Tess is bold,
Shane is not.
Another day, another summer romance.
Another night, another screaming breakup.
I remember our first night together like it was yesterday.
I could never forget the way I felt that night and the things I had done. I want more than anything to take them back. But instead I just continue to do it…
Ever since she bumped into me on the first day of camp way back in 2008, I've been agonizingly green-eyed of Mitchie Torres. She had the amazing voice, the perfect friends, the super nice mom who gives her all the attention in the world.
Now she comes back this year in the arms of the one thing I thought maybe, just maybe, I had a chance with. My secret crush since I was twelve, since before he was famous, since our first year at Camp Rock. Legendary, teen pop star; Shane Gray.
I knew that I had to get her back and attempting to ruin her Final Jam performance wasn't going to be enough this time.
If I know anything, I know this is wrong. But simply knowing that it's wrong isn't enough. If I were even a bit of a good person, I would get up and leave right now.
It was only a week after the first day. Shane and Mitchie had gotten into a huge fight about some petty couple thing and gossip had spread through the whole camp within an hour. I was sitting on the dock and he walked up behind me. I wasn't even thinking about making Mitchie dejected at the time. I was focusing on the fact that Shane was finally talking to me like a normal person.
The first time, I thought nothing of it. Mitchie and I had broken up and I was free to flirt with whoever I wanted even if it was just to take my mind off of our fight. We both walked back to my cabin and no one was there so we stayed and talked. It was Sunday which is like a long free time for everyone because there are no classes and nobody was preparing for Final Jam yet.
I don't know what was going through my head in that moment but, out of nowhere, I leaned in and-
Kissed me. He actually kissed me.
It felt nothing like it does right now.
He made me feel twelve again. Like when Ella and Peggy would tease me and say, "He totally has a crush on you," and I would secretly love it. It was short and sweet but it felt like it could last forever. I was soaring.
Right now, it lasts long-but might as well be short. I feel like my rebellious, young age with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
Spontaneous, unusual, forbidden.
After that first kiss, everything was a haze. Tess was walking through my mind all night after that but gone with the wind once I saw Mitchie approach my cabin the next morning. I didn't even think twice about getting back with Mitchie.
The second I saw Mitchie sitting hip to hip with… Shane… It was the last straw. I rolled my eyes and walked away anytime she said something to me, anytime her name came up in conversation; I casually mentioned her little charade from last year and I was always sensually nice to Shane because I knew Mitchie was the jealous type.
Two days later, the pattern started. The second breakup.
I was so abandon. So lonely.
When I saw his naïve face in front of me that night, I knew I had him right where I wanted him.
All I had to do was grab him by the belt loop and pull him deeper into the woods. Every night, it pleases me to know that Mitchie is probably being tortured by the instincts that tell her that Shane, her gorgeous pop star boyfriend, is sneaking around with another girl. Late at night in mess hall, deep in the forest, in someone's cabin, behind the stage curtains… doing things she never would.
This isn't about Shane anymore. It's about Mitchie.
Every fight is about Tess and she doesn't even know it. She's theatrical and melodramatic and that's exactly what Mitchie acts like when she gets angry about another insignificant problem.
This isn't about Mitchie anymore. It's about Tess.
A charge of lust stabs me every time he comes crawling back to me. But picturing his arm around Mitchie's shoulders-like it always is the next day-made it go missing.
But this time is different somehow. He runs his hands up and down my back and I clutch onto his wavy hair. I'm definitely feeling something. I sense my stomach is about to pop, but I can't identify what it is.
She's so manipulative. I don't see what Tess is using me for but she is using me and that's for sure. There's no bother in knowing though because I don't care that she's using me. Because I'm using her too; using her for my own dependency on the things I inconsiderately take.
Tess kisses my neck soft and passionately. I get chills from her cold lips touching my skin. Mitchie can't make me feel like this. Secretly, I've started a couple fights myself because I wanted to feel this way.
I'm using her too because I know she'll come back to me the next day.
I want everybody to know about this. I want the entire camp to be gossiping about it. I want every tabloid to know that Connect 3 member, Shane Gray, cheated on up and coming teen singer/rumored girlfriend, Mitchie Torres, with T.J. Tyler's daughter-with-the-bad-reputation, Tess Tyler.
Earlier today, I tricked my cabin mates into having a sleepover at Mitchie and Caitlyn's cabin so Shane and I could be in here. While they were packing I took a hairbrush out that they should be looking for any minute now.
Pulling away from her, I look into Tess' mysterious, dark blue eyes. She breaks the gaze and lies next to me, saying nothing. I lean over her face and kiss her again. This time I focus on her gentle lips and practically move in slow motion. She puts her hand on the back of my neck and kisses me back. It's almost like our first time again.
