A/N: Of course this is humor/parody/AU. And I don't own it. PLUS I've read so much fanfiction, I don't know if anything I write is truly original, or I just think it is. Tell me if you think it's not.
Setting: Takes place in an imaginary period before timeskip and Chunin exams, and Naruto doesn't know about a lot of things.
"Voice" 'Thought'
The Truth
Team 7 was waiting at the bridge for their sensei once again. Why they hadn't learned to bring a deck of cards or something to do is a mystery. Sakura was cautiously observing Sasuke, or the standard "light-stalking" protocol. Sasuke was staring in the opposite direction, wondering why he wasn't doing something worthwhile, like training to avenge his clan. He thought this a lot. And Naruto, he was doing something productive.
'HA! Those bastards won't know what hit them!' Naruto gleefully thought as he planned his next prank. Those bastards were actually a group of teenage civilian guys who had stolen his clothes while he was in the hot springs. It had taken 20 minutes for Naruto to remember he was a ninja and just henge into clothes.
Well, that had led him to trying to track down the boys in a busy marketplace. He unfortunately ran into Kakashi-sensei, who eye smiled at his predicament, made an embarrassing remark, and continued grocery shopping.
Unknown to him at the time, Team 8 was returning from a D rank mission and Hinata turned on her Byakugan as he sped past them and towards a pack of fleeing boys. She gurgled happily and fainted, her eyes seeing right past the veil of chakra.
To make a very long story short, eventually Naruto ended up naked in the middle of a crowded place and one of his favorite orange jumpsuits was incinerated.
--
Back to the bridge, Naruto finished packing up his paint bomb: Mach Ten Billion!! 'They'll never know what hit them!! Bwahahaha! And then tomorrow…'
The air shifted slightly and Kakashi appeared in a swirl of leaves, slightly amused at the evil laughter coming from Naruto. Sakura and Sasuke, were more along the lines of 'What's wrong with the dobe/Naruto now?' Sakura even forgot to yell at their sensei for being late.
"Yo, today we have another exciting mission ahead of us," Kakashi smiley-eyed as he pulled out his porn. 'I just love listening to their groans…hm' Kakashi looked up and noticed Naruto was still in his own little world.
"Come on Naruto!!" Sakura yelled and the orange clothed genin jumped to attention.
--
"Let's see… we have your favorites: catching Tora the cat or walking the Inuzuka dogs," Iruka reported and the Sandaime hid his amusement as Team 7 looked at the mission scrolls.
"Bwahahahaha!!" everyone looked at Naruto and his outburst with sweatdrops. The Third Hokage was the first to recover, "Planning a prank for yesterday Naruto?" he asked in a knowing tone.
"What happened yesterday dobe?" "What did you get into now Naruto?"
"Nothing!!"
An Icha Icha book was lowered a little bit, "I wouldn't call it nothing…"
"Shut up, I'm going Defcon Ramen on them!" Naruto replied before chuckling darkly. Creeping out his teammates, and amusing Iruka and Kakashi.
The Sandaime paled though, "No, the civilian police have already punished those involved. Don't you remember what happened last time?" He had been watching thru the crystal ball and laughing, but then it went wrong.
"Huh? I've only done it once before. It works! I haven't seen that guy in a while…"
--
The conversation was shushed by Iruka and Team 7 was on the way to the kennels. Sakura was curious though.
'Cha! What did he do? I love these pranks!' "What happened? Naruto?"
Naruto brightened up and smiled. "You'll love this! There was once this annoying guy who was babysitting me. He didn't say much and would never help me get things down from the shelves."
Kakashi smiled as he remembered looking in on Chibi-Naruto in the past. Sasuke scoffed.
"I think his name was Itachi…"
The other males of Team 7 stopped where they were on the street and turned slowly to look at Naruto. He basked in the attention and continued his tale of glory.
"So I thought I would get a reaction out of him one way or the other!! I pulled so many pranks on him. I painted his hair pink and he still wouldn't move from the spot in my room."
Sasuke almost laughed as he imagined that, almost. Sakura pulled down a lock of her hair and didn't really see the big deal…
"So one day, I came up with the ultimate Defcon Ramen prank series…" Naruto described his series of degrading pranks that started to follow Itachi around the village, mostly ramen-themed, "But I'm sad I don't have a something to remember it by. I asked Shisui to get a picture after telling him to ask Itachi how he enjoyed the Ramen Enema in private, but I never saw them again."
Kakashi had dropped his porn and Sasuke was shaking, presumably with laughter the fox-boy thought… let's not correct him. Sakura had laughed a lot at some of the pranks and been disgusted with others.
"I even got Old Man Hokage to tell Itachi that he was going to be assigned as my guardian/tutor until I graduated. He said something funny, like: 'Over my family's dead bodies and little brother's shattered psyche and left.' It was the only time I heard him make a joke. Weird sense of humor, eh?"
--Ending 2--
Naruto smiled goofily and laughed, before Kakashi had tackled a frothing at the mouth Sasuke to the ground. 'It almost sounds like he's saying: I'll kill you Naruto! You're dead!!'….naaaah.'
--Ending 3--
Kakashi turned from Naruto and looked at Sasuke. His Uchiha student had a completely blank stare, before giggling weirdly.
"Well, that takes away my hesitation about getting the Mangekyou," Sasuke chuckled and continued walking. Everyone staring in confusion before he tossed a kunai to Naruto. "Hold that up to your ear and listen to the ocean, dobe"
Kakashi was confused and ultimately too late as Naruto tried it.
The kunai sizzled, "BOOM!"
--Ending 4--
"Hahahhhhaahha!" Sasuke fell over in demented laughter.
"Naruto, what did you do to Sasuke-kun!!"
"I didn't do anything! What's wrong with him Kakashi-sensei?"
"You broke him. Shame, I thought I finally had a workable team. Plus, now how are we gonna get more Uchihas?"
"On it!" Sakura said as she and several fangirls proceeded to do unmentionable things the boy's body.
--Ending ?--
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