A/N: ouch. I'm sorry (I guess?) I don't know how this happened. I guess this is the result of me being exasperated by this show, featuring two adults in their 40s obviously in love with each other but not doing a freaking thing about it.
So huh, this is dedicated to all the fans who are as exasperated as I am.
She could lie to herself and say she never thought about it: them, late at night, in a deserted office… But all those dirty dreams she ever had about Harvey Specter come rushing through her mind as his fingers lingers against her hand while she's reaching for yet another glass of scotch. Her fourth or her fifth, she stopped counting when he undid the knot of his tie, and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his white shirt. He had rolled up the sleeves, showing his forearms, and for a fraction of second she let her mind wandered back to that night twelve years ago, where his skin had felt so hot against hers, igniting a fire that would still burn inside her today, against her own will.
"I'm sad for Mike and Rachel," he says. She looks at him but he's focusing on the glass in his hands, thumbs grazing the rim. She sees him, sad, resignation washing over him like never before. Mike going to prison is hitting hard. She knows he's probably trying to make conversation, the silence between them becoming more and more a threat with every second that passes.
"Harvey, you did everything you could," she hears herself say. But she's drunk and she wants to say more. She's drunk and suddenly she's had enough. "But maybe Rachel and Mike weren't meant to be, after all."
He puts his glass on the table, rather violently, the noise resonating in the emptiness of the office. "How can you say that when they have fought so hard for each other?"
She gets up, realizing the room is spinning around her. "Bullshit! They never fought for each other! Rachel fought for what SHE wanted, for her idea of what a marriage should be like. And when it was time to make a decision that could affect their life together Mike didn't even consult her!"
Harvey gets up, fists closed, tension carving his jaw. "It was complicated and maybe he didn't need to deal with her emotional bullshit!"
"…but you came to see me when you had a complicated decision to make!" she yells at him without missing a beat.
She sees his expression changing, getting softer. He takes a deep breath. She had noticed it lately, how he always tries harder when it comes to her. How he takes a different tone when he wants to apologize to her. "Donna, you know with you, it's different. We are different."
She purses her lips, sick and tired of playing the same old game again and again. "We aren't getting married, Harvey."
"You said you took care of that years ago, I thought we were!" he says jokingly. But she isn't laughing. She has tears in her eyes and she takes her handbag from the couch, heading for the door. "Wait! Don't leave!" He says without moving.
But she is walking away, once again. The last time she did, he had promised himself he won't let this happen again without fighting for her.
"Donna! Wait! What did I do?" he calls her, this time closing the distance between them. She stops and turns around. Her cheeks are wet from crying, and she shakes her head, lips pressed together into a thin line.
He grabs her wrist in his hand, she hasn't felt his hands on her in years and this thought is making her cry even more. "What did I do?" he asks again, panic in his eyes.
"Again, you did NOTHING Harvey. Nothing." She says.
He's confused but he doesn't let go of her, afraid that if he does she will leave for good this time, and this isn't an option he's willing to consider. He searches in her teary eyes for more answers, he knows he's always been an idiot when it comes to dealing with emotions. It hit him then, how he never deserved her. How blessed he was that this amazing woman always stood by his side. All his career, when his dad died, through all this Mike thing…but he wasn't always a complete jerk, right? He offered her protection and that's what she needed. He never let her down like her father did. His heart sinks then.
He never answered that question.
THE question.
He never answered because the answer could make her leave. But right this moment, he realizes he has nothing to lose. Because never replying could mean her leaving, also.
"Donna," he starts. He tugs on her wrist like a little boy, trying to make her come closer. She takes a step towards him and he sees, how scared she is. Maybe THIS thing between them, is as scary for her as it is for him.
She's close, so close, he can practically feel her breaths against his neck. She is shorter than he is, she removed her shoes earlier, he wants to hold her but he needs to talk to her.
He swallows the lump in his throat while she is looking at him with so much expectation. She's been more than patient with him, he's been so slow to see it. Or maybe he always saw it but tried to ignore it.
