Author's note: So, this is my first time uploading any of my stories onto the internet. I've never used , so I apologize if things look weird. Tell me if it does and I'll try to fix it.
This story is about Peddie, and Patricia's journey to become less insecure and to start loving herself again with the help of Eddie. She may be a bit OC but I don't think she's really that out of character. I've rated it T but it may change.
I really hope you enjoy it and please review! Just don't be too harsh because I'm a 15 yr old girl with self esteem issues lol.
Also, you can follow me on tumblr at .com and leave reviews/comments there.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own House of Anubis/Het Huis Anubis. These characters are not mine. I also do not own The Pretty Reckless.
Booming lyrics rang loud and deep in Patricia's ears as she sat in her room crying and listening to The Pretty Reckless' "Make Me Wanna Die" for what seemed like the tenth time this week. She couldn't help it. Behind her tough, "i don't give a damn" exterior, she was only human. She didn't know what was wrong with her, or why she was feeling this way, but all she could do was feel it. All she knew was that it started before her and Eddie's break up. She had went home for a weekend and she found out things she should've known. Her family was perfectly happy without her. Her mother had given birth and didn't even bother to tell Patricia that she had a new brother. Her family replaced her and they were the perfect family without her and Patricia was starting to realize why. She was a horrible person in general, she knew. She wasn't nearly as talented, smart, or pretty as her sister. Piper was perfect. And now she just hated herself because she was herself. She didn't like the way she was. But she didn't speak about it, nor did she reveal her emotions in front of others.
Everyone in the house had left to a school event, and in a desperate attempt to not attend, she feigned sick. She hoped no one would see right through her lies, and force her to talk. She didn't think they'd understand. Hell, she didn't understand herself.
Patricia rose from her bed, clad in only underwear and a cami and walked to the bathroom making sure there was not a human being in sight. Standing in front of the mirror, she sighed. Examining herself, and picking at her flaws while wiping her smudged makeup off her face. She looked awful. Always did. In that exact moment, a pang of jealously surged through her as she thought of her twin sister Piper. She was the prettier, more talented twin in her mind. Patricia never thought much of it before, but recently she started to compare herself to others. Why was she suddenly feeling this way? She'd never care what others thought of her before. Why now?
Patricia was awakened from her thoughts as she heard the front door downstairs open and the loud stream of chatter from her friends. Growling softly, she locked the bathroom door, making sure no one would enter and see her in such a horrible state. She pressed her left ear against the door, listening for any voices around the bathroom area. When she didn't hear any, she opened the door, but bumped straight into a hard body.
"Oh watch it you…" She stopped in mid sentence as her ex boyfriend turned around examining her from head to toe. Scoffing and rolling her eyes, she walked around him, why was he upstairs anyways? Before she could get away, a warm hand latched onto her arm.
"Yacker wait," Eddie called firmly.
Patricia spun around with her hair viciously whipping her face.
Wide eyed, Eddie stared at her for a moment, wondering what was going through her head
"Are you alright? Eddie asked, choosing his words carefully.
"Why wouldn't I be, and why do you care?" Patricia spit out bitterly. She was in no mood for questions; not with Eddie. She wasn't even dressed appropriately. Things had went terribly wrong when she went to go visit him in America over break, and now the former couple did everything in their power to avoid each other. She had no idea why Eddie felt like speaking to her now.
"I'm just worried about you, that's all" Eddie answered back, bowing his head slightly.
Patricia wrapped her arms around herself. She felt a lump grow in her throat. She wanted so badly to tell someone; tell anybody about what she has been feeling for some time now.
"You haven't got the right to do that anymore" Patricia reminds Eddie quietly.
Nodding his head, he responds with a short "Of course" and turns to leave. Patricia watches as he slowly walks down the stairs, hitting herself because she was too stubborn to just talk to someone.
Shivering, she returned to her room where she slept her sorrows to sleep.
Eddie retreated back to his room, after his confrontation with Patricia. He knew something was wrong with her, and he'd known for a while now. He desperately hoped it had nothing to do with their break up in America. He really didn't want to be the source of all her pain.
He just didn't know how to talk to her anymore. She was different. Less bold, and more reserved. Whatever was eating her up, he needed to find out and make it better.
He wondered if Mara or Joy had noticed anything different about Patricia, but realized that the two girls were caught up in their own boy dramas.
Lying on his bed, Eddie recalled all the moments he and Patricia endured together. He still loved her, and he wondered if Patricia wanted him as much as he wanted her. Eddie vowed quietly to himself to help Patricia with whatever was going on with her and win her heart over again.
Patricia woke up to a pounding headache the next morning and remembered her small talk with Eddie. It wasn't even a talk but ,she missed him so much. She was an idiot for pushing him away and a fool for standing near him in only her underwear and cami and acting so vulnerable around him. It's not as if Eddie had never seen her like that before, but now that they weren't together anymore, it made everything more embarrassing. Grabbing her towel, Patricia walked to the bathroom, knocking first to see if it was occupied. When she found that it was not, she entered. Stripping quickly, she entered the tub and turned the hot water on. Sighing softly, she relaxed as she allowed the water to fall upon her and cleanse her of everything. Grabbing a sponge, she scrubbed her body and washed her hair, not missing a single spot.
