AN: Hello world! It's taken me a long time to come back to you, hasn't it?
This is something I wrote for the Rochu Squad DA contest, fairytale theme. This story has slight influences from 'Alice in Wonderland'. I had another (longer) story planned out for this contest, but due to time restraints, it's an unfinished document on my computer.
I have goals! Serious goals! -To finish 'Every Sigh Holds Thoughts of You'. It's been unfinished for over a year now and holding off the ending for that long is not fair to you guys.
To those that celebrate Mardi Gras, go out and have fun!
A big thank you to those who have continue to support me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia
Background Without The Walls
"There are questions you can't answer."
"Of course, everyone has something-
-that can't be said?"
"So you're back."
Ivan looked up, shaking the nausea that always accompanied him every time he crossed over. He was greeted by Yao's soft amusement, form hovering over his own as he slowly digested the sights around the object of his interest.
The sky's soft golden yellow circled Yao's face as he straightened his form and stepped back to give Ivan room to stand up. Ivan worked his way up slowly, testing his motor functions, flexing his fingers before he reached out to run them through Yao's hair. Yao stared at him patiently, waiting for Ivan to adjust to the change of scenery and altitude.
Ivan chanced a deep breath, closing his eyes to savor the moment.
"It's dangerous to keep doing this."
The lines of worry seemed misplaced on Yao's face, creases in otherwise smooth skin. Ivan smiled, not because he enjoyed the worry he caused, but because the Yao in front of him was not an illusion.
"But then how would I be able to see you?" Ivan answered back.
Bringing his fingers to Ivan's eyes, Yao traced the shadows below them. The bruise-like colours stood out like stains next to Yao's pale skin.
"You have dark circles under your eyes."
Taking Yao's hand away from his face, he weaved their fingers together. The resulting match was imperfect, but familiar all the same.
"I'm surprised you know what they are."
"Of course I do."
Yao untwined their hands, long sleeves hiding them from sight.
"You told me about them."
The wind shook their hair and clothes, swaying like sleep – a dormant force just waiting to be awakened.
Yao drifted to the right. As always, he caught Ivan's eyes for a moment, beckoning him to follow. The gesture wasn't needed, they had gone through these motions enough to realize this- but it was their own worry that they stuck to routine. The two walked to the small area Ivan was familiar with; large white stonewalls caught in a balancing act of corrosion and stability. Scanning the scenery, Ivan took a mental picture of it with his mind.
"The chairs are new."
Yao looked into his eyes, pulling the answers he could from Ivan's words.
Choosing his words carefully, he replied. "I suppose."
The chairs were new- in Ivan's mind he could not remember ever seeing them before. The last time they made their way through this landscape there was no furniture whatsoever. Of course, there were always slight changes to the scene, yellow flowers peaking out of the cracks in the ground, purple skies instead of blue.
It was always slightly different.
Tilting the chair to its side with his index finger, Yao swayed it back and forth.
"I could get rid of them if you want."
The design wasn't important, it was the fact that they existed that was a problem.
The chair tipped to its side.
Ivan watched as the chair stopped right before falling. There was a curious sense of gravity on this side. It hung in mid-air as Yao walked away from it, making his way closer to Ivan.
"No, it's fine."
The chair tilted back upright.
Tilting his head down to Yao's level, he whispered.
"Come lie on the ground with me."
Yao's hair slipped between his fingers.
A demand hidden as an invitation.
The more stubborn side of Ivan's personality was one that Yao enjoyed. Ivan tried to make everything flow as he wanted. If there was anything he could control-
"What are we going to do?" Yao answered back.
Ivan looked up at the clouds that clung together.
"Watch the sky."
"Do you think you can change anything?"
The sky was a constant reminder that this place was fragile, unstable.
Not knowing how long he would be here this time, Ivan wanted the sky to tell him what he already knew. It shaded from greens to oranges, pink to black. Clouds shifted as they pleased, sometimes disappearing from the sky altogether.
