Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The fic was inspired by Celine Dion's song Immortality.
Authors' notes: Dedicated to the shippers of L&L! glomps
"I'll go."
All heads turned to look at the brave and foolish person who uttered these words. The speaker, Draco Malfoy, looked each of them in the eye, each of them except one particular girl. This girl, Hermione Granger, was staring at him in shock, betrayal and confusion etched on her face.
"You do understand, Mr. Malfoy, that this mission-" The old man at the head of the table, Professor Dumbledore, was cut off by Draco.
"I know it's incredibly risky, probably on the borderline of stupid, but Voldemort has a prophecy and we need to get it!"
Dumbledore rubbed his weathered face as he elapsed into thought. Eventually, he said, "we do not know what is in that prophecy. It is possible that it will help us win the war, and yet it is possible that it will not be of any help at all."
"Voldemort seems to think it is of great importance," the younger man insisted. He still stubbornly avoided Hermione's eyes.
"And do you think it is so important that you will risk your life for it?" Dumbledore persisted.
It took Draco a while to reply, but when he did, he said "yes."
Harry Potter, seated on Draco's left, turned to Draco and snapped, "and what of Hermione?"
This time all heads swerved towards Hermione, who had dropped her gaze. "I know it is risky, but there is still a chance that the mission will succeed," Draco said in a tight voice. "As of what happens between Hermione and I, it is for the two of us to discuss, and therefore, none of your business, Potter."
"Very well," Dumbledore consented. "I suppose we should vote on the matter. All who object Mr. Malfoy's offer to attempt to copy Voldemort's prophecy?"
Only three of the twenty people in the room raised their hands- Harry, Ron Weasley and Molly Weasley. All three of them did so because they knew that Hermione objected, although the young woman tried to mask it behind her courage. She looked coolly at Draco, who once again avoided her gaze.
Dumbledore sighed heavily. "It is decided, then, that Mr. Malfoy will undertake the mission. Mr. Malfoy, will you be ready by tomorrow?"
"Yes, sir."
"Very well, let's discuss the plan now, then."
The members of the Order of the Phoenix talked for hours, trying to give Draco the best possible chance of survival. There was not really much the Order could do to plan, so most of the discussion was what Draco should say, and tips on how Draco should act. Draco himself tried to forget how risky the situation really was. It hadn't been a year ago that Severus Snape had been killed, after Voldemort had caught and punished him for being a spy. Draco had then taken Snape's position, but it looked like the Order of the Phoenix was going to lose another of its spies.
Once, two hours into the discussion, Draco made the mistake of inadvertently glancing at Hermione. Her face was still pale, and she was biting her lip, looking like she was fighting back tears. And if Draco wasn't already feeling bad about what he was going to do, looking at her made him feel worse. He accidentally dropped his quill, and, bending to retrieve it saw that Hermione was tightly clutching both of Ron's hands in her own for comfort. It wasn't the first time that night that Draco regretted his decision, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last.
The meeting ended shortly before midnight. The members of the Order filed out, clapping Draco on the back before leaving and wishing him good luck. Draco could only nod and thank them, waiting for everyone to leave so that he could talk to Hermione.
Harry, who had been talking to Hermione, kissed her cheek and went over to Draco. "Malfoy," he said, pushing his glasses up, "just do your best tomorrow. Don't take unnecessary risks."
Draco nodded. "I wouldn't dream of it."
The other man hesitated, then shook Draco's hand. "Good luck."
"Thanks Potter."
Harry nodded and left. Ron, after a look at Hermione, left also, bidding Draco good luck as well before leaving. The blond wizard was positive he saw the marks of Hermione's fingernails on Ron's hands. Draco waited for Hermione by the door. She was taking her time gathering her things, and Draco didn't mind. He didn't know what to say to her anyway.
"So you really want to do this?" Hermione picked up her bag and walked over to him.
Draco swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and nodded. "I have to."