After a much needed shower, she dressed up for school, did her normal makeup routine and headed downstairs for breakfast. The whole gang was already sitting around the table.
"Good Morning everyone" Patricia addressed to the whole table. She had to pretend like she was alright.
"I'm feeling so much better today. How was that school event you went to?"
Joy and Mara answered her promptly, babbling on about how everything was a great success.
As she reached for the orange juice, Patricia's fingers brushed another's. Glancing up, she locked eyes with Eddie. Eddie didn't remove his eyes from hers as they continued to stare. He knew something. Eddie knew something, and that scared Patricia a great deal. Shaking her head, Patricia rose from her seat.
"Well, I've had enough breakfast. See you all at school"
"But you just sat down, Trixie" Alfie called after her.
Ignoring her housemates, Patricia walked out of the house and headed to school by herself.
"Yacker wait up!"
Patricia growled lowly and rolled her eyes. She really did want to walk to school alone.
"What do you want" Patricia asked bluntly.
"I just wanted to walk with you, if that's ok. Either way, I'm still walking with you" Eddie answered.
Patricia scoffed.
Eddie smiled in response.
"So, about yesterday…" Eddie started.
"Look, I really don't want to talk about it. I wasn't feeling well like I said. I'm sorry that I bumped into you" Patricia explained
"Oh please, I just really wanted to tell you that you looked amazing in that underwear of yours." Eddie said smirking.
Patricia blushed furiously.
"Don't be a pig" she shot back.
"But I also want to you to know that although we broke up, things don't have to be weird. I want you to be able to tell me things. You know, Patricia things.
Patricia bit her lip but didn't say a word.
Eddie continued "…And you don't have to feel tense around me. I miss you Yacker. You know, having you around me.
Patricia felt bad. She missed Eddie as well, but she couldn't speak to him. He would find out how weak she really was.
"Eddie, people don't do that. We broke up. You can't just expect me to tell you things; for us to be good friends again. It doesn't work that way," Patricia said looking down.
"Patricia look at me". Patricia didn't even bat an eyelash
"Patricia look at me." Eddie said firmly.
He grabbed Patricia's face and turned her to look at him, and when he did he found tears in her eyes.
"Patricia" he whispered. He looked at her lips which were trembling. Patricia couldn't let the tears fall. She wouldn't let them.
"Patricia, speak to me"
"I can't", she slipped out. What would people think if they knew Patricia Williamson hated herself? That she hated the way she looked and how she couldn't add up to anything or how she felt unintelligent? What if they found out she hadn't been eating because she hated her body. She knew they wouldn't believe her or they'd joke about it.
"Patricia Williamson?" they'd ask
"No way." They'd say.
Patricia removed Eddie's soft hands from her face, missing his touch too soon. She began walking in the same direction she was going, before Eddie had stopped her. Eddie, however, was having that.
He grabbed Patricia's fingers and led them through an unknown path.
"Eddie, stop. Where are we going?"
"Somewhere far." was his only response
After walking for what seemed an eternity they reached a quiet lake where they could talk to each other without interruptions.
"Eddie, I'm tired. I can't do this right now. "
"Patricia, just trust me okay. I'm not asking for you to tell me everything right now, today. I just want to know what's up. You've changed, and I want to get to know you again"
"Really, Eddie ? You already know me. Better than anyone." She added skeptically. That was somewhat true. They had gotten to know each other pretty well. He knew what set her off and what pleased her. He knew what her favourite foods were. He knew what she was good at and what she was not so good at. He knew her pretty well, save for this huge secret she'd been hiding inside her for months now.
"Patricia, I want to know everything about you. I want to relearn everything about you. I want to understand you. Please just let me understand."
Patricia bit her lip. She cursed herself for letting Eddie drag her all the way out here, but he made her feel her important, and although she wasn't ready to be involved with him romantically again, maybe they could slowly restore what they once had. Maybe Eddie could help with whatever she was feeling.
Patricia felt pretty pathetic that she was relying on a guy to solve her problems and for a moment, she considered turning back.
Patricia Williamson doesn't run away.
"Okay then. What are we doing here?" Patricia asked
Eddie removed his shirt from his body. Patricia stood in front of him wide eyed, wondering if she was supposed to turn away.
"We're going swimming", Eddie stated simply, tossing his shirt to the side.
Patricia's heart beat sped ten times faster. Swimming with Eddie, in a lake? The thought made a blush creep up her neck. What was he playing at? He knew she hated water.
"You can go swimming. I'm not. You know I hate water. I don't even know how to swim." Patricia answered back.
Eddie grabbed Patricia's hand whilst rolling his eyes.
"Then, I'll teach you of course" Eddie responded as if it were obvious.
"What about school"? Patricia demanded
"We're skipping for today" was Eddie's simple response.
But Patricia didn't budge. She remained in her spot while folding her arms stubbornly.
