Title: Inexplicable
Characters: Sam Wilson (Falcon) and Steve Rogers (Captain America)
Disclaimer: Friendship and love, but not necessarily slash. Rated T for language and violence.
Summary: Takes place at the end of Civil War. Sam Wilson reflects in his jail cell on the Raft on just why he dropped everything to follow the man known to world as Captain America.
A/N: Sam Wilson is the real MVP, seriously. He's loyal as hell, pragmatic, and just overall cool, with a skill set that can't be replaced. Falcon4Life, haha.
Was it worth it?
Ross' words won't get out of my head as I'm sitting here in this bullshit cell. I don't know why it's bothering my so much...but it is.
Couple that with Stark's surprising visit and admission, and I'm a mess of thoughts and worries inside. I'm still not sure if telling him where Steve and Barnes went was the right decision...but he gave me his word that he'd go as a friend. For whatever that was worth.
Dammit...did I make a mistake?
Of course, it's the Secretary of State's grating voice that rises out of the chaos of my mind like a fucking prison in the middle of the ocean to make me feel even worse.
Rogers left you to rot. That's a fact. So I'll ask you again, soldier: Was it worth it?
Fuck him. That arrogant bastard doesn't even realize that I was the one who made the call to let Steve go with Barnes. I was the one who decided for Steve that he had to make it out, if he was going to save his friend...and maybe the rest of us too.
Of course, that doesn't answer the deeper question, the one that I know Ross wanted to ask, but didn't for some reason.
That's okay, though; I've been asking myself the same question since I started staring at this ugly ass wall.
Why?
I don't know.
Let's see... When I first met Steve, he seemed like a nice guy. Troubled, of course, aren't we all; but nice. Honest. Genuine. Funny. Witty. He got my sense of humor, and gave it back pretty well.
And yeah, when he dragged his half-blown-to-hell ass to my door step with Natasha, I was shocked. Surprised. Concerned.
Why was I concerned?
'Because you already cared about him,' my inner voice whispers, and I have to nod in agreement.
Yup, even then, I, Sam Wilson, cared about the fate of Steve Rogers.
Why?
It wasn't because he was Captain America. I mean, I'll admit, that is cool as hell. Partially, it does feel like my patriotic duty.
And, yeah, Rogers has that leader-y quality about him that can convince damn near anyone to drop their lives and follow him. The only thing he did was ask me to be a safe house, and I've been following the man around ever since.
You know, I don't think he even realizes the power he has over people. Thank God. If he ever decided to go bad, he'd be a great and terrible super villain.
I hate how choked up I get when I think about it. When I accidentally compare him to Riley. When I think, 'Damn, this guy made my life better,' because I used to only think that about Riley.
But Riley's gone. And now there's Steve. Steve who stays strong in even the worst circumstances, but looks like he's going to break whenever he's thinking about Barnes.
I can't help but laugh—I just went to a maximum security prison for a man who cares so much about another man. Never thought I'd live to see the day...
Why?
I can't even hate Barnes for it. I mean, I can hate him for being a dick—which he totally is—but I can't hate the fact that Steve is devoted to him.
I don't think I have an answer, then. I mean, I know why I helped him to save Barnes: Because Steve loves him, and he's his friend from, like, 100 years ago. One of his best friends. The only one from his early life that he has left.
And, as his other best friend, I have a duty to help him out—not only as Captain America fighting for the good of the world, but also as Steve Rogers, the man who went through Hell, and is still going through it trying to save a friend who went through an even worse Hell.
It all made sense to me when I strapped on the old Falcon suit. But when those damn agents started asking me questions as they threw me and my friends in the slammer...
Why did you give up everything to go with Steven Grant Rogers?
Because he's a good man.
Because he's a man dedicated to the dream of a better world.
Because I share that dream with him.
Because I see a man who has suffered for that dream, but still gives his all for others.
And damned if I don't know that men like that need someone to give up everything for them, too.
When he gave that little speech about paying the price for freedom when we took down Hydra/Shield, I swear to God I could feel my heart bursting.
Because even though he's willing to go on the right path all alone, I'm going to make damn sure he doesn't have to be by himself while he walks it.
((()))
Sam Wilson was staring at the wall, when the soft hydraulic hiss of the main door sliding open reached his ears.
He didn't even bother to turn around. It was probably some idiot guard giving them dinner; or maybe it was Ross again, hoping to convince him to spill on where the good Captain went.
Wilson laughed darkly. Well, it had been a few days; if the world hadn't burned yet, he had to assume that Steve and Barnes accomplished their task in Siberia and stopped Zemo.
And, besides, he didn't want to talk to anyone just yet. Because there was another question lingering in his mind.
He could answer the why of it all, more or less. He had no doubts that he had done the right thing, by choosing Steve's side. Accords or not, Barnes or no, Sam trusted the fact that their moral compasses were in alignment.
Now, however, he vaguely wondered if Steve would come back for him.
Logistically, it didn't make sense. If he tried to break in, he risked getting himself, and possibly even Barnes, re-captured. That would defeat the whole purpose of them saving him in the first place.
'No,' Sam told himself for the tenth time as whoever entered approached his cell. 'Steve shouldn't come here. We have to find our own way out of this...really impossible to break out...hellhole.' His mirthless smile faded as quickly as it appeared.
'I'm never getting out of here, am I? Shit, I wonder if they'll resort to torture if we keep quiet.'
It was a grim prospect that seemed to become more and more of a reality with each passing moment. After all, Steve was probably miles away, keeping Barnes safe somewhere. Hopefully.
And once the feds lost their trail...everyone in the Raft was pretty much a liability. What was the word that Ross had used?
Disposable.
Wilson shivered. He didn't want to die, of course; he wanted even less to have to watch his friends die, too. Wanda, Tic-Tac, Hawkeye... His thoughts turned immediately to protecting them in any way that he could.
There was someone still in the room, watching him from only a few steps away. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he felt the silent gaze aimed at him.
Sam turned around slowly, simultaneously not knowing what to expect, and expecting the worst.
It was fucking Steve Rogers.
Somewhere between gratefulness, relief, and utter disbelief, Wilson's lips quirked in a genuine smile as he stared at his foolish, reckless, loyal, dearly beloved friend.
That's why.