What's happening here? As much I try to see him with her in my mind, all it makes me feel is jealousy and I can't shake my emotions anymore. I'm soaring again. I'm actually feeling something more than a strangers lips pressed against mine. Why is he doing this to me?
Little did I know that this beautiful dream was about to turn into a horrible nightmare. The door behind us swings open and I sit up by surprise and see a girl's face expressing her obvious shock. I hear nothing but the gasp of Tess' roommate then she shuts the door and runs out before anybody gets the slightest chance to say something.
My plan. It worked.
I glance back at Tess and see a regretful look on her face. There's no doubt that she will run and tell everybody and the entire camp will know by tomorrow. And as soon as someone gets a hold of a phone, the whole world will know.
I have nothing to say and nothing to do.
I slide my hand closer to his and our finger tips touch which makes my heart skip a beat. I take his palm and wrap his arm around my waist as we both lie down together and snuggle closer. I close my eyes and try to take in our last night together.
It's only been a couple weeks and word spread like wild fire. Everyone knows about the true me.
Mitchie and I broke up for good this time but I haven't talked to Tess since that night her roommate found us. The label kicked me out of the band; after all the drama last year, they said this was the last straw. Jason and Nate aren't talking to me but I think they're secretly looking for a replacement. It's what they should do, I don't want them giving up on the band because of my stupid mistakes.
Hot Tunes TV hasn't shut up about the new Shane Gray scandal. 'Smitchie' was the big celebrity gossip before everybody found out about this. But now all I here is that brainless host saying…
"Shane Gray hasn't said anything on the subject but sources tell us that he and his girlfriend broke up because Shane cheated on her with someone at the camp that he and the rest of Connect 3 have been attending. Those sources tell us that 'the other girl' is pop star, T.J. Tyler's daughter. T.J. knew nothing of the rumor when asked about it in a recent interview."
I've ignored every call from my mom.
It's exactly what I wanted… Why does it feel so horrible?
Is there any way to fix this? Can I make things right again? Time can't heal this wound I've caused upon everybody and now I have to… but I don't know how.
There's nothing I can do to take my mind off of this thing. Every second of every day I'm wondering if Mitchie's moved on yet, if Tess is embarrassed by all the bad press, if my friends will ever forgive me. I was going to leave camp early but Uncle Brown said I should stay- he's the only one who's actually been nice to me. But he's still not an idiot; "Maybe you just shouldn't be a judge this year." He said to me.
Every night I dream of that last kiss we shared together.
This year, I'm singing a slower song in Final Jam; something no one has ever heard me do. But now I'm afraid because not only does everyone hate me but it's a love song. It's about no one in particular however I know that the magazines will connect it to my former relationship with Shane. The only thing I can do to prevent that is drop out.
I can't confront anyone so I don't join the audience of Final Jam like I should. Instead I walk the empty camp grounds and make my way to the lakeside. When I arrive I see a blonde, skinny figure sitting on an upside down canoe and watching the sunset. Should I stay or should I turn and leave before she notices me?
Leaves crunch behind me as a cold breeze soothingly hits the tears on my cheeks. I turn and see him with apologetic words in his appearance. I stand up and he walks towards me.
She's been crying. I want to comfort her but there's nothing I can do or say.
"I'm sorry."
His words are compassionate like his last kiss. I'm the one who should be sorry, but I don't say it back.
"Why did you come back for me every time she left you? Why not run to someone else?"
Because you're the one I wanted to go to. You always made me feel like something real. I was always thinking about you, I would yearn to be around you and feel your touch. Without you, there was no hope.
"I don't know."
I want us to be together now that Mitchie is out of the picture. Even if he is a cheater and I'm a scheming abuser, I want to be with him for real this time. But it would be wrong. So, so wrong.
Controlled by my compulsive feelings, I pull her by the waist and bring her lips to mine. She kisses me back tenderly and nothing matters anymore. The world around us disappears and we're the only two people in the universe.
He kisses me. Just like the first time he kissed me, just like the last time he kissed me; it's magical. It takes my breath away and feel like I'm going to collapse, but I cling onto his body to catch myself.
I still feel her stunning lips after they draw from mine. The look on her beautiful face is like nothing I have seen before. It's indescribable. I will never forget that face and I couldn't if I wanted to.
"Goodbye, Shane Gray."
Her voice is soft as she lets go of me and steps away from where I'm standing. He looks at me with his deep, radiant eyes. Before turning around to walk away, I breathe in the summery air and admire what's left to see of everything I want.
"Goodbye, Tess Tyler."
All I hear is the quiver of the trees and the calm whistle of the wind as I watch her slowly walk away from me forever. The sun falls behind the lake and I watch her disappear into the darkness.
"I love you."