Cry Bittersweet
By: Joist
A collection of "one-shots" about the thoughts Schuldich hears; each chapter is of a different (moderately unidentified) person, who has no ties to Schwarz at all. This doesn't really have any link to the series (and definitely not Gluhen or the Dramatic Precious CDs), so, I guess it can be considered AU. If you squint and tilt your head to the right after flipping over three times. These are all in Schuldich's point of view, by the way, unless otherwise noted.
Ch. 1- I hear the voice of this one little girl; the voice of a girl that wishes for her life to end. Her thoughts are constantly mixing with mine; I can't tell the difference anymore. Sometimes the honey isn't so sweet.
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz, and I do not claim to own Weiss Kreuz. This is just fanfiction. And about that- it's fan-FICTION. Don't try and analyze my fics; it'll just make your head hurt. And if you do find a "flaw" in my "reasoning" in this, don't flame me about it. I could care less of what you try to uncover from my fanfiction; whatever you find that was never meant to be there, is just a figment of your over-active imagination. After all, everyone's given the right to their own opinion, it just so happens that WE DON'T CARE. But if you'd like to give me constructive criticism, or just plain praise, feel free. ^_^V ++Joist
~*~
Chapter 1: The Suicide Girl 'I just want to die…I can't take it anymore…school…family…him…'I've woken up to thoughts similar to that one every night this week. On some nights, I'm surprised at waking up, because the girl's thoughts are sometimes softer than usual, as if things had gotten better. As if someone had made her smile that day.
She doesn't smile a lot. Or not enough. That much I can tell, right off the bat. Her thoughts only reach me during early morning, about 6:00 AM to 7:00 AM, then they slowly fade away like a shadow pushed away from the light – or lack of it, rather – of the sun.
Then I'm somewhat able to pick my thoughts from the ones that float around in the heads of people surrounding me. How is it so easy, when the thoughts come flowing into me, and not vice versa? Because most people don't think of suicide everyday; they don't wonder if a boy will ever go down on them before they die – or if that boy with The Ass in fifth period will notice them before they're shunned to darkness. Their thoughts are of every day things: their job, their families, stocks, homework, food, and dirty stuff if they're perverts and young men; they're easy to pick out from the thoughts of my teammates – two of them have barriers, though one of the walls is easy to get through. And they're easy to pick out from the thoughts of the Suicide Girl.
Her thoughts begin to infiltrate my mind at about 1:30 or 2:00 – in the PM. It's takes an hour or two for her to finish homework, because she re-checks herself and lets her mom look it over. Then she spends about half an hour in her room, relaxing and listening to music or something or other. Her thoughts skip randomly from lessons the teachers gave, to the conversations at the lunch table, to the songs she sang in choir that day – they are wild and spastic, as teenager's thoughts tend to be.
But then, after those few blissful moments of ignorance and relaxation begin to diminish, and a certain song on her mix-CD comes on (it's always the 13th track…I think she did it on purpose), her dark thoughts come. Sometimes she sings inside her head – it's in English, because she's an exchanged student. I can only catch a few words, because my native tongue and her native tongue half lots of similarities, but the tune that plays in her head tells me it's depressing. The song itself is just that – a song. By one of those teenybopper bands, because she sometimes wants to go to one of their concerts before she dies – all her friends are going to be there; maybe it'll be their drummer that'll go down on her. Sometimes I want to laugh at her thoughts, because teenagers are so naïve, yet so advanced in their mindset, that it confuses me sometimes – they act and speak on impulse; they don't think things through. So I understand why this song reminds her of all the shit in her life.
But it's just a song, and there's likely more than just one meaning behind it, but I don't know. I don't understand the full song. But from inconspicuous questions, in conversations, with Crawford, I can translate one line to my full understanding-
Well this drama is a bore/and I don't want to play no more*.
There's more, something about…wasting a whole year sleeping, or something; something about lying in bed all year – I think it has to do with sex, but hey, Americans are weird sometimes. Maybe it's a lullaby.
So there she is, listening to that song, and somewhere in the middle she begins to think about all the shit in her life, all the things gone wrong. Getting kidnapped, never seeing her father again, her baby brother dying, struggling to get into a good college so no one will look down on her…normal teenager-worry stuff, and a little extra. I guess she couldn't take the stress, because first it was her first choice college getting turned down, then failing a class, then he hair starting to fall in clumps, and then her boyfriend dumping her for some God-Knows reason.
And then she got high.
She had been at a party, and someone had put something in her drink. She'd noticed; she hadn't cared. Things went downhill from that, I guess. So now she wants to end it all, by committing suicide.
To be honest, I couldn't care less about what happens to her; she can jump off the building we live in, and I still wouldn't care. I don't even know her name! I dubbed her the Suicide Girl, for chris'sakes.
Well, first it had been Thinking Girl. Then it was Suicide Girl. Why? Because she actually succeeded.
I said I would care less, but I was wrong. Because I could hear her thoughts as she sliced her wrists; her pain was felt in my limbs. It didn't hurt, per say, but it was uncomfortable, knowing she was doing this on her own free will.
Her last thought was that now she would lose more than just a whole year*.
*
The next day, she had been on the news – she had been in the top 10% of her high school; best friends with a valedictorian, who commit suicide two days after.
Her first name was Azumi. I can't remember her last name. She was pretty, and over the age of consent; her birthday was in the middle of the school year.
I would've gone down on her.
~*~
Comments: Well, how was that? I know, a really wrong place to end it. And really short. ~_~ But I liked writing it. Yep… I know, the chances that so many people Schuldich acknowledges would have "access" (call it what you will) to his mental-powers around the clock, but it's for the sake of the story. ^^; Please review.
* = The song is called "Losing a Whole Year," and it's sung by Third Eye Blind. ^_^;;