Based off the song Thinking of you By Katy Perry

It was a late September night, the air was chilly but enough so a young auburn-haired girl would only need a thin cardigan to keep warm. Canada's weather was considerably warm for this part of the year, but Clare Edwards wasn't complaining as her feet shuffled across the cement sidewalk. Beside her was young boy, though his whole aura screamed bad boy while Clare's was subtle and saintly. His jeans sagged, a rip marking his right pant leg while his red plaid boxers hung out the jeans and under the deep green hoodie over his black tee. Her white and blue floral print dress with a blue cardigan contrasted greatly to the boy's grungy appearance.

The whole night, Clare was wondering why she agreed to go on a date, with him of all people. Her mind said she needed to move on, like he told her to. But in reality, she needed a distraction for the empty, dreary house of hers. The one her parents neglect to visit, the one her friends refuse to go to because it's so cold and bland, the house Clare now calls a prison.

Because everything in it reminds her of him. The deep jade comforter on her twin sized bed, the numerous shirts she had 'borrowed' from him, the pictures pinned to her board. She kept them all, maybe because she was crazy. She sure as hell felt like it, always wearing one of his shirts at night because it felt like he was there. Holding her, strong arm wrapped around her tiny waist as they slept. His scent faded into nothing, just a mere stale smell of what once was his intoxicating aroma.

"This was fun." Fitz broke her train of thought, and Clare realized they arrived at her house.

"Oh...uh...yeah. I had a great time." Clare lied, her tone sweet and endearing - all lies.

"Great. Maybe there could be a date two?" Fitz prodded, a smirk on his lips.

Clare resisted the urge to shiver, that smirk so similar yet so wrong to be on his face. She smiled and gave a slight nod, looking up at him while holding onto the false smile. Fitz's eyes gleamed in the light that was on, next to her door so she wouldn't kill herself by falling up her steps. His body leaned towards her, and Clare felt her stomach sink.

His lips touched hers, and Clare's body went rigid. Her eyes closed, and instead of Fitz's rough, dry lips, they were soft and tender. Behind closed eyes, Clare saw green eyes boring into hers while a tentative tongue brushed her bottom lip. All too suddenly, the boy she loved disappeared, and her eyes opened to see Fitz standing upright.

"I'll see you around?" He asked with a goofy smile, and Clare nodded stiffly before turning quickly rushing up the steps to her house.

Those words caused a pang in her heart, the heart that was already broken and shattered. Her vision blurred as fresh tears emerged, some falling onto the steps in front of her house as she struggled to put her key into the lock. But after many failed attempts, the key slipped in and Clare entered the prison she once called home.

Clare never moved out of her house once she graduated, her parents let her live in it while she attended college, Eli being one year ahead of her already. Unfortunately, his parents didn't save entirely enough money for him to attend freely, so like any desperate for money boy, Eli joined the army. Of course she objected to the idea off the bat, knowing that once he was finished with college, he'd have to leave right after. And four years seemed too short of time for her, for them to be together.

Time after time, Eli assured her that he would be alright, that once his tour was over, they'd be married with three kids in a small picket fence house; Clare teaching while Eli wrote for the Toronto newspaper. And she believed him up until the day he had to leave, in her gut she knew that this was the last time. Their last 'I love you's, their last embrace, their last moment together. Burned and etched and committed to her memory, not a second was lost from Clare's perspective.

"I love you," Clare whispered into the crook of Eli's neck.

His arms tightened around her shoulder's, while her tiny hands clutched the back of his shirt. A sob escaped her, and Eli felt tears prick his eyes. He buried his face into her curls, breathing in deeply, taking in the smell of lilies and sweet pea. He was going to miss that, so much. Both should of felt uncomfortable, his arms too tight around her, her nails digging into his flesh through his shirt, and both in such a loving embrace in public.

'Gate 243, now boarding.' Was announced through the airport, and Clare sobbed.

"I love you, Clare Edwards. With all of my heart. And I promise that I will come back, and you will be my wife. And we will grow old together." Eli murmured in her ear, kissing her cheek before pulling back to look at her one last time.

His hand came up, placing it gently on her cheek, which was flushed and stained with tears. Eli leaned in tentatively, pressing his lips firmly against hers, trying to convey his feelings through it. Clare wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him furiously, both their lips moving furiously together. Clare never wanted to let go, because she knew if she did, she'd lose him forever.

Clare felt her tears rush faster down her cheeks as she stared at the table next to the door, locked on the unopened envelope, addressed to Clare Edwards. The sender? Canadian Armed Forces. She knew what was in the envelope, though she hoped differently, she knew. Because next to it was an opened letter, addressed to Clare Edwards. The sender, you may ask? Private Elijah Goldsworthy.

She remembers every word by heart, each syllable tearing her heart away piece by piece. The worn paper has stains, darker shades of the pale yellow paper with Eli's scribbled writing. And she knew. From the day he left, Clare knew what was going to happen. Maybe if she had begged harder, plead with her heart on her sleeve, he might have stayed. But he was gone, forever.

Dear Clare,

I remember the day I met you, and I realize now that it was probably the biggest mistake that whatever holder of Fate could have made. On your part. For me, it was a blessing. A blessing in disguise, a beautiful and smart and amazing disguise. You changed my life, and for that, I'm grateful. So unbelievably grateful to have spent six amazing years with you. And now, as I'm lying on a cot in the middle of the desert, I realize how selfish it was for me to have let us be. Because no matter how much I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt you, like I did Julia, I already did.

I'm not coming back, Clare. I can't tell you why, I don't want to risk you being involved with. Which is why I'm writing this. To tell you that you need to let me go. To forget me, and move on. Please, do this for me. Forget the past six years, forget everything you know that involves me. Just remove me completely from your memory. Because I'm not coming back. Not because I want to, but because I know I won't.

You can hate me. You can resent me. You can do whatever you want with the memory of me. As long as you move on. But if you were to remember me at all, remember me as the boy who loved you, and always will.

Forever yours,

Elijah Goldsworthy

With a sudden rush of anger, Clare screamed. Like the day she fell for Eli. Which made her scream again. Throwing the letter onto the ground and stomping on it vigorously, angry tears falling down and splashing onto the floor. She hated him. She resented him. She loathed him. Her heart belonged to him, and he never gave it back. But he took his. He left her all alone, to fend for herself in a cruel world.

Clare sighed in defeat and fell against the cold wood of her door, sliding until she on her butt, legs curled up to her chest. That night, things changed for her. For the better, or the worse, she wasn't sure. But she snapped. Over and over she cursed him, the boy she loved. Repeating the words with venom.

I hate him. I resent him. I loathe him.

I love him.