Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. We all know that.

A/N: Thanks to my dear beta Moriquende, you're reading this bit of humorfluff. Sounds an awful lot like cotton candy. The characterizations and situations within are a bit fanon, but that's the way I like writing my humor, apparently. Enjoy, and feel free to comment and review. I love me some feedback.

Saruman Cannot Believe It

The white wizard's left eye twitched as he clutched the arms of his spindly study room chair. He let out an incredulous gasp as he looked to Radagast, who was standing in the doorway with an insidiously resolute expression.

"Surely...you cannot...be...serious?" he ventured.

Radagast jutted his chin out. "Of course I'm serious, you big silly! I think it's a marvelous idea!" Radagast's eyes glittered hopefully as he raised his bushy eyebrows.

It occurred to Saruman that he had not seen such a sickeningly sweet display since...well, perhaps not since the late Second Age. Maybe even the First Age. Saruman's mouth turned into a much-practiced frown.

"Radagast," he began, "I have never...done such a thing before, and frankly, I don't want to."

"But sweetie-buns, that's the point! To get you out of your comfort zone! To find new and adventurous things to do together!"

"That sounds revolting."

"Now don't be so disagreeable!" Radagast looked at Saruman's hateful expression, and decided perhaps he'd better go a different route. "Saruman...I don't know if you realize, but I have been living in Orthanc tower for about two months now without leaving. All this...marble and stone and cobwebs and dreariness certainly isn't something I'd choose...I mean, it's fine if you do, I'm just saying-"

"Yes, what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying that I'd like to have a change of scenery, at least for a bit. And show you a little bit of the world I am used to living in." Radagast nodded to add emphasis.

Saruman sat for a moment, contemplating the proposal. Was Radagast's request really all that awful? No, he had to admit, it wasn't. He still didn't think he would like it...but Radagast had been putting up with the cobwebs for months. Saruman, whose mind was very rarely bent toward fairness, was feeling quite equitable today. He let a timid, wan smile creep onto his face. It was an odd feeling, this feeble smile.

"Dear, what's wrong with your face?"

"Nothing Radagast...Fine. I will do it. But I certainly...don't know...what to pack."

Radagast clapped his hands together happily. "Oh you know, just everything you think will be necessary! This will be so fun! I'm going to go pack my things and get ready." With that, Radagast scurried out of room. He certainly wanted to get out of earshot in case Saruman changed his mind.

Saruman sat for a moment, looking down. He was heretofore unaware of the presence of Gríma, who had been poking about Saruman's bookshelves all morning, unnoticed.

"Where are you going, master?" hissed the minion, suddenly.

Saruman leapt from his chair in surprise. "Gríma..." he began, suspiciously.

"Well?" Gríma's flinty eyes flashed at Saruman.

Saruman didn't want to admit it, but Gríma was really most disconcerting. It wouldn't be half bad to be out of the tower for a few days, Saruman mused. He frowned at Gríma as he swept out of his study with alacrity.

"A camping trip, Gríma. A camping trip."