Author: Signs Of Sun
Title: A Missing Piece (Stand Alone)
Spoilers: None.
WARNING: Character Death.
A Missing Piece
It's funny they are all so different, so unique, when they come to visit Nick.
Catherine still mothers him. She tidies up the area around his headstone, making sure there are no dead leaves or other debris and then cleaning off the stone itself with a cloth she brings with her. She works most diligently on wiping away any smudges on the glass that covers the photo encased there. She talks to him while she goes about it. Usually telling him stories about the gang from work I think. I've seen her all smiles at times and flooded with tears others, depending on the news she brings him. I believe she most of all was relieved when it came to light that the written wishes that Nick left behind expressed his desire to be buried here and not back in Texas.
Then there's Grissom. Well, Grissom just stays there like a statue. His visits are like listening to a clock measure time, there's a space of nothingness between each sound that marks an increment going by, but without fail it always arrives on schedule. Most times he's kneeled down on one knee as if a sign of respect or to perhaps to be level with the name Nicholas Stokes etched into the stone. I'm not sure which. But he stays there, motionless, for the longest time. The only time he speaks is in the instant before he rises and walks away. The few words that do pass over his lips into the air are whispered and, therefore, a secret between only him and Nick.
As for Warrick, he starts out on one end of the spectrum and always lands at the other. He starts out under the safe cover of humorous tidbits of information relayed to Nick about their mutual friends or interests. Always the storyteller. Then there's a few softer moments of struggle while he tries to fight off the sadness. But, inevitably, it arrives and with at the very least a few stray tears water his eyes. Even to a stranger it would be obvious there was a brotherly bond between the two. No doubt about it.
It's a toss up who misses him the most sharply. I'd place my money either on Warrick or Grissom. Warrick's steady sadness rides the surface, plain as day, but Grissom's silence speaks volumes about the depth of the loss he feels. As if it's so embedded that it's somehow intangible yet omnipotent all at the same time.
I see Sara the least frequently here. I can see how difficult it must be even for her to just get out of her car in the way her mind seems to battle her body getting up the path to the grave site. She literally talks herself there. Even now with the passage of time her body and mind argue over the reality of it I guess. Her heart and her intellect differ on the decision whether to visit or not. One is rational and one is not. She floats between Warrick and Grissom's demeanor. She'll sit there on the ground beside his grave and be lost in thought then suddenly blurt out something to him, usually the remarks are either sarcastic or just reflective observations. And not just reflective of him, but self reflective. I think she confides in him, in his ghost. Because a ghost is a safe confidant and as ghosts go Nick's is an excellent choice. I can't hear the words, but can tell from the facial expressions. Her tone of voice is crystal clear in her eyes as she whispers thoughts or in the way she crunches up her face as she talks more bravely. Then she falls quiet again for a few moments only to repeat the cycle of speaking aloud followed by intense silence.
You're probably wondering how I see all this. I see it from my seat on the bench a ways away. I remain hidden in the shadows of the trees they've decorated the cemetery with. I've never been able to make it any further than here. Not alone anyways. I attended the funeral and stood alongside them all, but just can't take those last steps by myself like they can. Sometimes I wonder what it would take to get me from here to there and the answer always renews my sadness because the answer that floods my mind is….that if Nick were here he'd say, "Go on Greggo, get your butt up off that bench and get over there."
But he's not here to say it and thinking it is not the same as hearing it. Not even to mention that if he was here to speak the words there would be no reason for me to be here in the first place.
So the words remain unspoken and I remain here at a safe distance. But, no matter how much I wish it would, the distance doesn't stop the sadness or the tears from coming.
I guess it's a tie.
We all miss him more than any actions or words can ever express.
Because without him we're all missing a piece of ourselves. When he disappeared we each lost something different and unique to us.
For Warrick. A brother.
For Catherine and Grissom. An adopted son.
For Sara. An equal. An unwavering friend.
For me. A loyal pal to give me a solid kick in the ass when I need one.
Like every time I come and sit here andtry tosee if I can findthe courage I need to cover the distance that lies between here and there.
But, for me, what disappeared is theone thing it seems that can get me from here to there. That voice ofmy friendtelling me it's okay to go on, simply walk over there, and ...
say goodbye.
The End.