I.
You look around the studio, not really sure what to expect. The plain white screens covering parts of the walls and the floor. The shiners perched around the space where you will be filmed with a few other people.
You have spent a lot of time here. Whether it was late night dinners with Quinn because she had stayed late to work for one of her projects or just because you come and visit her. She's kind of your only friend. Your only real close friend whom you're comfortable with.
You're alone right now, Quinn is somewhere, collecting her equipment and you take a deep breath as you take in the familiar surroundings.
It's quiet and you like that it's quiet. Because quietness means that you have a chance to collect your thoughts. Prepare yourself mentally for the buzz that is going to be filling the studio in an hour. In an hour you will be surrounded by strangers. You will be paired up with someone for a project that Quinn has to do for her photography and film class.
You don't know why you agreed to it. Why you agreed to work with strangers. Quinn hasn't told you what her project consists of and it worries you a bit. What if she hasn't told you on purpose? It was a wonder she managed to drag you out of your room, get you to shower and into fresh clothes. You feel like you're looking like an idiot but Quinn assured you that your grey skinny pants and your white, loose blouse makes you look nice and you trust Quinn.
You'd trust Quinn with your life if you had to.
That has never been the case, though. Luckily.
You lay down on the floor. You lay down because you need to relax as much as possible. You look up at the ceiling and continue taking deep breaths. Your heart is beating steadily in your chest and you concentrate on the thumping you feel in your ears, in your fingertips. Shapes start forming out of nowhere on the plain white ceiling the more you look at it and you wish that you had taken your iPod with you.
Music has always helped you. It has helped you in every way possible, imaginable. It is balm for your soul, food for your thoughts and like a warm blanket for your heart and body. You don't know why you're nervous. Maybe it is because you don't know anything about the project other than it is about people and human interaction. And you don't really know. But you had hoped that music would be able to ease some of the tension in your body.
You've never really been good with people.
You're awkward when it comes to having to interact with them. Not because you're shy. God, no. It's exactly the opposite. You're loud, honest and forward and people often find offence in that. Some of them mistake it as cruelty- you've been called a bitch on more than one occasion- but they forget that you're human, too and that you have feelings as well as everyone else. It's because you always have the feeling that you're letting them down.
Because it takes you some time to warm up to them. It takes you time until you finally let them get to peek at your insights. Whether it has to do with feelings, thoughts or anything else. You're not very open about yourself. You cherish the privacy and you cherish the safety behind the walls you have built around yourself.
It's just easier that way. You don't get to disappoint anyone and you don't have to give up anything from your emotional safety. You're comfortable that way.
You have just started tapping your fingers on your stomach to the beat you're listening to in your head when you hear Quinn dragging her equipment into the studio. You turn your head towards her, the cold floor meeting your cheek and you watch her silently. She doesn't comment on your position, she doesn't ask why you're lying there on the floor. She knows you, she has lied herself on that floor in the exact same position as you are in a lot of times before.
So she does it again. She places her bags with the cameras carefully aside and walks over to you and lowers herself next to you. You're facing each other and her teeth flash lightly as her lips tug slightly into a small smile. She wants to comfort you and you're glad because only she understands that you're nervous even without saying or acting like it.
Quinn aligns her palm against yours and you see the two different colors of your skin mingling together. Your nail polish is dark in comparison to her light blue one, matching her white dress.
"If you're feeling really uncomfortable I can get someone else to do it." She says quietly.
Quinn knows you but you know her as well. You know that by saying that, she meant that she hopes that you will do it but she cares about you and if it's necessary she will find someone to replace you. She wants you to be part of this project, it's important to her and she's important to you, so you will do it. Because it means so much to her and she means so much to you.
You shake your head and slide your fingers between hers, squeezing lightly. You promised her you'd do it and you always stick to your promises.
"Thank you."
Quinn answers to your silent reply and she raises your entangled hands to place a light kiss to the back of your hand.
II.
The hour passes faster than you would have liked. Quinn and you had remained lying on the floor in a comfortable silence for a while before she had gotten up to organize everything. You're sitting on one of the tables, clipboard in hand with names you don't recognize. She asked you to check the attendance list.
Mercedes Jones.
Sam Evans.
Mike Chang.
Tina Cohen- Chang.
Brittany Pierce.
Kurt Hummel.
Blaine Anderson.
Rachel Berry.
Noah Puckerman.
