Summary: Being peed on by his own daughter is not exactly how he planned when it was determined that he and Ruzek would be on babysitting duty one afternoon. What other troubles arise when two detectives are left with three kids and theirs a football game on?
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, zip. I'm a broke master's graduate looking for a job. Eventually I'll hopefully own something but the character's of CPD- yeah that will never happen.
So this idea came into my head and even though the summary sucks and it took me a while to come up with a title, I hope you enjoy! Thanks!
Aim and Fire
"You sure you can handle this, Jay?" Erin asked nervously as she gathered everything in her purse that she would need for the day out. "I mean I can take one with me."
"Nah, I got this. Ruzek is coming over with Benji so that will keep Dominic entertained. All Maddie does is sleep. I can handle them." I guaranteed her. I think I can handle six hours with my two kids without Erin's help. She deserved this time off.
She shook her head letting out a little laugh, "Because trusting you and Ruzek with three kids just seems like the best idea."
"Oh come on Er, I can handle our kids." I huffed. They weren't bad kids either. Dominic was a toddler, a hyperactive normal toddler who spent his days exploring anything he can get his hands on, asking way to many questions, and fighting for what he wanted to do. Maddie on the other hand was laid back and still only an itty- bitty baby at four months old that enjoyed sleeping over anything else these days.
"You're positive about that?" Erin kinked a brow at me, "I don't think you've ever been alone with both of them before, Jay."
I let out a laugh, covering up the nerves I held inside. "Well weren't you the one who use to say practice makes perfect?" I added a playful wink at the end of it, teasing her.
"Shut it." She threw her sweater at me before continuing on with getting ready.
"You love me, you know it's true."
"At times I wonder why." Erin teased me right back, staring at me with her hazel eyes. "Why don't you go make sure your son who you left in the kitchen alone is behaving while I finish getting ready?"
"I personally believe you should just stay home and wear this all day long." Erin was wrapped in a fluffy robe to keep the warmth with her body from the cold temperatures outside their home. Underneath the robe, I noticed the silky black bra and matching panties set that brought me to my knees.
"Nice try Jay, but I'm going out with Kim." Erin laughed ditching the robe for a pair of jeans and a cream colored sweater. "You have your man's night."
I was enjoying teasing and flirting with Erin, something we missed as the work days became longer as it led up to the holidays and Erin being exhausted and usually in bed by the time I get home, that was until a bang and a cry coming from down the hall.
"Crap." I hissed pulling away from Erin.
All she responded was "I told you to keep an eye on him."
Keep an eye on him? He's a kid. Can't I just put him in front of the television to be entertained? It worked for me as a kid and I think I turned out pretty damn normal.
"Daddy fall!" Dominic screamed as I made my way towards the living room. He was having a terrible two meltdown because he fell from the arm of the couch to the couch cushion. The bang came from him throwing books on the floor because the couch caught him.
"The couch caught you huh? How'd that happen, Dom? Didn't Mama say no falling on the couch?" I tried to hold in my laughter. Falling from the arm to the cushion would not hurt anyone. Erin made sure to get the comfiest couch available when Dom first started all of this.
"I no fall, it caughted me." He managed to get out, hugging on to me tightly.
"Well then we need to punish the couch then, don't we?" I continued on teasing, trying to deescalate the situation anymore. I witnessed an original terrible two melt down the night before where everything in his room was off the shelves and out of drawers because of Erin sending him to his room for trying to climb into the crib where Maddie was sleeping peacefully.
"Uh-huh." Dominic nodded wiping his snotty nose on his pajama sleeve. Did I mention toddlers are nasty, disgusting and uncontrollable?
"What should it's punishment be, Little Man?"
"Punch it!" He cheered stopping his crying immediately. I always wondered how kids could manage that, the ability to stop their tears in a second and then look like they haven't even cried. "Punch it, daddy! Punch it!"
"Punch it? That seems like a good punishment for hurting you. Go ahead, punch the cushion, Bud." I just watched, holding in my laughter as he tried with all his might to punch the leather couch cushion. "That's a very good punch."
