PROVIDENCE
"Saint Joan"
TEASER
FADE IN
INT. HANSEN HOUSE - DAY - SYD'S DREAM
SYDNEY enters the foyer to find numerous STRANGERS scrurrying about, frantically cleaning everything in sight.
LYNDA walks down the stairs with yet another stranger, rattling off instructions...
LYNDA
Now I want everything spic and span before she arrives. And could we get a little more air freshner in this place! It still smells like a zoo in here.
(spotting Sydney)
Sydney! Where have you been?
SYDNEY
Mom, what are all these people doing in our house.
LYNDA
They are cleaning dear.
SYDNEY
I can see that! Why?
JOANIE enters the foyer from the kitchen.
JOANIE
Mom!
LYNDA
Joanie, how did it go? Is Ritchie coming down?
SYDNEY
(confused)
Ritchie?
JOANIE
I tried. He can't make it this week.
LYNDA
Well, try harder! You can't have the perfect family without the father. Now go!
Joanie nods and rushes off.
Sydney opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by ROBBIE who comes rushing down the stairs. He has a frantic look about him as he rushes to his mother - his arms filled with PICTURES OF TINA AND PETE.
LYNDA
There you are sweetheart. Did you collect all the evidence?
ROBBIE
I think so!
Sydney looks at what he is carrying.
SYDNEY
Robbie, those are all your pictures of Tina and Pete. What are you doing?
ROBBIE
(Frantically)
I'm hiding them! She can't know! She won't approve! She'll ruin everything!
He rushes off.
Sydney turns to her mother.
SYDNEY
OK, Robbie and Joanie are freaking out. What is going on?
LYNDA
No one told you?
SYDNEY
Told me what?
DOORBELL RINGS
Everyone stops what they are doing and looks toward the door. There is COMPLETE SILENCE.
LYNDA
(whipsering)
She's here.
SYDNEY
Who's here?
LYDNA
Good luck dear. I have to go. I've done all I can. Take care of your brother and sister.
SYDNEY
Mom, wait! Who's here?
Lynda rushes off.
SYDNEY
(Panicked)
Mom!
ALARM CLOCK SOUNDS
INT. SYDNEY'S GUESTHOUSE - MORNING
SYDNEY sits up in her bed quickly and looks around-confused.
FADE OUT
ACT 1
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the kitchen counter, packing Hannah's lunch bag.
HANNAH is seated on ROBBIE's lap at the kitchen table. She giggles as she picks dry cheerios from her bowl and feeds them to her uncle.
JOANIE
Hannah, eat your cereal. Robbie has his own food!
She flashes Robbie a disapproving look as SYNDEY enters through the backdoor.
SYDNEY
Good morning!
She walks over and kisses Hannah on the head.
SYDNEY
Hello sweetie.
Hannah smiles and holds up a cheerio for her aunt.
SYDNEY
Ooh, for me?
(taking the cereal in her mouth)
Thank you!
JIM enters from the hallway.
JIM
Oh good, I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to talk to you.
JOANIE
Well, not for long. I have to get Hannah dressed for school. What's up?
JIM
I just wanted to let you all know that your Aunt Joan is coming to Providence for a few days.
Joanie, Sydney and Robbie let out a collective groan.
JIM
Oh, come on now kids. This is your mother's sister and she is really looking forward to seeing you guys again. After all, she hasn't seen you since...
(thinking)
Robbie's graduation was the last time she was here I think.
ROBBIE
Oh, and that's our fault?
Joanie sits down next to Robbie and takes Hannah from his lap.
JOANIE
Yeah Dad! She didn't even show up for Mom's funeral.
JIM
Well, in all fairness to your aunt, she didn't know about your mother's passing until after the funeral - remember? She was vacationing in the south of France somewhere and we couldn't track her down.
JOANIE
Oh that's right! That's why she couldn't make it to my wedding.
(rolling her eyes in disgust)
I guess a personal vacation is just more important than your niece's wedding.
JIM
(annoyed)
Well, I can see that you kids are very excited about this and I haven't even told you the best part yet.
SYDNEY
What would that be?
JIM
I've invited her to stay here. She'll be staying in the guest house Syd so you'll have to bunk with Joanie for a few days.
Jim turns and heads toward the basement door. When he reaches the hallway, he turns back to his children.
JIM
Oh, your aunt will be here at 5:00 and if you all know what's good for you, you will be here and...
(to Robbie)
...on your best behavior.
ROBBIE
(to Joanie and Syd)
Why does he always look at me when he says that?
Jim smiles at his children.
JIM
Have a nice day kids. See you at 5:00.
INT. O'Neill's - LATER THAT DAY
ROBBIE takes three plates of food from the kitchen window. Balancing two on one arm and taking the third in his other hand, he walks over to where JOANIE and SYDNEY are seated. He places a salad in front of each of them, a sandwich down for himself and then sits down.
ROBBIE
So, how long do you think Aunt Joan is planning on staying?
SYDNEY
I don't know. Dad didn't say.
JOANIE
Not long I hope!
SYDNEY
You know, I've been thinking about this and I really think we should make and effort to be nice to her. She is mom's sister after all.
ROBBIE
(with a mouthful of food)
Syd's right. Besides, she is loaded and we are her only heirs.
JOANIE
You're sick Robbie!
ROBBIE
Oh come on! Like the thought never crossed your mind!
JOANIE
Not even once.
SYDNEY
Guys, I'm serious! She isn't that bad.
JOANIE
Are you kidding! She was always butting into our business whenever she visited, telling Mom and Dad what they were doing wrong.
ROBBIE
Joanie's right. If Mom and Dad had listened to her, I would have spent my high school years in a reform school!
JOANIE
That may have been her only good idea.
ROBBIE
Shut up Joanie!
JOANIE
You shut up!
SYDNEY
Both of you shut up!
(beat)
I'm just saying that we should make an effort to be civil to her - for Dad's sake. I mean, let's face it. Aunt Joan was never his favorite person. It's not like this is going to be any fun for him either.
JOANIE
Maybe you're right!
ROBBIE
(sarcastically)
Of course she's right! She's Syd!
Sydney gives him a dirty look.
ROBBIE
Just kidding! Geez, can't you take a joke?
SYDNEY
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that supposed to be funny?
JOANIE
All right. All right. God, she isn't even here yet and already she's making us miserable.
INT. AIRPORT - AFTERNOON
JIM is standing with AUNT JOAN amidst the flurry of arriving passengers at the airport. Joan is a sophisticated, rather snobbish looking woman, decked out in a fur coat of all things. Beside her stands a sullen looking PORTER who is struggling with a cart loaded down with her numerous bags.
JOAN
So, how are the kids?
JIM
They're good. They're not kids any more though. Syd's a doctor. Joanie's a mother...
JOAN
My, has it been that long?
Jim nods.
JIM
My car is right outside. Shall we...
JOAN
Absolutely!
They start walking. The porter follows with the bags.
JOAN
Jim, I wanted to apologize to you for not returning to Providence after Lynda passed.
JIM
Don't be. By the time you found out, there was nothing you could have done anyway.
JOAN
That's not true. I could have...No, I should have been here for you and the kids.
JIM
Joan, please don't worry about it.
They approach a sliding glass door and step out to...
EXT. AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS
Joan shivers and pulls her coat tightly around her.
JOAN
Oh, I had forgotten how chilly it can be in Providence this time of year.
JIM
Yes, it can be.
(touching her arm)
That coat looks pretty warm though. Is that real mink?
JOAN
Yes. Isn't it absolutely gorgeous. I picked it up in London.
The porter walking behind her, rolls his eyes in disgust as she continues...
JOAN
Cost a pretty penny too.
JIM
Well, I'm glad to see they don't come cheap!
JOAN
(realizing)
Oh Jim! I'm so sorry. How insensitive of me. I totally forgot you're one of those...those animal lover types aren't you?
Jim laughs at the absurdity of her question.
JIM
Yes, well, I'm a veterinarian. It kind of comes with the territory!
JOAN
Of course. How silly of me. I'll take it off.
She stops abruptly and the Porter bumps into her from behind with the cart.
JOAN
Ow! Will you watch where you're going?
PORTER
(lacking sincerity)
Sorry.
Jim stifles a laugh. Joan starts removing her coat.
JIM
Joan, don't be ridiculous. It's freezing. Leave your coat on!
JOAN
(pulling her coat back on)
Well, all right. But as soon as we get to the house it's going right in my garment bag and it's not coming out until I leave.
JIM
Whatever you say.
INT O'NEIL'S - AFTERNOON
ROBBIE is talking on the phone with Tina as TOMMY stands nearbye putting away glasses.
ROBBIE
I won't be home till later tonight. I forgot that I promised Joanie I would watch Hannah while she goes out. But I'll make it up to you when I get home. I promise.
(listening)
OK thanks. Love you too. Bye.
He hangs up the phone.
TOMMY
I thought your aunt was visiting tonight?
ROBBIE
She is.
TOMMY
So why did you tell Tina you have to babysit? Aren't you going to introduce you her to you aunt?
ROBBIE
No way! I happen to love this girl. Why on earth would I inflict that kind of torture on her?
Tommy laughs.
ROBBIE
I'm serious man. Hopefully, Aunt Joan will be out of here in a couple days and the two will never have to meet
TOMMY
Well good luck.
ROBBIE
Thank you.
TOMMY
I think you're gonna need it.
INT. HANSEN DINING ROOM - NIGHT
JOANIE walks into the DINING ROOM with and armful of plates and silverware. JOAN follows behind her.
JOAN
Are you sure I can't help you Joanie.
JOANIE
I'm fine Aunt Joan. You've had a long trip. Why don't you sit and relax for a while.
JOAN
I've been sitting all day. I'm tired of sitting. At least let me help with the silver.
Joan takes the silverware from Joanie and begins placing it around the plates that Joanie has set.
JOAN
So, will Hannah's father be joining us for dinner tonight?
JOANIE
No, He and Chris won't be able to make it down from Portsmouth at all this week.
JOAN
(confused)
Chris?
JOANIE
Yes, Chris - His wife.
Joanie places the last plate on the table and heads into the kitchen. Joan follows.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
JOAN
Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed you and he were...
