A/N

Hello!

I saw the new season of Total Drama and I love the characters, especially Shawn, Ella, Topher, Scarlett, and Samey. I figured "Hey, since I have a lot of free time on my hands and writers block, I'll continue my miniseries of 'If you gave a (insert name here) a (insert object here)'. This is the third addition to the series. Please don't kill me for the terribleness of these stories, I have good intentions...I think.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

Enjoy! :D

~.~

If you give a Topher a toaster,

He will want to use it.

If he wants to use it, he will go into the refrigerator to get some bread.

If he goes into the refrigerator to get some bread, he will notice the amount of carbs in the bread.

If he notices the amount of carbs in the bread, he will put it back and grab lettuce instead.

If he puts it back and grabs lettuce instead, he will put the lettuce in the toaster.

If he puts the lettuce in the toaster, the toaster will begin to smoke.

If the toaster begins to smoke, he will panic.

If he panics, he will grab a fork and stick it in the toaster.

If he grabs a fork and sticks it in the toaster, he will be electrocuted.

If he is electrocuted, he will be rushed to the emergency room.

If he is rushed to the emergency room, the nurses and doctors will perform defibrillation on him.

If the nurses and doctors perform defibrillation on him, he will be unhappy.

If he is unhappy, they will give him a cheeseburger to cheer him up.

If they give him a cheeseburger to cheer him up, he will enjoy it.

If he enjoys it, he will become addicted to cheeseburgers.

If he becomes addicted to cheeseburgers, he will eat them every day for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

If he eats them every day for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, he will gain a lot of weight quickly.

If he gains a lot of weight quickly, he will not notice.

If he does not notice, he will continue to bother Chris and his interns over the phone.

If he continues to bother Chris and his interns over the phone, they will eventually give in and set up an interview.

If they eventually give in and set up an interview, he will go.

If he goes, Chris will say that he "Let himself go."

If Chris says that he "Let himself go", he will not get the job.

If he does not get the job, he will be sad.

If he is sad, he will take Chris's comment to heart.

If he takes Chris's comment to heart, he will get a liposuction.

If he gets a liposuction, he will be happy.

If he is happy, he will kick his cheeseburger addiction.

If he kicks his cheeseburger addiction, he will return to his normal self.

If he returns to his normal self, he will regain his healthy eating habits and exercise routine.

If he regains his healthy eating habits and exercise routine, he will go to the grocery store to buy fruit.

If he goes to the grocery store to buy fruit, he will see a sign that reads "FREE REWARDS FOR FIT PEOPLE"

If he sees a sign that reads "FREE REWARDS FOR FIT PEOPLE", he will walk up to the nice salesman handing out the prizes.

If he walks up to the nice salesman handing out the prizes, the salesman will evaluate him.

If the salesman evaluates him, he will deem Topher fit enough for a free reward.

If he deems Topher fit enough for a free reward, he will give him a toaster.

And if you give a Topher a toaster...

~.~

A/N

I'm so, so, so, so sorry.

I hope you guys liked this. For once, I don't have much to say for the final author's note. This is rare. :p

Review and stuff! Flames will be used to roast my marshmallows! Bye!