend to fade fairly quickly after the anxiety has faded. But when you find that you're getting too hot or cold, and it's lasting for a long period of time, there are several things you can do.

Adjusting your clothing, walking around or distracting yourself are a few.

Still, the most important thing to realize is that when anxiety is causing these changes to your body temperature, the only thing that is likely to stop them completely is something that addresses your anxiety.

Wow, I really got too far into that...

I need to learn to control my thoughts to more common and less-complicated things.

My therapist always tells me that I need to stop over-analyzing and over-thinking things...

It's really a lot harder than anyone thinks.

You can't make yourself not think of something...

And when you do try to not think of something you always end up thinking about it even more...

The human mind is a really screwed up system.

I shook out my wet hair and began to lather it with the sweet-scented shampoo.

I turned the bottle upwards in my soapy hand and ascertained the scent.

"Sweet honey chamomile with a hint of jasmine." I mumbled to myself, "I'm going to smell like my sister."

I quickly washed and rinsed the rest of my body before setting the shower head up and then I began to look over my arms.

They looked irritated and red, like someone had been hitting them repeatedly with a wooden spoon.

The different temperature changed most likely wouldn't cause any significant trauma to my body, it never has before and probably won't.

I used my pruned hand to wipe my dripping bangs from my face and the sighed exasperatedly.

I really do not feel like lounging in a steaming tub for another half an hour...

I walked the short distance across the muggy room to the tub and turned off the water.

The tub was now filled to the brim and overflowed a bit when I stepped gingerly inside.

I never understood why people found these baths so sacred and relaxing, in my opinion they were boring and always made me feel groggy.

Though, when I was younger bath time was actually quite fun and lively.

Like most Japanese children my brother, sister and parents and I, if not always mostly, bathed together.

My sister would often times stay close to my mother in the tub, though Sou and I would always splash around and practically dRown one another in the hot bathwater.

We would have even more fun when our parents allowed us to bring in bath toys like plastic boats and rubber ducks and have our own water battles with them.

Occasionally Alice would join in with us and throw her dolls into our war, but more than often she would get frustrated and stubbornly take away her own playthings and pout for the rest of our bath in our mother or father's arms.

Our mom and dad taught us how to wash ourselves properly by the age of four so by the time we finished lathering and rinsing we still had plenty of time to play in the bath.

While we laughed and giggled and splashed one another our parents would either relax or discuss work with each other, occasionally informing us on a DNA experiment they were conducting or something of those sorts. Though, nowadays when I think back to the stories I decide that they were lies, simply tales to entertain our premature minds.

If my parents hadn't told us a single thing about their work even when we were all in our teens I highly doubt they would leak confidential information to a five, six and seven year old.

Memories, sweet old memories, flowed through my mind one at a time.

I savored every single detail of each one.

I counted every second.

Chapter#4

By the time I had finished my bath full of self-loathing and remembrance it was already two thirty.

I wrapped a towel around my waist once I stepped out of the tub, placing my feet firmly on the slippery tile.

I wonder what time she is getting here.

I let thoughts of what this girl was like began to filter in and out of my mind as I headed for the door.

Is she tall?

Taller than me?

Does she have short hair and green eyes?

Does she like rock music?

Classical?

Is she thin?

Is she some sort of alarming, intimidating military cadet?

She does have some of the most advanced technology within her...

Maybe she is arrogant and rude...Full of herself...

Or maybe she is shy and sweet and calm like Alice...

Minus the shy part, Alice is not shy.

Just, god, oh please god...

Do not let her be a tsundere.

I sighed inwardly and opened the door, instinctively looking down for my freshly folded outfit from Alice.

There they were, folded neatly and obviously still warm.

I knelt down and gathered them into my arms, shivering against the chill of the hallway compared to the sticky bathroom anesthesia.

I fought the urge to dive back into the temperature anxiety thoughts that teased me in the back of my mind, though I quickly pushed them aside I continued on with closing the door.

After locking it once again I promptly dried myself once more before letting the towel drop to the ground.

I walked across the washroom and set the clothes on the rack and gingerly picked out the boxers first and slipped those on.

No need to describe those...

I went into a quick observation of the clothes my sister had brought to me.

A dark gray and light gray striped T-shirt, with another pair of khaki cargo shorts and ankle socks.

Well, she sure does like to change things up, doesn't she?

I rolled my eyes and quickly pulled on the shirt, then the shorts and finally grabbed the socks to slip on outside so they wouldn't get wet.

