I heard him knock on the door. "Annie, please open up," he had said. I remember the words clear as day, but I couldn't find it within myself to answer him. I just laid there on my bed, praying that he would go away, though my ability to care was decreasing with every heartbeat. I was beginning to feel my eyelids droop with…tiredness? I couldn't bring myself to care whether it was something more sinister than that. "Annie! I know you're mad and sad - but I need to talk to you!" he was sounding a bit more agitated by now, his knocks becoming fiercer. I begged him silently; please don't open up for a few minutes, just a few more minutes. Just let me go. I don't know why I was majorly concerned – I had locked my door. As I thought this his knocks and his further protests seemed to drift away as I was finally hazing everything out, and every part of me went numb. The last thing I remember before succumbing to the darkness was the door seemed to burst open and Jeff was running in.
Three months ago…
The Greendale Seven were sitting around their normal table, laughing about whatever stupid thing that Pierce had just said. It was what they always did, instead of actually studying their chosen subject. Annie was looking to Jeff to see if he had found the thing funny, instinctively. He would never admit to it but he had been doing the same. And then their eyes met, and the everlasting question was thrust upon them once more, the one that stopped Annie going for any other guy, and Jeff from getting too serious with other women. Soon, it was time for everyone to go home, and Jeff found himself fiddling with his car keys, whilst Annie made sure that her books were in her bag in the correct order. She was barely paying attention when she began to walk out and nearly banged into Jeff, who just laughed at the close encounter. "Milady," he said, outstretching his hand.
"Milord," she giggled, taking his hand and following him out to the car park.
They were about to go their separate ways when Jeff suddenly said "Want to go for a drink?"
The teenage girl in Annie was currently screaming and jumping up and down with excitement, but she knew that would probably make Jeff retract his invitation quicker than anything. So instead she decided to smile a little and go "Sure, where?" They quickly decided to go to L Street, to finally show Annie how unpretentious it was on a Friday night, after all the things that Britta had said about it. They decided to take Jeff's car there as well, to save on gas and because Troy and Abed had apparently decided that they were taking the car for some special re-enactment of an Inspector Spacetime episode. Annie wasn't particularly minding, it just meant that she got to spend more time with her crush.
Annie sat with Jeff in a small booth, just far enough away from the speakers to be able to hear each other, but close enough that if a good song came on they could hear it clearly. Annie and Jeff spent that night chatting and laughing about things, and they even got onto some of the deeper topics they both had, such as Jeff's internal struggle with his dad, and Annie and her struggle with not having her parents in her life anymore. They carried on talking and having a few drinks until the bar shut and they were forced to leave. When they stepped outside, Jeff turned to say goodbye to Annie when he noticed an eyelash on her cheek. Carefully using the pad of his thumb to swipe it away, he noted the softness of her skin, and the way her eyes seemed to shut in bliss. He couldn't help but lean in and press his lips to hers gently. When he didn't feel her respond for a second, he tried to pull away, only to be met with Annie's hand at the back of his head, as she pulled him back towards herself.
The rest of the evening went by in a bit of a blur. It was a rush of quickly deciding to go to Annie's place, making sure that Troy and Abed were out shooting a segment for their 'show'. Annie remembered the safe feeling of being in his arms as he gently rocked into her on her bed. Afterwards Annie remembered falling asleep on Jeff's chest, praying that this was the first step in their new relationship. It was asking for a lot, but Annie felt that after all this time, surely it was what she and Jeff deserved.
Dawn broke out in Annie's room, the bright sunlight getting into her eyes. Annie moaned gently as she rolled over and stretched out her arm, expecting to find a Jeff shaped bulge in her bed, only to be met with empty space. Immediately becoming alert, Annie's eyes sprang open and her sight confirmed that Jeff was no longer in her bed. Sitting up, she looked around her room for signs of his clothes, which there was none. Trying to hear the rest of her apartment over her increasing heartbeat, she could only barely make out the speech Abed was giving to Troy on some topic that Annie couldn't really care less about right now. Jeff had abandoned her. Feeling a wave of grief wash over her, Annie put her face into her pillow and screamed whilst she cried.
The next three months went by in a rush for Annie. She couldn't concentrate on anything, just the thoughts of Jeff blatantly rejecting her. Whenever she saw him, she just had to look away ad try to block out the sound of his deep voice. Of course, when the person you're trying to block out is the main speech-giver in the group that makes it a challenge. But whenever their eyes happened to meet by chance, she would look away and try her hardest not to cry. She wasn't sure why she was so particularly hurt by Jeff this time, considering he had kissed her plenty of times before and then abandoned her. Maybe it was because this time he had gone further than just kissing.
Things came to a head a few days after a month of Jeff and Annie's encounter, and she was surprised that no one (with the exception of Abed) was able to see the clear difference and atmosphere shift in the group. Annie had emptied her locker and was on her way to her car, when she suddenly felt dizzy, and therefore clutched onto the nearest thing – the last locker on the row. She took a few deep breaths trying to stabilise her environment, but it didn't work. She looked down and saw blood. That's when she fainted, hearing shouts of 'Annie!' seemingly coming from a distance.
