Disclaimer: I don't own House, M.D., or any of the characters. I do however own this story. Title is a line from Placebo's song "I know".

Warnings: Graphic description of self-harm.

Summary: Cameron did cheat on her dying husband with his best friend. That's past, but when something triggers her in the present everything gets to the surface again.

THE PAST WILL CATCH YOU UP AS YOU RUN FASTER

Chapter 1

Cameron: "I fell in love with my husband's best friend. Near the end I was at the hospital every day, and Joe would come by after work. We'd go for walks and try to talk each other through it. We kind of clung on to each other. "

Wilson: "My wife wasn't dying, she wasn't even sick. Everything was fine. I met someone who... made me feel... funny. Good. And I didn't want to let that feeling go. What happened to you, how can anyone go through that alone? You can't control your emotions."

Cameron: "No. Just your actions."

Wilson: "You didn't do it, did you? You didn't sleep with him."

Cameron: "I couldn't have lived with myself."

Wilson: "You'd be surprised what you can live with."

Everything was quiet. The rain had stopped 15 minutes ago, the same time that Allison Cameron had now spent sitting on the bathroom floor. This isn't worth it, this isn't worth it she told herself over and over. That conversation with Wilson had triggered something. It's been a long time.

Doesn't matter said another voice in her head it was wrong then and it is wrong now. How can a good person do that kind of thing? I get morally outraged at House so often and here I am, the biggest liar, the biggest hypocrite, who cheated on a dying man and lied about it. I'm so stupid and worthless.

Cameron shook her head, as if to get these thoughts out of herself. Remember therapy the other voice said remember everything you've accomplished. - Remember what you did. You judge anyone that comes your way, and what are you yourself? Pathetic piece of shit.

Tears ran down her face. It had been so long. No. Yes. No. Yes. I want to, I want to make it stop, I want to feel better. The guilt came like a wave swashing over her, devouring her.

She took the razor blade and placed it on her left forearm. She saw the old scars, reminding her of the hours she had spent in pain, self-hatred and misery. And that was enough to put Cameron over the edge. She cut into the skin and felt instant release. As the blood ran over her arm, there was nothing but sweetness. And peace and quiet.