I Needed You

Jo paced the floor heartbroken waiting for Alex to come home. She hadn't seen his car in the parking lot when she left the hospital, and now he wasn't home. She needed him. She needed his shoulder to cry on and his strong arms around her. She needed him to tell her that life wasn't fair, but that there were still more wins than losses. She needed him to once again talk her down from the ledge she always found herself on when she lost a patient. And this wasn't just any patient; this was her Emma. Sweet sweet Emma. The little girl who only a few weeks ago wouldn't speak, but now lit up when Jo entered her room. The little girl who had endured too much for her five short years. The little girl who reminded Jo so much of herself at that age. She sighed and checked her watch one more time. 1:35 am. Ugh... She gave up and crawled in bed crying herself to sleep.

She wasn't surprised when she woke up the next morning and found Alex's side of the bed empty; he worked that morning, but there was no sign that he had come home at all. She shook her head and got up, slowly making her way to the bathroom to splash cool water on her face still puffy from crying the night before. She poured herself a bowl of cereal, but after only a few bites pushed it away with no appetite. She spent the day cleaning and studying. Doing anything to try and keep her mind off Emma and more than that off of her troubled relationship. Or at least that's how she saw their relationship; she wasn't so sure Alex would agree, but then again she didn't figure he thought much about their relationship these days. She was always there. When he finally came home, she was there. When he decided he had time for her, she was there. She really didn't want to break things off with Alex, but she couldn't keep being pushed to the back burner. She loved him too much and it would break her for sure, but she had too much respect for herself to continue on the way they were. She deserved to be someone's number one and she wouldn't settle for less no matter how hard it would be to walk away.

Later that evening, Jo was putting her shoes on when the loft door rolled open and Alex walked in after a long day of work. He went straight over to Jo wrapping her in a hug and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She pushed away from him not reciprocating. He quirked an eyebrow, "What's wrong with you?" he asked confused.

"Where were you last night?" she questioned instead of answering, already knowing what he was going to say.

"Mer needed..." he started apologetically.

"Of course," Jo huffed out quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex came back defensively narrowing his eyes.

"It means I needed you last night. I needed you here with me," she retorted trying to stay strong and not break down.

"I'm sorry Jo. Mer called and she needed me to look at her heater. It wasn't working right when she got home from work; she has the three kids, and it was freezing out. It was late; I wanted to make sure it didn't act up again," he explained. "It was just the thermostat. It's fixed now," he added with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders.

"Good. I'm really glad. I'm glad you can be there for her," Jo said sincerely. "But I need you too. The thing is, Alex, she's always going to have the three kids and she's always going to need this thing or that thing, but she also has a sister and a sister-in-law and a.. a pseudo stepdad. And I know she's your best friend and you want to be there for her. You are an amazing friend Alex and I love that about you; believe me I do," she closed her eyes briefly gathering herself. "But you are my best friend and I need you too. I don't have anyone else but you," she pleaded. Alex was silent looking down at his feet. "You know I've been working in the burn unit a lot lately, right?"

He nodded finally looking up to meet her eyes, "Yeah, I guess," he shrugged trying to make the connection. "Shouldn't you be off Avery's service by now?" he added.

"I like it. I want to work in the burn unit. Anyway, I told you about the little girl, the one who was put in a scalding bath by her foster mom." He nodded in acknowledgement and she continued, "Well, when she came in she wouldn't talk at all to anyone; she wouldn't ever say anything. Her eyes were so lost and empty. But as I worked with her she softened to me, and she started talking to me; we were really bonding," she sighed and shook her head getting to the point, "She died yesterday. All the damage was too much for her frail body," she took a deep breath and struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall. "And I just... I needed you." She wiped away a few tears that fell down her cheeks despite her effort to not cry.

"Jo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about your patient and I'm sorry I wasn't here last night," he pulled her into another embrace that she once again shrugged out of.

"I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to be here. I need you to stop putting Meredith first. I can't keep being second to her. I won't," she shook her head forcefully, regaining her composure. "I get that the two of you have a bond and you've been through everything together, and I respect that. But what about me? What about us? I don't want to walk, but I will if I have to," she finished with steel in her voice grabbing her keys and turning towards the door.

"Jo... Where are you going?"

"I work the night shift tonight," she explained flatly continuing on her way out.

"We need to talk," he implored with a catch in his voice.

She turned to him with sad eyes her face defeated, "I've said everything I have to say. The ball is in your court. You need to decide what you want. If you can't commit to putting this," she gestured between them, "first. If our relationship isn't a priority for you, then I'm sure Dr. Grey would be happy to welcome you back into her home." She turned and walked to the door.

"Jo..." Alex called out desperately. She continued out of the loft without looking back.

She hurried her steps to her car breaking down into tears as she sank down in the driver's seat. After a few moments she gathered herself and started the car driving off toward the hospital praying Alex would still be there when she returned home the next morning.