JOANIE
Together? No,we're not.
At the kitchen counter, Joanie starts chopping up ingredients for a salad.
JOANIE
(Continuing)
We were going to get married. Twice in fact. But it didn't work out. We just realized that we weren't meant for each other.
Joan picks up a tomato from the counter and rolls it in the palms of her hands adding...
JOAN
In my day, that was something a couple would figure out before they had a child together!
Furious, Joanie snatches the tomato from her Aunt's hands and snaps...
JOANIE
Yes, well, times have changed!
JOAN
They certainly have!
Joanie chops away furiously at the lettuce as Joan continues...
JOAN
Nowadays, children living at home with both their parents is considered abnormal. You see, that is the problem with todays society. Family values have gone right out the window.
Furious, Joanie opens her mouth to object but is interrupted by SYDNEY, who enters through the back door.
SYDNEY
Hello! Hello!
JOAN
(excitedly)
Oh my goodness! Sydney! Look at you!
Joan rushes over to Sydney and gives her hug.
JOAN
Well, you are even more beautiful than I remember!
Joanie rolls her eyes.
SYDNEY
Oh, Aunt Joan, stop!
JOANIE
Yes! Please stop!
JOAN
Oh, but it's true. Just look at you. Why I bet you have adoring men just falling at your feet.
JOANIE
Oh, you couldn't be more right about that. Why don't you fill her in Syd?
Sydney flashes Joanie a warning look before replying...
SYDNEY
Well, I wouldn't want to bore her.
JOANIE
Bore her!
(to Joan)
Nothing about Syds love life is boring, let me tell you. She has quite the track record!
SYDNEY
JOANIE!
JOANIE
Syd has has the most exciting love life of anyone I know! I mean I thought dating Paul Ritigliato was a bit scandalous but...
JOAN
Ritigliato? He wouldn't be related to...
JOANIE
Uh huh. He sure would. But I think he is the witness protection program or something now.
Joan gasps.
SYDNEY
He is not!
(Turing to Joan)
He is not.
JOANIE
But of course now she is seeing Joe Connolly.
JOAN
The Congressman?
JOANIE
Yep. Course they have to keep it kinda low key. At least until he divorces his wife!
SYDNEY
Joanie!
JOAN
You know what girls? I am starting to feel a little tired. I think I'm going to go lie down for a little while.
JOANIE
(happily)
OK! I'll call you when dinner is ready.
Joan walks out of the room.
SYNDEY
What is your problem!
JOANIE
(innocently)
What?
SYDNEY
You know what! You ambushed me!
JOANIE
Oh, you're just upset because I tarnished Joan's squeaky clean image of you! I realize it must come as a shock to your system to have someone think you are less than perfect, but you'll get used to it.
SYDNEY
Speaking from experience are we?
Joanie gives her sister of look of utter hatred. Sydney turns around and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
FADE OUT
ACT 2
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the stove preparing breakfast as JOAN and ROBBIE stand at the counter. Joan has one arm around Robbie. He stands there stiffly as she kisses him repeatedly on the cheek, making exaggerated smacking noises as she does so.
JOAN
Ooh, I just cannot get over how grown up you are! Why, the last time I saw you, you were just a little boy.
ROBBIE
(quizzically)
I was eighteen.
JOANIE
(laughing)
And yet that description is still so accurate!
Sitting at the kitchen table, JIM looks up from his morning newspaper and laughs.
ROBBIE
Hah, Hah, very funny.
JOAN
(to Robbie)
Oh, don't you listen to her. You are such a handsome young man. You know, you remind me of your father thirty years ago.
JIM
Actually, I always thought Robbie looked more like his mother.
Joanie walks over to the counter and hands Robbie a plate of food which he promptly passes to his aunt.
ROBBIE
You know what? I don't really have time for breakfast this morning. I'm late for work.
JOAN
It's only eight o'clock. The bar opens this early?
ROBBIE
(thinking quickly)
No, but... Friday mornings we do inventory!
He manages to wriggle out of her grasp before she can plant another kiss on him and hurries out of the room.
JOANIE
(wiping her hands on a towel)
I should get going too. I have to get Hannah ready for school.
Joanie walks out.
Joan walks over and sits down at the table next to Jim.
JOAN
Well, those two haven't changed a bit. I see Joanie still likes to give Robbie a hard time.
JIM
(smiling)
Are you kidding? I think she lives for it.
INT. HALLWAY OF HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
Joanie, walking toward the stairway, suddenly stops and heads back toward the kitchen.
JOANIE
(to herself)
Shoot! I forgot Hannah's sweater.
As she nears the kitchen, she stops and listens as Jim and Joans voices can be heard...
JOAN (OS)
Still sharp as a tack too! Such a bright girl. It's a shame you and Lynda let her drop out of college like that.
INT. KITCHEN - SAME
JIM
(defensively)
It's not like we were happy about it. But it was her decision. We couldn't make her go!
JOAN
I suppose you're right. It's just a shame is all. She had such potential...
INT. HALLWAY HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
Joanie continues to listen with a devastated look on her face.
JOAN (OS)
...and it breaks my heart to think of her wasting her life making dog biscuits and kitty kibble!
Crushed, Joanie turns and hurries down the hallway and up the stairs.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - SAME
JIM
Joan, why don't you do us both a favor and wait until you've actually seen Joanie's business before you pass judgment on it- Alright! Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get to work.
Jim gets up and leaves Joan sitting there-alone.
INT. ST. CLAIRES - DAY
A YOUNG BOY (CHARLIE) sits on the exam table holding a towel to his bleeding forehead as HIS MOTHER (MRS. MORENO) paces nervously in front of him.
SYDNEY pulls back the curtain.
SYDNEY
Hi, I'm doctor Hansen.
MRS. MORENO
Hi, I'm Pamela Moreno and this is my son Charlie.
SYDNEY
Hi Charlie.
He doesn't respond.
SYDNEY
Looks like you have quite a gash there on your forehead. Mind if I take a look?
Charlie lowers his hand and Sydney examines his head.
SYDNEY
Yeah, that's going to need some stitches. How did you do this?
MRS. MORENO
He was fighting again! This is the second time this week I have gotten called out of work because of his fighting.
(To Charlie)
I'm going to lose my job Charlie. Do you understand? You have to stop this now!
SYDNEY
Mrs. Moreno, I think Patrice has some forms for you fill out so why don't you take a minute to do that...
MRS. MORENO
Of course. I'm sorry! You must think I'm a complete lunatic carrying on like that. I'm just so frustrated!
SYDNEY
(sympathetically)
I understand.
MRS. MORENO
(hesitating)
All right then. Charlie-You behave!
She walks away.
SYDNEY
Your mom seems pretty upset.
CHARLIE
Gee, ya think?
SYDNEY
Do you wanna tell me what you were fighting about?
CHARLIE
Not really.
SYDNEY
Sometimes it helps to talk about it.
He doesn't respond but picks nervously at his fingers.
SYDNEY
You know, I have a little brother. Actually, I should say younger because he's not so little any more. You kind of remind me of him when he was your age. He got in a lot of fights too. Drove my parents crazy.
Charlie squirms in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.
SYDNEY
(Continuing)
Of course, in his mind he always had a good reason. So...
(giving him a gentle nudge)
...what's your story, huh?
CHARLIE
I hate school.
SYDNEY
OK, that's a start. Why do you hate school?
CHARLIE
Because the kids there are stupid! All they talk about all day is Harry Potter!
SYDNEY
Is he a classmate?
CHARLIE
What are you stupid or something! Harry Potter is a storybook character!
SYDNEY
Oh, sorry. So, you were fighting over a storybook character?
CHARLIE
Harry Potter is stupid and I told them so. Joey DeSoto said I was stupid so I punched him.
SYDNEY
Seems kind of silly to fight over a storybook. Don't you think?
CHARLIE
No!
SYDNEY
Well, have you read the stories? You might actually like them? They must be good if all the kids...
CHARLIE
No! I haven't read them! I can't read OK!
Sydney is speechless.
CHARLIE
I have Dis...Dis
SYDNEY
Dislexia?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
SYNDEY
I'm sorry Charlie, that must be really tough for you but...
CHARLIE
(bitterly)
What are you my shrink now? Look, can we get this over with.
(He point to his bleeding forehead)
I want to go home.
SYDNEY
Sure.
Sydney gives Charlie a sympathetic pat on the back before she starts tending to the gash on his forehead.
INT. VET CLINIC-DAY
HEATHER is sitting behind the desk.
JOAN enters.
HEATHER
Good morning! Can I help you?
JOAN
Yes, I'm Joan Wheelock, Jim's sister-in-law.
HEATHER
Oh, of course! Dr. Hansen has told me so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you.
Heather thrust her hand forward to shake Joan's hand, knocking over a pencil holder in the process.
HEATHER
Oh! I am so sorry!
JOAN
That's all right...I'm sorry I didn't catch your name.
HEATHER
(picking up pencils)
Heather. Heather Tupperman. Gosh, I am such a klutz.
JOAN
It's very nice to meet you Heather. So, is he here?
HEATHER
Is who here?
JOAN
(laughing)
Jim!
Heather looks toward the back room and then back at Joan.
HEATHER
No, actually he's not. He had to make a house call.
JOAN
Oh, that's too bad.
(beat)
Well maybe I will swing by O'Neill's then and see how my nephew spends his day.
HEATHER
I'm sure Robbie will be happy as a clam to see you.
JOAN
Well I hope so. Thank you Heather. It was nice to meet you.
HEATHER
Likewise.
Joan turns and walks out.
When she is gone, JIM emerges from the back room.
JIM
Quick thinking Heather. Thanks for covering for me.
HEATHER
Any time Dr. Hansen.
JIM
Maybe you should call Robbie and give him a heads up.
HEATHER
Good idea.
Heather picks up the phone and starts dialing...
INT. O'NEILL'S BAR- SAME
ROBBIE and TINA are sitting at the bar.
ROBBIE
So, I was thinking since Pete is going to be at his Dad's next weekend, maybe you and I could have a little romantic getaway of our own.
TINA
What did you have in mind?
O.S PHONE RINGS
ROBBIE
Well, I was thinking we could go to Newport and...