You look at all the names. If you weren't Quinn's best friend and one of the strangers, you'd be on that list, too. A list filled with names that you can't connect to faces. You still have no idea how Quinn found all of those people. Maybe they are with her in college, friends of a friend, strangers but she seems to trust them enough to let them be part of a real important project.
All of the names have an arrow pointed to another name on the list and you don't know what it stands for but Brittany Pierce's name is left without a match and you question it in your head.
The first people start arriving. Rachel is the first one you cross off the list. The only thing you notice is that she is loud and judging by the look on Quinn's face she might have regretted asking Rachel to participate. Mike, Sam, Kurt, Noah, Mercedes, Blaine and Tina arrive, too and everyone seems to get along just fine. Quinn hugs each one of them, thanking them for helping her.
No one knows each other and when Mike and Tina find out that they have the same surname they start laughing hysterically. Noah is trying to flirt with Quinn but she is quick to brush it away and find new ways to ignore it. And you feel slightly defensive when he becomes persistent. But he eventually stops.
You wonder when Quinn started making so many friends. You wonder when she started having another life that you're not part of. You want to be sad but she is really trying to integrate you into the group and she keeps you calmed enough by gentle touches to soothe you and you find yourself starting to feel comfortable- because she never once stopped showing you that you are still her best friend. You even find yourself laughing occasionally at one of Sam's terrible impressions. His huge lips making it all the more terrible.
Brittany is the only one missing and just about when Quinn is about to freak out, a blonde girl storms into the studio, smiling apologetically. You cross off Brittany Pierce because you have a feeling that it's her. Her apologetic smile turns into a full on smile when everyone else starts introducing themselves and you're the only one left.
She steps in front of you, smile already shaped. Her white teeth are flashing and her blue eyes sparkling. She extends her hand in front of you and when you hear her saying her name you don't think that you've ever been so smitten and charmed before.
III.
You are fuming inside. You want to walk over to Quinn and strangle her. You should have known that there was a reason why Quinn didn't tell you what exactly you had to do when she asked you to be part of her project.
Obviously everyone else knows what they have to do and it is only you who had been left in the dark. And that makes you incredibly angry. She played you because she knows that if you had an idea about your given task you would've declined her plea. So you stomp over to her after she has explained everyone how they are going to work, what she expects and with whom everyone is paired up. You will have to work with Brittany.
Your voice is an angry whisper when you grab her by her arm and pull her aside.
"You expect me to kiss a complete stranger?" You hiss and Quinn glances up to the crew who is helping themselves with make-up.
She looks a bit apologetic when her eyes meet yours again and she bites her lip because she doesn't know how to deal with your little outburst. She doesn't want to anger you more- that's why she doesn't do it the way she always does, loud and butt headed like you are- she's afraid you won't do it even though you promised it.
You won't jump out of it the last minute because you promised but you still want to bring your point across where you bitch at her for not telling you sooner.
"I know, I know and I'm really sorry. But I was afraid you wouldn't do it if you knew."
You pinch the bridge of your nose because she is right, so you sigh long and deeply.
"And why exactly am I kissing a girl? Because you know I am a lesbian?"
"No." Quinn says with a shake of her head. "I wanted to make this as comfortable as possible for everyone. Which means you get to kiss a girl because you don't like boys and I didn't want to make it harder than it is. You know everyone here is kissing someone they don't know, so it's not just you. And Brittany likes girls, too. Just have some fun. You get to make out with someone without any obligations and you like that. Besides I need different points of views in my project."
You mumble a fine. She's right you like sex and you love making out and if it hasn't any obligations attached to it, it's even better. When Quinn doesn't say anything else you proceed to do your own make-up because in a few minutes you will be making out with a complete stranger- Brittany- in front of a camera and it will be filmed which means the short film will exist eternally.
And when you look over to Brittany she is smiling at you while Mercedes is helping her with her make- up and you avert your eyes because you need to apply some eyeliner and you can't do it if you know that she's observing you.
IV.
You chuckle silently as you see Rachel being so shy when it comes to kissing a stranger. Noah is doing his best to hide his nervousness behind his weird sexist jokes but you know that he is freaking out internally. Right then and there you are a hundred percent sure that Rachel has never had a one night stand and when it comes to Noah you know that it is weird for him because he is being filmed while doing something that he has obviously done more than once. He is, despite of his weird jokes, more confident than Rachel is.
The rest is watching silently behind you, gauging and taking everything in because they will be the next ones. Quinn promised you and the rest drinks afterwards and you wait eagerly for the time until you will be finished.
