The HIBARI Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

by Equif

Thank you for purchasing a HIBARI KYOYA unit. Please read the enclosed manual to make sure you get the most out of your "crazy for fights" head prefect. Though armed with a HIBIRD unit, you never know what wonders could happen...

A/N: By popular demand, I present you...a Hibari Kyouya guide to owners!

Disclaimer: With deep regards to Theresa Green. This format belongs to her, not me. If you want to use it, please credit her.

Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to HIBARI KYOUYA

HIBARI KYOUYA

FIGHTING CRAZED MIDDLE SCHOOL KID/SCHOOL LOVER/HAS A "BITING PEOPLE TO DEATH" MOTTO/ SECRET BIRD LOVER/PLAUSIBLY CLAUSTROPHOBIC

Congratulations on your purchase of a HIBARI KYOUYA unit! In order to program your unit with functions and mode that could inevitably change/destroy the world/ that no one gives a crap about. With a little help from this manual, your HIBARI KYOUYA will be able to go on a happy fighting spree and become a full fledged member of the Birds' Lover Club (or a boyfriend)!

Technical Specifications

Name: Hibari Kyouya (will also respond to "Hibari-sempai", "Hibari-sama" and "President-san", "Prefect head honcho!", "Carnivore-san!" Can be programmed to respond without any dire consequences to owner to names such as "Bird-lover", "Kyo-kun", "Demon Discipline Master in making", "Kyonkichi", "Idiotic round head", "Magical Tonfas Owner", "EXTREME! Tonfas Guy" and the like)

Age: 14-16

Height: 169cm

Weight: 58 KG

Length: Aim to please. (Information can be assumed as unkown because all our staff got tonfa'd by him)

Place of Manufacture: Nanmori Middle School Secret Underground Facility, fighting cazed and school lovers section

Date of Manufacture: 5 May

Your HIBARI KYOUYA comes with the following accessories:

Please consult this list in order to know you have been sent all of the following-

Nanmori Middle High Uniform (x1)

One long-sleeved white Shirt (x1)

A pair of modified-eh, magical Tonfas™(x1)

Nanmori Disciplinary Community Head's armband(x1)

HIBIRD unit©(x1)--This Unit will be explained in detail.

Handphone with Nanmori School song ringtone (x1)

Removal

When your HIBARI KYOUYA unit arrives, you may find that your box have been taped and chained securely, and that there are a lot of violent movements in the box. This is normal. Your HIBARI KYOUYA unit will attempt to kill the first person who opens up the box before going on a fighting rampage. Please stand far, far away as to avoid being tonfa'd (like how our careless staff did) and shout any of the below:

"NANMORI MIDDLE HIGH IS GETTING BOMBED!"

"NO LAW AND ORDER! NO LAW AND ORDER!"

"REBORN IS HERE!"

"DINO/SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI WANTS TO FIGHT WITH YOU!"

"MUKURO IS IN THE HOUSE!" (play his signature "Ku fu fu fu" laugh to make it more realistic)

"GOKUDERA AND YAMAMOTO IS USING YOUR RECEPTION ROOM!"

"SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI IS WEARING A KOKUYO MIDDLE HIGH FEMALE SCHOOL UNIFORM!"

Or if you prefer not to shout:

Undo chains. Leave tape. Play Mukuro's signature "Ku fu fu fu" real loud. (The "stand far, far away" rule STILL applies.)

The box will instantly be ripped into pieces by spikes on his Magical Tonfas™. Your HIBARI KYOYA unit will start running towards you, tonfas in hand, ready to beat someone(you)/the MUKURO/TSUNA unit senseless. To prevent this from happening, you might want to try releasing your HIBIRD unit (packed separately) and request it to sing the Nanmori School song. This should probably calm your KYOYA unit down. Attempt to distract him. If all else fails, get a SHAMAL (Ask your friend to buy one if you do not want the hassle of owning a crazed womanizer unit) unit and ask him to use one of his mosquitoes to sting HIBARI KYOYA with sedatives. After which, attempt to rid yourself of the SHAMAL unit (pepper spray should work) and go back to programming your HIBARI KYOYA unit with useless junk.

