They say everyone who looks into their family history will find a secret sooner or later. With Sirius's family, you didn't even have to search. The Blacks were simply made of secrets; their blood was poisoned with lies and their bones were built of deceit.
Sirius was an outcast within his own family. Within his own blood and bones.
He didn't belong, and he certainly didn't want to.
Some pitied him.
He thought that was funny.
Though they thought him a pariah, he thought himself free.
.
He'd been alone longer than he had let on.
It had been a month since he ran away from 12 Grimmauld Place, and he had only thought of asking James now.
As he snuck into a run-down Muggle restaurant like he did every night, unlocking the door with a simple wave of the wand (he had mastered non-verbal magic in his free time), he promised himself to ask James if he could move in with him.
Ha. Like that was going to happen.
.
Freedom, Sirius concluded, was awesome.
He walked around the city in the day and slept in a different restaurant at night–or at least, he used to.
The whole "mysterious, handsome and charming" thing was really working out for him. Most days he'd meet a pretty Muggle girl who he graciously offered himself to. He always made up a different story.
"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm John," he'd say formally.
"Howdy. Name's Will. If Britain's full of pretty gals like you I guess I'm in heaven," he'd say, faking an accent.
Then, he'd sleep with them (he always managed to) and be gone before morning.
.
Perhaps he wasn't that different from the rest of his family.
He, after all, did have a secret he'd been keeping for years.
He was in love with his best friend, Remus Lupin, and it was about time he admitted it.
.
James let him stay, and it was one of the happiest days of his life. Peter came over the day after, and the three of them sat on the floor and played chess for three hours straight.
Sirius tried his best to laugh when James said Remus got a girlfriend. "Who'd go out with Remus?" he said playfully. When in his imagination he did. In this life and the next and the one after that.
.
School started again and Sirius's heart skipped a beat when he saw Remus kissing his new girlfriend goodbye. Remus waved and waved until the brunette left the platform, then ran over to Sirius.
"So…werewolves have a thing for muggle girls, do they?"
Remus glared. "Shut up."
Sirius smiled, then said nonchalantly, "So, how'd you guys meet?"
"Coffee shop."
"Ugh. You're so cliché."
Remus laughed and it made Sirius laugh, too. "Look who's talking."
"Y'know, she looks a bit like me."
Remus sighed dramatically. "You wish. Nicole is like, the polar opposite of you."
Sirius would be lying if he said that didn't sting.
.
He was in prison when he finally accepted it.
Remus Lupin would never be his.
He decided it didn't matter, anyways. He'd rot in this cell sooner or later.
.
Despite the wand jabbing at his throat, Sirius couldn't remember being this happy. Remus Lupin, though considerably older, was still the sandy haired werewolf from 1981.
Years have passed (12 to be exact) but that didn't matter. He was still in love.
Unfortunately.
.
He was with Tonks. His cousin's daughter.
It was strange, and it almost broke him, but he knew that Remus was happy.
And maybe that was all that mattered.
Maybe secrets weren't that bad.
Maybe they're the reason his heart hasn't broken yet. Maybe they mold around your heart and keep it together–maybe they're shelter and warmth.
He decided that secrets protect you.
Secrets keep you safe.
A/N: Can you spot the Doctor Who quote? From Journey to the Centre of the Tardis? :)
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this fic! It's my first WolfStar (I don't really ship it please don't kill me).
I'm trying new ships, though! Let me know what you think.
Written for The Duct Tape Competition - Pink Leopard