So you wait and watch and bite your bottom lip nervously because everyone is going to stare at Brittany and you kissing just like you do whenever someone else is in front of the camera. What if you do something embarrassing? Like sneeze when Brittany is about to lean in or burp or faint or…
More than one horrible scenario starts forming in your mind and each one of them ends with Quinn being mad at you for ruining her project which leads to her not graduating and hating you and throwing you out of your apartment.
To say you're nervous is an understatement because the pressure of possibly ruining Quinn's project is heavy on your shoulders and you don't want to deal with anything else at the moment rather than concentrating on your breathing and your suddenly faster pounding heart.
You watch as Rachel giggles shyly up at the taller boy and Noah leans slowly down to kiss her, interrupting whatever sound was coming out of her. You watch as they start to get into it, Rachel taking a hold of Noah's black leather jacket and Noah wrapping his arms around her tiny figure, obviously both of them dismissing every uneasiness and awkwardness that was lingering in the air seconds ago.
You forget to worry and be nervous because they actually look like they're enjoying Quinn's project. And you hope that it won't be that bad after all. You glance sideways where you know Brittany is standing, watching and once again you find her staring at you instead. You don't know what's gotten into her that causes her to watch you ever since she walked in but you feel weird under her stare.
Her lips curl up into the same smile she's been shooting you every time you catch her watching you and she mouths a hey. You answer with a silent hi and you wave your fingers in her direction, smiling shyly back.
You see her walking a few steps towards you, she wants to talk to you and your smile widens but Quinn's cut interrupts you and you missed Noah and Rachel ending their part of the film. He nudges and high fives her and Rachel erupts into laughter that is followed by the crew clapping excitedly.
Quinn thanks them and when she turns to look at you, you know what she wants to say. Her gaze moves to Brittany and she gestures with her head to the space in front of the camera. You bite your lip once more and you shift on your feet, not really ready to face the music.
V.
The good thing about Quinn is that she lets you interact with Brittany naturally. She wants it to be as real as possible so she doesn't pressure you. She told you before that you should just act as if the camera wasn't there. She is going to edit it in the end anyway and the more she has to work with the better.
When you first had stood in front of the camera it was a really weird feeling because now you were actually able to see everyone's reaction to your part. Quinn just stood there holding the camera, a few friends of hers around you and Brittany to film from different angles. And when she yelled action you felt like your knees were about to give in.
So now you're standing in front of Brittany and she's smiling down at you. She seems calm and collected and you like that she doesn't rush you. She gives you space and time and you feel her calmness sweep over to you. You feel comforted by her smile and by her relaxed posture. You hear her laugh softly and you look up from your boots only to be met by crystal clear blue eyes and for a moment you feel breathless because you haven't noticed how beautiful she is with all your doubts and worries about your nervousness.
Hi she says and the gentleness in her voice matches the one on her face. You feel the heat in your cheeks and it only increases when she reaches up to swipe some of your dark locks behind your ears with ever so light touches. You bite your lip again and Brittany laughs once more and you're sure that she would have said something if she wasn't being filmed because the way she looks at and interacts with you makes you melt and you feel all warm and tingly inside.
It makes you shy, giggle and incredibly happy. But mostly you feel just smitten by everything she does.
Your cheek where she brushed her fingers over, burns and not only because you're blushing and you hear yourself let out a shy giggle. But mostly you just feel like an idiot because you have become a blubbering mess under her soft gaze.
Hey you reply and she takes a step closer to you. She doesn't invade your personal space. She's still being careful as to not make you uncomfortable and you seek her contact because you feel calm- despite your rapidly beating heart due to her smile and the way she acts- when she is close to you.
You're getting to know her in front of a camera and yet it doesn't feel like that. You have actually forgotten that Quinn is filming you and that a lot of pairs of eyes are watching every move you two make. The only thing you can make out in this fuzz that everything has become is Brittany.
Her smile, her eyes, her voice.
You only feel the electricity between you, the connection and space between you that you think is too large. So you step a bit closer and you look at her boots and her ripped white pants and her grey shirt and back up to her eyes, her smile. You take a deep breath and the closer you are the calmer you feel yourself becoming. And she senses it as well because she minimizes the space once more.
It is weird because your body reacts to her. Every movement she makes, your body adjusts to it. It's the same with Brittany. When you move, Brittany reacts to it. And it feels like dancing. It feels like the most beautiful dance you've ever danced. You hear the music to it and you feel her, and you feel yourself. And that's all that matters because she dances it like no one has ever danced it before.
