Sweet, Lurline!
Note: Written in script form... Or as best I could.
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(LIIR, MILLA, DOROTHY, SIR CHUFFERY, CROPE, and TIBBETT grumble out of the Gershwin Theatre, extremely irritated.)
LIIR:
What the… I can't believe I sat through that entire performance!
DOROTHY:
Ugh! Tell me about it! It made me look like I was evil! And I didn't even make a real appearance!
(TOTO barks in agreement from DOROTHY'S basket.)
(SARIMA walks out of the theatre with a huge scowl on her face. She is extremely angry!)
SARIMA:
I can't believe I get replaced with that dumb bimbo!
LIIR:
What do you mean?
SARIMA:
That blonde bitch Glinda took the place as my husband's wife!
(SIR CHUFFERY clears his throat to make his presence known.)
CHUFFERY:
That blonde bitch happens to be my wife. Just so happens your husband stole her from me as well!
(TIN WOODMAN and SCARECROW walk out confusedly)
TINMAN:
Who's Nessarose? I didn't live with her!
MILLA:
Nessarose stole Boq from me! We were in love!
SCARECROW:
Yeah! And I didn't have an affair with that wicked old witch either!
LIIR:
Speaking of which: I wasn't in there at all! OOC or not you guys had a part!
MILLA:
Neither was I!
(MILLA bops LIIR on the head for being stupid.)
CROPE:
You guys haven't even looked at fan fiction yet; have you?
ALL:
Fan what?
CROPE:
Fan fiction.
TIBBETT:
Oh I've heard of that! Young authors write stories for books and television shows and stuff.
MILLA:
Is Wicked on there?
CROPE:
Take a look.
(They all look over CROPE'S computer and gasp offended)
ALL:
Sweet Oz!
CHUFFERY:
My name isn't even listed as a character!
SARIMA, TIN WOODMAN, SCARECROW:
We don't even have any stories about us!
TIBBETT:
Poor Ama Clutch is probably turning in her grave! If she could see this!
LIIR:
It's not right. I have my name under the musical's list without being in it. What unfair credit.
(LIIR spots one particular story called "Happy Birthday, Mama!" by Fiyero's Girl Elphaba)
AGH! Elphaba's not my mother!
(LIIR backs away from the screen disgustedly.)
SARIMA:
Yackle's in there too! She's more popular than any of us, and she only had one or two scenes in the entire book!
MILLA:
That's bull.
(MILLA takes a second glance at the screen.)
EW! There's a story about Crope and me!
TIBBETT:
Hold on a minute…
DOROTHY:
What?
TIBBETT:
In every single one of these stories I'm-
CROPE:
Paired with me?!
(CROPE and TIBBETT look at each other and are blushing terribly.)
CROPE, TIBBETT:
I am not gay!
(They point to each other in perfect unison)
He's just my friend!
CROPE:
My best friend at that!
SARIMA:
Let me see that computer…
(SARIMA snatches the computer from CROPE forcefully and clicks around for a while. SIR CHUFFERY looks over her shoulder.)
CHUFFERY:
What are you doing?
SARIMA:
Sweet, Lurline! Look how many stories are written about Nanny!
(Everyone peers at the screen)
ALL:
Oh my Oz!
LIIR:
Nanny! Come look at how popular you are!
(LIIR scowls at using the word "Popular" after what he had seen! NANNY is delirious as any old lady could be and wobbles to the scene of the crime.)
NANNY:
Raisins.
CHUFFERY:
Nanny, you still remember how to read right?
TIBBETT:
Click on one of these stories and read them! See if you're in character!
(SARIMA places the computer at NANNY'S feet. NANNY pushes a button on the computer. Everyone watches expectantly.)
NANNY:
Blue.
(They sigh, and CROPE takes the computer back from the old lady.)
WICKED VOICE:
You're not happy with what's written about you?
MILLA:
W-what's going on?
LIIR:
Who is that?
CHUFFERY:
Yackle.
WICKED VOICE:
How do you like it now?
(Everyone watches the screen expectantly. When nothing happens, they sigh relieved. CROPE tries to click on one of the stories.)
CROPE:
That's odd… nothing's happening.
TIBBETT:
Refresh the page.
(CROPE hits the refresh button and on the screen they read: No entries found under that category. Note: Rated M stories are not shown by default.)
DOROTHY:
But…
LIIR:
They're gone?
SARIMA:
Yackle!
TIBBETT:
How do we ever know if they did Nanny justice?
(SIR CHUFFERY sighs and looks at NANNY.)
CHUFFERY:
I guess we just have to guess they wrote stories just as bad as they did for the few of us on there.
END.
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That is why there are no stories for Nanny in Wicked. Sad isn't it?
Disclaimer: If you haven't noticed, I don't own Wicked. I don't own the story "Happy Birthday, Mama!" and "Milla And The Artist" (the story about Milla and Crope.) Fiyero's Girl Elphaba wrote both of those. She's pretty wicked herself. No pun intended.