She was vaguely aware of being in the ambulance, someone holding her hand. She wasn't quite sure what was going on. She gained a better level of consciousness when she arrived at the hospital, the sounds of doctors running to keep up whilst she was being rushed from room to room. She tried to look around for a recognisable face – presumably the one who held her hand, but couldn't find one. As she passed through the third set of doors she lost consciousness again, unaware that the person who held her hand was watching her being carted into a private room for testing.
Jeff watched the two swinging doors slam shut, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over him. He had felt it ever since he had left Annie at her apartment that night his life had changed. He had realised the morning after as he looked over a sleeping Annie that he had never loved anything quite as much as her. So he did what he always did, and distanced himself away from her – for her own sake he always argued when he caught her off guard crying in the hallways of Greendale, or when he saw the deep sadness in her eyes when he caught a glance at them, or when he remembered how he hadn't seen her smile in so long. The final straw had been that day, he was going to go after her and try and patch things up, when he saw her collapse in the hallway and called for an ambulance. Now Annie was being carted away for tests and god knows what else. And all Jeff could do was sit outside and wait.
After what seemed like an eternity, a man in a white coat came out and walked towards him, a solemn expression on his face. Jeff ran through a list of things that would ultimately be his worst nightmare. They all included Annie dying in a horrible slow way. "Mr Winger? May I speak with you privately?" Jeff nodded, and followed the doctor to a private room. When they had sat down the doctor started with "Mr Winger, were you aware that Ms Edison was pregnant?"
Jeff's entire world stopped. A series of images of Jeff holding Annie's hand at the hospital whilst she pushed out what was definitely their baby ran through his mind. Of them both looking over their baby's crib whilst he (he somehow knew it would be a boy) slept soundly. Of Jeff playing with their son whilst Annie looked on smiling whilst making dinner. Jeff even knew what the baby would look like: Annie's eyes and her dark hair but most of his facial features like his jawline, though he hoped their son would have Annie's nose. The biggest surprise about all these images to Jeff was the fact that not only was he scared off by them, but the fact that he wanted all this. He wanted this life with Annie. And when Jeff Winger wanted something, he would do everything in his power to get it.
"Mr Winger?" the doctor said, getting Jeff out of his own idyllic world where nothing wrong or bad ever happened. "Unfortunately, when Ms Edison collapsed it was because she was suffering a miscarriage."
Jeff's heart stopped for a second time that day. "What? But Annie is one of the healthiest people I know! I mean, this girl once made me drive to the other side of town to get her a certain type of vitamin water because they had sold out of the kind she "needed" and she didn't want to overdose on another vitamin! How can she miscarry!?" he shouted, knowing that it was somewhat pointless, but the shock of the situation didn't stop him. "I mean…was there something we could have done to have saved the baby?"
The doctor surveyed Jeff for a while over his half-moon glasses before saying "Ms Edison was having an ectopic pregnancy. It was never going to be viable." There were a few brief moments then when Jeff just allowed the situation to sink in.
"…when can I see her?"
"There is one more thing about Ms Edison's condition you need to know Mr. Winger. When we discovered that Ms Edison was having a miscarriage as a result of an ectopic pregnancy, we also noticed that she was haemorrhaging, causing her to go into a state of shock, which resulted in her fainting at the college today. However, the rupture's location means that we decided that it would be best if Annie had an emergency hysterectomy." The doctor's voice seemed to fade out for Jeff as the gravity of the situation fell in for him. He had ruined Annie's life. If he hadn't asked her out for a drink, they would never have had sex, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant and rendered infertile by Jeff. It was his entire fault. "…and so you should be able to see her in a few hours. I'll lead you to her room."
Jeff silently followed the doctor to the room where Annie would be led to eventually. The bed was empty for the moment, and so he took the time to send a mass text to everyone telling them that Annie was going to be ok, and the hospital she was at. For some reason they all decided they would visit tomorrow, after she had gotten out of surgery. Pierce vowed to foot the bill for the hospital, in his typical I-really-want-to-be-a-dad-so-Annie's-my-substitute -daughter way. Jeff just spent time in the hospital room, the weight of the situation bearing down hard on him. If anyone ever asked he would flat out deny it, but Jeff wept for how the situation had turned out.
A few hours later Annie was wheeled in unconscious, to Jeff she looked as beautiful the night after they had slept together. That is, if it weren't for the tubes going into and out of her and the fact that the only reason she was even here was because of him. When the doctors made sure that she would be ok, Jeff gingerly held her hand, softly stroking it. When he looked at her face again, how relaxed it was, so blissfully ignorant at her situation, he knew what he was going to do. So without further word, he picked up his jacket, walked to his car and drove to his apartment, to spend the evening drinking away his emotions. Hell he'd been a lawyer long enough to know how to do that.