"Teaching my child to punch, Jay. How appropriate." Erin stood against the door frame with a smiling wide awake Maddie in her arms.
Even though Maddie was still a baby, I could tell her and Dominic would be completely different- from personalities to looks- when they get older.
When Dominic Parker was born, he made the world know it. Born about two months early on New Years Eve at 11:55pm, he wanted everyone to know he arrived and was here to stay. He spent two weeks in the NICU only for us to be told he was the most happy go lucky attention craving little boy. He would kick and flail his arms around till someone gave him attention. He was mischievous and sneaky when he started to actually move around with crawling and walking. Erin found him on top of the kitchen counter once when she turned her back for a second. He was adventurous and sometimes it was better to just distract him instead of punishing him. He looked like Erin so I suspect that he's got her "take no shit" personality.
Madelena Violet made her appearance on her own time. Compared to Dom who was two months early, Maddie was two weeks late. Erin use to joke that she was comfortable were she was and did not want to be disturbed or evicted. She was calm; cried only when she had a wet diaper or needed to be fed. She sleeps all the time. She was the perfect balance to Dom's behaviors and personality.
"See, Mama!" Dominic smiled, dimples showing proudly as he punched with all his might into the couch cushion.
"Good Job Muhammad Ali." Erin joked.
"Pink? You dressed her in pink?" I stared in disbelief that my little girl was dressed in head to toe pink. "Er, we're watching a Bears game. Can't she wear that jersey I bought her?"
When I found out she was pregnant I might of went a little crazy just like I did when Dom was born. I made sure I had bought a jersey for the Cubs, Bears, Bulls, and Blackhawks for her to wear each game. It worked with Dom, it will work with her.
"Jay, she wears a lot of Dom's hand-me-downs already. Let her be dressed like a girl for once. Hell, you have Dom dressed in a Bears jersey. Isn't that enough?"
"Not when Ruzek is going to come over with Benji dressed in a Giant's jersey." I still did not understand how someone born and raised in Chicago would support teams from other states.
"So you have to out beat Ruzek? Are you sure Kim and I can leave you two alone with three kids? Three kids that will need more attention than a football game."
"I believe you can. I'm going to teach Dom and Maddie everything they need to know about football. You have to start young these days, Er. They now do try outs for peewee football. Dom has to make the best team."
"Great, you're going to be one of those parent's that get kicked out of their child's football game. I can see it now. Chicago Detective Kicked Out of Son's Football Game after being arrested for causing a fight." Erin rolled her eyes, sighing. "Ridiculous."
"Mama, Bears!" Dom cheered growling like a bear would do.
"Scary bear, Dom." Erin went along with the toddler.
Then Ruzek made his presence known with opening the front door proclaiming, "I've got the beer."
"This seems like a brilliant idea." Erin sighed. I could tell her mind was ticking just by the look on her face.
"I warned Ruzek he can't have more than two beers and Benji has to be clean and uninjured by the time we get back." Kim laughed entering the apartment with Benji in her arms.
"Same rules for you Jay. Got it?" Erin gave me her Mama Bear look.
"Damn you women," Ruzek complained. "Can't you trust us men to watch something we participated in the creation of?"
"Just like how Benji and Dom are trying to climb up the bookcase right now?" Erin pointed over to the bookshelves that held baskets full of toys that over flowed from their bedroom.
"Damn it, Ruzek!" I lifted myself off the couch running quickly to get the two toddlers down. "Boys go play. No climbing."
"That won't work." Kim stated placing a hand on her hip. "You two need to watch them."
"Maybe we'll just stay home." Erin shuffled her feet. "The sales start today, but we can wait right?"
They were going Christmas shopping for the kids. Being shoved into a Toys R' Us or any store similar seems like the worst idea ever. I'll stick to shopping online where they bring it to you.
"No, go. We promise we've got this." I promised her, "They're playing nicely in the corner that I could still see them when I'm watching the game. It will work out."
"Fine, anything happens call us immediately."