BARTENDER
Robbie! Telephone!
TINA
Ooh, hold that thought.
ROBBIE
I'll be right back.
Robbie walks behind the bar and picks up the phone.
ROBBIE
Hello?
...Oh, hi Heather.
(he listens, then sighs)
...Thanks Heather. I owe you-big time!
He hangs up the phone and hurries back to Tina.
ROBBIE
(anxiously)
You know what? Let's go some place else.
TINA
What? Why?
ROBBIE
Well, I have this sudden craving for Tai food and besides, we eat here all the time!
TINA
But Robbie, I only have an hour before I have to be back at the garage.
ROBBIE
(pulling out her chair and helping her up)
That's plenty of time. But we have to hurry. Let's go.
TINA
Robbie! Are you all right? You are acting really weird?
ROBBIE
I'm fine! But like you said, you only have an hour so let's go.
TINA
(grabbing for her jacket)
All right. I'm coming.
INT ST. CLAIRE'S CLINIC - DAY
SYDNEY is applying a bandage to CHARLIE'S forehead as MRS. MORENO looks on.
SYNDEY
OK. That should do it. Now you'll need to come back in a week to have those stitches taken out.
MRS. MORENO
Thank you Dr. Hansen. Charlie, what do you say?
CHARLIE
Thanks.
SYDNEY
You're very welcome Charlie.
(turning to Mrs. Moreno)
Mrs. Moreno, could I talk to you for just a minute.
MRS. MORENO
Sure. Charlie, why don't you go wait for me out front.
Charlie hops down off the table and walks away. Sydney watches him until he disappears around a corner and then turns to his mother.
SYDNEY
Mrs. Moreno, Charlie told me he can't read.
MRS. MORENO
He can read. Not at the level of the other students but, he can read. His teachers say he is really making progress. He just gets frustrated you know?
(beat)
And kids can be so cruel sometimes.
SYDNEY
Isn't there more that the school can do for him?
MRS. MORENO
(Shaking her head)
There are thirty students in Charlie's class. I've met his teacher and she is a wonderful woman but, she can't give Charlie the kind of one-on-one attention that he needs. He is taken out of class once a day but he hates it. It makes him feel different.
SYDNEY
Maybe private tutoring would be more beneficial. I would be happy to help you find a tutor for him.
MRS. MORENO
Dr. Hansen, I know that you are trying to help but, I am a single mother. I can't afford a private tutor. I work two jobs just to put food on the table for us. His teachers send home excercises for us to work on together and I don't even have the time to help him.
(Looking down in shame)
That must sound awful to you.
SYDNEY
No, Mrs. Moreno. I'm sure you are doing the best you can.
MRS. MORENO
Yes well, unfortunately for my son, my best just isn't good enough.
She turns and walks away leaving Sydney standing there feeling useless.
INT. BARKERY - DAY
Joanie is behind the counter arranging trays of dog treats. ELLIOT, who is in the front sweeping, watches her curiously as she literally throws dog treats from the baking sheet to the trays. After a moment, he walks over to the counter.
ELLIOT
Gee, I hope it's not contagious!
JOANIE
What?
ELLIOT
Your mood. You know you've broken half of those treats. We can't sell them like that!
JOANIE
(throwing the spatula down)
Do you want to do it?
ELLIOT
JOANIE! What's wrong with you?
JOANIE
Nothing! I'm sorry I didn't realize I was required to be in a good mood all the time!
She turns and storms off to the back room.
ELLIOT
Joanie! Wait a minute!
The DOORBELL RINGS as JOAN enters through the front door.
Elliot takes one more look toward the back room before walking over to her.
ELLIOT
Good morning! Welcome to the Barkery!
JOAN
Thank you.
(Looking around)
My what an interesting place you have here.
ELLIOT
Thank you. We like it.
(under his breath)
Usually.
(To Joan)
What can I get for you?
JOAN
Actually, I'm here to see Joanie. I'm sorry, I didn't properly introduce myself.
(extending her hand)
I'm Joan Wheelock. Joanie's Aunt.
ELLIOT
(shaking her hand)
Well hello! How very nice to meet you. Joanie didn't mention you were in town. I'm Elliot, Joanie's second in command so to speak.
JOAN
Nice to meet you Elliot.
Elliot looks nervously toward the back room.
ELLIOT
Well, why don't I go and see if I can track down Joanie for you. Can I offer you some coffee or something to eat while you wait?
JOAN
No, thank you dear. I'm fine.
ELLIOT
All right then. I will be right back.
Elliot walks to...
BACK ROOM OF JOANIE'S BARKERY - CONTINUOUS
JOANIE is sitting on stack of flour bags, sulking.
ELLIOT
(Cautiously)
Joanie?
JOANIE
What Elliot?
ELLIOT
Your aunt is out front.
JOANIE
What! Oh my hell! What is she doing here?
ELLIOT
Well, I imagine she wants to see you.
JOANIE
Well, tell her to go away!
ELLIOT
I will do no such thing! That's rude!
Joanie jumping up so that she is right in Elliot's face.
JOANIE
Fine! Then tell her I'm not here! Just get rid of her!
Joanie pushes past Elliot and goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
FADE OUT
ACT 3
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN -AFTERNOON
ROBBIE and SYDNEY are sitting at the kitchen table talking as Robbie eats and afternoon snack.
SYDNEY
...this poor kid has no friends and his classmates are just horribly mean to him.
ROBBIE
Man, that sucks. Kids can be brutal at that age.
SYDNEY
Yeah, tell me about it.
(hesitantly)
You know, he's about the same age as Pete. I was thinking maybe I could introduce them?
ROBBIE
That's a thought.
SYDNEY
Pete's such a great kid and if Charlie had just one friend, just one person to hang out with, even if he wasn't a classmate, I think it would make all the difference.
ROBBIE
I'll tell you what. I'll talk to Pete and let you know. I'm sure he will be cool with it. Like you said, he's a great kid.
SYDNEY
Thanks Rob.
ROBBIE
No prob.
Sydney walks out the back door as Robbie turns his attention back to his snack.
INT. HANSEN'S FRONT HALLWAY - SAME
JOAN is walking down the stairs just as the DOORBELL RINGS. She rushes to answer it. TINA and PETE are standing there. Tina looks surprised to see a stanger answer the door.
TINA
Hi. Is Robbie here?
JOAN
(Looking behind her)
Somewhere, I think. Can I tell him who is here?
TINA
(Confused)
I'm his fiancée, Tina and this is my son Pete. And you are?
JOAN
Joan Wheelock, Robbie's aunt.
TINA
That's funny. Robbie didn't mention his Aunt was in town.
JOAN
Not nearly as funny as him not mentioning he was engaged.
Tina laughs nervously as ROBBIE appears in the hallway.
ROBBIE
Tina!
Tina and Joan both glare at Robbie as he approaches them.
PETE
(Laughing)
Busted!
Tina jerks on Pete's arm.
TINA
Quiet Petey!
ROBBIE
Hi sweetie. What are you doing here?
TINA
Well, Petey got an "A" on his math test so I was going to take him to Dream Machine for dinner and we thought you might like to join us.
ROBBIE
Good for you Pete. I'd love to go. Let me just grab my jacket and...
TINA
(angrily)
Robbie! Aren't you forgetting something!
She looks at Joan.
ROBBIE
(nonchalantly)
Oh, right. Tina, Pete, this is my Aunt Joan. Aunt Joan this is my fiancée Tina and her son Pete.
JOAN
(sternly)
Yes, I know. She already introduced herself. Now, I won't embarrass you further by asking you to explain why you didn't introduce us earlier. We will talk about this later though.
(Turning to Tina and Pete)
It was very nice to meet the both of you. I hope I'll see you again soon.
Joan walks away. Tina turns to Robbie.
TINA
We'll talk about this later too. Now, if you are coming with us, get your jacket. We'll be in the car. Come on Pete.
Tina opens the front door and she and Pete walk out. Robbie stands there a moment, dumbfounded and then hurries after her...
EXT. HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
ROBBIE
Tina wait!
Halfway to their car, Tina and Pete turn around.
ROBBIE
(To Tina)
Are you mad?
TINA
Gee! Ya think?
ROBBIE
(To PETE)
Pete, can you go wait in the car. Your mom and I need to talk.
PETE
Yeah sure.
Pete walks over to the car. Once he is in the car with the door shut, Robbie continues...
ROBBIE
Look, I know your mad. I'm sorry. I just...
TINA
Robbie, I just want to know one thing. Are you embarrassed of us?
ROBBIE
What? No! Why would you say that?
TINA
Well, why wouldn't you tell your Aunt about us then.
ROBBIE
Because! I'm not embarrassed of you. It's me.
TINA
What are you talking about?
ROBBIE
My aunt still thinks of me as that stupid 18 year old kid she knew way back when. She wouldn't approve of me getting married and becoming a father and it's not because of you. It's because she thinks I'm irresponsible and immature and I don't want to hear it.
TINA
That's ridiculous. You're not irresponsible or immature.
ROBBIE
Well, I think there are a few people who would disagree with you.
Tina smiles and moves in closer to Robbie, wrapping her arms around his waist.
TINA
Well, since you are going to be helping me raise my child, I would say that my opinion is the one you should be concerned about and I'm not complaining.
Robbie smiles as Tina leans in to kiss him. Before their lips can touch, they are interrupted by Pete who is leaning out the car window...
PETE
Have you guys made up yet so we can go? I'm starving.
Robbie and Tina laugh then head off to the car.
EXT. PATIO OF JOANIE'S BARKERY - DAY
JOANIE is sitting alone at a table. She looks deep in thought as she sips her coffee. ELLIOT sits down next to her.
ELLIOT
A penny for your thoughts.
JOANIE
I'm sorry...what?
ELLIOT
You look so deep in thought. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?
Joanie pauses a moment, contemplating Elliots offer before responding...
JOANIE
Elliot, do you think I'm wasting my talents here?
ELLIOT
No, why would you say that?
Joanie shrugs.
ELLIOT
Joanie, you are a very savy business woman. Not just anyone could make a unique business like this one work but you've done it!
JOANIE
Would you mind telling that to my aunt.
ELLIOT
So is that what this is all about - your aunt?