I picked up my towel on my way out and switched off the light, leaving the steamy washroom to itself.

I walked to the toilet where my mother and Alice were doing laundry in our stacked washer and dryer.

"Here." I said blandly and slipped on my socks while standing up after tossing my used towel at my sister.

"Gross." She squeaked and quickly tossed it to my mother who simply placed it into the washer, "You could have used that again."

I shrugged and leaned against the wall, crossing my arms to hide my shower-doings from earlier.

My mother looked over her shoulder and smiled brightly at me.

"You smell like your sister." She laughed and added a cup of detergent to the wash and closed the door to it.

I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel, leaving the two to finish up their laundry.

When I reached the end of the hallway I practically ran into Sou, who had on his baseball cap with his duffel bag thrown over his shoulder.

He was dressed in a pair of worn gray jeans, a blue v-neck T-shirt and battered old sneakers.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, taking a step back.

"You're kidding right? Use your mind, genius. Or do one of those creepy observation things you always do." He took the baseball cap from his head and shoved it in my face, "I'm going to go and practice with the guys, also explaining the duffel bag, yes?"

I shoved the baseball cap back at him, knocking him backwards a bit.

"Who wears pants when it's ninety five degrees out?" I retorted.

"What kind of mastermind are you?" He growled and snapped his hat back onto his head, "Anyone with common sense knows that you don't play baseball in shorts."

I sucked in my cheeks and stuffed my hands into my pockets and squeezed my arms against my sides.

"No smart remarks?"

I shrugged and looked up at the ceiling.

"Sliding shorts are worn for protecting your thighs and glutes from abrasions while sliding. They are not necessary but very highly recommended. You will find that sliding shorts with additional padding can help guard against bruises, lesions, and soft tissue injuries, keeping you on the playing field. Therefore they would protect you much better than a simple pair of jeans."

My brother looked like he was struggling for a comeback; hesitating and mumbling before turning on his heel furiously and trudging towards the genkan.

One day you'll beat me, Sou.

I stuffed my hands further into my pockets and walked down to the living and dining area, flopping down uselessly on the couch.

The TV was switched onto the news channel, current breaking news flashing across the screen.

"Battered, bloody and assassinated; the body of a young male has been found murdered in an alleyway just a few blocks from an elementary school. The police have identified him as Yuichi Kagawa, an intern from Yoshida Suns Lab's. The cause of death has been told to us as asphyxiation, along with the man's lungs being full of water, suggesting that drowning is the official cause of death. Officers are have not traced the exact location yet of the water found in his lungs just yet but tell us that they plan on doing so right away to find the emplacement in which the crime occurred. The strangest and most frightening part of this case though is that Yuichi Kagawa is not the first Yoshida Suns intern to die this way. Last month a former intern, Mikasa Furukawa, was also found not too far, murdered, from the location of the more recent victim, Yuichi Kagawa. Officers say that they share the same cause of death and strangulation marks. No further evidence has been found with the body, forcing the police to scrape the asphalt for evidence. Report back to Channel 13 in a few hours for further details on the case. I am Aisaka Busujima reporting to you from downtown Tokyo on Tokyo 13 News. Stay safe folks."

"Woah."

I turned on the couch to see my father standing in the kitchen with wide eyes.

"You knew him?" I asked as the news quickly switched to a fish market ad.

My dad turned and pulled the rice maker out of the cabinet.

"I knew of him. I didn't know him personally. He was a new intern..."

My dad plugged in the rice maker, refusing to look up again.

"That's crazy...Another intern died the same way as the other one a month ago..."

My dad shrugged.

"Just a coincidence."

"A coincidence? I don't think so..."

"Just drop it Tadashi, it has nothing to do with you."

"Why so touchy all of the sudden? I thought you didn't even know the guy."

My father slammed his fist down on the counter, his eyes blazing with fury.

"No, I did not know him. But you need to stop getting yourself involved in things that aren't your business."

"I wasn't getting involved in it. I was only asking how it wasn't a coincidence when it obviously was."

"Just leave it to the police. They shouldn't even be putting things like that on the news. It isn't news."

"It was news to the both of us."

"It isn't news that anyone needs to be hearing."

"People mainly watch the news because of things like murder and sodomy. It's what keeps the news channels afloat."

"Sodomy?"

"Yeah, sodomy. Hey, you would be surprised how much kinky deaths draw in people's attention. Japan's a country full of perverts."

