Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's! Not mine!
A/N: This one isn't really funny (and it's kind of meh in my opinion), but I wrote it a while ago and since it's Teddy Lupin's birth month, I decided to post it.
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Teddy tiptoed down the corridor, heart racing. No matter how many times he did this, he was always scared and very jumpy every time. He kept a hand on the stone wall, holding his breath. Then he felt something. A bump on the wall. He removed his hand quickly and took a step back. "Bloody kids, wandering the corridors at night." Someone grumbled sleepily. Teddy recognized the voice as a portrait of an old, rich witch with a wart on her nose. He sighed with relief. He hadn't gotten caught. He loosened his grip on the parchment he was holding in his right hand. Teddy hadn't lit his wand in fear of being caught by a teacher. He decided not to hold on to the wall. What would happen, anyway? He took a step forward and-
Crash!
Teddy froze. He had bumped into something. It seemed like an armor stand, but Teddy didn't have enough time to figure out.
"There are students out of bed, I'm sure of it! We'll catch them this time, my sweet, and then we can hang them by their ankles and watch them squeal with pain!"
Merlin, Filch needs a life. Teddy thought. Then the panic started to settle in. He was going to get caught. He glanced at the parchment he was holding - The Marauder's Map. Filch was coming from the end of the corridor. Teddy turned on his heel and started to run. He hung a left, then went right. Another right, a left, a right… Filch's footsteps could still be heard. He looked at the map again. His palms were sweaty. He found an unoccupied classroom on his right. He sprinted towards it and slipped inside, closing the door behind him. He heard footsteps coming in his direction.
"We'll find them, and we won't let them get away with it. We'll punish them, my sweet!"
Soon, the footsteps started getting quieter, until they faded away completely. Teddy let out the breath he had been holding. He crept out of the classroom, deciding that he should continue. He advanced quietly, checking where he was on the map. SUrprisingly, he wasn't too far away from his destination. Teddy smiled, but he was celebrating a bit early.
"OOOOOH! Who's this?" A voice said behind him. Teddy whirled around. He found himself looking into the orange eyes of the one and only, Peeves. "Why, isn't this a surprise?" Peeves asked loudly. Then he broke out into a song. "Looney, loopy Lupin! Looney, loopy Lupin!" He began to repeat the phrase. Teddy cursed under his breath, hoping that Filch was several corridors away by now. "Oh! Saying bad words, aren't we, Loopy? SUch behavior should be punished!" Peeves exclaimed. Teddy's eyes widened as the poltergeist pulled out some chalk. Teddy fled. He sprinted the opposite way Filch had gone, Peeves pelting chalk at him the whole time, yelling, "LOONEY, LOOPY LUPIN!" Teddy looked at the Marauder's Map, and noticed Filch's dot was gaining speed. He was screwed. Really screwed.
Then, he saw it. He had never really noticed it before, but on the map, he found it. It was a little square that wasn't labeled. It was too small to be a classroom, but it was free of people. It was at the end of the corridor, so when he got close, all he had to do was distract Peeves and run for it.
Teddy was nearing the end of the corridor. Another piece of chalk hit his back, but he didn't care by now. He turned around, pointed, and shouted, "Look! It's the Bloody Baron!"
Peeves dropped his chalk in surprise and turned around, but Teddy had already found what he was looking for. It was an old broom cupboard, but it was perfect. He slipped in before Peeves turned around.
"Where did Loopy go?" Peeves asked from the corridor. Teddy shrunk back into the cupboard, as if that made him harder to find. The poltergeist said nothing else, so Teddy assumed he was gone.
Then there were more footsteps.
"They're around here somewhere, my sweet. The dirty, rule-breaking students…"
Soon, Filch's footsteps could no longer be heard, but Teddy didn't feel relaxed until the last echo of his feet dissipated. Teddy let out the breath he didn't know he was holding and looked back down at the map. He was safe. He held it, simply staring at it and smiling to himself.
"Thanks, Dad." He whispered to the parchment, though he knew it would never respond.