"Why?" she asked sharply, as the two of them left the room. Hermione then performed a spell to lock the door. "To prove that you're the best? That you're not afraid?" her voice was laced with scorn, but he knew it was only concern that made her act like that.
"Because I can," he told her, looking down at her. "No one else has a better chance than I do. Any one else would be killed before you could say 'Death Eater'."
Hermione sighed. "Let's go to my house and talk about it there." Draco agreed, and the next second both of them had Apparated into Hermione's living room.
"You were saying?" she prompted, sitting down on the couch, looking tired.
"I was saying, I have the best chance out of everyone. And if someone's going to have to risk his life, then at least it should be the person with the least risk."
"But we might not even need the prophesy," she protested. "Dumbledore wouldn't have sent anyone if you hadn't volunteered. We might be able to win the war without it."
"Yes, and we might all die without it as well." Draco sat down on the opposite end of the couch, and faced her, looking serious. "This could help us. I'm determined to do my part for the Order."
"You have done your part. You've done more than your part! Do you want me to list down how many lives we've saved since you joined?" Hermione was about to start listing them down, but then a thought struck her. "What's in it for you?"
"What?"
"What's in it for you?" she repeated. "Don't think I don't know you that well. I know you never do anything if you don't get something in return."
"Nothing's in it for me. I'm doing this because I want to."
Hermione looked disbelieving. "If you're going to leave me, then I want to know the reason."
Draco exhaled deeply. "Fine. I'll tell you, but don't think it's stupid."
"I won't."
"Immortality."
"Pardon?"
"Immortality," he said again, making sure she heard.
"How would doing this make you immortal?" Hermione asked, frowning. Of all the stupid things for Draco to risk his life on, it had to be immortality.
"If I do this, no one will ever forget me. Everyone will think I did such a great thing, whether I live through it or not. Do you understand? I'll never be forgotten."
"Remember Theodore Nott? Wasn't he chasing immortality too? Look where that got him- dead, and probably rotting in hell to boot."
"That's different," Draco insisted. "He wanted everlasting life, but he didn't even have a reason to just live."
"And you do?"
"Yes, and it will be that reason that stops me from giving up."
"Fine. What's this reason that you have and Nott didn't?"
"You. He didn't love anyone. He had no one to live for. But I know you'll never forgive me if I don't come through this one alive."
"I won't be able to help you out there," Hermione whispered, brushing away the tears that were finally starting to fall.
"I can do this on my own," he told her firmly. "I know I can. It's like my destiny, as crazy and as corny as that sounds."
"It's your choice."
"Hermione, please try to understand me," Draco pleaded, crouching down in front of her.
"I'm trying!" Hermione choked out, burying her face in her hands. "I'm really trying Draco, but I would have liked more time to get used to this idea!"
"Even I didn't think Dumbledore would send me on the mission so soon," Draco admitted, running a hand through his hair. He paused, then said, "I love you, Hermione, you know I do. But I can't let my feelings for you stop me from doing this. I can't let my feelings for one person get in the way of my part in the war against Voldemort."
"But couldn't we have discussed it before you volunteered?" she asked, wiping her wet cheeks.
"If we had, what would you have said?"
It took Hermione a while to reply, and when she did, her tears started anew. "I would have let you go."
"Oh, Hermione," Draco murmured, holding her in his arms. "It means a lot for me to hear you say that."
"It's a dangerous mission, Draco, but I know you'll succeed." Hermione clutched Draco tightly, sobbing onto his shoulder and encouraging him at the same time.
"I've been on dangerous missions before, but none as risky as this, I think," Draco replied, stroking her hair.
"And when you get back," Hermione continued, "you'll be famous. You'll be a legend, and you'll never be forgotten. You'll get your wish for immortality."
"Yeah. But it will mean nothing to me if you don't understand me."
"I'm trying to. You know how much I hate being left in the dark."
Draco hugged her a little bit tighter, and Hermione thought her bones would break. Still, she hugged him back just as hard. "I'd never leave you in the dark," he promised, kissing her forehead. "But this means so much to me."