"You don't say."

"And do you really think people care that much about the weather that they would watch Channel 13 as constantly as they do? People nowadays want to hear about car chases and rape. Simple as that. Why do you think movies always have stuff like that in them?"

My father simply rolled his eyes and began to prepare the rice for the cooker.

"Oh god, you're cooking?" I whined and flopped back onto the couch.

"No." He sneered, "I'm just starting the rice for your mother."

"Amen." I breathed softly and turned back towards the TV as I lay on my side.

There was another commercial now for some new sprinkler that is in the shape of a fish and sprays water out of it's mouth.

There was a group of four kids running around the sprinkler, screaming hysterically and splashing around in perfectly-cut green grass.

"Only 5000 yen!"

The commercial boasted and the kids screamed even louder.

"It's getting hotter even earlier this year and what better way to cool of than a with 'Sea Fish Sprinkler?!"

"My kids love the 'Sea Fish Sprinkler'!"

"We love the 'Sea Fish Sprinkler'!"

"Buy it now before they sell out and the air grows cold once again!"

"The 'Sea Fish Sprinkler' is coming to stores near you on May 21! Or you can order it now! Just call the number on the bottom of the screen for your very own 'Sea Fish Sprinkler'!"

I stared blankly at the TV as the commercial began to recite the phone number to call to order and the policy for ordering that fish sprinkler.

"How unoriginal."

I looked over my shoulder and up to see Alice standing behind the couch, staring at the TV.

I blinked once at her before turning my head back around and laying it back down.

"It's 2014, nothing is original Alice." I stated simply.

"True." She laughed and hopped over the back of the couch and landed beside me, grabbing the remote.

"Alice I told you not to do that, it ruins the couch!" I heard my mother scolding from the kitchen.

"Sorry." She hummed, barely paying any attention to my mom as she flicked through the seemingly-endless channels.

I simply lay on my side as my sister flicked through cartoons, soap operas, news channels, game shows and many, many commercials.

"There is nothing good on." She pouted and flopped down onto her back also, her feet touching mine.

I kicked at her slightly and sighed.

"I want to watch the next newscast."

"Why?" My sister questioned and kept clicking.

"I want to hear more about that murdered intern at mom and dad's work."

Alice immediately sat up with, interested eyes.

"An intern at mom and dad's work was murdered?"

"Yup."

"We are not watching that." Dad growled from the kitchen.

"What? Why not?" Alice cried and sprung up onto her knees to look over the couch and into the kitchen with saddened eyes.

"You guys don't need to be hearing about that stuff. You're too young."

"Tadashi is fifteen and I'm fourteen!" Alice protested.

"Oh just let them watch it, Kenshin." My mom laughed as she began chopping up vegetables beside him.

My dad shot her a constrained glance.

"It isn't necessary, Hikari."

"But it isn't unnecessary either." I spoke up from the couch.

"What's so wrong about it? Things like that happen everyday."

"Tsuta will be here soon, we wouldn't want her seeing that." My father snarled, walking from the kitchen towards the couch.

"Where's your brother?" My mother piped up.

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"He went to practice baseball with some friends."

"What!" My mother cried and ran towards the living room from the kitchen, "He has to be here when Tsuta arrives. You all have to be here."

"He just had to leave." My father groaned, crossing his arms across his chest and he began to tap his foot.

"Tadashi, go and find him." My mother ordered hastily, her eyes wide and pleading as she stood behind the couch like my father.

I groaned and rolled over so that my face was smothering the couch.

"Why can't we just call him? He can't be too far."

"Because I don't feel like getting into a fight with him over the phone. He wouldn't listen."

"And what makes you think he would listen to me in person?"

"Then take your sister."

Alice jumped up from the couch with cheerful eyes.

"Yeah, Tadashi! The therapist said that you needed to start getting out more anyway. It will only be a short walk. C'mon!" My sister grabbed my arm and lugged me off of the couch, "It's only a few blocks, you'll make it."

I began to protest until she forcefully drug me to genkan and thrust my shoes into my arm.

"We need to hurry! He's growing further by the second!"

I groaned and fell back onto the floor while sitting on the genkan, throwing my shoes aside.

"The outdoors is just a decorated hell."

"Tadashi! Listen to your sister and hurry up! Now!" My father shouted and I heard him stomping towards me.

"Please, Tadashi." Alice pleaded and I watched her pick up my shoes before beginning to force them onto my feet, "You're acting like a toddler."

