Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the story, the characters and their universe, unfortunatly, are not mine.

Warning: Temporary character death, violence, swearing and mention of torture

There might be a sex scene M/M, not sure yet but you are warned.

Ratings could change.

I would like to thank my amazing Beta Reader, Cécilia, she does an awesome work and helps me a lot!

Enjoy!

He was standing there, waiting for his followers to leave the room. He wanted some privacy. Seeing that their leader didn't seem to give them orders, they slowly, one by one, left the room, leaving Castiel alone with Metatron. Hannah was the last to go, giving him a worried look, the angel nodded, telling her quietly that everything was okay, she wasn't needed anymore.

Suddenly everything he'd hidden from his army slammed on him with such a strengh that he almost fell on his knees. He realized with a certain dread that he'd lost everything. He gently put his hands on his face burying it in them. A tear rolled on his cheek when he whispered with a broken voice: Dean. And then, he couldn't stop crying anymore. He didn't even try to stop, he'd lost everything he'd ever loved, everything he'd ever knew. What was the point of it now? Why did he fall? Nothing was making any sense now. What was the point of anything? Castiel's entire world was crumbling, and he could feel his heart burn, though an angel wasn't supposed to feel. His pain felt real, too much real. He never would have thought that feeling would hurt so bad. Until now, he just didn't really know what feel meant. He just wanted to be an angel, so he wouldn't have to feel anymore. For once, he wanted to follow someone, he wanted someone to give a goal to his useless existance, now that the one who once did was gone. Why would he want to fight for free will now that the one who gave him his freedom was dead? Just thinking about it, imagining what life would be without Dean, it made him even sadder and the tears, like a river were running on his cheeks. The last look he had seen on Dean's face was a smile and it warmed his heart, because this smile had been destined to him, it was the last time they'd ever talked.

Metatron, who remained silent until now, started to laugh. Castiel realized he had forgotten the presence of this angel who tried to play god, and that he acted with emotion, like if he had been alone. But he wasn't. And that laugh was here to remind it to angel with the fading grace turned around to face him. He must have looked terrible, with his red and swollen eyes because the ex-god laughed even harder. Castiel felt the rage and hatred grow inside of him and he was ready to step inside the cage. He closed his eyes, remembering that whatever a prisonner could say, he could not leave his cage and the guard should resist to the temptation of opening the door.

- Come on Cas! Metatron exclaimed. I never would have thought that you would react like that! He's just one human! I mean, of course you love him more than anything and all that crap but... He's dead now. Dead. Burried. Gone. And you know, as well as I do that this time, he's not coming back. It might be time you realize it, angel. Your human was just a human. The righteous man maybe, but still human. And what do humans do? They die.

Castiel stepped back, Metatron could have stabbed him with an angel blade, it would have hurt the same.

- Shut up, the angel groaned.

- What? Metatron replied. You don't like the sound of the truth? I mean seriously? You really thought you would be able to protect him your whole life? Oh sorry, the true term should be his whole life. Because he was meant to die before you. You know that, don't you? You are a celestial being, whatever feelings you might had for him, it would have done nothing but hurt you. Cas, you would have seen him grow old and then die, would you have liked it? You should actually thank me, I made you a favor.

- I told you to shut up, you son of a bitch! Castiel yelled.

The man who had played God grinned, proud of the impact his words had on the fallen angel. Castiel felt the urge to beat the hell out of Metatron, his hands were shaking, his head was aching. He just wanted him to pay for what he did to Dean. Seeing that Castiel wasn't far to break, Metatron added:

- Do you want me to tell you how he died? What kind of sounds he made when I plunged the blade in his stomach?

The angel clenched his fists and bit his lip so hard he could feel a distinct taste of blood in his mouth.

When two angels, alarmed by the noises and the yelling, came into the jail, Castiel found some integrity back. He walked between them and told them:

- Try to learn where my grace is. I give you my consent, you can do whatever you want to him. Just... Don't kill him, okay?

The members of his ex-army nodded, and didn't ask any question on Castiel's deplorable state. Matatron found wise to add, with his detestable voice:

- Cas, don't go! We were having such a nice talk! Come back later, so I can tell you the end of my story...

The angel ignored him and walked away, he didn't hear correctly the last words he said, something about Dean, again. He knew Metatron's plan from the beginning was to break him, that's why he hid his true weakness, but at the end, the scribe found out anyway. He wanted to break him, make him suffer? He couldn't have chosen a better way to do so. Now he was just wondering what he was, what was left for him, what would he be in the future? Was there still a future for him? He wasn't an angel, but he wasn't totally human either. He'd liked his humanity, but now it just seemed pointless. What would be humanity without Dean?