Programming

You will find that your HIBARI KYOYA unit comes with a large number of functions. Some of these functions are listed below:

Discipline Master/Prefect: Are the kids getting out of hand? Bullies running amok in the school? No law and order? No worries! Send in your HIBARI KYOYA unit! He will instill 'law and order'! Also, you do not have to worry about footing hospitalization bills. Your HIBARI KYOYA unit will take care of it by getting "chummy" with the hospital director. Heck, you can look forward to free hospital services at its very best! Just bring along your HIBARI KYOYA unit with you and he will do wonders.

Fighter/Bodyguard: With his passion for fighting and stubborn pride, your HIBARI KYOYA unit will make an excellent bodyguard. He can also take down a MARY-SUE unit within a split second! Your HIBARI KYOYA unit can also be sent for fighting competitions, just to fill your non-existent trophy cabinet! Then again, your HIBARI KYOYA unit couldn't care less about such things...but there's always the part about blackmail if you find attempting to tame him is a bit too troublesome.

Great with Birds: With his surname being translated as "Skylark" and having a cute but useful HIBIRD unit tagging along after your HIBARI even after 10 long years, you'd begin to wonder whether if he was great with birds. Well, the truth is laid bare for you to see! He is. So if you ever need help in bird drawing, watching or getting a bird to tag after you like HIBIRD did, all you have to do is to ask your HIBARI unit to impart his skills! Or if you're afraid that you will get tonfa'd, simply just drag him along to a bird infested place and see how he does it!

Crowd Clearance: Irritated with the noisy crowds? Want the place you're going to visit to be empty and peaceful? Tired of queuing up for over 6 hours just to buy a DINO CAVALLONE unit for your HIBARI KYOYA unit fighting needs? It's simple! All you have to do is to bring along your HIBARI KYOYA and the rest of his DISCIPLINE COMMITTEE units! It will virtually rid the need to queue and also rid the place of crowds.

Corpse Disposal: Have you accidentally killed someone? Or did anybody died in your room or in front of you and you are afraid that the police will accuse you of murder? NO WORRIES! All you have to do is to ask your HIBARI KYOYA unit to call the NANMORI DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE CORPSE DISPOSAL UNIT! The body and blood stains will disappear in no time!

Boyfriend: Self Explanatory.

Private Model: Since your HIBARI KYOYA unit dislike crowds, you might want to make him take a side job as a private model. With his toned physique from all the fighting and strong frame, your HIBARI KYOYA has the power to make the girls swoon and fangirl, but yet keep them at bay with his murderous glances and "I will bite you to death" motto! Your HIBARI KYOYA unit is especially useful when you're in serious need of money. You get the money and those hot pictures. Killing two birds with one stone, no? (Owners, please take note: Confiscate/Hide your HIBARI KYOYA's Magical Tonfas™ before bringing him for a private photoshoot. You do not want to have people running away from you.)

Basketball player (Applicable to the TYL! version only): With your HIBARI KYOYA unit towering at 2 meters in height, he'd excel in the field of basketball. Your HIBARI KYOYA unit will be able to win every match hands down with his tonfas, his (previously unkown) basketball skills, his trusty Disciplinary Commitee side kicks and lastly, with the team mascot/Information Collector--the HIBIRD unit.

You will also find that the HIBIRD unit that came with the HIBARI KYOYA also comes with some functions listed below:

Spy Camera: Need to spy or stalk a certain person like SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI, HAYATO GOKUDERA or even a ROKUDO MUKURO unit? No worries! Your Hibird is equipped with the latest technology and is able to look nondescript while it's actually spying! However, do not hold us for any responsibility if your HIBARI KYOYA unit finds out you abusing the HIBIRD unit to collect blackmail material about him...

Music Player/Singer: Want to get an mp3 player but couldn't? Need a subsitiute singer and you can't find one? Then the HIBIRD unit is just for you! All you have to do is to ask your HIBIRD unit to emulate the song that is being played on the radio and it will start to sing beautifully! Of course, if you want your HIBIRD unit to sing more songs but do not have the time to teach it, all your have to do is to plug your HIBIRD unit into the computer (USB cable located at its behind) and download all the songs into it! However, there is limited storage, so please choose wisely!

On the side note, please make sure that the HIBARI KYOYA unit is kept mum about this, lest you want to suffer a fate worse than getting tonfa'd. Of course, please also choose wisely as to which song you are going to teach the HIBIRD unit before this scene happens:

HIBIRD: GIRL! I WANT TO TAKE YOU THE GAY BAR!/ Hey Girl! Chirarizumu ( I sneak a glance up your skirt!)