"They can trust us with guns but don't trust us with our own kids, Man, this sucks." Ruzek took a sip of his Bud Light.
"Behave," Kim warmed him. "Or become comfortable with sleeping on the couch at home."
"Damn it woman!"
I shook my head at him, praying everything will go well today. I could tell the apprehension Erin held when she handed Maddie over to me slowly. "I promise they'll both be okay, Erin, trust me. I do not want the wrath of Erin Lindsey if something did happen."
"Bring on the game." Ruzek cheered as I switched the game on.
-CPD-
The game was going well. Comments were being thrown back and forth between Ruzek and myself. Dominic and Benji actually crashed in the corner play area for an hour but now were awake and demanding attention. As for Maddie, she was acting like a perfect angel.
"Go, go, go!" I screamed at the television. This was an intense game and it was Ruzek versus me to determine whose team is the best.
"Manning really needs to learn to pass the fucking ball." Ruzek mumbled under his breath sipping on his beer.
"Daddy he said a bad word." Dominic came and climbed onto my lap.
"Just don't ever repeat what comes out of his mouth, got it?" I laughed at him.
I had it good, two amazing children and a girlfriend that put up with me in a good way. Now I also had the Bears kicking the Giants asses.
"Dude, what smells?" Ruzek asked during the next commercial.
Next thing I knew Maddie screamed loudly, louder than I ever heard her scream, crying out from her crib.
"Crap." I placed Dominic on the ground and walked over to the playpen situated in the other corner of the room. Inside the crib laid a giggling Maddie who smelled horribly. "You would think this is funny." I was grateful Erin had the changing table out here, especially so when I lifted Maddie up and noticed it was everywhere. It was up her back seeping out of every possible exit. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Damn, Dude, what is wrong with your baby?" Ruzek peeked over my shoulder. Of course this would happen when Erin was out.
Bath, I thought to myself. That was what the shit covered princess needed at this time. "Can you get the water in the sink going?" I questioned him slowly removing the clothes that are going directly in the trash. I am not making myself or Erin clean those fucking clothes off.
"Dude, your daughter shit herself." Ruzek thought this was the funniest thing in the world. If I remember over hearing conversations of Kim and Erin, it was clear to me that Ruzek has never changed his son's diaper.
Walking with her at arms length away from me towards the kitchen sink- something I've seen Erin wash Maddie in every couple of days, my phone decides to ring. Dominic who is at the stage were he loves talking on the phone, playing games on the phone and taking selfies that turn out hilarious, ran and grabbed it from the end table, answering it with his typical 'yellow?'
"Daddy says Sissy shit herself." I heard Dominic say perfectly clear over the phone. I pray to god that it was only Erin on the other line and not someone important.
"Dom, who is it?" I quickly question him before he can tattle on whatever else he might have heard that happened today.
"It's Mama, Daddy." He giggled.
"Ruzek, care to talk to her, please?" I begged, quickly rinsing Maddie off. Of course her baby soap is in the bathroom since Erin went on a cleaning spree this past week and organized everything. Dish soap can't be that harmful, right? I used one hand to hold Maddie in place while the other was used to turn on the spray hose.
Spraying down my baby in the kitchen sink because she decided to shit herself is an awesome afternoon.
"Uh, Lindsey, he's kind of busy right now." Ruzek spoke nervously. I tried my best to listen to that conversation. "He's using the kitchen sink to spray her down with the house." He held back a laugh. "Well she shit herself, Erin, what do you expect two men to do about it?" His face turned serious till he looked at me, using a dish towel to dry her off only to have her pee down the side of my body; great. "Well he was using a dish towel to dry her but now I think he needs a shower cause your daughter just pissed on him."
"Do not tell her that, Ruzek!" I huffed at him. "Maddie V, what are you doing to your daddy right now?"
"Your woman wants you."
I gladly accepted the phone from him making my way to the bedroom to change myself and change Maddie. "She's gone wild, Er, let me tell you, wild. She's shitting and pooping all over the place."