JOANIE
She thinks I'm a failure - that my business is a joke.
ELLIOT
I doubt that.
JOANIE
No, she really does. But you know what? At this point, I really don't care. I am so sick of trying to prove myself all the time. I have accepted the fact that I will never be as smart as Sydney or as adorable as Robbie.
ELLIOT
Well so what! You're not Sydney or Robbie. You are Joanie and I happen to think you are not only adorable and smart but you are one of the most friendly people I know!
Joanie smiles modestly.
ELLIOT
(continuing)
You've got tons of spunk and fabulous fashion sense...
Joanie laughs as Elliot reaches over and tickles her.
ELLIOT
And what about that sense of humor huh?
JOANIE
OK! OK!
ELLIOT
(seriously)
The point is, you are perfect just the way you are Joanie Hansen and if your aunt can't see that, then who needs her!
Joanie hugs Elliot.
JOANIE
I love you Elliot. You're the best!
ELLIOT
Right back at ya kid!
INT. DREAM MACHINE (ARCADE & RESTAURANT)- NIGHT
ROBBIE, TINA and PETE are sitting in a booth finishing their meals.
TINA
OK Petey, finish up and you can play a few more games with your friends before it's time to go.
ROBBIE
Hey Pete, do you know a kid that goes to your school...
(thinking)
Charlie Moreno?
PETE
(rolling his eyes)
Yeah.
ROBBIE
Why did you say it like that?
PETE
Because he's a doofas that's why!
ROBBIE
HEY!
TINA
Pete! That's not nice!
PETE
Well he is. He is in the fourth grade and he can't even read...
(chuckling)
and he calls us stupid!
ROBBIE
That's enough! Do you know that the reason that he can't read is that he has a learning disability? Did you?
Pete shakes his head.
ROBBIE
(continuing)
Instead of making fun of him you should admire him because he has to work a lot harder understand things at school than you do and that's a fact!!
There is silence as Pete shrinks down in his seat-ashamed. After a moment of silence, he speaks.
PETE
Sorry.
(beat)
Can I go play now?
Tina opens her mouth to speak but Robbie beats her to it...
ROBBIE
No you may not. I'm very disappointed in you right now and I think the rest of your night would be better spent thinking about what I just said. Now go say goodbye to your friends.
Pete looks to his mother.
TINA
You heard him.
Pete throws his napkin down in a huff and leaves the table. Robbie looks at Tina - unsure of how she will react to the way he just disciplined her son.
ROBBIE
I'm sorry. I probably just way over stepped my bounds.
TINA
Not at all, Robbie. I'm impressed. You handled that very well.
ROBBIE
(surprised)
Really?
TINA
Uh huh! And you know what else. If your Aunt had seen that, she wouldn't have any doubts about your ability to be a good father.
As a triumphant Robbie smiles and leans in to kiss his fiancée...
INT HANSEN KITCHEN - EVENING
JIM sits at the counter eating a late and lonely dinner. JOAN enters.
JOAN
Oh there you are. Where is everyone? This house is like a ghost house.
JIM
It's definitely quiet.
Joan takes a seat beside Jim. He looks less than thrilled.
JOAN
So, how come no one told me Robbie was engaged?
JIM
Maybe because it's none of your business.
Joan is taken back by Jims uncharacteristically rude response.
JIM
(continuing)
Do you want to know why it is so quiet in this house? I'll tell you why. Because the kids are trying to avoid you.
JOAN
Well, what on heavens earth for?
JIM
Well, let me see. Within an hour of your arrival, you managed to make Joanie feel like a total failure, not to mention you alienated her from her sister...
JOANIE
How did I make Joanie feel like a failure?
JIM
See that's just it! You so used to to be condescending and overbearing, you don't even realize you're doing it. And you wonder why the kids are hiding from you!
Jim throws his napkin down on the counter and storms off leaving Joan sitting there alone...
FADE OUT
ACT 4
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the kitchen counter, cutting up bananas for Hannah's cereal. She is unusually cheerful and hums as she works. HANNAH sits in booster chair anxiously awaiting her breakfast as SYDNEY enters through the back door.
SYDNEY
Hey.
JOANIE
Hey Syd.
SYDNEY
I'm glad you're here. I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day.
Joanie comes around the counter and sits down next to Hannah and hands her her food.
JOANIE
Oh, forget it. I'm totally over it. I've decided I'm not going to let Aunt Joan get to me any more and I'm certainly not going to let her come between you and me. It's not worth it.
SYDNEY
Well, that's a great attitude Joanie.
JOANIE
Yes, well I have a great assistant who helped me see the light. Besides, she's leaving tonight so all we have to do is get through this barbecue dad's planned for today and life will be back to normal.
SYDNEY
Is life ever "normal" in this family?
Joanie laughs.
SYDNEY
Hey, I wonder if Robbie will show up.
JOANIE
Why wouldn't he?
SYDNEY
Oh, you didn't hear what happened last night?
Joanie leans in to get the gossip.
JOANIE
No, what happened last night?
SYDNEY
Well, Tina and Pete showed up and met Aunt Joan before Robbie had a chance to intervene.
JOANIE
NO! And Robbie didn't tell her about his engagement did he?
SYDNEY
Nope!
JOANIE
Damn! I always miss the good stuff.
SYDNEY
Well, I missed it too but from what I heard, Robbie is in the doghouse with both Aunt Joan and Tina.
JOANIE
Oh, I feel so bad for him. NOT!! Maybe Joan will get off my case now.
SYDNEY
We should all be so lucky.
(beat)
Well, I'll be back. Tell dad I may be bringing some guests to the barbecue.
JOANIE
Really? Who?
SYDNEY
Just some friends. See ya later.
As Sydney exits...
Cut to:
EXT. HANSEN BACKYARD-LATER THAT DAY
JIM is at the grill cooking as ROBBIE runs around the yard with PETE and HANNAH.
JOAN is sitting on a lawn chair as TINA approaches with a plate of chips and dip.
TINA
Joan, can I interest you in some chips and dip?
JOAN
Thank you dear. I would love some.
Tina hands her a napkin as JOANIE walks by and informs them...
JOANIE
There is plenty more food in the house so, eat up.
As Joanie heads into the house for more food, Joan gets up and follows her.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN-SAME
JOAN
Joanie, could I talk to you for a minute?
JOANIE
(Cautiously)
Um...Sure. Why not?
JOAN
I have something that I wanted to give to you. I wanted to do it in private.
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a ring box and hands it to Joanie.
JOANIE
What is this?
JOAN
Open it.
Joanie opens the box to reveal a beautiful gold ring with three birthstones in it.
JOANIE
It's beautiful.
JOAN
It's a "mothers ring". Your grandfather had it made for your mother shortly after Robbie was born. It has your all of your birthstones in it.
JOANIE
(examining it)
Oh yeah!
JOAN
(with a hint of sadness)
He had hoped to reconcile with your mother and give her that ring but he never quite worked up the nerve. Then of course Lynda passed and he lost his chance, so he gave it to me. Now, I'm giving it to you.
JOANIE
But why me?
JOAN
(crying)
It's a "mother's ring". It was made for a wonderful mother and I think it only appropriate that it go to a wonderful mother.
Cryng, Joanie hugs her aunt.
JOANIE
Thank you! I'll cherish this forever.
JOAN
I know you will sweetheart.
(squeezing her tightly)
Hannah is such a lucky little girl to have you for a mother.
As Joan and Joanie continue to hug. JIM watches through the back screen door. He smiles before turning and returning to...
EXT. HANSEN BACKYARD -SAME
As ROBBIE, PETE, and HANNAH continue to horse around in the backyard, SYDNEY enters through the back gate with CHARLIE and his MRS. MORENO. They walk over to where JIM and TINA are sitting.
SYDNEY
Dad, Tina these are my friend Pamela Moreno and her son Charlie.
TINA
Hello.
JIM
Welcome.
MRS. MORENO
I hope we are not intruding.
JIM
Not at all, the more the merrier.
As JOAN and JOANIE come out of the house...
SYDNEY
Oh, and this is my Aunt Joan and my sister Joanie.
As they exchange greetings Robbie walks over carrying Hannah with Pete following.
SYDNEY
...and this is my brother Robbie, my neice Hannah and Charlie, I think you've met Pete.
PETE
Hi.
CHARLIE
(uncomfortable)
Hi.
ROBBIE
You know Charlie, Pete and I were just about to play some catch. We would love it if you would join us.
CHARLIE
I don't have my glove.
PETE
That's OK. I got an extra one you can use.
CHARLIE
(smiling)
OK.
Robbie hands Hannah to Joanie.
ROBBIE
Well alrighty then. Let's play some ball.
PETE
Come on Charlie. My glove is in the car.
As the boys rush off...
ROBBIE
Ah, hold up guys the cars locked.
Tina smiles and hands Robbie the car keys. As Robbie hurries after the boys Sydney adds...
SYDNEY
Thanks Rob.
ROBBIE
No problem.
SYDNEY
(to Mrs Moreno)
So, you hungry?
MRS. MORENO
Starved!
SYDNEY
Come on. Let's get some food!
TINA
I'm getting kinda hungry too.
JOANIE
Yeah, we might as well eat while the rugrats are temporarily occupied.
As the ladies head off to the food table, Joan sits down next to Jim.
JOAN
This is nice. Do you do this a lot.
JIM
No.
(he laughs)
But we should. You're right. This is nice.
(Beat)
I overheard you and Joanie in the kitchen a little while ago. That was very nice what you said to her and I know that giving her that ring meant a lot to Joanie. So, thank you.
JOAN
Well, I meant what I said. Joanie's a wonderful mother. You were right Jim. I have been judgemental and condescending. I'm sorry.
The boys rush back into the yard followed by Robbie.
ROBBIE
OK guys! Spread out!
Joan smiles as she watches them play.
JOAN
Robbie's going to make a great father.
JIM
(proudly)
Yeah, he's going to do just fine.
Jim looks to Joan and smiles. He then extends his hand to her...
JIM
Madam, shall we get some food before it's all gone?
JOAN
(taking his hand)
Absolutely!
As the two head off to the food table to join the other's...
