Coping
In the blink of an eye, Rumplestilskin was gone. Disappearing before their eyes in a selfless act. He sacrificed himself for them.
Neal stood there not knowing how to really react. He spent much of his life trying to distance himself from everything that reminded him of magic only for it to hit him in the face full force. He wasn't prepared for what happened between Pan and Rumplestilskin. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. There was still time to make their relationship work.
Now all he had left were memories. Memories of all the good times they shared. Memories of all the fights they had. In that moment, he couldn't have wished for a better father.
He looked at the empty spot before hearing Belle's cries. She was on the cold concrete. Her hands covering her face. A pain shot through his heart. She loved and lost one of the most important people in her life.
He bent down and took her hands away from her face. She looked up and cried harder. All she saw was Rumple's eyes looking at her. He swallowed the sob that threatened to escape and cautiously cupped the back of her head.
"We're going to be okay," he whispered. Her eyes blinked rapidly as she tried to comprehend what he was telling her. How were they going to be okay? The love of her life was gone. His father was gone. She had nothing but a broken heart.
"He's gone," she mumbled out. "Neal…"
Neal closed his eyes briefly. He tried to think of something else to say but his mind was going blank. Then Regina's voice registered in his mind. He helped Belle up putting his hand on her back to keep her steady.
Their mourning period was over when Regina said they had to go back to the Enchanted Forest to break Pan's curse.
Everything happened in a matter of minutes. He was saying goodbye to Emma and Henry. He made up in his mind that they would be reunited one day. He was never going to stop fighting for them.
He watched them leave and he felt Belle's hand on his arm. She gave him a sad smile and her eyes said "I'm sorry." They were engulfed in a purple cloud.
Days passed as Belle and Neal looked for anything that could point them in the right direction in finding Rumplestilskin.
They were sitting in the library at opposite ends scouring over books. Belle heard something slam against the wall and her head snapped up. Neal was looking flustered and frustrated. Tears of anger and sorrow were welling up.
She closed the book she was reading and went over to him. She said nothing. She put her arms around his chest and simply held him.
He was silent. Emotions raging within. He was the Dark One's son. He should have been able to locate his own father. His papa would know how to find someone. He felt inadequate compared to him.
He became aware of Belle's presence grateful that he had one person who knew his pain but it didn't make the feeling of loneliness any less real. He removed her hands from his and went over to where the book was. He picked it up and weighed it in his hands.
Seconds slowly ticked by before setting his gaze upon Belle.
"I thought we could figure this out. I thought the possibility was there and if we went into this head first we would find something useful. I was fooling myself into thinking I could have what I want. Everything I love gets ripped from me," Neal said.
"Neal, that's not true," Belle said softly.
"No? My mother left me behind. She never bothered to come back and see about me. My father broke a deal and I ended up in a world having to fend for myself. When I finally find a family that loves me, what happens? I end up in Neverland with stupid Peter Pan and Hook."
His voice started to crack. "Then I met Emma. We were going to be happy and we were going to have our Tallahassee. This time it was my fault because she had a job to do. She was the savior. I should have never listened to August. I should have been the man she needed me to be. I would have known about my son. I tried to move on with Tamara but that was a lie. Now Emma and Henry are gone. My father is gone and there's not a minute that passes by that I don't wish I could do things differently. Look at me, I'm not worth anything. Everyone leaves. Am I that terrible where I am destined to live my days out alone? What is wrong with me?"
Belle wiped her tears away. She walked up to him cupping his face. "Nothing is wrong with you. So you made bad choices. We are all guilty of making them but we learn from them. I believe in my heart that you will be reunited with Rumple, Henry and Emma. You can't give up. You can't lose faith. If we did those things, what would be the point of doing all of this day in and day out? You and I are family and family always looks out for each other. It's okay to cry and unleash your anger but once it's done, we still have work to do. We are going to get them back."
"What if I'm not capable? I don't have magic. I'm not some savior. I'm just-
"An extraordinary person who loves deeply. Magic doesn't define you Neal. You are strong man like your father. Trust me. Can you do that?"
"I see what my father saw in you," he said taking her hands in his. "I see why he fell in love with you. You see the best in people, in situations. You are a good person and he needed someone who loved him for him. Not some ideal version. You didn't force him into changing. He wanted to change willingly."
She smiled. "I appreciate the kind words. Neal, you're not alone."
"I know," he said taking a step away from her. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around being back here and dealing with everything we're facing," he continued.
"As am I," Belle said. She paused for a beat. "Would you like some tea?"
He chuckled. "Sure why not." He watched her leave the room. He sat back down at the table and leaned back in his chair.
"I'm never going to stop looking for any of you."