"Tadashi, get up now." My mother started yelling, "Tadas-"

Ding.

The sound of doorbell silenced all of us.

She's here.

I stiffly sat up and stared in horror at the door.

Alice turned and walked delicately to the door, treating the floor as if it were glass.

As she opened it I felt my breath hitch.

Standing beside a tall, dark-skinned man with rippled muscles was the exact opposite of the monstrous companion.

Tsuta.

The girl that stood in my doorway was the electricity codex beholder.

And she was perfect.

She stood beside her towering escort at no more than 4'8. She was small, very small; petite. Perfect.

This gorgeous girl could not have weighed more than sixty pounds. With long, long black hair that reached down to her waist and hime-cut bangs that caused her dazzling blue eyes look even larger so that they could melt the heart of any heavyhearted human being. She wore a white, ruffled sundress which complimented her creamy pale complexion. The light button-down dress reached to her tiny knees, praising her little joints. The sleeves of the dress were the equivalent to a tank top, though they had ruffles all along the collar and shoulders, along with the bottom of the dress which also bespangled ruffles. Around her neck was a navy blue ribbon, congratulating her gorgeous black hair.

I would have have honestly passed her for a grade schooler if it wasn't for the slight breasts sticking through her thin attire and slender womanly figure that shown through her loose clothing. The light curves of her small body made you just want to run over and hug her whilst running your hands along her figure- as perverted as that sounded I knew it was true. The perfection of her entire look was formed with a pair of small white sandals that were an obvious, bantam youth size 21. She had an innocent face, small and guiltless and perfect. Nothing about this girl was out of place. Everything about her was completely perfect. She looked like a doll, but too lifelike to be a doll. You just want to stare at her.

To be around her was a gift. She was a gift. An idling perfection that I would one day lose. Never did I think that I would manage to actually feel intimate feelings for a person- let alone some person I had not even spoken one word to. This girl...This magnificent, jaw-dropping, goddess...

was mine to care for from now until the day she turned eighteen.

"Sorry we're a bit late, there was traffic downtown Kimura-san." Her thundering escort explained from behind his black sunglasses.

My father nodded eagerly and hurried down to the doorway as Alice quickly ran to my mothers side.

I was still sitting on the floor, frozen.

"It's no problem at all, Kagerou-san." My father said politely and shook the escort's hand. He turned to Tsuta and smiled warmly and held out his hand to her, "Welcome home, "Tsuta-san."

The flyspeck girl seemed to hesitate before gingerly taking my father's much larger hand into hers.

He led her into the home, allowing her to slowly slide off the sandals.

I felt Alice kick my back, causing me to hiss and whip around to glare at her.

"Get up." She uttered with constricted eyes.

I turned to my mother who was giving me the same look.

I turned forward once again to see my father leading Kagerou-san into the house now, politely greeting the escort.

I swallowed hard and looked to Tsuta.

She was staring directly back at me.

I felt heat beginning to flood to my face and I fought the sudden urge to blush.

Why is she looking at me like that?

Maybe because I'm still sitting?

Is there something on my face?

Is my hair a mess?

Why in the hell was I worried about all of this?

She's just a test subject.

She doesn't even have a life.

I put on my best unamused face and held my hand out to her.

"I'm Tadashi Kimura. From what I hear I will be taking care of you."

I watched as the now barefoot girl looked me over intensively.

With wandering eyes she seared her gorgeous gaze into me, causing my muscles tense and blood to chill.

Is she...observing me?

She glared at every aspect of my body for what felt like hours.

From the very edges of my hair to the exact tips of my ankle socks she fluently seemed to record it all mentally.

Is this what I really look like when I observe people?

It's so...unnerving.

In one split second her eyes snapped from my knees and back to my green gaze.

Her light feet walked softly towards me and she placed herself smack in front of me.

I felt a smile etching my lips when I noticed that her head only reached just below the top of my ribs.

Shorty.

Suddenly her soft hand was against my cheek and her blue eyes sucked me into something unknown.

Fields.

Everlasting fields.

The sky was a washed canvas full of pastel pinks and yellows and oranges completed with the shades and hues of colors I had never seen before.

Tall, feathery wheat plants that would have reached past my waist wallowed and whispered in the gentle wind, creating a soothing sound that could calm the wildest raging bull.

The giant orb of glowing peach was in the middle of the gorgeous setting sky, bathing the entire landscape in a beautiful luminescence of calming hums and silent fireworks.

