"The Closet…"
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters you recognize…just the situation!
Authors Note: I don't actually believe that Ron is well…you'll see but I just think it's a hilarious story so enjoy!
It is right before the final battle with Voldemort and Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Draco (he switched sides eventually) are waiting to put on their final stand.
"Harry?" questioned Ron from his position besides his best friend.
"Yes Ron, what is it?" replied Harry.
"Well Harry I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it…I love you!" blurted out Ron.
"Oh yes…uh me too its been great…to be your best mate, aw what the hell I love you too man!" said Harry in a sudden rush of emotion.
"No dude, I've decided that its time to come out," Ron proclaimed.
"NO, not yet Ron, I said wait till they're closer to us! We can't go out just yet!" exclaimed Harry.
"No I think you are misunderstanding me I'm coming out…of the closet!" he said.
"What closet…? OH FOR God's sake man hold yourself together, I know you're scared but this is no time to lose your mind…WE'RE NOT IN A BLEEDIN' CLOSET!!!"
"No Harry I'm coming out of the closet, you know the muggle term. Harry it means I'm gay."
"Gay as in happy, or…?"
"No gay as in fruity, queer, 'I swing the other way' kind of thing, you know? I LIKE GUYS!"
"Oh…wow SO much makes sense now, like when you, hmm, got "happy" when I was wearing my Quidditch outfit. You said you were looking at Hermione…OH MY GOD RON, breach of trust, breach of trust!"
"Oh that's just disgusting!" said Draco.
"Ummm, guys? Right now really isn't the time for this! We've got to be alert," said Hermione.
"But what I still don't get is why 'closet', you know? Why not just 'I'm gay'? What is this elusive closet? Hermione you're smart you should know. Enlighten us please."
"Well I don't know where it comes from, I just know I'm out of it now," said Ron.
"SHUT UP, YOU MORONS!!" said Hermione and Ginny.
"Well in that case Ron, before Hermione castrates us for talking, I'm sorry but I don't love you back in that way… I'm still in the closet… funny I just changed the closet to italics, that must mean I understand it now, cause before it was just the closet now it's the closet, it's like WAY dramatic)."
"Harry if you're in the closet it means you're gay but you just don't show it," said Ginny, "and you had better not be in OR out of the closet… YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND!"
"OH, yes! In that case I am FAR away from the closet, in fact I've never seen or been near this closet… STUPID CLOSET!!"
"Your mom's in the closet," muttered Draco.
"WHAT?! How dare you?! I thought you were on our side now!"
"Yes, I'm on your side for the battle, but I've always thought you were gay."
"But how does my mom being the closet make me gay?"
"Well it obviously means you were born in the closet which means you had to come out sometime, which means you're gay."
"Shut up! I think this whole closet thing is fishy, lets ask Voldemort"
"NO Harry, that's the stupidest thing I've heard come out of you're mouth… ever!" exclaimed Hermione.
In the mean time Harry and Ron had stuck their heads out from their hiding spot and were trying to signal to Voldemort
"OY VOLDIE, OVER HERE YOU BIG TWAT!"
"VOLDIE WOLDIE! WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU!"
The dark lord turned around and said, "What is it, you fools? This will be your last question EVER! MUAAHAHAHAHHAH!"
"Uhhhhhh… that was cheesy, but it sort of worked… So, we wanted to ask you what do you know about the closet and why is it called that?"
"What makes you think I know anything about the closet? I have no knowledge of a closet at all…OKAY you caught me I created the closet."
"Wait, you're gay…Oh My God! If you created it, that must mean you are like the Gay Lord. Bloody hell that's scary, I don't want to be gay if you're my hero…"
"Oh My God, did you create a gay army…? You know your death eaters…? Ron I think you've found your calling!"
"NO, fools! I'm the Dark Lord, and I created the closet of doom but I nicknamed it the closet."
"Well why would you do that? The gay people already claimed the closet,italics and all…it would be so much less confusing if you had just called it the closet in bold or just the closet."
"Well I didn't know it was already taken. Do I look muggle, or gay for that matter, to you?"
"Well the pink scarf is kind of fruity…but I guess it goes with your eyes."
"I can't help it! Bellatrix knitted it for me. She's trying to be more feminine… Anywho, ENOUGH of this chit-chat! I came for your blood!"
"Oh yes, wait a minute."
"Okay, not, CHARGE, my army of poofs, I mean spooks…sorry just trying out a new nickname for you…death eaters is so long."
"Charge my group of school goers, and one poof!"
"Avada kedavra YE POOF LORD!" cried Harry.
Voldemort fell to the ground, dead.
"Oh wow. That was anticlimactic. I thought it would be harder…"
"Yes me too."
"Oh, well. I'm off too buy a new wardrobe now that I understand who I truly am. Gladrags Wizarding Wear, here I come!"
FIN
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY STORY….REVIEW please, No Flames if you don't like the story don't read it!