Suddenly, he realized he had forgotten Sam. He had to be in the same pain than him and he didn't even think about checking on him. Dean may be gone, Sam was still his friend and he couldn't leave him alone with this sadness. Although, he felt like he wasn't strong enough to face Sam's devasted look, a mirror of his own. The exact moment he was thinking about that, his phone rang. With an hesitation, he picked it up.

- Cas? You there? You okay? Sam's tired voice said on the other side of the line.

- I'm here, Sam, I'm fine, the angel answered.

- Good, because... There... There is something I need to tell you... You... You're not gonna like it...

- I know, Sam, I already know.

- Oh... There wasn't any surprise in Sam's voice, as he wasn't able to feel anything anymore. Metatron told you, right...?

- He did... Cas tried to keep his voice firm but it fell apart. But Sam... Is he really...?

- He's dead Cas, really dead. To be honnest, I tried to bring him back, I tried to call Crowley but... This son of a bitch won't answer... I don't... I just don't know...

- It's okay Sam, Cas tried to reassure. It's going to be okay...

- No it's not. I didn't go and see him for a while... I feel like... I can't. I can't look at him Cas... He's just... He's my brother and I can't do anything to save him... If you knew, he sacrificed everything for me... And I? What did I do? Nothing! Because I've never been able to save him... Do you know how this feels? It's... It's killing me.

- I know how it feels, and I know how you feel.

- I regret so much things... I've been such a jerk with him lately... And now he's gone and I realize... I realize there's not enough time... Life's too short for anger...

Castiel took a moment to answer, it felt like Sam wasn't really waiting for an answer, he just wanted to talk about how he felt to someone. The angel sighed, feeling another tear coming in his eye.

- Cas... Could you... Could you come at the bunker please...? Sam asked, with a trembling voice.

- Of course, he answered. I'm on my way, wait for me.

Sam hang up and Castiel found himself with an incredible apprehension. He wasn't ready to see Dean like that, he never would be, but he had to help Sam. They had to comfort each other or both of them would be too sad to be useful to anyone. Hearing Sam say his brother was dead had him tearing up, it made everything so much more real. Castiel had more and more doubts and questions, he was scared, for Dean. Dean could be dead, he would never stop being worried for him. The first reason why he wanted to be an angel was to look for Dean's soul in Heaven. In the same time, he didn't really want to be an angel, because he was afraid that he wouldn't find anything. It was his biggest fear, what if with the mark of Caïn, he didn't have access to Heaven anymore? He put himself together, he couldn't afford to have such thoughts now. First, he had to go check on Sam and make sure he didn't commit anything stupid, trying to bring his brother back.

He drove his way to the bunker, he knew he was going too slow but he didn't really care. The fact was that he didn't want to arrive too soon, he wanted the moment to never come. Though, when he noticed the small unevenness in the ground, characteristic of the entry of the boys' base, he figured he didn't have a choice and had to face the reality, as hard as it would be. He got out of the Pimpmobile and, with an infinite precaution, checked if there was any danger near the bunker. He crossed the road and knocked at the door, his heart was pounding in his chest, so hard, he thought for a second that it would go out of his body. It reminded him of this day he spent with Sam and Dean, chasing the man who made the cartoon become true in real life and he felt his stomach twist. This days were gone, and he could never live them again, Dean left this world, and with him, Castiel's happiness.

When Sam opened the door, Castiel looked up at him. His face was barely recognizable, his eyes were puffy, surrounded by dark circles and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. The angel figured he surely looked the same because the Winchester's eyes filled with compassion. When he spoke, Cas could clearly smell the amount of alcohol he'd probably drank all night.

- Cas... Come in.

His voice was so weak, the angel wasn't sure he heard it correctly. He stepped in, and Sam hugged him, holding him tight. They both held back the tears that were coming, they weren't alone in the pain and maybe, maybe there was still a chance that they could bring Dean back. When Castiel pulled away, Sam asked:

- You wanna see him? I haven't come in the room since yesterday and... I could use you being here, you know?

- I don't... I'm not sure... The angel started.

- It's okay, Sam assured.

Castiel followed him to Dean's room and when he stopped behind the door, he could smell something really strange. Something he didn't expect to find here. He stopped the hunter with his arm, motioning him to be quiet. The angel tried to concentrate. He swore he could hear voices, two people were talking. His heart crushed, he recognized Crowley's voice. He opened the door violently, causing Sam to jump. What they saw froze them. Crowley was seated in a corner of the room, looking at Castiel with surprise and Dean... Dean wasn't lying on the bed anymore. Dean faced Crowley, seated on the bed. He looked up to Castiel and the angel could almost hear the sound of his own heart break. The man who was looking at him without any expression had an horrible face. The man who was looking at him without any feeling wasn't Dean anymore. What was facing wasn't even a man, it was a monster.