The smell was a mixture of lavender and lemon and fresh laundry.

An everlasting warmth of which had begun to spread among my body caused my heart to slow to soft and steady beat that made my once-frozen blood turn to a red stream of jacuzzi water.

My fingertips tingled with a catalyst of small bells, chiming and vibrating within my hands.

Every thought of mine slowed to an utterly perfect end that inundated my body with the realization of perpetual joy.

The notion of ageless delight kept washing through my veins as I saw an unidentifiable figure moving towards me.

I felt my wavering eyes try to zoom in on the features of the shadowy ghost-like illustration, though the intense aroma that flooded all of my senses had already come and blinded my apprehension.

A gentle whisper began to gently call out to me.

What they were saying to me was unknown at this very moment and I felt my ears straining to try and pick up the words that they spoke in mild paragraphs.

The elusive dialogue of which this celestial character spoke was still uncharted to me and the more I fought to try and listen in on their soft utterances, the lower the pacifying vocalization became.

I opened my mouth to call out to them but my throat spoke no language, only the softening cry of the wind that had also began to die down to an infrasonic tousle of air.

The moment I had entered this realm of aspirations time had stopped and I found myself wishing that it would stay that way forever.

"Tadashi."

As soon as my name had been spoken by some sweet, angelic voice I was violently wrenched from this beautiful place and threw back into reality.

I now found myself staring at another beautiful scenery.

A girl with a soft, flawless face and saintly features had now taken the place of the fabulous wheat field that had once laid before me.

Now it was her.

Her.

What the hell is she?

I felt the sudden jerk of emptiness and glacial breezes enter my bones once again when she withdrew her hand from my cheek.

Please come back again.

Please show me that place again.

I jolted uncomfortably when my father set his hand on my shoulder and had taken it upon himself to stand beside me.

"Isn't she amazing?" He whispered in my ear.

As much as I wanted to to nod in agreement, I couldn't find myself to do so.

I didn't want to support my parents work. Their sick, stupid, science.

This girl was a goddess that they had caged and implanted an overdrive of death and deduction into her heart and soul.

Because of them she had no fighting chance, no peak of hope that could tear her away from this countryside of science and hell.

She was stuck in their sick fantasy and would never find her way out.

Her path was clustered with brambles and thorns, all thrown across her route with tangled vines that wrapped around her ankles and drug her down with them.

Along with the deafening sound of no defiance and helplessness she was simply a pawn is this diabolic game of chess.

She had no opportunity to become or save the queen because only a beastly future led by a demonic past laid ahead of her.

The thunderous sound of a silent cry obviously illuminated from this magnificent artwork of a person, but sadly she would never have the possibility of being put into a museum that would truly appreciate every and all of her attributes.

Only the saddening scientists and I could find the things that truly meant the most within her maze of hopes, dreams and desires.

Though they would never be satisfied, creating an infernal anger within me, I would do my best to do so.

I found my heart and head shouting all at once at the pleasure of pleasing her.

What does she want?

What does she wish for?

What does she dream about?

What does she yearn for?

"She is a chef-d'oeuvre." My father swooned, gripping my shoulder tightly.

I remained frozen as Kagerou stepped beside Tsuta and gave me a smile.

"You are a very lucky young man."

I showed no recognition of the lofty agent and began to take a step back towards my mother and Alice.

Didn't my sister have any input on the situation?

She was normally so eager to speak her opinion.

Unless...

I turned to see her standing there with enormous, sparkling eyes and a gaping mouth, which she covered with both hands.

Her legs were straight as boards, along with rigid back and stiffening arms.

...she's as shocked as I am.

I swallowed hard before turning back to Tsuta and Kagerou.

The two of them and my father both had also been staring back at my astounded sister with wide eyes.

My father was the first to make a move this time.

He laughed softly and nudged me.

"Why don't we all go and wait for Hikari and Alice to finish up lunch? You two must be starving."

Kagerou removed his sunglasses, nodding.

Kagerou is obviously of African heritage, defining his dark tan skin and dark brown eyes. He is a massive and bulky bald man with a brown goatee and tattoo along the underside of his wrist that said Yuina in kanji. He also adorned two silver earrings on his left ear. His height looked to be about 6'0 and weighed about 170 pounds, though it was all pure muscle.

"Tsuta." My father said softly and held his hand out to her again.

This time she took it right away, though just as delicately.