FADE OUT
2
"Saint Joan"
TEASER
FADE IN
INT. HANSEN HOUSE - DAY - SYD'S DREAM
SYDNEY enters the foyer to find numerous STRANGERS scrurrying about, frantically cleaning everything in sight.
LYNDA walks down the stairs with yet another stranger, rattling off instructions...
LYNDA
Now I want everything spic and span before she arrives. And could we get a little more air freshner in this place! It still smells like a zoo in here.
(spotting Sydney)
Sydney! Where have you been?
SYDNEY
Mom, what are all these people doing in our house.
LYNDA
They are cleaning dear.
SYDNEY
I can see that! Why?
JOANIE enters the foyer from the kitchen.
JOANIE
Mom!
LYNDA
Joanie, how did it go? Is Ritchie coming down?
SYDNEY
(confused)
Ritchie?
JOANIE
I tried. He can't make it this week.
LYNDA
Well, try harder! You can't have the perfect family without the father. Now go!
Joanie nods and rushes off.
Sydney opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by ROBBIE who comes rushing down the stairs. He has a frantic look about him as he rushes to his mother - his arms filled with PICTURES OF TINA AND PETE.
LYNDA
There you are sweetheart. Did you collect all the evidence?
ROBBIE
I think so!
Sydney looks at what he is carrying.
SYDNEY
Robbie, those are all your pictures of Tina and Pete. What are you doing?
ROBBIE
(Frantically)
I'm hiding them! She can't know! She won't approve! She'll ruin everything!
He rushes off.
Sydney turns to her mother.
SYDNEY
OK, Robbie and Joanie are freaking out. What is going on?
LYNDA
No one told you?
SYDNEY
Told me what?
DOORBELL RINGS
Everyone stops what they are doing and looks toward the door. There is COMPLETE SILENCE.
LYNDA
(whipsering)
She's here.
SYDNEY
Who's here?
LYDNA
Good luck dear. I have to go. I've done all I can. Take care of your brother and sister.
SYDNEY
Mom, wait! Who's here?
Lynda rushes off.
SYDNEY
(Panicked)
Mom!
ALARM CLOCK SOUNDS
INT. SYDNEY'S GUESTHOUSE - MORNING
SYDNEY sits up in her bed quickly and looks around-confused.
FADE OUT
ACT 1
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the kitchen counter, packing Hannah's lunch bag.
HANNAH is seated on ROBBIE's lap at the kitchen table. She giggles as she picks dry cheerios from her bowl and feeds them to her uncle.
JOANIE
Hannah, eat your cereal. Robbie has his own food!
She flashes Robbie a disapproving look as SYNDEY enters through the backdoor.
SYDNEY
Good morning!
She walks over and kisses Hannah on the head.
SYDNEY
Hello sweetie.
Hannah smiles and holds up a cheerio for her aunt.
SYDNEY
Ooh, for me?
(taking the cereal in her mouth)
Thank you!
JIM enters from the hallway.
JIM
Oh good, I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to talk to you.
JOANIE
Well, not for long. I have to get Hannah dressed for school. What's up?
JIM
I just wanted to let you all know that your Aunt Joan is coming to Providence for a few days.
Joanie, Sydney and Robbie let out a collective groan.
JIM
Oh, come on now kids. This is your mother's sister and she is really looking forward to seeing you guys again. After all, she hasn't seen you since...
(thinking)
Robbie's graduation was the last time she was here I think.
ROBBIE
Oh, and that's our fault?
Joanie sits down next to Robbie and takes Hannah from his lap.
JOANIE
Yeah Dad! She didn't even show up for Mom's funeral.
JIM
Well, in all fairness to your aunt, she didn't know about your mother's passing until after the funeral - remember? She was vacationing in the south of France somewhere and we couldn't track her down.
JOANIE
Oh that's right! That's why she couldn't make it to my wedding.
(rolling her eyes in disgust)
I guess a personal vacation is just more important than your niece's wedding.
JIM
(annoyed)
Well, I can see that you kids are very excited about this and I haven't even told you the best part yet.
SYDNEY
What would that be?
JIM
I've invited her to stay here. She'll be staying in the guest house Syd so you'll have to bunk with Joanie for a few days.
Jim turns and heads toward the basement door. When he reaches the hallway, he turns back to his children.
JIM
Oh, your aunt will be here at 5:00 and if you all know what's good for you, you will be here and...
(to Robbie)
...on your best behavior.
ROBBIE
(to Joanie and Syd)
Why does he always look at me when he says that?
Jim smiles at his children.
JIM
Have a nice day kids. See you at 5:00.
INT. O'Neill's - LATER THAT DAY
ROBBIE takes three plates of food from the kitchen window. Balancing two on one arm and taking the third in his other hand, he walks over to where JOANIE and SYDNEY are seated. He places a salad in front of each of them, a sandwich down for himself and then sits down.
ROBBIE
So, how long do you think Aunt Joan is planning on staying?
SYDNEY
I don't know. Dad didn't say.
JOANIE
Not long I hope!
SYDNEY
You know, I've been thinking about this and I really think we should make and effort to be nice to her. She is mom's sister after all.
ROBBIE
(with a mouthful of food)
Syd's right. Besides, she is loaded and we are her only heirs.
JOANIE
You're sick Robbie!
ROBBIE
Oh come on! Like the thought never crossed your mind!
JOANIE
Not even once.
SYDNEY
Guys, I'm serious! She isn't that bad.
JOANIE
Are you kidding! She was always butting into our business whenever she visited, telling Mom and Dad what they were doing wrong.
ROBBIE
Joanie's right. If Mom and Dad had listened to her, I would have spent my high school years in a reform school!
JOANIE
That may have been her only good idea.
ROBBIE
Shut up Joanie!
JOANIE
You shut up!
SYDNEY
Both of you shut up!
(beat)
I'm just saying that we should make an effort to be civil to her - for Dad's sake. I mean, let's face it. Aunt Joan was never his favorite person. It's not like this is going to be any fun for him either.
JOANIE
Maybe you're right!
ROBBIE
(sarcastically)
Of course she's right! She's Syd!
Sydney gives him a dirty look.
ROBBIE
Just kidding! Geez, can't you take a joke?
SYDNEY
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that supposed to be funny?
JOANIE
All right. All right. God, she isn't even here yet and already she's making us miserable.
INT. AIRPORT - AFTERNOON
JIM is standing with AUNT JOAN amidst the flurry of arriving passengers at the airport. Joan is a sophisticated, rather snobbish looking woman, decked out in a fur coat of all things. Beside her stands a sullen looking PORTER who is struggling with a cart loaded down with her numerous bags.
JOAN
So, how are the kids?
JIM
They're good. They're not kids any more though. Syd's a doctor. Joanie's a mother...
JOAN
My, has it been that long?
Jim nods.
JIM
My car is right outside. Shall we...
JOAN
Absolutely!
They start walking. The porter follows with the bags.
JOAN
Jim, I wanted to apologize to you for not returning to Providence after Lynda passed.
JIM
Don't be. By the time you found out, there was nothing you could have done anyway.
JOAN
That's not true. I could have...No, I should have been here for you and the kids.
JIM
Joan, please don't worry about it.
They approach a sliding glass door and step out to...
EXT. AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS
Joan shivers and pulls her coat tightly around her.
JOAN
Oh, I had forgotten how chilly it can be in Providence this time of year.
JIM
Yes, it can be.
(touching her arm)
That coat looks pretty warm though. Is that real mink?
JOAN
Yes. Isn't it absolutely gorgeous. I picked it up in London.
The porter walking behind her, rolls his eyes in disgust as she continues...
JOAN
Cost a pretty penny too.
JIM
Well, I'm glad to see they don't come cheap!
JOAN
(realizing)
Oh Jim! I'm so sorry. How insensitive of me. I totally forgot you're one of those...those animal lover types aren't you?
Jim laughs at the absurdity of her question.
JIM
Yes, well, I'm a veterinarian. It kind of comes with the territory!
JOAN
Of course. How silly of me. I'll take it off.
She stops abruptly and the Porter bumps into her from behind with the cart.
JOAN
Ow! Will you watch where you're going?
PORTER
(lacking sincerity)
Sorry.
Jim stifles a laugh. Joan starts removing her coat.
JIM
Joan, don't be ridiculous. It's freezing. Leave your coat on!
JOAN
(pulling her coat back on)
Well, all right. But as soon as we get to the house it's going right in my garment bag and it's not coming out until I leave.
JIM
Whatever you say.
INT O'NEIL'S - AFTERNOON
ROBBIE is talking on the phone with Tina as TOMMY stands nearbye putting away glasses.
ROBBIE
I won't be home till later tonight. I forgot that I promised Joanie I would watch Hannah while she goes out. But I'll make it up to you when I get home. I promise.
(listening)
OK thanks. Love you too. Bye.
He hangs up the phone.
TOMMY
I thought your aunt was visiting tonight?
ROBBIE
She is.
TOMMY
So why did you tell Tina you have to babysit? Aren't you going to introduce you her to you aunt?
ROBBIE
No way! I happen to love this girl. Why on earth would I inflict that kind of torture on her?
Tommy laughs.
ROBBIE
I'm serious man. Hopefully, Aunt Joan will be out of here in a couple days and the two will never have to meet
TOMMY
Well good luck.
ROBBIE
Thank you.
TOMMY
I think you're gonna need it.
INT. HANSEN DINING ROOM - NIGHT
JOANIE walks into the DINING ROOM with and armful of plates and silverware. JOAN follows behind her.
JOAN
Are you sure I can't help you Joanie.
JOANIE
I'm fine Aunt Joan. You've had a long trip. Why don't you sit and relax for a while.
JOAN
I've been sitting all day. I'm tired of sitting. At least let me help with the silver.
Joan takes the silverware from Joanie and begins placing it around the plates that Joanie has set.
JOAN
So, will Hannah's father be joining us for dinner tonight?
JOANIE
No, He and Chris won't be able to make it down from Portsmouth at all this week.
JOAN
(confused)
Chris?
JOANIE
Yes, Chris - His wife.
Joanie places the last plate on the table and heads into the kitchen. Joan follows.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
JOAN
Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed you and he were...
JOANIE
Together? No,we're not.
