Gansey's fingers graze Blue's cheek. It is night, and she is asleep in his bed, and he lies awake. It is probably still early, he thinks. It has been a long day of marathoning some show that she insisted he watch (a little too gory for him, but still, not bad), a long day of ice cream for breakfast and also ice cream for lunch and dinner, a long day of happiness and smiles and laughter and bliss and love. She murmurs something unintelligible and scoots closer to him and pulls his blankets over her. Gansey's mouth turns up and then down.
Life is so fleeting, so short, and he knows it. He's here now, yes, but perhaps he won't be here tomorrow. The next day. Perhaps he won't be here two years from now, perhaps it'll just be Ronan Adam Blue Noah left on this earth without him. Suddenly he can see how the scene plays out when he closes his eyes, and then it is burned onto the back of his eyelids and he cannot escape.
Adam stands in Cabeswater. The air is tense with the prospect of an oncoming storm and his hair and shirt buffet in the wind. He is not crying, but his eyes are red and puffy and he cannot breathe. He is drowning. Drowning in sorrow. Grief. Misery. Longing. Wishing. He is drowning.
Droplets of rain have begun to patter gently on the ground when Ronan steps up. It is Ronan whose eyes are full of tears. He stays a few feet away from Adam, like he is afraid to take just one step closer, like Adam will flee if he does. They do not exchange a greeting. They do not acknowledge each other. They stand there, stone, as the wind turns them to dust and blows them away, away.
Gansey catches a glimpse of Noah. Noah leans against a tree, just out of Adam and Ronan's eyesight. He is frozen in place, a statue.
And then he sees Blue. Blue who has not changed. Blue who is wearing too many beaded necklaces and combat boots and a collared t-shirt that goes down past her knees. Blue who is carrying something. His boat shoes. Blue who drops them in front of Adam, says something about being catatonic. His eyelids flicker, a smile plays on his lips, he nods a greeting at her. Blue who moves on to Ronan and wipes away his tears and offers a smile and a small raven that flies onto his shoulder and squeaks. Blue who then joins Noah beside the tree. Blue who kisses his cheek and takes his hand and traces lines on his palm and wraps one of her many necklaces around his wrist.
Blue who turns away and then Gansey cannot see her face anymore. Blue who is crying. Blue who misses him. Blue who has to live without Gansey for the rest of her life, Blue who is left in Henrietta, Blue who is not a psychic, Blue who loves to eat yogurt but does not love the fruit on the bottom, Blue who calls Gansey at two in the morning, Blue who Gansey loves Gansey loves Gansey loves.
He opens his eyes with these very words on the tip of his tongue. An empty bag of chips floats of the edge of the bed, lands atop various journals that just hours ago he was poring over with her.
He fluffs up his pillow, leans back, gazes at her calm face. He doesn't know how long he has been looking at her when her eyes flicker open and she cracks a smile at him. She stretches out her arms; he catches a hand and runs it along his lips, his jaw.
"Hi," she whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Have you gotten any sleep?"
Gansey shakes his head, picks up his glasses from the nightstand, unfolds them and delicately places them on his nose.
She sighs. "Tea?"
"Please."
She slips out of the bed and prances into the bathroom/kitchen/laundry room in search of a box of Earl Grey. Gansey watches as his old t-shirt billows around her legs, as her short hair falls just above her shoulders, quality spikes today.
It's a new day, a new beginning. He's thinking of finding Ronan and then visiting Adam and of course Noah can join them if he can, he's thinking of avoiding Cabeswater all day, he's thinking of maybe letting Blue drag him thrift shopping, of doing something stupidly domestic, of living until he cannot live anymore.
Blue interrupts his brooding as she comes back into the main room and tosses three boxes of tea at his head.
"Choose," she demands. He smiles and shifts through them, rolling his eyes as they are all variations on mint.
"Nevermind," he says, standing up and putting his arms around Blue. "Let's go to Starbucks or something instead." She makes a face, pulls away.
"Are you kidding?"
He laughs. "Of course. Let's go collect Adam and Ronan and maybe Noah and go somewhere."
"Not Starbucks."
"Not Starbucks," Gansey agrees amiably. "The used bookstore near Aglionby?"
She nods, muses about their options. "Well, Ronan won't want to come to a bookstore."
"Nevermind, then. Let's not invite them."
Blue's smile stretches so wide that Gansey thinks his heart is going to break. She puts on a skirt and tucks his t-shirt into it and slides on his boat shoes and Gansey knows his heart is going to break. They are halfway out the door when he pulls her close and whispers "I love you."
She grins. "I know."
And that is that. They spend far too much time at the bookstore and Gansey buys far too many books about Wales and kings and ley lines and magic.
They are paying for their things and leaving the shop and getting into the Pig when Blue stands on her toes to reach his ear and whispers, "I love you too."
And then he has a stupid smile on his face for the rest of the day and Blue knows it and won't stop making fun of him, even when he goes out and buys a frappuccino and throws it at her.
Blue who Gansey loves Gansey loves Gansey loves.