Annie woke up in the hospital alone. The sound of beeping and a dull ache in her abdomen alerted her to the fact that something was seriously wrong. There was a nurse near her head, checking her vitals. Annie mumbled something that was meant to be a question, but didn't get much out. The nurse recognised that she was awake, and quickly got the doctor to see her. The doctor came through, and when Annie was awake enough to form coherent sentences, he carefully and sensitively explained her current condition. As soon as he had finished, and Annie had no more questions he left her to think about her situation. As soon as the door to the private room (courtesy of Pierce) closed Annie broke out into the largest wails and sobs she had ever heard herself go. She had been through a lot in her life: a drug addiction, settling for college and her parents flat out disowning her. But she had done her best to survive that – couldn't fate allow her to have something!? What was the point of trying so damn hard if all she was left with in the end was a broken heart and a broken body?
She refused visitors. She had been strong enough to cope on a daily basis without breaking down about Jeff's clear abandonment, but she knew that she couldn't hide it from them after this. Everyone else kept their distance, their concern for her growing as each day she spent recovering she became more and more of a reclusive. Eventually she was released, and she quietly made her way back to her, Troy and Abed's apartment. Troy and Abed were in the middle of watching 'Batman Begins' for the trillionth time when Annie just slipped in and dumped her bag (as brought over by Shirley) into her room. Her life as gloomy as it had ever been, Annie came to a conclusion, and stormed to their shared bathroom, and looked into the mirrored cabinet and saw what she wanted. Ever since Troy's keg flip, he had a few back problems and so used to take painkillers for it. Troy decided one day that he no longer needed to take them (which he thought was due to some special trick that Abed did), and so had a full tub of painkillers left, which Annie now held in her hand.
Annie declared that she was going out for some supplies, and Troy and Abed noticed that something was wrong but were powerless to stop her, so Annie, armed with her fake ID, went to the nearest liquor store and got the largest bottle of vodka that she could find. Normal Annie would know how bad an idea this was. But that Annie was gone. Never to return. Annie had lost her dignity, her self-respect and, in her mind, her femininity. She just wanted this pain to end. When she returned back to the apartment, most of the Greendale Seven were there, minus Jeff, looking ready to stage an intervention it looked like. Fuck that Annie thought as she ran into her room and locked the door (gotten to stop Abed filming segments of her sleeping for Troy and Abed in the morning – nights!). Getting changed into PJs, she opened the tub of pills, and gulped down as many as she could – her drug addict self proving useful. At this point, Annie could hear them trying to phone Jeff through the door. Opening the vodka bottle and downing as much as she could, and kept repeating until she felt dizzy. Then she lay down on her bed and tried to drink more before it was just too difficult.
Annie heard him knock on the door. "Annie, please open up," he had said. She heard the words clear as day, but she couldn't find it within herself to answer him. She just laid there on her bed, praying that he would go away, though her ability to care was decreasing with every heartbeat. She began to feel her eyelids droop with…tiredness? She couldn't bring herself to care whether it was something more sinister than that. "Annie! I know you're mad and sad - but I need to talk to you!" he was sounding a bit more agitated by now, his knocks becoming fiercer. She begged him silently; please don't open up for a few minutes, just a few more minutes. Just let me go. She didn't know why she was majorly concerned – she had locked her door. As she thought this his knocks and his further protests seemed to drift away as she was finally hazing everything out, and every part of her went numb. The last thing she remembered before succumbing to the darkness was the door seemed to burst open and Jeff was running in.
Jeff saw the unconscious brunette, and screamed at someone to phone an ambulance, as he knocked the half empty bottle out of her hand and shaking her, trying to keep her awake. She was becoming limp however, and that's the moment Jeff knew. She wasn't going to make it. Instead of shaking her, he just held her close and started rocking, brushing the hair out of her face and trying to memorise every detail. "I'm so sorry Annie. I never meant for this to happen. I love you. I love you so goddamn much it physically hurts when I see how much I've hurt you. I've been an idiot..I'm so sorry Annie," he whispered to her, tears openly streaming down his face. Annie opened her eyes a little bit then, and tried to lean up, so Jeff reached down and gently put his ear to her lips as she whispered something, taking in every word. As soon as she had finished she went completely limp. And Jeff looked at the rag doll in his arms as everyone else around him continued to freak out.
When the ambulance came it confirmed their worst fears. Annie, the bright shining light of the study group, the beacon of reason, the one who actually made sure that they all passed their classes as well as being the most caring person they had ever met was dead.
They were never quite the same after that. The study group never met again. The memories of their happiness that they had at one moment been able to share were now too painful to remember. The one who took it hardest was Jeff. After graduating Greendale, he went back to his old job as lawyer, but he was no longer the arrogant and cocky son of a bitch that he had been before, but more reserved, using reason rather than bullshitting to win his cases. As a result, he had a lower success rate, but he could go to bed knowing that the right person won each case he was involved in. He didn't go out with as many women either. Every night, he went to bed with the memories of Annie's smiles, and the quiet look of relaxation that embodied her when she was asleep. But more than anything else he treasured the last words that she had said to him.
"I forgive you"