She asks you with her gaze if you're feeling okay, you know it because there is this new underlining of her smile and her body posture towards you and you bite your bottom lip and you nod. She lifts her hand once more and runs her finger over your shoulder; she traces the fabric of your blouse up to your neck until she reaches your cheek. She cups it and that's when you know that the moment has come and you buzz with anticipation. Her other hand joins your other cheek and your breath hitches because her face starts inching closer to you.
Your body has decided to go rigid and your heart beats even wilder in your chest. Her nose brushes against yours and her breath mingles with yours. Brittany continues brushing her nose gently against your own. Her blue eyes haven't once left your brown ones ever since she started getting closer and now that you are face to face with her you close your eyes because she is teasing you and you just want her to kiss you.
When her lips finally meet yours, it is even better than you would have imagined. She is gentle and she takes care of you. She nips at your bottom lip and your need to have her close increases. You completely press up against her, your hand bunches her shirt and your other one rests on her chest and you can feel her heart beat as rigidly as yours.
You don't think that anyone has ever kissed you as she is kissing you now. No one has ever managed to get your body react to someone to that extend as Brittany has and you enjoy every second of it. Every second where her lips move against yours, gentle and perfect, needy and claiming. And you want her to claim you.
You want her to imprint you, leave her marks all over you. With every brush of lips against yours, with every part of your body she touches, she erases every touch that has been placed upon you by other people. You want her and you love it. You gently bite down on her bottom lip and you swear that you hear a small groan coming from her and you smile against her lips. She does, too and when you feel her tongue tracing the outline of your lip you let it in.
The dance of your bodies continues in your mouth. Her tongue engages yours into a sweet dance. She roams your mouth; she searches to explore everything inside of it.
But you remember that you're human, too. That you need to breathe and that every good thing comes to an end. Her hands don't leave your face and you don't detach yourself from her when both of you break away to suck in some oxygen.
You slowly open your eyes and she's already looking at you, smiling with the biggest smile possible. She pecks you a few more times, smooching sounds filling the silence that has engulfed the studio ever since you're being filmed and then she stops to look at you again. And you smile and you are really glad that you decided to be part of Quinn's project.
And Brittany says hey and you repeat it- your voice hoarse- because you don't think that you are able to say anything more than that. She has left you speechless in every way possible.
In the distance you hear Quinn yell cut. Loud clapping and cheering echoes through the studio but you just can't bring yourself to look away from her and if anyone asked you, you could have just stayed there content with being able to just look at her.
VI.
You sit in a booth at your usual bar with the whole crew. It's late and filming took more time than any of you had expected. You feel great and you sip at your drink and all you want to do is laugh because you feel carefree. Quinn is pressed up at one of your sides and Brittany on the other and they're laughing at something Mike said.
Once you had parted from Brittany and Quinn was done with your sequence of the film she had looked at you. You didn't know that look and it was weird having her stare at you like that. The only think she told you was wow and you didn't know why she had said that. And you just blushed and tried to catch your breath.
You have kept your distance from Brittany since you finished filming. You were feeling weird because the kiss had felt really intimate for someone who didn't know the person who they were kissing. And now that you have alcohol in your system and Brittany is pressed up to you, you don't mind her closeness. Not at all. In fact you seek it and you want it and you don't care that you keep your distance from everyone else because you rather watch her interact than talk with everyone else.
And she is so, so beautiful. So beautiful that you still can't get over it. You feel really lucky because you got paired up with her and not with someone else. If you had to kiss Rachel you would have dropped out of the project. Because you were kissing Brittany and not Noah, Mike or Sam- it was you who got that lucky and you loved and appreciated every second of every touch, and every move and every feeling. Brittany's smile and how she talks with everyone else, you're going insane.
But if this feeling you have whenever Brittany's arm grazes yours, or when she smiles at you, talks to you means insanity then you don't mind being insane for the rest of your life.
Everyone likes her. After all what's there not to like. But you feel as if you have that special place for Brittany because she's just that. Brittany. And you can't describe her without feeling breathless and giddy. You think that there's no one at the table who likes Brittany as much as you do.
You hear yourself laughing again and this time it catches her attention. She directs her smile at you. Somewhere deep down it feels as if the smile she uses for you is more joyful and a brighter than the one she uses with everyone else. You repeat your laugh and she shoots you a playful, questioning look. You lift your drink to your lips and you think that she knows that you're really tipsy right now and that your giggle is on the verge of turning into drunken laughter.