HIBARI: -Twitches- (Whips out Tonfas)

YOU: Whoops...? -tonfa'd-

Cute distraction: A cute, little, innocent singing bird. Who can resist such a distraction? Great use for distracting your enemies, fan girls and MARY-SUES.

Foolproof Messenger: Your Hibird is also a Foolproof messenger! Be sure that you will be able to send codes to your friends and hatch crazy pranks safely!

Your HIBARI KYOYA comes in the following modes:

Cool, Calm and collected (default)

Couldn't care less

Pissed Off (Stage 1)

Pissed Off (Stage 2)

Irked

Stubborn/Proud

Happy

Every fan girl's dream (Locked)

OOC mode(Locked)

Romantic (Locked)

Evil Mode(Locked)

Crazed Fighter

Pissed Off (Stage 1)/Irked: This mode is often activated by the 'accidental' bumping into your HIBARI KYOYA unit by the SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI unit, crowds, general lack of law and order in his beloved Nanmori School, people destroying school properties/smoking like the GOKUDERA HAYATO unit for example.

Pissed Off (Stage 2): This mode is activated when he meets a ROKUDO MUKURO unit and defeats your HIBARI KYOYA unit by using illusions. Do take note that both units shoudl not meet each other too much or else you will have to mortgage your house and sell all of your possessions, including your KHR things.

Happy: This mode is indistinguishable with the other unlocked modes as your HIBARI KYOYA unit rarely shows any emotions or smile at all. Hence, one way you can tell that he's happy is when your HIBARI unit is standing in the middle of bloodied and battered bodies, licking his face clean of blood or tonfas with a mad glint in his eyes. Either that, a happy HIBARI unit can be also seen as finally kicking a ROKUDO MUKURO unit's ass.

Evil: Also dubbed as the "EXTREME! OOC" mode by our dear SASAGAWA RYOHEI unit, this mode is better left as locked, or else your HIBARI KYOYA unit will automatically join the dark side (without the cookie bribe, mind you) and start engaging in less-than-legal activities. (Having control over school thugs doesn't count)

Relations with other units:

Being a crazed fighter and Bird lover, your HIBARI KYOYA will have varying degrees of relationships with the units listed below. Please use them with caution.

The VONGOLA FAMILY 'DYSFUNCTIONAL GUARDIANS, ONE SPARTAN HOME TUTOR AND ONE BOSS WITH A YUMMY FISH-LIKE SOUNDING NAME?' set (consists of SASAGAWA RYOHEI, SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI, ROKUDO MUKURO/CHROME, REBORN, YAMAMOTO TAKESHI, LAMBO, GOKUDERA HAYATO and HIBARI KYOYA)

REBORN- This is SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI's home tutor. Your HIBARI KYOYA unit holds an interest in the REBORN unit as he's strong. Hence, it's okay if they meet and interact occasionally, but usually in these cases, it involves the SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI unit being tonfa'd by him or fighting your HIBARI KYOYA unit and achieving the Version V.R Gloves.

SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI- At first, your HIBARI KYOYA unit expresses no interest at all with this unit as the KYOYA unit views it as a weak herbivore. However, his interest is rekindled because the REBORN sticks to TSUNA and your HIBARI KYOYA unit will express even more interest as the SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI unit grows stronger. The "Yaoi/Shounen-Ai" Mode (staff: Not stated, but it's under the OOC mode) can be unlocked for humor purposes at this stage.

SASAGAWA RYOHEI: This unit is made as if for the sole purpose for pissing your HIBARI KYOYA unit off. However, their relationship should work out fine if they do not cross paths.

YAMAMOTO TAKESHI: The YAMAMOTO TAKESHI is a very carefree and happy-go-lucky unit. Their relationship should work out fine as HIBARI KYOYA probably views the YAMAMOTO TAKESHI unit as somewhat his equal. However...

(Watches Yamamoto gets defeated by a wall Genkishi created)

HIBARI KYOYA: "...you got defeated by a wall?"

Yamamoto: "Ahahahahaha..."

HIBARI KYOYA: "...Herbivore."

his stand on YAMAMOTO TAKESHI might just go down a little bit after this incident.

GOKUDERA HAYATO: They don't get along well at all, no prizes for guessing why.

The MILLEFORE 'NOW WITH MOVING CUBES!(Courtesy of the IRIE SOUICHI unit)' or also known as 'ULTIMATE POWER FTW!" set(Special Guest: the HIBARI KYOYA unit himself is doing the verdict from now on!)