"More than me?" Hermione asked, failing to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She hated the idea of Draco leaving her, and hated it even more knowing he was most likely going to die.
"Not more than you."
"Then why are you leaving me?"
"I'll come back."
"You won't."
"I will." Draco knew the chances of his return were slim, but he told himself that, no matter what the cost, he would return.
Hermione swallowed hard, and brushed tears from her eyes. "You can do it, Draco. I know you can do it, but..."
"But what?" he pressed. Just moments ago she had supported him, telling him he could do it, then Hermione had told him he wouldn't come back.
"But you might not want to come back for me, when you're immortal."
"Don't be silly," Draco whispered, kissing the top of her head again. "You know that won't happen, right? You know that."
Hermione nodded. Deep down, she really did know it. She was just looking for a reason for Draco to stay.
"Like I said, Hermione," Draco continued, "I love you. But I can't let love stop me from doing what I have to do. Honestly, I don't think Malfoys were made for love. And I'll carry the name Malfoy until I die. But I won't let anything stop me from getting back."
Hermione nodded again. "What do you think is in the prophecy?" she asked.
"I don't know, but I think it's important. After all, Voldemort had it put in one of the most secure areas."
"It might be a trap."
"I really don't think so."
"You're like Harry, in a way," Hermione said bitterly. "He's got a 'saving people' complex, he thinks that everybody needs to be saved, and that he can save them. You, on the other hand, are convinced that your opinion is right and that you're invincible."
Draco shook his head. "And how does that make me like Potter?"
"Well, you both believe too much in your own capabilities. You're both human."
Draco was silent for a minute, then he said, "I really do think that I need to go on this mission. Hermione, there's nothing you can do to stop me."
"I wasn't trying. Look," she said, her voice breaking as she pulled away from his embrace, "you need your rest."
"I'm not sleepy. I'll never get to sleep tonight," Draco protested, trying to pull her back into his arms.
"I'll give you a potion. Draco, you'll never survive if you're sleepy!"
"Tell me, would you feel like sleeping if you knew that you could die at any minute?" Draco demanded as she resisted his hug.
"No, but you might get weak and collapse!" Hermione stood up and Draco glared up at her. "And don't say I don't love you, because you know I'm doing this for precisely that reason." She went into her kitchen, her annoyance temporarily getting in the way of her tears.
Draco sat and waited for her, his irritation subsiding as he looked around her house, committing each place to memory, knowing he would need to remember everything about Hermione to get him through when times got tough. He couldn't deny that he was scared to death, but Potter had once quoted some Muggle and said that courage was fighting in the face of fear, or something like that. Draco hadn't been paying much attention, but that line somehow managed to bury itself in his subconscious.
Spotting a silver picture frame, Draco picked it up and stared at the picture inside. It was a picture of them. Draco was standing behind Hermione and had his arms around her, smiling at the camera, while she, oblivious to the photographer, had turned her head slightly to kiss him. It was a Muggle picture, but Draco loved it. It seemed to capture her action without allowing her to move, and he believed that allowing the picture to move would only ruin it.
Draco took out his wand and shrank the picture until it was about the size of his thumb. He slipped it into his pocket, not feeling the tiniest barb of guilt at his theft. All the more reason to return it, he told himself.
Hermione returned a while later, bearing two vials of potion.
"That was quick," Draco commented, and moved to cover the place where the picture frame used to be.
She beamed at the praise, but tried to look modest. "Yes, well, it's just a simple potion."
"Why two vials, though?"
"You're not the only one who won't be able to sleep tonight. I was going to forego drinking the potion myself, but I realized I need my energy as well tomorrow."
"But what if I don't want to go to sleep? What if I just want to stay awake tonight?"
"Then I'll force-feed you this potion," she threatened.
"I'd rather stay awake with you," Draco implored, his heart thumping as he realized how much he didn't want to go.
"If you're to come back, you need to sleep tonight. And I won't have you die just because I let you stay awake with me. Besides, I'm going to sleep as well, so you'd have to stay awake alone."
