A/N: I know, I should be updating other stories, but it's hard when I type all of my chapters lately. You see, I apparently spend too much time on-line and I have a pretty tight curfew to use any electronics what-so-ever :(. Being that I'm a slow typer (or writer) that's not good. I've been trying to find a way to give you guys (who, btw, are absolutely wonderful for putting up with me) SOMETHING to read. So, while I'm trying to wait out this punishment, I'm going to be writing in my notebook for this oneshot series. All these oneshots are loosely connected (as in, I might reference something from a previous chapter) unless stated otherwise. And it's also mostly AU, again, unless stated otherwise. I'm very glad to get Sakura's long-winded description out of the way, which I will not go through again. Ever. Review? XD

Anime: FullMetal Alchemist

Character(s): Roy Mustang

Roy Mustang was irritated. "What... is this?" His voice was loud and full of authority, not even bothering to look up at his incompetent workers.

Truly, the black-haired uniformed man had more important things to do than chat with some common shoplifter. The officers swallowed nervously at their boss's agitated tone. "Well, you see, we need somewhere to hold Haruno-san in custody for the night."

Roy couldn't believe what he was hearing and his head snapped up to glare furiously, "Lock him up with the other m-," he cut himself off.

Oh.

Oh.

They didn't know where to hold Saki. As in...

He repeated his question, but this time it held a very different meaning, "What is this?"

The... teenager in front of him could've either been a boyish woman or a feminine man. Bright pink hair (a glance at the eyebrows told him this was natural) was short and layered in a messy, tousled style to hang in vibrant green eyes (except for an upturned cowlick in the front where bangs parted) before receding to gather in long curls along the nape of the neck. It was pale with only a slight tinge of healthy color, and wore an open black leather trench coat with a high collar that almost reached the chin. A flat chest was covered by a wide-necked purple and black striped shirt (that may have been long-sleeved, he wasn't sure), showing defined collar bones. Dark loose cargo pants hung on only slightly-curved hips and were held up by a white leather belt with a large oval red buckle. Black leather platform boots reached toned calves where pant-legs had been stuffed inside. This could account for 2 to 3 inches of Saki's small 5 foot 4 inches of height (he couldn't tell thanks to the fact at least half of the sides of the soles were cleverly covered by the material of the shoes). A spiked collar wrapped around her slim collumn of a neck from which a silver bell hung in the hollow of his- her- whatever's throat. Topping all of this off were multiple piercings that added a rogue-ish look, silver rings brimmed along her ears excluding a ruby on the bottom of the lobes. Three piercings on slightly plump lips, two red pikes on the left and one metal ring on the right of the lower lip.

The he-she smirked tauntingly, "What do you think I am?" She answered his question with another question. God, even it's voice was neutral, pleasantly low, but not low enough to be positively male.

Coal eyes shut in annoyance and a white gloved hand waved the officers away. "Please sit down so we can get this cleared up quickly."

The crossdresser (?) walked over and sat on the edge of his desk. Reaching over in front of him (and revealing black fingerless spandex gloves and nail polish) it grabbed his coffee and casually took a sip, before wincing at the lack of sweetness. "I can understand you'd want to hurry this up. Pulling an all-nighter is hardly fun and would tire me out too." A pityingly look down at the blue-and-white uniformed man, who looked back in a mixture of annoyance and shock.

"How'd you know that?" He asked this warily. A devious grin showed off perfect teeth.

"I didn't until now." It laughed loudly when Roy reached over, gracefully slipping away in a playful manner. "Kidding, Mustang-san. The lack of coffee in the pot off there,"- a finger pointed to the right- "and no time for cream?" It took another sip before cringing. "Either you always drink morning pots of coffee- black, nonetheless- or it's not exactly a liesurely drink."

There was a thud as Saki plopped onto the chair loudly, almost spilling the stolen beverage, "Now, enough about you. Let's talk about me. What will you do with me, I wonder? Putting me in the wrong gender holding cell can have dire consequences, dontcha' know?" Another sip.

Roy sighed and rested his chin on interlapped fingers to gaze sternly at the second occupant of the room, eyebrow twitching, "I'm well aware, thank you. Why don't you save me the trouble and just tell me?"

Silver glinted as Saki pouted, "But what's the fun in that? I might wanna' cause some last minute trouble for all you know. I mean, how can you trust the word of a hardened criminal like myself?" This last part was spoken proudly.

"...You stole a candy bar."

Smirk. "Guy's gotta' eat. Still got a night here, didn't I?"

Roy leaned forward, "So, you're male?"

"Am I?"

His head fell onto his desk in exhaustion. There was a silence before the pinkette shot up with a triumphant fist hitting her palm, "Aha! You could check my files!"

"We already did. There weren't any, why is that?"

" I know they're aren't. Maybe I'm from a rich family that wants to keep me under wraps. Or maybe, I don't exist. Or-" he cut her off.

"Where should I put you?" He was tired and blunt.

Booted feet crossed over and set themselves up on the edge of the desk. "What do you think I am?" Roy searched her face for any emotions that might be a clue, but all he saw was laid-back calm.

"...Female." He watched for a reaction, but she just shrugged carelessly.

"Guess I should get going then, but first," she stood up and bent over the desk, "I want to tell you something." Saki beckoned him closer as if to tell him a secret and he complied, curiosity getting the better of him.

She stage-whispered in his ear, "Use cream next time." An empty mug fell on his desk with a thud.

Before the man could react Saki loped away, opening the door to meet her escorts only to bump into a certain short blonde alchemist. "Excuse~ me~" she sing-songed, brushing past him with a flourish of her coat.

Edward jabbed a thumb over his shoulder at the departed figure in bewilderment. "What was that?"

Roy couldn't properly answer, he just hoped he was right.

A/N: Alright, to clear up any misconceptions, yes Sakura uses a fake name, and she is female. Her chest just happens to be so flat that only a little bit of bandaging is required. I decided to try a more carefree Sakura this time, since so far they've been pretty serious. For any requests that are made, there's no definite chance they'll be included. The fandom and characters included in each chapter are LITERALLY based on a roll of the dice mostly. I have a cover for this drawn and I should be able to download it tomorrow if all goes well. Please review!