ON GLO XINIA:

"I bloody well hate illusions, and he has a bad sense of hairstyles. Even that pineapple idiot has a better hairstyle than him."

On GENKISHI:

"...he's going to be bitten to death for disturbing my sleep."

The VARIA "TWICE AS DYSFUNCTIONAL AND PYSCHO AS THE VONGOLA FAMILIGA" set

HIBARI KYOYA unit's Verdict on Gola Mosca:

"Weakling."

On Belphagor:

"He ran away from me, damnit, and I was starting to have my fun. Chicken."

ON XANXUS:

"...Monkey idiot cheated."

ON Lusseria:

"...Bloody hell."

ON Mammon:

"...I will bite him to death if he had defeated that pineapple head. He's my prey."

ON Levi:

"...Hn."

ON Squalo:

SQUALO: "VOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!"

HIBARI KYOYA: "I will bite you to death if you don't shut up, you Sephiroth wannabe!"

(Staff: We apologize for the somewhat OOC comment. It seems that the HIBARI KYOYA unit has broken through Stage 2 of his pissed mode and entered the OOC mode.)

Cleaning

Your HIBARI KYOYA is fully capable of cleaning himself. Of course, if you want to see some hot, steamy and nose bleed inducing action scenes, go ahead and unlock the Romantic and OOC mode. Throw any of the VONGOLA GUARDIAN UNITS (make sure that the unit "OOC" mode is on) into the bath with him, and get the HIBIRD unit in to secretly record the whole scene and squee over it later.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Question: My HIBARI KYOYA unit is threatening to "bite me to death" before I can even open my mouth!

Answer: Your HIBARI KYOYA unit is in a bad mood due to lack of fights. Send him out for a few fights (or provoke some). To be sure that your HIBARI KYOYA unit can fufill his fighting sastifaction, his ideal opponents are SAWADA TSUNAYOSHI, DINO CAVALLONE, GOKUDERA HAYATO, YAMAMOTO TAKESHI, SASAGAWA RYOHEI or even ROKUDO MUKURO if you are desperate enough.

Question: Help me! There were a bunch of fan girls starting to crowd around my house, and I send out the HIBIRD unit to distract them, and now I have a group of Mary-Sues ramming at my front door, pledging their undying love for my HIBARI unit!

Answer: Send out your HIBARI KYOYA unit with both his Evil and Crazed fighter mode on. Sit back and enjoy the bloodshed.

Question: Why is my HIBARI KYOYA unit being stalked by the ROKUDO MUKURO unit? It's starting to freak me out.

Answer:The ROKUDO MUKURO unit "Yaoi/Shounen-Ai fan girl dream" mode is probably on. All you have to do is to purchase the STALKER PUNISHMENT LASER™(Also known as SPL. Orders can be made on www (dot) gintokistalkerpreventionequipments (dot) com) and fire it at your desired target. If you feel like joining in the fun, go ahead and unlock your HIBARI KYOYA unit "somewhat OOC" mode.

Troubleshooting

Problem: My HIBARI KYOYA unit refuses to go out and socialize.

Solution: That's HIBARI KYOYA for you. However, if you want him to start socializing, go ahead and turn on the "OOC" mode. He's guaranteed to charm off even the XANXUS unit off his feet--we've tested it.

Problem: My HIBARI KYOYA unit is disappears into the thin air when moring comes and only comes back when the sun sets.

Solution: Your HIBARI KYOYA is starting to show his love for birds. Go ahead and sign him up for the Bird Lover/Bird Watching club (secretly).

Conclusion

With the right amount of love, fights, basketball and care, your HIBARI KYOYA will grow up to be a wonderful certified Bishounen™. Rest assured that after your death, your children will not fight over as who is to inherit the HIBARI KYOYA unit. Your HIBARI KYOYA is after all, a Cloud Guardian and chooses to go where ever he pleases, even if it means going full steam ahead for YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI land, your HIBARI KYOYA unit will never, ever let himself and his HIBIRD unit fall into the hands of Mary-Sues.

--

I know that there's another HIBARI KYOYA Owner's guide, but I just found it while I was typing this halfway, and I had asked the author (Cloverfish) whether she did mind on me posting this fiction, she said she didn't, so I went ahead Now readers, enjoy both versions of this guide and remember to leave reviews. Us authors appreciate them a lot, really. Let us know that our stories are loved, OK? SO..REVIEW!