"You deserve an answer. You asked me HOW. I love you more than anyone else. I love you more than myself. You're part of every decision I want to make in my life. You are…"
Maybe she should have let him finished but she is a bit drunk and she can't lie to herself any longer. His lips are warm and he tastes like scotch, she doesn't feel any hesitation coming from him as he deepens the kiss, his tongue dancing around hers. He doesn't let go of her wrist, he doesn't press his body against her but his other hand grabs her free hand, fingers threading between hers. She doesn't know why there is still space between them. Then weirdly, she remembers her physics class, well part of. This is a weird concept to think about while someone is kissing you passionately as Harvey is right now, but she can't help but think how much their relationship is the spitting image of that stupid physic concept, from that class she hated so much back in High School.
She remembers how much energy it takes to overcome the magnetic resistance between two protons.
But that once you overcome the resistance, the two protons stick together: they have fused.
So she is the one who closes the gap between them, and she feels his stomach falling and rising against her breasts, with every breath he takes between kisses that are getting more and more hurried. He lets go of her hands to cup her face and the lust in his eyes is what she's been wanting to see all those years. Her hands are working to unbuckle his pants and she hears them fall on the floor. "Here?" he whispers. But obviously he isn't against it as he's unzipping her dress, pushing the green frock off her shoulders while kissing her neckline.
"I'm sure you dreamed about this," she says seductively, her fingertips softly tracing the lines on his face. He closes his eyes and lingers into her touch, and for a moment she wonders if the great Harvey Specter will let go of a chance of having sex, choosing instead to cuddle. But he surprises her, scooping her up, and she laughs at how cliché they are when he sits her on his desk. He pushes every little thing there, making those objects fall on the ground with great noises as he climbs on top of her, and he smiles cockily as he lowers on top of her, fingers caressing her thighs until their reach their destination, making her moan softly.
"I told you I wanted you to work on my desk…" he tells her because that's not a lie, that's what he really wanted since the first time he met her. But it had hit him soon enough, after that night years ago, how he had met the most amazing woman a man could ever meet and he had to do everything in his power to protect her from him. He had to be selfish and act in a way that allowed him to keep her near. He threads a hand through her hair, fingertips scraping against her scalp. He suddenly feels paralyzed as he lets out a long, shaky breath, because this woman holds his entire happiness in her hands… But she wraps her legs around him, ankles digging behind his legs and he knows she wants this as much as he wants this, she needs him now more than ever, because she whispers to him right this moment "Why did it take you so long?"
She doesn't know how can it feels so right on such an uncomfortable surface. The glass table is sticking to the skin on her back and he's trying to be as delicate as he can, not to push too hard inside her but he has drops of sweats falling off his forehead and she's pretty sure it's from the effort of taming himself down. The thought that the glass surface could break under their weight had crossed her mind, as she feels the desk move slightly under them. He grabs the edge of the table with one hand, his other hand squeezing her hand hard, so hard, she knows he's close and she is glad he is because she is starting to feel it washing over her, in waves, all up until it becomes a loud pounding inside her stomach.
She's sure she heard him say he loves her. He pulls out, moves away and when she sits on the edge of the desk, lightheaded, she sees him, scrambling to put on his boxers and pants.
"I was wondering," he says without turning around, buttoning his shirt. "Would you like to sleep at my place?"
She jerks an eyebrow. Hadn't he had enough? "Harvey, I'm tired…" she says.
He walks to her, her dress in his hands. Surprising her, he helps her getting dressed. She gets up and turns around as he zips her up. "Donna, by sleep I really mean SLEEP. Don't get me wrong, it was…" he licks his lips and smiles "HOT. Really hot. But I'm old and I need to …"
"Recuperate?" she says, turning on her feet, facing him. He tilts his head and she puts her hands on his chest. "See, you waited too long…." She says, teasing him. But he looks serious and she realizes this is it. This is where it really starts: them. Together. As a couple. "Omg. You want to cuddle, don't you?"
He doesn't reply. He rolls his eyes but she knows him, all his little idiosyncrasies. The way he jerks an eyebrow, and that he obviously bites the inside of his lips. She hit a point: that's what he wants. Harvey Specter wants to cuddle. With her.
"Little spoon or big spoon?" she asks trying to make it sound like a very serious matter.
His face lightens up, because obviously this means he got a yes. He won't tell her now, that most of his dreams about her lately haven't been sexual. Most of his dreams have been of them post-sex, cuddling, sleeping, him waking up ridiculously happy because he was finally holding the person he was meant to be with…