I shuffled so that my back was against the wall now, allowing them to pass.

Kagerou took his place beside me and folded his hands neatly, watching after Tsuta with a genuine grin.

I followed his gaze and watched as he led the fragile beauty over to my sister, letting her stand in the same position as she had with me just moments before.

I watched stiffly as she lifted onto her tiptoes and placed her hand softly onto my sister's cheek, gazing almost romantically into her eyes.

My sister stood frozen as Tsuta whispered her name.

"Ali-chan."

My eyes widened as I watched my sister wobble a bit before stepping one foot back to regain her balance.

"Incredible." Alice whispered and held her hand over the one Tsuta had on her cheek.

I felt amusement rise inside of me as Tsuta's eyes widened to moons.

I guess she's surprised that Alice is so infatuated with her already.

As Tsuta lowered herself from her tiptoes and cautiously slid her hand away from my sister's I heard my mother sigh softly.

"Kenshin, call Sou while I finish up lunch. Alice, Tadashi take Kagerou-san and Tsuta to the table. It will be nice for you all to get to know each other."

"Of course!" Alice laughed, excitedly taking Tsuta's hand in hers, "Let me show you where our family eats!"

Tsuta let out a struggled gasp when my sister drug her tiny body over the freshly-polished floors, plopping her down on a pillow along the right side of the table.

I looked over to Kagerou, who was now removing his own shoes and sliding his shades into his blazer pocket.

"Lead the way, Tadashi-kun." He spoke deeply with his signature smirk, waving his hand towards the open floor.

I swallowed hard and agitatedly stuffed my hands deep into the pockets of my shorts and walked solemnly to the table whilst trying to keep a mirthless look on my face.

All while on the inside my intestines and blood vessels were losing a battle with my heartbeat.

Blood thundered ferociously in my ears, causing my throbbing temples to pound even harder against my skull.

My hands stuffed deep into my shorts were releasing what felt like waterfalls of salty perspiration; the agitating liquid that fought it's way fiercely through my pores and caused me even more discomfort than before.

The back of my neck was starting to feel like a damp bathroom floor after someone showers with the door closed.

My eyes hurt, my stomach hurt, my feet hurt, my head hurt.

Everything hurt so much.

The worst part is that I didn't know why.

"Sou! You better drag yourself back here from that field before I come and get you myself!"

I jumped as I heard my father's enraged yelling coming from his bedroom.

I watched as Kagerou walked gingerly down the small staircase and took the seat across from Tsuta, barely acknowledging my father's sudden outburst.

I watched my mother glance worriedly over her shoulder from the kitchen as she continued to chop a bundle of mushrooms into tiny bits.

I formed fists within my pockets and hesitantly took the seat beside Kagerou.

Alice had already the liberty of placing herself beside Tsuta, gently whispering to the girl.

"Mommy is making lunch right now. She is a great cook." Alice laughed and Tsuta simply glanced at her.

The tiny girl sat beside my sister on her knees with her hands folded neatly in her lap while my sister hummed softly, beginning to beat on the table lightly with two chopsticks.

I narrowed my eyes and bit roughly into my lip, stopping when I could taste the metallic tang of my own blood seeping from my chapped skin.

"Five minutes! If you are any later than five minutes there will be no more baseball for two weeks!"

I watched as Tsuta's eyes widened and she stretched her neck a bit to try and get a better listen.

Alice stopped her table-drumming and also looked over in sync with Kagerou and I.

We all watched intently as my father trudged out of his bedroom, stuffing his phone aggressively into his pocket as he reentered the living area.

He silently took a seat at the other end of the table before looking straight to Tsuta.

"What do you think of your new home, Tsuta-san?"

When he spoke to her his voice had changed almost dramatically from angered and pissed off beyond belief to genuine and welcoming.

I eyed the porcelain girl as her curious face morphed into an uncomfortable and bashful expression.

"Lost for words?" My father laughed heartily, "Such a new situation will do that to most people."

"See!" My mother laughed from the kitchen, "She is acting so normal already!"

I watched her intently as she sat down her cutting knife and walked to the front counter and smiled adoringly over at us.

"This will not be hard for you at all Tadashi-kun." My mother said fancifully with mooned eyes.

I looked to Tsuta, who was now looking down with a somber sentiment, palms clasped tightly together underneath the table.

They're making her uncomfortable.

"Tsuta-san has a very shaky interior, though she is building it up into a notable stronghold at a very reasonable pace."