At the kitchen counter, Joanie starts chopping up ingredients for a salad.
JOANIE
(Continuing)
We were going to get married. Twice in fact. But it didn't work out. We just realized that we weren't meant for each other.
Joan picks up a tomato from the counter and rolls it in the palms of her hands adding...
JOAN
In my day, that was something a couple would figure out before they had a child together!
Furious, Joanie snatches the tomato from her Aunt's hands and snaps...
JOANIE
Yes, well, times have changed!
JOAN
They certainly have!
Joanie chops away furiously at the lettuce as Joan continues...
JOAN
Nowadays, children living at home with both their parents is considered abnormal. You see, that is the problem with todays society. Family values have gone right out the window.
Furious, Joanie opens her mouth to object but is interrupted by SYDNEY, who enters through the back door.
SYDNEY
Hello! Hello!
JOAN
(excitedly)
Oh my goodness! Sydney! Look at you!
Joan rushes over to Sydney and gives her hug.
JOAN
Well, you are even more beautiful than I remember!
Joanie rolls her eyes.
SYDNEY
Oh, Aunt Joan, stop!
JOANIE
Yes! Please stop!
JOAN
Oh, but it's true. Just look at you. Why I bet you have adoring men just falling at your feet.
JOANIE
Oh, you couldn't be more right about that. Why don't you fill her in Syd?
Sydney flashes Joanie a warning look before replying...
SYDNEY
Well, I wouldn't want to bore her.
JOANIE
Bore her!
(to Joan)
Nothing about Syds love life is boring, let me tell you. She has quite the track record!
SYDNEY
JOANIE!
JOANIE
Syd has has the most exciting love life of anyone I know! I mean I thought dating Paul Ritigliato was a bit scandalous but...
JOAN
Ritigliato? He wouldn't be related to...
JOANIE
Uh huh. He sure would. But I think he is the witness protection program or something now.
Joan gasps.
SYDNEY
He is not!
(Turing to Joan)
He is not.
JOANIE
But of course now she is seeing Joe Connolly.
JOAN
The Congressman?
JOANIE
Yep. Course they have to keep it kinda low key. At least until he divorces his wife!
SYDNEY
Joanie!
JOAN
You know what girls? I am starting to feel a little tired. I think I'm going to go lie down for a little while.
JOANIE
(happily)
OK! I'll call you when dinner is ready.
Joan walks out of the room.
SYNDEY
What is your problem!
JOANIE
(innocently)
What?
SYDNEY
You know what! You ambushed me!
JOANIE
Oh, you're just upset because I tarnished Joan's squeaky clean image of you! I realize it must come as a shock to your system to have someone think you are less than perfect, but you'll get used to it.
SYDNEY
Speaking from experience are we?
Joanie gives her sister of look of utter hatred. Sydney turns around and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
FADE OUT
ACT 2
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the stove preparing breakfast as JOAN and ROBBIE stand at the counter. Joan has one arm around Robbie. He stands there stiffly as she kisses him repeatedly on the cheek, making exaggerated smacking noises as she does so.
JOAN
Ooh, I just cannot get over how grown up you are! Why, the last time I saw you, you were just a little boy.
ROBBIE
(quizzically)
I was eighteen.
JOANIE
(laughing)
And yet that description is still so accurate!
Sitting at the kitchen table, JIM looks up from his morning newspaper and laughs.
ROBBIE
Hah, Hah, very funny.
JOAN
(to Robbie)
Oh, don't you listen to her. You are such a handsome young man. You know, you remind me of your father thirty years ago.
JIM
Actually, I always thought Robbie looked more like his mother.
Joanie walks over to the counter and hands Robbie a plate of food which he promptly passes to his aunt.
ROBBIE
You know what? I don't really have time for breakfast this morning. I'm late for work.
JOAN
It's only eight o'clock. The bar opens this early?
ROBBIE
(thinking quickly)
No, but... Friday mornings we do inventory!
He manages to wriggle out of her grasp before she can plant another kiss on him and hurries out of the room.
JOANIE
(wiping her hands on a towel)
I should get going too. I have to get Hannah ready for school.
Joanie walks out.
Joan walks over and sits down at the table next to Jim.
JOAN
Well, those two haven't changed a bit. I see Joanie still likes to give Robbie a hard time.
JIM
(smiling)
Are you kidding? I think she lives for it.
INT. HALLWAY OF HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
Joanie, walking toward the stairway, suddenly stops and heads back toward the kitchen.
JOANIE
(to herself)
Shoot! I forgot Hannah's sweater.
As she nears the kitchen, she stops and listens as Jim and Joans voices can be heard...
JOAN (OS)
Still sharp as a tack too! Such a bright girl. It's a shame you and Lynda let her drop out of college like that.
INT. KITCHEN - SAME
JIM
(defensively)
It's not like we were happy about it. But it was her decision. We couldn't make her go!
JOAN
I suppose you're right. It's just a shame is all. She had such potential...
INT. HALLWAY HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
Joanie continues to listen with a devastated look on her face.
JOAN (OS)
...and it breaks my heart to think of her wasting her life making dog biscuits and kitty kibble!
Crushed, Joanie turns and hurries down the hallway and up the stairs.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - SAME
JIM
Joan, why don't you do us both a favor and wait until you've actually seen Joanie's business before you pass judgment on it- Alright! Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get to work.
Jim gets up and leaves Joan sitting there-alone.
INT. ST. CLAIRES - DAY
A YOUNG BOY (CHARLIE) sits on the exam table holding a towel to his bleeding forehead as HIS MOTHER (MRS. MORENO) paces nervously in front of him.
SYDNEY pulls back the curtain.
SYDNEY
Hi, I'm doctor Hansen.
MRS. MORENO
Hi, I'm Pamela Moreno and this is my son Charlie.
SYDNEY
Hi Charlie.
He doesn't respond.
SYDNEY
Looks like you have quite a gash there on your forehead. Mind if I take a look?
Charlie lowers his hand and Sydney examines his head.
SYDNEY
Yeah, that's going to need some stitches. How did you do this?
MRS. MORENO
He was fighting again! This is the second time this week I have gotten called out of work because of his fighting.
(To Charlie)
I'm going to lose my job Charlie. Do you understand? You have to stop this now!
SYDNEY
Mrs. Moreno, I think Patrice has some forms for you fill out so why don't you take a minute to do that...
MRS. MORENO
Of course. I'm sorry! You must think I'm a complete lunatic carrying on like that. I'm just so frustrated!
SYDNEY
(sympathetically)
I understand.
MRS. MORENO
(hesitating)
All right then. Charlie-You behave!
She walks away.
SYDNEY
Your mom seems pretty upset.
CHARLIE
Gee, ya think?
SYDNEY
Do you wanna tell me what you were fighting about?
CHARLIE
Not really.
SYDNEY
Sometimes it helps to talk about it.
He doesn't respond but picks nervously at his fingers.
SYDNEY
You know, I have a little brother. Actually, I should say younger because he's not so little any more. You kind of remind me of him when he was your age. He got in a lot of fights too. Drove my parents crazy.
Charlie squirms in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.
SYDNEY
(Continuing)
Of course, in his mind he always had a good reason. So...
(giving him a gentle nudge)
...what's your story, huh?
CHARLIE
I hate school.
SYDNEY
OK, that's a start. Why do you hate school?
CHARLIE
Because the kids there are stupid! All they talk about all day is Harry Potter!
SYDNEY
Is he a classmate?
CHARLIE
What are you stupid or something! Harry Potter is a storybook character!
SYDNEY
Oh, sorry. So, you were fighting over a storybook character?
CHARLIE
Harry Potter is stupid and I told them so. Joey DeSoto said I was stupid so I punched him.
SYDNEY
Seems kind of silly to fight over a storybook. Don't you think?
CHARLIE
No!
SYDNEY
Well, have you read the stories? You might actually like them? They must be good if all the kids...
CHARLIE
No! I haven't read them! I can't read OK!
Sydney is speechless.
CHARLIE
I have Dis...Dis
SYDNEY
Dislexia?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
SYNDEY
I'm sorry Charlie, that must be really tough for you but...
CHARLIE
(bitterly)
What are you my shrink now? Look, can we get this over with.
(He point to his bleeding forehead)
I want to go home.
SYDNEY
Sure.
Sydney gives Charlie a sympathetic pat on the back before she starts tending to the gash on his forehead.
INT. VET CLINIC-DAY
HEATHER is sitting behind the desk.
JOAN enters.
HEATHER
Good morning! Can I help you?
JOAN
Yes, I'm Joan Wheelock, Jim's sister-in-law.
HEATHER
Oh, of course! Dr. Hansen has told me so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you.
Heather thrust her hand forward to shake Joan's hand, knocking over a pencil holder in the process.
HEATHER
Oh! I am so sorry!
JOAN
That's all right...I'm sorry I didn't catch your name.
HEATHER
(picking up pencils)
Heather. Heather Tupperman. Gosh, I am such a klutz.
JOAN
It's very nice to meet you Heather. So, is he here?
HEATHER
Is who here?
JOAN
(laughing)
Jim!
Heather looks toward the back room and then back at Joan.
HEATHER
No, actually he's not. He had to make a house call.
JOAN
Oh, that's too bad.
(beat)
Well maybe I will swing by O'Neill's then and see how my nephew spends his day.
HEATHER
I'm sure Robbie will be happy as a clam to see you.
JOAN
Well I hope so. Thank you Heather. It was nice to meet you.
HEATHER
Likewise.
Joan turns and walks out.
When she is gone, JIM emerges from the back room.
JIM
Quick thinking Heather. Thanks for covering for me.
HEATHER
Any time Dr. Hansen.
JIM
Maybe you should call Robbie and give him a heads up.
HEATHER
Good idea.
Heather picks up the phone and starts dialing...
INT. O'NEILL'S BAR- SAME
ROBBIE and TINA are sitting at the bar.
ROBBIE
So, I was thinking since Pete is going to be at his Dad's next weekend, maybe you and I could have a little romantic getaway of our own.
TINA
What did you have in mind?
O.S PHONE RINGS
ROBBIE
Well, I was thinking we could go to Newport and...
BARTENDER
Robbie! Telephone!
TINA
Ooh, hold that thought.