Draco scowled and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest, knowing and hating that Hermione was right.
"But please," Hermione asked him, with such emotion in her voice that Draco turned to look at her, "don't go home tonight- this morning, I mean. Stay here. Just tonight. I don't want to sleep without you. I need to know you're still here. And when you wake up, don't just leave. Wake me up also so I can say goodbye."
"Of course I will," he assured her, leaning over and kissing her. "Don't cry again."
"I'm sure I look horrible by now."
Draco, choosing not to reply, kissed her again, and she kissed him back.
"Now, it's time to go to sleep." Hermione handed him his vial, and drank hers without hesitation. Draco considered dawdling, but decided against it, when he saw that Hermione's eyelids were already threatening to close. He drank his own potion, and felt sleep hit him like a sledgehammer almost instantly.
"Aren't you going to take a shower or something, to freshen up?" he asked her, taking her hand and leading her to her bedroom.
"A spell is okay. I'll save the shower for later, when I wake up. Merlin knows I'll need it by then."
Draco performed the charm on both of them, and kicked off his shoes before lying down on her bed. It was the first time he had ever allowed himself the liberty of stretching out on Hermione's bed- she was very old fashioned regarding her ideas of what is and what isn't appropriate, and Draco respected that, not doing anything to make her uncomfortable. It was only this time, this last time, that he couldn't care less what she thought. Hermione didn't make a fuss, since she was the one who had invited him, who needed him to sleep beside her.
She crawled under the covers and he slid his arms around her, pulling her closer. Their eyes were already closed, but they didn't need their vision to feel each other. Hermione fell asleep almost immediately, her head tucked under Draco's chin. He stayed awake a while longer, but found it impossible to fight Hermione's potion. Sighing, he kissed the top of her head and surrendered himself to sleep.
Hours later, Draco woke up due to the alarm clock he supposed Hermione had set before lying on the bed. He sleepily glared at the offending machine, and found he didn't, for the life of him, know how to turn it off.
"Hermione, wake up," he nudged her, wondering how she could sleep through such a racket. "Wake up, and help me turn this blasted thing off."
Hermione reached up and grabbed the alarm clock, her eyes still tightly shut. Soon, the noise had stopped, and she sighed deeply, going back to sleep.
Draco wished he could do the same, but a glance at the now silent alarm clock told him he had to get ready for the mission. It was half past eight, and the plan was for Draco to be waltzing into Voldemort's headquarters by ten o'clock. Morning was the time when there were the least number of guards around the Dark Lord's domain, since the Dark Lord seemed to be convinced that attacks were most likely to occur at night.
The blond wizard stumbled out of bed and headed into the guest shower, since Hermione had turned such a deep shade of red the last time he had set foot in her bathroom, and he didn't want to cause her so much embarrassment again. Draco frowned as he showered, wondering what she was hiding. Hermione was really old fashioned, preferring to wait until she was married before going to bed with Draco. He didn't normally mind, although he wondered what there was to be ashamed of. They knew practically everything about each other. She really was so innocent, he decided.
By the time Draco stepped out of the guest bathroom, he already knew the first thing he would do when he got back. The first thing after having a long shower, he reminded himself. Since he was hopeless in the kitchen, Draco went up to Hermione's bedroom and shook her awake.
"Hey, Hermione," he whispered, shaking her gently to wake her. He knew he should have been feeling more worried about his task, but seeing Hermione so peaceful made him feel happy.
"Happy birthday, Draco," she murmured, her eyes firmly shut. Draco knew she wasn't asleep, because she smiled at him, and it really was his birthday. Even he had forgotten about it in the midst of all the excitement of the day before.
"Thank you. I'm kind of hungry, though."
"Let me shower and I'll fix you breakfast. How you can stand to be so wide awake after drinking that potion I'll never understand," she grumbled to herself as she gathered her clothes. Draco sat on her bed.
