Disclaimer: I do not own Riverdale or anything associated with it.
She lies awake, awake at night. Silently she lies awake for hours in the night. She longs for those days with Jason. Those were the best days. In these painful times, she imagines Jason at her side once again, holding her, protecting her from the world. God knows she loved him. She still loves him; she never stopped. But Jason is dead, and her love couldn't save him.
No, Jason has been dead. It's not recent, it's not recent. It's been far too long since he was at her side. He has been dead for—how long now? She has lost track of time, and it's been a while since she last knew the date. How long has she been at the Farm? Sometimes it scares her, not knowing anything, not feeling any certainty in anything. That's what the Farm wants.
God, if only they knew. But they didn't. All they knew is that they were desperate. They had to run, and they didn't have many opportunities. Two high-school dropout runaways would flee their hometown, and go where? How would they live? Oh god, if only they had known. But they didn't. How could they have known? Nobody ever intends to join a—no. It's not a cult. Don't let them catch you thinking that. No, the Farm is family. The Farm is all you have. You are nothing without the Farm.
She cried, silently, as she had learned to do. You're not supposed to be unhappy here. You should love the Farm. If you are unhappy, then you do not love the Farm enough. You are not enough. You aren't loyal, are you?
It's been too long since she last saw her children. Her children. No matter what the Farm says, they will always be her children, the children of Polly Cooper and Jason Blossom, and nothing could ever change that. Not even the Farm. They are her children, not the Farm's children! Regret, regret, and more regret attacks her. She prays the children are safe, that she will be allowed to see them soon.
She knows not to let herself dream of a way out. She won't let it happen again.