Summary: Adam finds out about something Clare has been doing and confronts her. Bad summary but please give it a chance... Clare/Adam friendship fic. Rated T for mentions of self-harm.
Rating: T
Hi! Yes. I'm doing yet another Clare/Adam friendship fic. I love those two so much - I'm sorry. Also, I was watching Take on me where Ellie is talking to Sean about her cutting so that kind of sparked this idea. Hopefully you enjoy! Any reviews would be amazing.
I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU MAY RECOGNISE.
Clare jumped as the doorbell rung. It surprised her as she was sure all her friends had plans but it felt nice that one of them might have cared enough to come over. But then she remembered her step brother Jake was ill so it was probably Katie or Mo dropping off his homework. She placed her homework neatly in a drawer and made her way downstairs. She quickly looked through the window on her way past and spotted Adam waiting by the door. She smiled slightly.
"What are you doing here?" Clare used her signature line for when people were at her doorstep.
"Clare," Now that she could could see him closer up, she noticed how anxious Adam looked, "we need to talk."
"Okay." The girl said emptily.
Adam understood she wouldn't want to talk about this in her house with Jake, her mother and Glen around every corner so he waited while she grabbed her keys and walked out.
For at least the beginning of the walk, no words were exchanged between the two until they arrived at their special spot where they and Eli had hosted a New York style party. They then sat down at a bench underneath a large oak tree. The sun hung lazily in the sky but it was slowly fading.
Adam decided he would have to be the one who broke the seemingly eternal silence.
"Um. Clare. I found something of yours. I think you may have left it in class today." His hand was shaking as he handed her a piece of paper in her distinct handwriting. It looked rushed, like she had written it during class, hoping no one would catch her. Clare fiddled with the paper and tried desperately to avoid her best friend's gaze. The boy seated next to her blinked to try and prevent a tear from falling and continued,"Clarebear, what does it mean? Tell me what you mean when you say that you need to stop hurting yourself. Tell me, Clare. I'm scared. You're scaring me. Please talk to me."
The words were coming out of his mouth fast and he cried looking at her empty expression. Worry and pain was attacking him, she reminded him of his old self. When he was Gracie. Clare was breathing heavily and trying hard to ignore what he was saying. She just wished that he hadn't found that stupid, ripped out journal page. After a while she had gotten used to faking smiles and holding her breath. She knew she shouldn't continue doing it that was why she was writing about it. Everyone tells you to write what you know and that was exactly what she had been doing with that diary entry - trying to stop the self mutilation. Self mutilation. That was what all the online forums and leaflets and the doctors had said. She had been cutting herself. Excavating her arms. It wasn't something you talked about to anyone and anyone included your crying best friend who was now confronting you and probably more scared than you are yourself.
"Clarebear. Please just look at me." Adam's fragile-sounding voice sliced their way into her thoughts. And, even though there was no way in hell she wanted to, she slowly rolled up her sleeves, exposing the many scars and cuts up her arm. As Adam gently ran his finger over them, Clare realised he was warm from the amount of crying.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"It's not really something that comes up in conversations." Clare muttered. She wanted to pull her arm away from him but something was keeping it there.
"Why?" Adam's voice was hoarse.
For the first time, Clare looked her best friend right in the eye, "It was the only pain a could control."
She stared at Adam's devastated expression as he spoke up again, "Clare, you could've spoken to me or Alli. You know we would've both tried our best to help you."
"How? You have all your own problems and Alli was too busy with Jenna discussing boys! You both have your own lives and I don't want to screw that up for you."
"Clarebear, if anything ever happened to you that would screw up my life. And something did happen to you and I wasn't a good enough friend to actually be there for you and prevent that…"
"Adam…" Tears stung the back of Clare's eyes but she wasn't going to cry. Not this time. He was a mess, she told herself if she let the tears fall she would become more of a burden than she already was.
"What happened? What made you do this?"
Clare had moved away from Adam when she was shouting but now she moved closer again, "Because Adam, because…" Clare let the tears get the better of her and soon they were streaming down her face. Adam hugged her and she let herself sob into his shoulder.
When she finally collected enough courage to continue speaking, she was still crying, "Everything collapsed. My parents got divorced and my mum married my ex boyfriend's dad only a month or two later. Eli crashed Morty for me and since then you have to avoid mentioning one of us to the other. My dad hates me. I felt alone and everything just seemed to pile up and the emotional pain wouldn't stop. The cutting was the only pain I could actually control."
Adam leaned his head against hers and began to speak, "I want you to stop. It scares me that you have been doing something like this. I don't want to lose you, Clarebear. You're like the sister I never had and I don't know what I would do if you were gone."
Clare pulled out of the embrace and looked at her best friend. His eyes were red-rimmed and tired.
"I'm trying, Adam. I really am." Her voice was only a little louder than a whisper but it felt louder.
"It's going to be okay, Clarebear." Adam said.
"I know. I want to get better."
The end! I hope anyone reading this enjoyed and that you guys aren't too fed up with my Adam and Clare stories! Please review and give me recommendations for more stories in the future!
Edie