Lying down on their backs with their legs splayed in opposite directions, Yao and Ivan watched the pictures in the sky. The cool ground pressed against their backs did not warm with time. Clocks on the walls ran backwards.
If the sky and ground flipped, nothing would change.
The world was already tilting.
Heads touching, they laid in silence, hands joined, creating soft circles in the other's palm. Sometimes, Yao would pick out a cloud shape and trace it with his fingers.
The flicker of colours changed the shapes.
"How long have you been here this time?"
Yao's eyes reflected the changes of shades in the sky. As the sky darkened, amber changed to light brown. Ivan lowered his eyes, remembering each pattern drawn on his hand. The lingering sensation would be something to be recalled many days afterwards.
"Do I really have to answer that?"
The reply was unspoken.
The sky shifted to red.
Small snowflakes hit Ivan's face, melting on contact with bare skin. They slid down to the ground like raindrops, refreezing as they left his body.
Snow.
Mistaken illusions.
Just like that day…
The thoughts were dragging Ivan through a world he would rather not remember.
It was dangerous to fall into memories in this place, to distract yourself from where you were. The chances of getting lost were as quick as a breath.
Yao's next question was a mirror of his first.
"Why do you keep coming back?"
The response was automatic, and enough to pull Ivan away from the road his mind was travelling.
"To be with you."
Yao removed his hand from Ivan's, breaking the cloud pattern, before he replaced it with his other.
Slower this time, he traced clouds clockwise.
Is that the only reason Ivan?
The clouds are disappearing from the sky.
One day they won't appear again
The scenery was quickly fading, blurry outlines of what was once there. Ivan and Yao ignored the lack of a place to return to.
Ivan heard a slight ring in his ear and frowned.
"You have to leave soon, don't you?"
The ringing increased. Ivan pulled his lips back into a smile. He stared directly into Yao's amber eyes.
"I could stay here forever if you want."
Yao's face contorted into a curious mix of annoyance, frustration, and sadness. He looked away from Ivan, staring as even the ground below him turned into a milky colour palette.
"You're being ridiculous."
When there's no hope.
"I like being ridiculous." Pulling Yao into his arms, "It would mean that I would get to stay with you."
Sometimes it's like falling back into a dream.
Except you don't know which one is real.
Yao clung to Ivan's clothes, fearing that he would disappear at any moment. He pressed his head into Ivan's chest, heart racing and feet planted firmly in the ground.
How silly of you to feel that way when you're just-
"But you can't."
You never can.
When I've already left you.
Gently prying Yao off himself, Ivan reached into his clothes.
How long are you going to keep doing this?
Searching through his clothes with his hand, he paused when he found what he was seeking. The sharp bite of metal found his palm as he rested his hand on its surface.
Drawing the knife out, he passed it to Yao who wore the silent face of reluctance on his features. Pressing it into Yao's hands, he stepped back, drawing out a long breath.
Yao looked at the silver weapon in disgust. His eyes met Ivan, already knowing but still fighting.
"Why do you make me do this?"
Every time you come, I can't help but ask the same questions.
Wiping the silent streaks down Yao's face, Ivan pulled away once again.
"I need a reason to come back."
You always say that.
"It's dangerous to come back."
Too dangerous, and I don't want to put you through that again.
Yao was shaking his head, fingers wrapped around the blade, what they had to do even if Yao wanted no part in it.
Knowing is the worst part.
"It would make me feel better if I could come back to comfort you."
Bitter words laced with double meanings.
The smile never left Ivan's face.
All we do is hurt.
Yao's body fell into position, right leg shifting back as he raised the knife. It paralleled his face as he drew it back slowly.
Ivan stood still, wind shaking his hair.
It was starting to awaken.
Yao's feet started to move, blade never leaving its target.
The ringing in Ivan's ears drowned out all sound.
And it would to wonderful to keep the curtain open…
But-
Resistance caused silver to stop just short of piercing straight through his back.
Yao would always be the last thing image in his mind.
But you keep coming back.
Ivan opened his eyes, pulling his hand away from his chest.
He was-
Inbetween
-You never stop trying-
We keep falling.