"Oh come on, Yacker. Trust me."
Patricia still didn't respond. She wanted so badly to trust Eddie but something wasn't letting her. A part of her didn't want to let anyone in.
She wanted to remain on her own, and fix herself. The other part of her longed for Eddie's touch, for his smart ass comments, for his comfort. She wanted to argue with him like she used to, and smile when he gave in to her commands.
Sighing softly, removed her blazer and she pulled her shirt from over her head. She slowly pulled her skirt and tights down, leaving her in just her bra and underwear.
Of course, Eddie being a boy couldn't remove his eyes from Patricia's chest and when she caught him staring, she hit him over the head causing him to laugh. Secretly, she was flattered that Eddie didn't think she was repulsive looking.
Crossing her arms over her body as if shielding herself from the world, Patricia walked over to the lake and stared at it. She saw her reflection in the water and quickly turned away. She couldn't stand to look at herself. Recently, she had been avoiding mirrors at all costs.
She felt Eddie come up behind her and grab her arm.
"Come on" He persuaded.
Feeling paranoid about what was in the water, Patricia took a step back. She hated the water. You never knew what you were going to find in there. It was unpredictable. She didn't even think the water was that clean.
"Patricia, you need to trust me."
"No, you're wrong. I don't need to". Patricia answered curtly.
"I swear I won't let anything happen to you. Patricia look at me"
Patricia looked at him, and studied his face. For the first time in weeks, she felt bold. Turning around, she put a foot in the water. The cool water felt so nice against her hot skin. Even still, she didn't get in the water. She retracted her foot almost instantly.
Eddie, however jumped straight in the water, which Patricia thought was really stupid because there might've been sharp rocks at the bottom.
When she didn't see Eddie's head rise from the water, she went into full panic mode.
"Eddie!" she cried.
"Eddie, can you hear me?!"
When she got no answer, she decided to put her full body in the water. When she was finally completely in the water, she felt something swim up beside her.
Screaming at the top of her lungs, Patricia wanted to run straight out of the water. She didn't want to leave Eddie at the bottom of the lake though.
What happened next, nearly made Patricia go crazy. A pair of hands grabbed her from behind, and in that moment she knew that Eddie must've been playing her to get her in the water.
Eddie's laughter rang loud in her ears, making her steam with rage.
"Eddie, that wasn't funny!" she screamed. Her face must've been completely red at the moment.
"I thought you got seriously hurt, you ass!" she screamed again.
Eddie's laughter didn't die down and Patricia got completely fed up with him.
"Whatever. I thought you were supposed to be making me trust you again. This is why I don't fucking trust you." Patricia retorted.
Eddie's laughter came to a halt, and his face grew completely serious.
"I'm sorry. I needed to get you in the water, and I just needed to know…"
"Know what!?" Patricia interrupted.
"I just needed to know if you actually cared. You know, if I got hurt, you'd come for me." Eddie explained carefully.
"That's the stupidest fucking thing, I've ever heard. You are so fucking stupid and inconsiderate. Of course I fucking care!" Patricia yelled loudly.
"Do you, Patricia?!" Eddie yelled back. He was getting angry now.
"Ever since we came back from break, all you've been doing is pushing me away and avoiding me. You act as if I don't matter at all! I don't even know why we broke up! Eddie yelled again.
"We broke up because we needed to at the time. I told you that." Patricia suddenly felt really uncomfortable.
Eddie shot Patricia a disbelieving look.
"I'm sorry… I just… I need…" Patricia stuttered.
"What is it Patricia? What do you need? You can tell me. Tell me everything". Eddie was desperate at this moment.
" I just need to know what's going on"
"What do you want to know Eddie?! I hate myself okay". Patricia said bluntly
That wasn't the answer Eddie was expecting at all. He walked towards Patricia who's heart rate started to speed up.
"I hate myself so much, and I don't know why I feel this way!" I couldn't be with you if I felt that way. Why would you want to be with me? I'm no good. You'll find someone better anyway, Eddie. I don't know why you keep... why you keep... why you try so hard to care! she screamed madly.
"I don't know how to stop feeling this. I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know anything. So just... just leave." Patricia cried hysterically.
In that moment, Eddie felt his heart break for the girl standing before him. He grabbed her waist and brought her in for a hug.
Patricia, feeling vulnerable than ever, completely broke down in his arms. It felt so good to get that out of her system.
"Patricia…" Eddie said softly. He loved her. He loved Patricia so much. To hear that she hated herself shocked him.
"Patricia, I promise. I swear I'll do whatever it takes to get you to love yourself again"
"I don't think that's possible, Eddie" Patricia whispered.
"I know it is because I love you. If I can love you, then you can love you" Eddie whispered back.
Patricia looked up, her breath hitching in her throat. Eddie had just said he loved her.
"You love me?"Patricia asked quietly.
"Always have" Eddie answered shortly while kissing her forehead.
And Patricia felt a slither of hope for the first time in months.
First chapter done! Please, please, please review! It will make my day!
The second chapter is done, and I'll update it when I get enough reviews.
Thank you! :)