Erin couldn't handle her laughter on the other end of the phone, "I'm sorry, Jay but this is just too funny." She continued to laugh. "I mean, you hosed her off in the sink?"
"Where else was I supposed to clean her off in? She was covered in shit; loose, liquidy shit."
"Take her to the bathroom where her tub is to bathe her and her own soap?"
"Yeah, I was not going to get shit on anything else. Dom and Benji loved it though, they wanted to play in it."
"Boys are disgusting." She shivered, "I was just calling to say we are on our way back, but I'll need your help with something in the car."
"Erin Lindsey, what did you buy?" I groaned. Bigger toys meant more parts for me to put together. I did not want to deal with that like I did last time with a fucking toy car that came in twenty pieces.
"Don't worry about it, both of them will love it, okay? Trust and believe in me. You and Ruzek are in charge of putting it together. We're stopping to get pizza for dinner. We'll be home in twenty. Be ready." And with that she hung up the phone one me.
"Baby girl, what are you doing to your Daddy?" I asked her as I stripped of the soiled clothes and put on clean clothes. "We need to keep you clean and pee and poo free." Maddie just sat on the bed, staring at me giggling slightly. "Yeah, yeah."
Twenty minutes later, one clean baby, two happy toddlers who were running around the couch pretending to be racecar drivers, and Ruzek and I exhaustedly watching the game, Kim walked in the apartment.
"Erin wants you by the car. We've got these three for now." Kim smiled evilly. She was hiding something, I knew it, but what exactly it was, I am unsure of. "Don't question, just go Jay."
She knew me too well.
"But Babe, it's the last two minutes of the game. Anything could happen!" Ruzek grumbled, crossing his hands over his chest.
"Ruzek get over the fact that your Giant's suck this season." I laughed passing off Maddie before exiting before Dominic could even tell I was gone.
Making my way towards the elevator and down to the parking garage level, I thought of the things Erin could possibly have bought. I had no clue. I know she discussed buying a play kitchen, but Voight said he'd get that for them for Christmas.
"Jay!" She yelled from the corner of the garage.
"What in the world did you buy?" I questioned before even saying hi to her.
She sent me a smirk and opened the car door. "Look and you'll find out."
I slowly pulled out the long, narrow, cardboard box to reveal a picture. "A crib?"
She nodded her head waiting for me to catch on. "Why would we need a crib?"
"Two and done is out the window." She snickered, "How do you feel about being three and done?"
I looked between her and the box, unsure how to respond. This couldn't be true; it was impossible in my mind. We were dead set on two and done. No marriage, only a relationship that was okay with us. "That Voight is going to murder me."
She let out a loud laugh and shook her head. "If a guy who I love is more worried about what Voight thinks instead of what the girl he loves thinks then I have a problem." I wrapped my arms tightly around her, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. "I would still make sure Voight doesn't have a gun when we tell him."
"Cause that's so reassuring."
"Maybe next time try to aim somewhere that is not inside me."
"I just aim and fire, Baby. Aim and fire."
-CPD-
6 Months Later
"He's perfectly healthy." The nurse walked in carrying the newest member, as of three hours ago, of the Lindsey-Halstead clan. "But we still need a name for him."
"We're working on that." Erin smiled proudly but answers softly as she slowly sat herself up.
It looked like a war zone when she was actually at the final stages of labor with pushing and baby's head coming out. I don't know why I wanted to watch this time. I almost passed out when Dom was born, and with Maddie I just refused to look at. Now this, being our last (I hope) I just wanted to see if I was man enough to watch and to prove Ruzek wrong.
I looked at her and sighed. We were having difficulties this time around with names. Dominic was easy, and his middle name, Parker, was one that Erin just really liked and I said sure too. Madelena's name came because I loved the nickname Maddie and so did Erin but Madeleine and Madison became too popular for us, and her middle name was another filler kind of name we both loved.
Right now it was a fight between Forrest, Atticus, Evander, Emerson, Judson, and Wesley. But to Erin, she thinks he looks like all of them and that if she picks one, he'll start looking like another one. To me, Forrest is way out there, to out there with siblings named Dominic and Maddie. But I talked her out of Shiloh, so Forrest can stay.