ROBBIE
I'll be right back.
Robbie walks behind the bar and picks up the phone.
ROBBIE
Hello?
...Oh, hi Heather.
(he listens, then sighs)
...Thanks Heather. I owe you-big time!
He hangs up the phone and hurries back to Tina.
ROBBIE
(anxiously)
You know what? Let's go some place else.
TINA
What? Why?
ROBBIE
Well, I have this sudden craving for Tai food and besides, we eat here all the time!
TINA
But Robbie, I only have an hour before I have to be back at the garage.
ROBBIE
(pulling out her chair and helping her up)
That's plenty of time. But we have to hurry. Let's go.
TINA
Robbie! Are you all right? You are acting really weird?
ROBBIE
I'm fine! But like you said, you only have an hour so let's go.
TINA
(grabbing for her jacket)
All right. I'm coming.
INT ST. CLAIRE'S CLINIC - DAY
SYDNEY is applying a bandage to CHARLIE'S forehead as MRS. MORENO looks on.
SYNDEY
OK. That should do it. Now you'll need to come back in a week to have those stitches taken out.
MRS. MORENO
Thank you Dr. Hansen. Charlie, what do you say?
CHARLIE
Thanks.
SYDNEY
You're very welcome Charlie.
(turning to Mrs. Moreno)
Mrs. Moreno, could I talk to you for just a minute.
MRS. MORENO
Sure. Charlie, why don't you go wait for me out front.
Charlie hops down off the table and walks away. Sydney watches him until he disappears around a corner and then turns to his mother.
SYDNEY
Mrs. Moreno, Charlie told me he can't read.
MRS. MORENO
He can read. Not at the level of the other students but, he can read. His teachers say he is really making progress. He just gets frustrated you know?
(beat)
And kids can be so cruel sometimes.
SYDNEY
Isn't there more that the school can do for him?
MRS. MORENO
(Shaking her head)
There are thirty students in Charlie's class. I've met his teacher and she is a wonderful woman but, she can't give Charlie the kind of one-on-one attention that he needs. He is taken out of class once a day but he hates it. It makes him feel different.
SYDNEY
Maybe private tutoring would be more beneficial. I would be happy to help you find a tutor for him.
MRS. MORENO
Dr. Hansen, I know that you are trying to help but, I am a single mother. I can't afford a private tutor. I work two jobs just to put food on the table for us. His teachers send home excercises for us to work on together and I don't even have the time to help him.
(Looking down in shame)
That must sound awful to you.
SYDNEY
No, Mrs. Moreno. I'm sure you are doing the best you can.
MRS. MORENO
Yes well, unfortunately for my son, my best just isn't good enough.
She turns and walks away leaving Sydney standing there feeling useless.
INT. BARKERY - DAY
Joanie is behind the counter arranging trays of dog treats. ELLIOT, who is in the front sweeping, watches her curiously as she literally throws dog treats from the baking sheet to the trays. After a moment, he walks over to the counter.
ELLIOT
Gee, I hope it's not contagious!
JOANIE
What?
ELLIOT
Your mood. You know you've broken half of those treats. We can't sell them like that!
JOANIE
(throwing the spatula down)
Do you want to do it?
ELLIOT
JOANIE! What's wrong with you?
JOANIE
Nothing! I'm sorry I didn't realize I was required to be in a good mood all the time!
She turns and storms off to the back room.
ELLIOT
Joanie! Wait a minute!
The DOORBELL RINGS as JOAN enters through the front door.
Elliot takes one more look toward the back room before walking over to her.
ELLIOT
Good morning! Welcome to the Barkery!
JOAN
Thank you.
(Looking around)
My what an interesting place you have here.
ELLIOT
Thank you. We like it.
(under his breath)
Usually.
(To Joan)
What can I get for you?
JOAN
Actually, I'm here to see Joanie. I'm sorry, I didn't properly introduce myself.
(extending her hand)
I'm Joan Wheelock. Joanie's Aunt.
ELLIOT
(shaking her hand)
Well hello! How very nice to meet you. Joanie didn't mention you were in town. I'm Elliot, Joanie's second in command so to speak.
JOAN
Nice to meet you Elliot.
Elliot looks nervously toward the back room.
ELLIOT
Well, why don't I go and see if I can track down Joanie for you. Can I offer you some coffee or something to eat while you wait?
JOAN
No, thank you dear. I'm fine.
ELLIOT
All right then. I will be right back.
Elliot walks to...
BACK ROOM OF JOANIE'S BARKERY - CONTINUOUS
JOANIE is sitting on stack of flour bags, sulking.
ELLIOT
(Cautiously)
Joanie?
JOANIE
What Elliot?
ELLIOT
Your aunt is out front.
JOANIE
What! Oh my hell! What is she doing here?
ELLIOT
Well, I imagine she wants to see you.
JOANIE
Well, tell her to go away!
ELLIOT
I will do no such thing! That's rude!
Joanie jumping up so that she is right in Elliot's face.
JOANIE
Fine! Then tell her I'm not here! Just get rid of her!
Joanie pushes past Elliot and goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
FADE OUT
ACT 3
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN -AFTERNOON
ROBBIE and SYDNEY are sitting at the kitchen table talking as Robbie eats and afternoon snack.
SYDNEY
...this poor kid has no friends and his classmates are just horribly mean to him.
ROBBIE
Man, that sucks. Kids can be brutal at that age.
SYDNEY
Yeah, tell me about it.
(hesitantly)
You know, he's about the same age as Pete. I was thinking maybe I could introduce them?
ROBBIE
That's a thought.
SYDNEY
Pete's such a great kid and if Charlie had just one friend, just one person to hang out with, even if he wasn't a classmate, I think it would make all the difference.
ROBBIE
I'll tell you what. I'll talk to Pete and let you know. I'm sure he will be cool with it. Like you said, he's a great kid.
SYDNEY
Thanks Rob.
ROBBIE
No prob.
Sydney walks out the back door as Robbie turns his attention back to his snack.
INT. HANSEN'S FRONT HALLWAY - SAME
JOAN is walking down the stairs just as the DOORBELL RINGS. She rushes to answer it. TINA and PETE are standing there. Tina looks surprised to see a stanger answer the door.
TINA
Hi. Is Robbie here?
JOAN
(Looking behind her)
Somewhere, I think. Can I tell him who is here?
TINA
(Confused)
I'm his fiancée, Tina and this is my son Pete. And you are?
JOAN
Joan Wheelock, Robbie's aunt.
TINA
That's funny. Robbie didn't mention his Aunt was in town.
JOAN
Not nearly as funny as him not mentioning he was engaged.
Tina laughs nervously as ROBBIE appears in the hallway.
ROBBIE
Tina!
Tina and Joan both glare at Robbie as he approaches them.
PETE
(Laughing)
Busted!
Tina jerks on Pete's arm.
TINA
Quiet Petey!
ROBBIE
Hi sweetie. What are you doing here?
TINA
Well, Petey got an "A" on his math test so I was going to take him to Dream Machine for dinner and we thought you might like to join us.
ROBBIE
Good for you Pete. I'd love to go. Let me just grab my jacket and...
TINA
(angrily)
Robbie! Aren't you forgetting something!
She looks at Joan.
ROBBIE
(nonchalantly)
Oh, right. Tina, Pete, this is my Aunt Joan. Aunt Joan this is my fiancée Tina and her son Pete.
JOAN
(sternly)
Yes, I know. She already introduced herself. Now, I won't embarrass you further by asking you to explain why you didn't introduce us earlier. We will talk about this later though.
(Turning to Tina and Pete)
It was very nice to meet the both of you. I hope I'll see you again soon.
Joan walks away. Tina turns to Robbie.
TINA
We'll talk about this later too. Now, if you are coming with us, get your jacket. We'll be in the car. Come on Pete.
Tina opens the front door and she and Pete walk out. Robbie stands there a moment, dumbfounded and then hurries after her...
EXT. HANSEN HOUSE - SAME
ROBBIE
Tina wait!
Halfway to their car, Tina and Pete turn around.
ROBBIE
(To Tina)
Are you mad?
TINA
Gee! Ya think?
ROBBIE
(To PETE)
Pete, can you go wait in the car. Your mom and I need to talk.
PETE
Yeah sure.
Pete walks over to the car. Once he is in the car with the door shut, Robbie continues...
ROBBIE
Look, I know your mad. I'm sorry. I just...
TINA
Robbie, I just want to know one thing. Are you embarrassed of us?
ROBBIE
What? No! Why would you say that?
TINA
Well, why wouldn't you tell your Aunt about us then.
ROBBIE
Because! I'm not embarrassed of you. It's me.
TINA
What are you talking about?
ROBBIE
My aunt still thinks of me as that stupid 18 year old kid she knew way back when. She wouldn't approve of me getting married and becoming a father and it's not because of you. It's because she thinks I'm irresponsible and immature and I don't want to hear it.
TINA
That's ridiculous. You're not irresponsible or immature.
ROBBIE
Well, I think there are a few people who would disagree with you.
Tina smiles and moves in closer to Robbie, wrapping her arms around his waist.
TINA
Well, since you are going to be helping me raise my child, I would say that my opinion is the one you should be concerned about and I'm not complaining.
Robbie smiles as Tina leans in to kiss him. Before their lips can touch, they are interrupted by Pete who is leaning out the car window...
PETE
Have you guys made up yet so we can go? I'm starving.
Robbie and Tina laugh then head off to the car.
EXT. PATIO OF JOANIE'S BARKERY - DAY
JOANIE is sitting alone at a table. She looks deep in thought as she sips her coffee. ELLIOT sits down next to her.
ELLIOT
A penny for your thoughts.
JOANIE
I'm sorry...what?
ELLIOT
You look so deep in thought. Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?
Joanie pauses a moment, contemplating Elliots offer before responding...
JOANIE
Elliot, do you think I'm wasting my talents here?
ELLIOT
No, why would you say that?
Joanie shrugs.
ELLIOT
Joanie, you are a very savy business woman. Not just anyone could make a unique business like this one work but you've done it!
JOANIE
Would you mind telling that to my aunt.
ELLIOT
So is that what this is all about - your aunt?
JOANIE
She thinks I'm a failure - that my business is a joke.