She turns away from you and talks with the waitress before you have all of her attention again. Brittany brushes your lock from your face. Once she's done, you take your hand to brush your fingers against her palm because you've gone so long without touching her and you just want to be close to her. She leans in closer.
"You okay?"
She asks and you nod happily. Your eyes move down to her lips and you bite your own in response. You wonder how it would feel to kiss just her because you want to, not in front of a camera, not because you have to but simply because you desire her. Her scent, her breath mingling with yours, her lips and her rapidly beating heart. You want it so bad and you grip your cocktail glass tighter so that you won't do anything stupid in your tipsy state.
"More than good. Amazing actually."
You whisper in her ear, followed by another giggle. You don't remember the last time you've felt as great as you do now. So you bask in the feeling and you don't really care about any consequences.
You don't notice the waitress Brittany was talking to earlier but seconds later she is placing a strawberry milkshake and a basket of fries on the table. Brittany thanks her and when she's done she looks at you again. You tilt your head curiously and she laughs, pushing the things she ordered towards you.
"I'm not hungry." You tell her but she isn't having any of it.
She tells you that she doesn't want you getting anymore drunk and when you think about it she is right. You want to experience Brittany wholly and sober. You want to be aware of everything she says and does. You thank her but you feel bad because you don't want to eat up something she ordered so you two share.
She talks to you and you listen to everything she has to say while munching on your fries. You sip on the milkshake and her eyes never once leave you when she tells you about her family and her life in New York. And god you have never laughed so much at once. She tells you stories and she uses fries to emphasize her point. It almost feels like you are seated alone in the booth and slowly you feel the foggy blanket that was wrapped around your brain vanish.
Brittany pauses and leans down to suck at the straw of the milkshake you two share to moisten her throat. She has a ketchup smudge on her cheek from her vivid retelling of stories so you wipe it away with your thumb and she smiles thankfully at you. She sits up again and scoots closer to you and you sigh contently because finally you have her closer to you.
You see her look down bashfully and you notice the tinge of red on the tip of her ears and cheeks and you ask her what.
"I was thinking."
You nod in response, waiting for her to elaborate. You take her hand that has been resting on her thigh and you slip your fingers between hers. They fit perfectly and another content sigh escapes your lips. She looks down at your hands and smiles, her thumb starting to brush against the back of your hand.
"I was thinking." She repeats and you laugh because of her shyness. "Go on a date with me."
You bring your free hand up to touch her cheek. She had the pleasure of doing that when she was kissing you and you want to do it, too. She leans into the touch and for a few seconds her eyes close. You think about her question and you smile.
You feel your heart contract wildly against your ribcage. Your chest suddenly doesn't have enough space to fit all of the warmth and softness you feel for her and you want to kiss her. So you lean in closer but don't connect your lips just yet. You want to enjoy the feeling before you kiss, feel her warm breath hit your face. You can smell the strawberries of the milkshake and it's delicious. You bite your lip, the anticipation becoming too much and Brittany seems to feel that you need your time to take everything in. She needs it, too and when you can't resist any longer you finally kiss her.
You have already thought that the kiss in front of the camera was pretty breathtaking and amazing but this now. It feels so much better and the reaction of your body is still the same. You feel pairs of eyes on you but you ignore them. Most of the people at the table are smiling surprised and Quinn, you don't know what she does but you have a feeling that it was on purpose that she paired you up with Brittany. Because Quinn is smart and you haven't met anyone as mischievous and clever as her.
When you pull away from Brittany, you stay close. You smile at her widely and she mirrors that smile and you peck her once more before you give her your answer that has taken too long to come out of your mouth.
"Yes." Her smile grows. "Yes, I'll go on a date with you."
You don't know Brittany but you have this feeling that you have known her for a long, long time. You like how you feel with her and you want to know absolutely everything. From what you know and going on your gut, you trust her with everything.
And if Brittany had asked you, you would have followed her to the other side of the world. You tell her that and her smile looks as if it's about to split her face in half. She leans down to kiss you again and this time you hear everyone at your table cheer loudly and Quinn pinch you lightly. You don't care one bit though because Brittany is invading every single one of your senses and if it's going to continue like that, you have a feeling that you will fall really hard and really fast for her.
A/N Happy belated Easter!
This one shot is inspired by Tatia Pilieva's 'First Kiss' video.
Let me know what you think :) Either here or on my tumblr: kissinglipss. tumblr. com