A/N: I know, not a chapter of one of my many WIP's. But-this is finished! It's just a drabble really, but it's the first thing for this fandom I can actually tag as complete so I'm excited. It is also the first thing I've written that isn't in an AU universe, this is set in just regular Old West canon. Hope you think it's as funny as I do!
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Chris glared at the little striped gray menace that had been rampaging all over first half the town and now the jailhouse, crouched down and hissing at him, the chuckles and snorts he could hear from Buck and Josiah behind him not helping his mood in the slightest. "Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but either way, you ain't staying in this jail."
"Chris," Buck was gasping through his laughter, the sounds of his feet moving letting Chris know he was barely staying on them, "Are you talkin' to that cat? Do you-do you think it's gonna answer ya?"
The jail's only other occupant, an elderly gold miner drunk more often than not who'd been put there to keep the crowd he kept pissing off at Digger Dan's at a safe distance as much as anything else, and after the beast's terrorizing act shared Chris's opinion of it, and also several scratches down their legs and arms, snapped out from the farthest corner of his cell he could get to, "That there thing ain't no cat, it's a demon, or mebbe a cat p'ssessed by a demon. Oughta exercise it, Preacher." He nodded his shaggy gray head emphatically, overalls slipping down one arm and exposing more of his dirty yellowish long-johns than anyone wanted to see as he pointed between Josiah and the cat, Josiah's snorts turning into full-blown booms of laughter at his words.
"I think that lil' critters got all the exercise it needs today." Buck was literally hanging off Josiah by now, Chris keeping one eye trained on his enemy as he shifted his head enough to scowl at his oldest friend, slapping his leg in-between bursts of words, "What with chasin' big, scary gunslingers all around the town."
"Perhaps that is the silver lining Brother Buck, Brother Nathan-", Josiah had to pause to suck in a breath of air, eyes bright with tears of laughter that threatened to spill down his cheeks, "does recommend lots of exercise and one can't deny that Chris has certainly had plenty this morning."
A growl emenating from his throat, Chris snapped, "I'll silver line both your backsides you don't shut up. And I was chasing it not the other way around." Seeming to appear out of nowhere, Vin sidled through the jailhouse door with an eyebrow cocked, Chris's temper rocketing up, because did everyone in this dang town have to see this damn cat get the best of him?
"Ya fellas have some strange conversations, ya know that? Why ya cat-wranglin', cowboy?" That was too much for Buck, and with a cry of "Cat-Wrangler!", he collapsed to the ground in all but hysterics, nearly taking Josiah with him, the bigger man having to steady himself with a hand on the wall. Both objects of his hilarity bristled at him, and whether the hiss came from the cat or from Chris was hard to tell.
"Shut your mouth, Tanner, or I swear-" Whatever Chris was going to swear was cut-off as the cat, apparently bored of the conversation, leaped from the floor to the top of the desk, Chris jumped back, only to scowl as the creature gave him a disdainful look and arched a leg over it's head, settling in quite nicely on the newest pile of wanted posters and starting to clean its shiny coat with a long pink tongue. Pointing at it, Chris snapped, "It's doing that on purpose!"
"...Bein' a cat?" Vin's voice was bemused and Chris turned his glare on him just long enough to talk.
"Acting cute and harmless, when it's anything but." His eyes glued back on his 'enemy', Chis did his best to ignore Buck and Josiah telling Vin all the details of what Buck was now calling 'Chris's Cat Wrangling Adventures'.
"It scratched Billy's pup a good one on the nose, and then got Billy's hand when he tried to pick it up, so he asked Ol' Chris there to help him catch it-though Billy wants to tame the thing and have him and Buster be best friends, not sure how he thought that was gonna work."
Vin chuckled, "Between 'im an' Mary they got Chris wrapped right around their finger, don't they?"
"That they do," Josiah chuckled, "The cat disagreed with Billy's plans for it, very definitely and has led Chris on a merry chase through town since. Through the stables and the church...might of stopped then, but the cat scratched him and after that it was personal."
"Went through Mrs. Potter's and the Blacksmith shop...think that was when the tables turned and the cat started chasing Chris. He scrambled backwards out the door like he was meant to walk that way, made it halfway across the street without looking behind him...'course, then he fell smack on his behind."
"The grocery store and the undertakers..."
"The saloon and the restaurant..."
Opening his mouth to tell them to shut it again, not that he expected it to work, Chris was cut off by JD bounding into the jail, followed by a tired looking Ezra sauntering in at a much slower pace, "Oh great, you guys found Maggie!" He weaved around the older peacekeepers to the desk and picked the now purring cat up, snuggling her to his chest, "I couldn't find her all morning, was worried something got her."
"Maggie?" Chris questioned, neither the relieved sheriff or sleepy gambler picking up on his dangerous tone.
"According to Mistah Dunne it is short for Magnificent, and the cat is to be our mascot." Yawning, he made his own way over to the desk and scratched Maggie under the chin, the cat purring harder and arching into it, "Ah was awoken ridiculously eahrly to help him search for the poor beast when he couldn't find her in his room. Ah do hope Ah'm up to doing mah patrol this evening, JD, or you'll have to do it in mah stead."
Ignoring the second part of Ezra's statement, because they'd all learned that was all you could do, JD said, "Only 'cause you were the only one who knew what she looked like, and it wasn't that early, nearly ten o'clock." Grinning up at his friends, not thinking much of the fact that Chris wasn't smiling like the other three, it was Chris after all, JD gushed, "She's a present from Casey, only kinda from Ezra too, because he knew I always wanted a kitten and told her after Strawberry had kittens. They kept it a secret and surprised me. She's still little, only three months, and I only got her the night before yesterday so I've been keeping her in my room, but this morning she was gone, I'm so glad you guys found her."
Ezra's hand moved to the top of Maggie's head, scratching behind her ears, in order to avoid the tongue that was determinedly trying to clean his fingers, "Ah must confess that Ah'm generally not that fond of felines, but little Maggie here is quite the friendliest one Ah've evah met."
Chris growled, turning on his heel and storming out of the jail, duster flapping behind him, responding to Buck's call of, "Going to do some more cat-wrangling, pard?" , with an exclamation that had Mrs. Potter, laying out goods in front of her store, attempting to cover both her children's ears at once and exclaiming, "Mr. Larabee!", in scandalized tones.
Confused, Ezra asked, "Was it something Ah said?", JD shrugging as Buck and Josiah started all but howling, and Vin, grinning broad enough it looked like it hurt, moved over to take a turn petting Maggie.
"Oh, Chris jus' ain't t' fond a cats right now."