"I don't want to discuss it anymore." Erin pleaded. "I know we have to decide but I just don't want to pick the wrong name for him."
"Well we need to, Erin. Do you want him to be known as Baby Boy Halstead for the rest of his life?" I wanted to stop calling him, him. I wanted to call him by a name. Right now I'm pushing for Evander. I think it's just so fucking cool. It literally means 'Little Man' and that is what he is to me.
"Fine, fine, fine." She threw up her hands giving in as she slowly walked back from the bathroom.
"Why don't we each pick top three from this group? We must have one in common." I asked her, doing it just how we did it the last two times.
She nodded stealing her phone away to make her list. My top three was easy: Evander, Emerson or Wesley.
Erin's was slightly different. Atticus, Forrest, Evander.
"One in common." Erin spoke, "Out of all those names we only like one the most." She sighed in defeat.
"Personally, Evander is a kick ass name."
She let out another sigh before staring at the baby's angelic face. "Fine." She gave in. "He can be named Evander but Forrest is the middle name."
"Evander Forrest Halstead." I whispered his name causing him to gurgle enough for me to know what his 'poop face' will be like.
"Want to change his first diaper, Daddy?" Erin smiled trying not to wince in pain.
I could tell it was painful for her to bend over so I wanted to help with whatever was possible before the terrors arrived with Voight shortly. "Sure." I nodded my head.
"Remember to do what we had to do with Dom. Cover with the clean diaper when taking off the old diaper."
"I know what I'm doing." And I truly believed that. I knew what I was doing. I knew how to change a diaper. I think I've changed thousands by now.
"I'm just warning you."
Well maybe I should have listened too her because two seconds after I removed the tiny newborn dirty diaper, Evander decided to pee. Squirting it all over the front of my chest. He opened his eyes to look at me, almost like it was as if he was silently laughing at me. "Fuck."
"I tried to warn you." Erin managed to get out between her laughs. "Next time listen."
"Fuckin' hell. Dominic never did this shit."
"That's because I learned the trick of the trade after Benji peed on Ruzek." Erin spilled the beans on that one. "Just go wash up. It's only pee."
"It's like he's marking his fucking territory saying that you're off limits to everyone but him for the next year. Boobs should be mine. Healed up va-jay-jay, get it, should be mine."
"Are you telling your daddy to back off, little man?" Erin continued on with the joke. Maybe now you'll learn to share and be patient. Do we need to send you to preschool with all the other boys and girls who need to learn to share?" Erin continued to tease, sticking her tongue out at me playfully.
I leaned in to give her a kiss only for Evander to reach his tiny arms up and scratch me down my cheek. Who the hell would've thought newborn nails would be long and razor blades?
"That's it." I complained. "I'll just stay far away."
"Oh get over it. He's showing his dominancy over you. To tell you the truth he is much cuter and could probably get away with murder if he wanted too. Who could deny this little cute face anything?"
"A cuter, peeing machine."
"Maybe eventually I'll help him learn to aim and he'll teach you." Low, but funny, blow. "Daddy has no good aim."
I knew in that moment, three kids in and tons of jokes and memories that this was who I wanted to spend forever with. "Erin?" I asked capturing her attention. "What would you do if I asked you something right now?"
"Like what?" She was skeptical of my question.
"Wanna get married?" I looked at her. It was probably the most unromantic proposal but at least I given one. We were comfortable in how this relationship was going and knew we'd be together forever.
"See Vanny, your pee must be magical because Daddy finally did something smart." Erin looked between Evander, who I guess she is nicknaming Vanny for now, and myself before nodding her head upside down.
"Only you would relate my proposal and your son peeing in my face together." I laughed handing over the ring that sat in my pocket for almost a year now- totally again unromantic.
"And only you would propose by saying wanna get married, but you love me."
"And that I most definitely do."
The End.
Don't know if I truly love the ending or not, but I rewrote it three times so this version will do. Please review!