A/N: Companion piece to These thoughts of You. This is in Buffy's POV

Summary: Buffy's thoughts while patrolling with Faith.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Don't own BTVS

Secret Smile

I love Faith's smile. Her real smile, the one when she's actually happy and laughing, the one I see when we're just talking one-on-one. The one I was looking at minutes ago, while we shot playful banter back and forth. I don't get to see it often though. Faith will never admit it, but she's not always as cocky and confident as she leads people to believe.

I watch her sometimes, when she thinks no one is looking. It hurts to see her look so far away, so lost in her own thoughts. I can tell when they bother her, her eyebrows knit together and she scowls. I can see she's hurting, just by looking in those brown eyes. I wish I knew what she was thinking; I wish I could just make her pain go away, I wish I knew how.

I've caught her looking at me before. I can never tell if she's interested, or just messing with me. Usually when I do catch her, she says some off-hand sex comment and chuckles at me, while I stand there blushing like a freak.

She's lost in her head right now, I can tell. Her hands are buried deep in her pockets, while she stares at the ground with each step. I want to be closer to her, I want to spend more time just getting to know who Faith is, where she came from, what her last name is. Anything.

I wish the others wanted to too. Will did at first, now I'm lucky if she'll even speak to me. She thinks I'm replacing her with Faith. Xander doesn't want to know Faith; he just would like to get in touch with what's in her pants. And Angel…is Angel; Faith doesn't really register on his radar after the Gwendolyn Post incident.

That bitch really set us back, now I'm lucky if Faith will even look me in the eye without glaring.

It really stings whenever Faith won't talk; I know it's my own damn fault that I lost her trust. I miss how it was when she first came here, she tried asking about me Wanted to know about me. But, they were more interested in her stories, it wasn't her fault…but I made it sound like it was. She was so much more easy going for that short time, then I messed up and now her walls are up.

I've never really thought about being with a girl before, which made it really surprising when I figured out that I'm in love with Faith. It first started when I saw her in the alley for the first time; I was in denial at first…tried convincing myself it was just curiosity. Now, there's no use try to kid myself, I love Faith. And now I'm going to work to win her trust back and hope that maybe she feels something for me. I love her secret smile, almost as much as I love the rest of her. Even if she doesn't know it.

A/N: I don't characterize Buffy well...i don't even think i do Faith well either lol. It's just that i usually hate B...she can be a real airhead sometimes. This is one of my more serious trys at Buffy though...hope i did ok o.o Let me know what you guys think, thanks for reading and i'll see you later!