ELLIOT
I doubt that.
JOANIE
No, she really does. But you know what? At this point, I really don't care. I am so sick of trying to prove myself all the time. I have accepted the fact that I will never be as smart as Sydney or as adorable as Robbie.
ELLIOT
Well so what! You're not Sydney or Robbie. You are Joanie and I happen to think you are not only adorable and smart but you are one of the most friendly people I know!
Joanie smiles modestly.
ELLIOT
(continuing)
You've got tons of spunk and fabulous fashion sense...
Joanie laughs as Elliot reaches over and tickles her.
ELLIOT
And what about that sense of humor huh?
JOANIE
OK! OK!
ELLIOT
(seriously)
The point is, you are perfect just the way you are Joanie Hansen and if your aunt can't see that, then who needs her!
Joanie hugs Elliot.
JOANIE
I love you Elliot. You're the best!
ELLIOT
Right back at ya kid!
INT. DREAM MACHINE (ARCADE & RESTAURANT)- NIGHT
ROBBIE, TINA and PETE are sitting in a booth finishing their meals.
TINA
OK Petey, finish up and you can play a few more games with your friends before it's time to go.
ROBBIE
Hey Pete, do you know a kid that goes to your school...
(thinking)
Charlie Moreno?
PETE
(rolling his eyes)
Yeah.
ROBBIE
Why did you say it like that?
PETE
Because he's a doofas that's why!
ROBBIE
HEY!
TINA
Pete! That's not nice!
PETE
Well he is. He is in the fourth grade and he can't even read...
(chuckling)
and he calls us stupid!
ROBBIE
That's enough! Do you know that the reason that he can't read is that he has a learning disability? Did you?
Pete shakes his head.
ROBBIE
(continuing)
Instead of making fun of him you should admire him because he has to work a lot harder understand things at school than you do and that's a fact!!
There is silence as Pete shrinks down in his seat-ashamed. After a moment of silence, he speaks.
PETE
Sorry.
(beat)
Can I go play now?
Tina opens her mouth to speak but Robbie beats her to it...
ROBBIE
No you may not. I'm very disappointed in you right now and I think the rest of your night would be better spent thinking about what I just said. Now go say goodbye to your friends.
Pete looks to his mother.
TINA
You heard him.
Pete throws his napkin down in a huff and leaves the table. Robbie looks at Tina - unsure of how she will react to the way he just disciplined her son.
ROBBIE
I'm sorry. I probably just way over stepped my bounds.
TINA
Not at all, Robbie. I'm impressed. You handled that very well.
ROBBIE
(surprised)
Really?
TINA
Uh huh! And you know what else. If your Aunt had seen that, she wouldn't have any doubts about your ability to be a good father.
As a triumphant Robbie smiles and leans in to kiss his fiancée...
INT HANSEN KITCHEN - EVENING
JIM sits at the counter eating a late and lonely dinner. JOAN enters.
JOAN
Oh there you are. Where is everyone? This house is like a ghost house.
JIM
It's definitely quiet.
Joan takes a seat beside Jim. He looks less than thrilled.
JOAN
So, how come no one told me Robbie was engaged?
JIM
Maybe because it's none of your business.
Joan is taken back by Jims uncharacteristically rude response.
JIM
(continuing)
Do you want to know why it is so quiet in this house? I'll tell you why. Because the kids are trying to avoid you.
JOAN
Well, what on heavens earth for?
JIM
Well, let me see. Within an hour of your arrival, you managed to make Joanie feel like a total failure, not to mention you alienated her from her sister...
JOANIE
How did I make Joanie feel like a failure?
JIM
See that's just it! You so used to to be condescending and overbearing, you don't even realize you're doing it. And you wonder why the kids are hiding from you!
Jim throws his napkin down on the counter and storms off leaving Joan sitting there alone...
FADE OUT
ACT 4
FADE IN:
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN - MORNING
JOANIE is at the kitchen counter, cutting up bananas for Hannah's cereal. She is unusually cheerful and hums as she works. HANNAH sits in booster chair anxiously awaiting her breakfast as SYDNEY enters through the back door.
SYDNEY
Hey.
JOANIE
Hey Syd.
SYDNEY
I'm glad you're here. I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day.
Joanie comes around the counter and sits down next to Hannah and hands her her food.
JOANIE
Oh, forget it. I'm totally over it. I've decided I'm not going to let Aunt Joan get to me any more and I'm certainly not going to let her come between you and me. It's not worth it.
SYDNEY
Well, that's a great attitude Joanie.
JOANIE
Yes, well I have a great assistant who helped me see the light. Besides, she's leaving tonight so all we have to do is get through this barbecue dad's planned for today and life will be back to normal.
SYDNEY
Is life ever "normal" in this family?
Joanie laughs.
SYDNEY
Hey, I wonder if Robbie will show up.
JOANIE
Why wouldn't he?
SYDNEY
Oh, you didn't hear what happened last night?
Joanie leans in to get the gossip.
JOANIE
No, what happened last night?
SYDNEY
Well, Tina and Pete showed up and met Aunt Joan before Robbie had a chance to intervene.
JOANIE
NO! And Robbie didn't tell her about his engagement did he?
SYDNEY
Nope!
JOANIE
Damn! I always miss the good stuff.
SYDNEY
Well, I missed it too but from what I heard, Robbie is in the doghouse with both Aunt Joan and Tina.
JOANIE
Oh, I feel so bad for him. NOT!! Maybe Joan will get off my case now.
SYDNEY
We should all be so lucky.
(beat)
Well, I'll be back. Tell dad I may be bringing some guests to the barbecue.
JOANIE
Really? Who?
SYDNEY
Just some friends. See ya later.
As Sydney exits...
Cut to:
EXT. HANSEN BACKYARD-LATER THAT DAY
JIM is at the grill cooking as ROBBIE runs around the yard with PETE and HANNAH.
JOAN is sitting on a lawn chair as TINA approaches with a plate of chips and dip.
TINA
Joan, can I interest you in some chips and dip?
JOAN
Thank you dear. I would love some.
Tina hands her a napkin as JOANIE walks by and informs them...
JOANIE
There is plenty more food in the house so, eat up.
As Joanie heads into the house for more food, Joan gets up and follows her.
INT. HANSEN KITCHEN-SAME
JOAN
Joanie, could I talk to you for a minute?
JOANIE
(Cautiously)
Um...Sure. Why not?
JOAN
I have something that I wanted to give to you. I wanted to do it in private.
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a ring box and hands it to Joanie.
JOANIE
What is this?
JOAN
Open it.
Joanie opens the box to reveal a beautiful gold ring with three birthstones in it.
JOANIE
It's beautiful.
JOAN
It's a "mothers ring". Your grandfather had it made for your mother shortly after Robbie was born. It has your all of your birthstones in it.
JOANIE
(examining it)
Oh yeah!
JOAN
(with a hint of sadness)
He had hoped to reconcile with your mother and give her that ring but he never quite worked up the nerve. Then of course Lynda passed and he lost his chance, so he gave it to me. Now, I'm giving it to you.
JOANIE
But why me?
JOAN
(crying)
It's a "mother's ring". It was made for a wonderful mother and I think it only appropriate that it go to a wonderful mother.
Cryng, Joanie hugs her aunt.
JOANIE
Thank you! I'll cherish this forever.
JOAN
I know you will sweetheart.
(squeezing her tightly)
Hannah is such a lucky little girl to have you for a mother.
As Joan and Joanie continue to hug. JIM watches through the back screen door. He smiles before turning and returning to...
EXT. HANSEN BACKYARD -SAME
As ROBBIE, PETE, and HANNAH continue to horse around in the backyard, SYDNEY enters through the back gate with CHARLIE and his MRS. MORENO. They walk over to where JIM and TINA are sitting.
SYDNEY
Dad, Tina these are my friend Pamela Moreno and her son Charlie.
TINA
Hello.
JIM
Welcome.
MRS. MORENO
I hope we are not intruding.
JIM
Not at all, the more the merrier.
As JOAN and JOANIE come out of the house...
SYDNEY
Oh, and this is my Aunt Joan and my sister Joanie.
As they exchange greetings Robbie walks over carrying Hannah with Pete following.
SYDNEY
...and this is my brother Robbie, my neice Hannah and Charlie, I think you've met Pete.
PETE
Hi.
CHARLIE
(uncomfortable)
Hi.
ROBBIE
You know Charlie, Pete and I were just about to play some catch. We would love it if you would join us.
CHARLIE
I don't have my glove.
PETE
That's OK. I got an extra one you can use.
CHARLIE
(smiling)
OK.
Robbie hands Hannah to Joanie.
ROBBIE
Well alrighty then. Let's play some ball.
PETE
Come on Charlie. My glove is in the car.
As the boys rush off...
ROBBIE
Ah, hold up guys the cars locked.
Tina smiles and hands Robbie the car keys. As Robbie hurries after the boys Sydney adds...
SYDNEY
Thanks Rob.
ROBBIE
No problem.
SYDNEY
(to Mrs Moreno)
So, you hungry?
MRS. MORENO
Starved!
SYDNEY
Come on. Let's get some food!
TINA
I'm getting kinda hungry too.
JOANIE
Yeah, we might as well eat while the rugrats are temporarily occupied.
As the ladies head off to the food table, Joan sits down next to Jim.
JOAN
This is nice. Do you do this a lot.
JIM
No.
(he laughs)
But we should. You're right. This is nice.
(Beat)
I overheard you and Joanie in the kitchen a little while ago. That was very nice what you said to her and I know that giving her that ring meant a lot to Joanie. So, thank you.
JOAN
Well, I meant what I said. Joanie's a wonderful mother. You were right Jim. I have been judgemental and condescending. I'm sorry.
The boys rush back into the yard followed by Robbie.
ROBBIE
OK guys! Spread out!
Joan smiles as she watches them play.
JOAN
Robbie's going to make a great father.
JIM
(proudly)
Yeah, he's going to do just fine.
Jim looks to Joan and smiles. He then extends his hand to her...
JIM
Madam, shall we get some food before it's all gone?
JOAN
(taking his hand)
Absolutely!
As the two head off to the food table to join the other's...
FADE OUT
2