"Facing a risky mission does do strange things to one's sleeping habits," he agreed, nodding his head knowingly. Hermione rolled her eyes and a moment later a t-shirt smacked into Draco's face.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"Don't push me this early in the morning," Hermione told him, disappearing into her bathroom. Draco sighed. If he ever married her, would every morning be like this one?
At quarter to ten, both of them had finished the small meal Hermione had prepared. They stared at each other from across the small table, an uncomfortable silence descending on them.
"I've got your present here," Hermione said, smiling awkwardly. "It's nothing much- I had no idea you'd be leaving."
"A present," Draco said as he rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. "Bring it on."
Hermione passed him a present beautifully wrapped in dark green paper. "As I said, I didn't know you'd be leaving."
"It's all right, a present is still a present," he assured her, ripping out the wrapping paper. The present turned out to be a shirt, a dark grey shirt with a collar. The shade of grey brought out the color of Draco's eyes. "I like it," he announced.
Hermione smiled. "I knew you would."
"Now, where can I put it while I'm on the mission?"
"You can leave it here, since you're coming back anyway."
Draco grinned and handed the shirt back to Hermione. "I'll collect it as soon as I can."
Another uncomfortable silence ensued.
"You'd better go," Hermione said finally, standing up and bringing her plate to the sink, hiding her tears. She wanted to be strong for Draco, but was worried she wasn't strong enough.
"Potter's been on missions almost as risky as this," Draco remarked, also staring anywhere but at her. "Have you always been like this before each one?"
"I don't ask him to spend the night with me," Hermione retorted, "but I do get really emotional."
Draco pushed back his chair and walked over to her. She turned around and they embraced each other.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I know," he murmured, "and you may not think that makes a difference, but believe me, it makes all the difference in the world."
"Why do you have to leave me?"
"I'll come back."
"But why?"
"I'm nothing special Hermione, you know that. But I want to be special. And I will be. They'll never forget me. I'll do something that will win us this war."
"You'll do something incredibly stupid. You can probably still back out of this."
"Your faith is, just like always, touching."
"I didn't mean it like that," Hermione protested. "I just love you so much, I don't want to lose you."
"You won't." He exhaled loudly. "I won't propose to you before I go," he told her regretfully, "because I know you'll say yes and I don't want you to be tied down in case I- in case it takes me longer than planned to return. That way you can find someone else to be happy with. I've thought about it though, more than you can imagine."
"If you don't come back, you understand that I will hate you for the rest of my life?"
"I understand. Believe me, I if don't come back, I'll hate myself as well." Draco wiped away the tears from her eyes. "I'll come back. I'll find a way. I love you too."
"You have a strange way of showing it." Hermione kissed him fiercely, the way he liked being kissed, and stepped back. "You'd better go before I break down right in front of you."
Draco didn't listen to her, and instead stepped towards her. He kissed her gently and tenderly, the way he knew she preferred to be kissed. When he stepped back, she saw that he was crying. It shocked her so much to see him cry, that she was speechless.
"Goodbye," he said, waving a little before Disapparating.
"Goodbye," she whispered to no one in particular. "And happy birthday."
Draco Malfoy was never seen again.
o
Immortality by Celine Dion
So this is who I am
And this all I know
And I must choose to live
For all that I can give
The spark that makes the power grow
And I will stand for my dream if I can
Symbol of my faith in who I am
But you are my only
And I must follow out the road that lies ahead
I won't let my heart control my head
But you are my only
We don't say goodbye
We don't say goodbye
And I know what I've got to do
Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside
Fulfill your destiny
It's there within the child
My star will never end
My faith is on the wind
The King of Heart's, the Jokers Wild
We don't say goodbye
We don't say goodbye
I'll make them all remember me
Coz I have found a dream that must come true
Every ounce of me must see it through
But you are my only
I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play
Hand over my heart I'll find my way
I will make them give to me
Immortality
There is a vision and a fight in me
I keep the memory of you and me inside
We don't say goodbye
We don't say goodbye
With all my love for you
And what else we may do
We don't say goodbye